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Original poster

Controlling!!! Bossy!!! doing my head in!!

94 replies

CheekboneCharlie · 29/05/2012 08:07

I'm getting REALLY sick and tired of my boyfriend and his constant bloody whinging that I'm not doing what he says!! He bought me some moisturiser but I'm only "allowed" to use it with him! wtf? He says "he" buys my knickers and so I'm not 'allowed' to buy any myself! I do of course but then I get questioned about it and sulked on over it. Its just WEIRD AND CONTROLLING!! If I go to cinema with a friend I'm not 'allowed' to go and see anything he wants to see because apparantly it's my duty to provide him with 24 hour companionship despite the fact that he doesn't actually want to live with me as he 'needs his space'. The latest one is that I bought myself some self tanning mouse. He said he'd help me put it on Hmm I said I was capable but he offered to help me do my back. Ok I thought - I let him. He then came up with a weekly plan of when he'd come down and put this mousse on me. Today was in the plan and I told him last night I wasn't putting any on today, it's dark enough. He said "well,when will you do it then??" so I said "maybe wednesday". He said I couldn't do it wednesday as he was working all day. I said "Thats ok, I'll do it myself" well major sulk, digs about my back won't get done etc. I said I'd done it myself before and it was fine. I then got sarky comments about "wow you must have really long arms then"

I'm getting sick to death of it!!! I shouldn't need to explain and excuse my every move. Its doing my head in!

OP posts:
BillyBollyBandy · 29/05/2012 08:09

He sounds like a lunatic and you sound as though you understandably don't like him.

Dump him and move on. Seriously.

Dropdeadfred · 29/05/2012 08:09

Is this for real?

MrsMangoBiscuit · 29/05/2012 08:10

Exactly what BillyBollyBandy said.

DinahMoHum · 29/05/2012 08:11

he sounds like a complete nutcase. Have you been seeing him long?

WillSingForCake · 29/05/2012 08:11

Agree with BillyBolly - sounds like a very unhealthy relationship. How long have you been together?

LaurieFairyCake · 29/05/2012 08:13

You don't need to explain, so Stop!

Stop telling him your every move, pretend he's a toddler and distract him.

Or dump him if he's all round rubbish - who needs this?

Original poster
CheekboneCharlie · 29/05/2012 08:15

About 8 months. He wasn't always like this but it's definately getting worse. When I stay at his house on a weekend he insists that we both walk around naked. Ok it was fun the first time but every weekend? I don't feel comfortable walking around in someone elses house stark bollock naked but if I take pyjamas he turns his heating on full blast and says I have "No excuse" not to take them off!! I can see how mad this is as I'm writing it down but when I bring it up with him he genuinely doesn't see anything wrong in the way he goes on!

OP posts:
blueballoon79 · 29/05/2012 08:15

My ex was like that and I'm sorry to say it doesn't get better, just worse and worse.

We weren't living together yet he'd insist on buying MY food shopping with MY money as according to him he was better at shopping than me. He'd then ask me to stand in the kitchen and watch him putting everything away so I knew where it all went. I tried helping to put it away and was told I'd do it all wrong!

When I refused to stand there like a lemon watching him putting the shopping away he told me I was an ungrateful bitch and stormed out of my house.

He'd also want to do my hair for me on a night out and would criticise my clothes or make up.

The best thing I ever did was to get rid!

Bossybritches22 · 29/05/2012 08:16

....and you stay with him because????

Seriously MN red flags all over this one-a whole bunting of them!

If you are in doubt read this check list for identifying Emotional Abuse.

Bet he ticks all the boxes

sugarice · 29/05/2012 08:17

Stop seeing him. He's draining and will grind you down.

Original poster
CheekboneCharlie · 29/05/2012 08:18

BlueBalloon, he's done the shopping thing!! He used to have a habit of taking my eggs out of the fridge and putting them ontop of the microwave as "that's where eggs went". It all came to a head once when I was at his house and his eggs were in the bleeding fridge!! I said to him "how come your eggs are in the fridge??" and he said "oh, erm, I don't know why they're in there" Hmm

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 29/05/2012 08:19

This is as weird as the offal eating, hammer wielding nutter boyfriend we read about on here last week...

Seriously, if this is for real, just why are you with him??????

LST · 29/05/2012 08:20

He sounds a but Loony to me OP. If he's only getting worse.. How bad will you let him get?

blueballoon79 · 29/05/2012 08:21

My ex also did the "needing his space" thing, yet he expected me to be on call 24/7 whenever he was tired of his own space.

If I was out or busy when he wanted to spend time with me it would result in major sulks and accusations that I was cheating. It turned out he was actually cheating on me as he constantly needed his ego massaging.

He was extremely jealous, immature and controlling. I felt as though I was walking on egg shells constantly.

When I ended the relationship the relief was unbelievable.

I sincerely advise you to rethink this relationship. It doesn't sound as though it's making you happy at all.

WorriedBetty · 29/05/2012 08:22

Phew! I mean some of this could be excused as sillyness but ALL of it?? I am thinking 'men-tal' ! Red Flag Bunting for Jubilee Weekend!

ohbugrit · 29/05/2012 08:23

Why exactly are you with this fruitcake?!

lardylump · 29/05/2012 08:23

please put an end to the relationship, but prepare for it to get messy.

if this is what his is like now, there is no future.

SOMETIMES relationships like this work, but only when one party is in control and the other party doesnt mind relinquishing control. However you arent the perfect match for him cos he is already driving you mad!

Good luck

StanleyLambchop · 29/05/2012 08:24

You really don't need to ask do you? The tone of your post suggests you already know this is deeply unreasonable behaviour from his side. Just incase you are in any doubt- YANBU.

Controlling your knicker purchases? No way, a person's pants are their own business. For most men applying fake tan falls into the category of 'women's business' and would be avoided at all costs. It is a dark art to them, and frankly my DH would not have the first clue of what to do if I asked him to help. As for the moisturiser- I am struggling to think of any response as it is so ShockHow does he even know when you use it? Does he mark the side of the bottle and then check to see if it has gone down?

You know what you need to do, don't you? Leave the Bastard!

Original poster
CheekboneCharlie · 29/05/2012 08:24

Yes blueballoon that's how it seems to me. Doesn't want to live WITH me but wants me on call 24/7 for when he's bored. I have finished with him once but for some mad reason gave it another go.

OP posts:
ScarletLadyOfTheNight01 · 29/05/2012 08:25

{sings Iron Maiden} "RUUUN TO THE HIIIIIIIIIIILLS, RUUUN FOR YOUR LII-II-IIIIFE!"

Seriously though...you really don't need this. You seem to realise his behaviour is insane, so I'd really reconsider the relationship.

What exactly are you getting out of it?

PurplePidjin · 29/05/2012 08:28

Run. Far and fast. This will not get better. His demands will get more and more constructive until you have no friends and never see your family. You will devote your every waking moment to ensuring his needs are met at the expense of every scrap of joy, happiness and self-respect you've ever had.

Then he'll start using you as a punch bag. Which will be your fault for making him angry.

Morloth · 29/05/2012 08:29

Sounds like a nutter, dump him.

blueballoon79 · 29/05/2012 08:30

Charlie I really advise you to end it now. I ended up depressed, timid and run down due to his terrible behaviour.

From what you're describing I agree with other posters that it is emotional abuse.

It really messed my head up and I can't begin to explain how much happier I am now. Like you I also went back after him promising he'd changed and wasted another year with the same ridiculous behaviour and unreasonable demands.

We only get one chance at life, don't waste any more time with this loser. Please.

MadameOvary · 29/05/2012 08:31

He sounds just like my ex. Really, you might think he is "a nice guy usually" or "is ok when he's not being mental" or "maybe just going through a bad patch" but really, you need more than a vent here. You need to see how having someone like this in your life is unhealthy and unnecessary.

The very fact that that you are telling US instead of HIM how much he is doing your head in speaks volumes. You already know that talking to him wouldnt get you anywhere. It WILL get worse. It already has. Of course he wasn't like this at first. They never are.

All these behaviours are testing you. How much will you put up with? How little do you value your peace of mind? Because even when he's not around, he'll still be in your head. This is NOT normal behaviour. Nor is it a result of mental illness or anything he needs help and understanding with. The only person you need to help is yourself.

Seriously, get the fuck out while you still can, before you find yourself walking on eggshells and doing x or y to "keep his face straight" or "keep the peace".

blueballoon79 · 29/05/2012 08:33

MadameOvary I totally agree with everything you've just said. Men like that just mess with your head so much and find you questioning yourself constantly. It's totally unhealthy.