Page 3 | SIL wants financial help for her wedding - causing family rift because we refuse....

expatinscotland · 21/02/2006 00:22

i can't believe someone would actually solicit for funds like that, for a wedding.

i mean, i've been close to fucking homeless and still wouldn't go around demanding money out of my own kin like that.

Carmenere · 21/02/2006 00:54

I'm going to be devils advocate on this one. The request seems to be so preposterous that I am wondering if there is some kind of extra information that we don't know about. What I mean is that is it possible that your MIL has in the past given your husband some property or something that could be considered part of their estate? I'm just wondering because there seems to be some kind of expectation from your mil and sil and if it is just as straightforward as you have explained it there would be no reason for them to be upset at your refusal.
If that is not the case they are just idiots, ignore them.

arfissimo · 21/02/2006 01:15

How much are they expecting you to pay? Did they or your parents pay for your wedding and so they feel there is something owed?

This is unbelievable! Unless there's some reason that they feel justifies it, even if you were really loaded and they were paupers it would still be inappropriate for them to ask. They'll be asking you to pay their rent next by the sounds of it.

SecondhandRose · 21/02/2006 07:41

Why don't they get a loan like the rest of us or be less extravagant. My Dad paid for our reception about £4k we paid everything else and had a massive Visa bill for about 3 years.

Instead of spending all that, they could save it for a deposit on a house. Selfish.

FairyMum · 21/02/2006 07:53

How cheeky and totally ridiculous. we paid for our own wedding. I find it bizarre that adults ask their parents for money for weddings, let alone siblings and other family members.

suzywong · 21/02/2006 07:57

Another vote for the "what an outrageously bloody cheeky mare" opinion here

Can't believe she asked anyone to contribute. How utterly self centred and spoiled she must be.

Bozza · 21/02/2006 08:36

Orinco just getting you all across to Ireland and accommodation and possibly new clothes for the wedding is going to cost you enough. They should be grateful that you will do that without putting extra demands on you. Stick firmly but politely to your position.

They should either cut costs on the wedding or get a loan. Personally I think that if they are renting they would be daft to be getting such a big load but that's just my opinion. It's up to them what they do just so long as it's not begging money from you.

zippitippitoes · 21/02/2006 08:45

I'd tell them to cut the bill not between the family but down to a manageable figure..what is it with wedding expectations these days!

tribpot · 21/02/2006 08:49

Yes, I'm dying to know how much they expect you to fork out. What an unmitigated nerve. Are we talking about you giving them the cash you would have spent on a present in advance, to help with costs? I bet we're not, no doubt they expect a gift as well.

itsdday · 21/02/2006 08:51

I am with the majority especially as I have a pet hate for people who live beyond their means..they have a big wage coming in and there is absolubtely no excuse for not affording their wedding...SIL should get take off her keeping up with Jones' hat and have a wedding they can afford.

btw my paernts are well off and we paid for most of our own wedding(its the principle)

zippitippitoes · 21/02/2006 08:55

Post her wedding budget plan and I'm sure we can help her cut it down if she needs advice on finder cheaper alternatives (which may be just as nice)

tribpot · 21/02/2006 09:03

Sounds like she hasn't really got a wedding budget plan so much as a "I want everything and I want it now" plan!

batters · 21/02/2006 09:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

harpsichordcarrier · 21/02/2006 09:20

I know you are not exactly short of votes here but REALLY what a CHEEK!
out-flipping-rageous
I don't have any advice about how to stop any rift either, except to say if you set a precedent on this one, these people will take the p for ever.
best of luck
(btw I used to have a rabbit called orinoco. def the best Womble)

Freckle · 21/02/2006 09:43

Does this mean that, if they choose to have more children than they can afford, they will expect financial support from you at that point too? How absolutely ridiculous.

Why on earth does your MIL feel she has the right to be cross because you have declined their terribly kind invitation to contribute?? What does your dh say?

Enid · 21/02/2006 09:45

what a fab dilemma though as you are totally in the right and they are wrong, wrong, wrong

lahdeedah · 21/02/2006 09:48

this is just crazy. any family rift will be of their doing - you don't have to justify yourself at all.

maybe whenever it comes up just enthusiastically say how much you're looking forward to it, how you've booked your tickets and can't wait. ignore any mentions of money, just change the subject and keep a smile on your face!! i know it's easier said than done, but hopefully they will eventually get the message and just drop the whole thing!!

We spent about £4000 on our wedding - and that included a free bar for everyone at the evening reception!! it was a great party and many people said they enjoyed it far more than many big formal weddings they have been to (including my BIL's posh wedding do which cost about £20k )

CountessDracula · 21/02/2006 09:49

FFS unbelievable!

Why on earth do they have to spend £20k if they can't afford it? I really can't believe this, how much are you expected to contribute exactly?

NotActuallyAMum · 21/02/2006 09:52

For the first time ever in my entire life, I am speechless....

Just out of interest, you said they're asking "the family" to contribute - what has everyone else said? Surely you're not the only ones to say no, has your MIL had a dig at them too?

LadySherlockofLGJ · 21/02/2006 09:53

Passionflower · 21/02/2006 10:03

OMG this is the cheekiest thing I've ever heard of. Wouldn't be bothered about a rift with people like that. Blimey.

Your DH needs to have a serious talk with his DM and Dsis. If I were you I'd leave it to him and stay well out of it.

JillyE · 21/02/2006 10:20

OMG I am - firstly i cant believe they have had the cheek to ask you to contribute to their wedding, and secondly at the flippin cost of it - maybe if they cut down a bit they could afford to get married without asking other people to finance it for them!
You are right to say no - and if they earn double than you do, then they can afford it a lot more than you can .....although thats not the point anyway, its the principle of it - how effing cheeky!!!

JillyE · 21/02/2006 10:20

OMG I am - firstly i cant believe they have had the cheek to ask you to contribute to their wedding, and secondly at the flippin cost of it - maybe if they cut down a bit they could afford to get married without asking other people to finance it for them!
You are right to say no - and if they earn double than you do, then they can afford it a lot more than you can .....although thats not the point anyway, its the principle of it - how effing cheeky!!!

uwila · 21/02/2006 10:23

I think it's very generous of you to come on here seeking advice to keep the peace. But, really, I think it is your SIL in who should be concerned about the peace that SHE is disturbing. If I had a SIL who expected this, I think I'd rip her wedding dress.

SEriously, I'd probably offer her a cash gift of about £100 and she could put that towards the wedding if she wanted. I normally think cash gifts are really tacky. But I might do it just to make a point on this one.

uwila · 21/02/2006 10:25

Oh, yes. And maybe you could give her your diamond ring too.