Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Controlling!!! Bossy!!! doing my head in!!

94 replies

CheekboneCharlie · 29/05/2012 08:07

I'm getting REALLY sick and tired of my boyfriend and his constant bloody whinging that I'm not doing what he says!! He bought me some moisturiser but I'm only "allowed" to use it with him! wtf? He says "he" buys my knickers and so I'm not 'allowed' to buy any myself! I do of course but then I get questioned about it and sulked on over it. Its just WEIRD AND CONTROLLING!! If I go to cinema with a friend I'm not 'allowed' to go and see anything he wants to see because apparantly it's my duty to provide him with 24 hour companionship despite the fact that he doesn't actually want to live with me as he 'needs his space'. The latest one is that I bought myself some self tanning mouse. He said he'd help me put it on Hmm I said I was capable but he offered to help me do my back. Ok I thought - I let him. He then came up with a weekly plan of when he'd come down and put this mousse on me. Today was in the plan and I told him last night I wasn't putting any on today, it's dark enough. He said "well,when will you do it then??" so I said "maybe wednesday". He said I couldn't do it wednesday as he was working all day. I said "Thats ok, I'll do it myself" well major sulk, digs about my back won't get done etc. I said I'd done it myself before and it was fine. I then got sarky comments about "wow you must have really long arms then"

I'm getting sick to death of it!!! I shouldn't need to explain and excuse my every move. Its doing my head in!

OP posts:
OTheHugeManatee · 29/05/2012 08:33

He sounds like a prize knobend. Seriously, this behaviour rarely improves. Listen to what 1,000 MNers are going to tell you on this thread and get rid.

diddl · 29/05/2012 08:34

Dump him again-permanently!

Even if what he was doing was OK-which it isn´t-you still wouldn´t have to stay with him!

Original poster
CheekboneCharlie · 29/05/2012 08:35

He came down the other day, weather outside was 26 degrees. I had shit loads to do, grass to cut, carpets to clean - he knew all this. So he came down, the phone rang, when I got off the phone I realised he was out in the garden cutting the grass. Great I thought! bless him, I'll get on with the carpets.

After both were done - he comes in and starts trying it on asking me to take my clothes off. I was like "err no Hmm he asked why and I said "because for one thing I'm too hot and bothered and just want to relax with a drink and secondly, I'm simply not in the mood!". He started trying to make a game of "dragging me upstairs" - all very playful but it wasn't until I realised that I was actually being dragged towards the stairs that I got a bit pissed off and realised how fucking mad I am allowing that kind of behaviour. I shouted at him "STOP IT" and struggled away from him. He lets me go and says he was only messing around and I'm so "frigid these days". I'm not - but being pressured into sex is a bit of a turn off for me!! funny that!

OP posts:
Hullygully · 29/05/2012 08:38

HE IS A DREAMBOAT!!!!!!!1

GET A RING ON HIS SEXY DESIRABLE ADULT FINGER PRONTO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MadameOvary · 29/05/2012 08:38

blueballoon my ex is still in my life as he's DD's father. But even though he has ensnared some poor other woman and is comparatively reasonable in his behaviour towards me, my guts still churn when i have to see him.

He's just wired wrong. And deep down I always knew it.

StanleyLambchop · 29/05/2012 08:39

Charlie, on the basis of that last post , you need to get rid of him NOW. You managed to stop him this time, but next time he might succeed in dragging you off and demanding sex. Don't put yourself in that position again. This is not a loving relationship, please act on the advice of all the MNers.

Original poster
CheekboneCharlie · 29/05/2012 08:40

I'll be back on after lunch. Not disappearing x.

OP posts:
2to3 · 29/05/2012 08:42

This is bad. End it.

jaffacakehips · 29/05/2012 08:42

Get out before he sucks every bit of confidence out of you and make you a shadow of your former self. This is incredibly unhealthy relationship. Run for the hills whist chucking you knickers in the air!

ItWasABoojum · 29/05/2012 08:46

Wow. What a pig. GTFO.

AnyFucker · 29/05/2012 08:48

How many more shocking soundbites will we get to express our horror over, I wonder ?

Dump him. Do it now. There is no more to see/say here.

ChasedByBees · 29/05/2012 08:51

What an absolute freak. You have a good excuse not to be naked anyway - you don't want to be. He's overriding everything you want to do or be. Dump him!

jaffacakehips · 29/05/2012 08:51

Just read your last post charlie....Shock

Leave the bastard!

My best friend is currently going through this with her now estranged husband, his behaviour started to massively deteriorate from controlling the small things, to everything. In the space of 6 months it became physical, then he raped her Sad In the process he led her to believe that this was all her fault. He completely and utterly manipulated her into thinking everything HE did was her fault. Angry This has been going on for over a year and finally last month she kicked him out. Sadly it will take her years to recover from this abuse, physically and mentally.

Please don't let yourself get further into this situation, it will not end well.

OTheHugeManatee · 29/05/2012 08:51

Charlie - please come back at lunchtime and post that you've called him and told him that you and about 500 other women think he's a creepy, controlling twunt and that he is not welcome to call, text, email, turn up at your house or otherwise make any further contact with you from here on in.

PurplePidjin · 29/05/2012 08:52

He tried to rape you.

Conflugenglugen · 29/05/2012 08:53

I agree, AF. Sometimes a thread ends up like a mini version of a dysfunctional relationship - it keeps going on when it should have ended a long time ago. OP, I feel for you, but it is a no brainer.

thebody · 29/05/2012 08:54

He will rape you and then start slapping you, do you really need to be told this. Get out now.

Jux · 29/05/2012 08:56

Run for the hills. Very very fast.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 29/05/2012 08:59

You know it's not normal for a man to refuse to let you buy your own knickers, use moisturizer without him, apply your own tan, don't you?

You know it's not normal to be forced to walk around naked when you are not comfortable with it.

You know it's not normal to be dragged upstairs for sex against your will, and to have to shout and fight to get away.

You know this will only get worse.

Now you just have to finish it, and stay strong, keep away from him.

There's nothing else you can do.

RaspberrySchnapps · 29/05/2012 08:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadameOvary · 29/05/2012 09:00

Good poing AF and conflug
I do remember being in that deluded sort of mindset though.

MadameOvary · 29/05/2012 09:01

point not poing!

lemmein · 29/05/2012 09:02

Yep i thought of 'into the darkest corner' too - the most disturbing book i have ever read!! You sound like you already know this isnt right op, get rid.

CadleCrap · 29/05/2012 09:02

Why are you with him? In fact, that question is entirely irrelevant as his controling behaviour out weighs his "good" behaviour no matter how many flowers/chocolates/sweet things he does.

Get out now.

OTTMummA · 29/05/2012 09:03

thebody has said exactly what will happen to you and it will happen sooner rather than later op.

Seriously, just tell him to do one, tell him you don't want a relationship with him, it is over, then i would advise you change your number, and inform someone impartial or even the police of his weirdo behaviour during your relationship, because with nutjobs like the one you have landed yourself it rarely ever is over just like that for them.

You are simply wasting your time and life with this person, they will not bring anything good or worth while into your life, get rid, please.

Swipe left for the next trending thread