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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Controlling!!! Bossy!!! doing my head in!!

94 replies

CheekboneCharlie · 29/05/2012 08:07

I'm getting REALLY sick and tired of my boyfriend and his constant bloody whinging that I'm not doing what he says!! He bought me some moisturiser but I'm only "allowed" to use it with him! wtf? He says "he" buys my knickers and so I'm not 'allowed' to buy any myself! I do of course but then I get questioned about it and sulked on over it. Its just WEIRD AND CONTROLLING!! If I go to cinema with a friend I'm not 'allowed' to go and see anything he wants to see because apparantly it's my duty to provide him with 24 hour companionship despite the fact that he doesn't actually want to live with me as he 'needs his space'. The latest one is that I bought myself some self tanning mouse. He said he'd help me put it on Hmm I said I was capable but he offered to help me do my back. Ok I thought - I let him. He then came up with a weekly plan of when he'd come down and put this mousse on me. Today was in the plan and I told him last night I wasn't putting any on today, it's dark enough. He said "well,when will you do it then??" so I said "maybe wednesday". He said I couldn't do it wednesday as he was working all day. I said "Thats ok, I'll do it myself" well major sulk, digs about my back won't get done etc. I said I'd done it myself before and it was fine. I then got sarky comments about "wow you must have really long arms then"

I'm getting sick to death of it!!! I shouldn't need to explain and excuse my every move. Its doing my head in!

OP posts:
shortofbread · 29/05/2012 09:06

Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at all. I would make a sharp exit.

MissMogwi · 29/05/2012 09:41

My God?!

Get rid. Get rid before it becomes even more sinister. I'd do it today, get it over with.

Finallygotaroundtoit · 29/05/2012 09:50

Did you post about him buying you some moisturiser but insisting he had to be there to 'help' you put it on?

If that was you, you got all the replies you're getting now Hmm

OldGreyWiffleTest · 29/05/2012 10:00

This all sounds sooooo familiar! I knew I was deluding myself as to how nice and 'caring' mine was until the day he wouldn't let me use Tampax because 'I am the only thing that should be up there'!!!

I had to leave my job and my lovely house to get away. But I did get away, and so must you. NOW.

StillSquiffy · 29/05/2012 10:01

"He wasn't always like this"

Yes he was. He just hid it whilst he sucked you in. Just like he's hiding the really nasty stuff until he's sucked you in further.

RUN LIKE THE WIND.

RidingHood · 29/05/2012 10:05

He sounds a bit mental. You don't need that.

BasilDonna · 29/05/2012 10:05

I have a deja vue moment here.
You've posted before, haven't you?

HugeFurryWishingStool · 29/05/2012 10:45

Me too with the deja vu, finallygot and Basil, only I'm almost certain that thread was ages ago...

akaemmafrost · 29/05/2012 10:49

I think you have posted more than once before too.

QuietNinjaMakingDecisions · 29/05/2012 11:56

Oh god please get out as quick as you can. My emotionally and physically abusive ex also told me how to do things like wash my hair and shave my legs. Wtf! Like I hadn't been doing it for years already. It's the insidious control and if you don't do it my way then I turn into a grumpy toddler to wear you down and then he'll start punching you and dragging you across the floor so you have a carpet burn across half your back.
Get the fuck out now! Don't reply to any texts or calls. Cut all contact and thank god you had a lucky escape.

geegee888 · 29/05/2012 12:02

Whats his reaction when you burst out laughing at him/tell him to feck off?

lollilou · 29/05/2012 12:07

Massive red flags all over the place.
Run, run fast and don't look back.

Shutupanddrive · 29/05/2012 12:08

Wow! Please get rid of him ASAP. This is not normal!! Shock

ErikNorseman · 29/05/2012 12:43

FFS
Stop this silly thread. If you stay with him you are a mug. That is all.

pictish · 29/05/2012 12:48

All I can say is that if you decide to stay in this relationship with him, then you are inviting nothing but misery and trouble to your life.

Get rid of him or suffer the consequences. Your choice.

pictish · 29/05/2012 12:52

I remember a thread about a boyfriend who insisted the OP watch tv without any clothes on when it was cold and she wanted to wear a nightie.

I think it was you OP.

He is treating you like a household pet....but with less respect and due care and attention. He thinks he owns you.

It's up to you whether you wish to be owned or not. You have been advised very well here.

MarySA · 29/05/2012 12:56

I'm usually for at least trying to work things out. Not here though. He's a pain. Get rid.

MissFaversham · 29/05/2012 13:01

Yes OP, just tell him to piss off. The man's a dick. If you stay with him you will become a "dickess".

Ragwort · 29/05/2012 13:01

I'm sure you've posted before on more than one occasion - is it your BF who insisted on having a massage at a certain time with a certain oil Hmm - if it was you, WHY are you still with him - if it isn't I am sad to hear that there are even more of these 'controlling' men around.

At least reading these sorts of threads makes me appreciate my DH more Grin - but it is so depressing to hear that women will stick with these losers.

TheHappyHissy · 29/05/2012 13:06

The soundbites are no longer shocking to CheekboneCharlie, this is her life.

Love, this guy is SERIOUSLY fucking warped and if he is like this at 8m, with the latest dragging you to upstairs business, I can tell you that he will not stop and he will rape you, possibly worse.

You have to get out.

I've reported this thread and asked that it's moved to Relationships, AIBU is not the place for this to be. You need our love help and support, AIBU can be a bit more 'bitey' at times.

You are in for tough enough talk in relationships, We need you to listen, HEAR what we say, TRUST us and act on it.

No matter how you actually feel right this minute about this guy, you need to end the relationship today. It may scare you to think of ending it, but it scares ALL of us thing of you in this deeply FUCKED UP scenario.

We'll be here for you every step of the way, Whatever you need, PM whoever you need to, but please keep talking to us, keep listening.

eurochick · 29/05/2012 13:07

This is not a normal relationship. Get out while you still can.

CockyPants · 29/05/2012 13:08

CHARLIE

THIS SHIT TRIED TO RAPE YOU. Please for your own safety and sanity GET HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE.
Let us know how you get on. All the best .

TheHappyHissy · 29/05/2012 13:09

I will remind you that 2 women a day are killed in the UK by their partners.

This man will very likely kill you.

VonHerrBurton · 29/05/2012 13:09

I had a bf when I was much much younger who was from Italy. We were both living away from home, pursuing careers in London and he spent quite a bit of time at my house. I came home one morning and he had taken all the tinned/processed/ready cooked food out of the cupboards and fridge and binned it all. 'That's not how we eat in Italy, you need to eat freshly prepared food' Blow was softened by a fabulous risotto he had made bla bla - just put it down to the way things were where he came from.

From that day on he wanted to throw out everything I owned that wasn't 'designer' - 'honey, you cannot wear Valentino jeans with a Marks and Spencer t shirt..' He forced me to have my hair cut how he wanted it and I hated it. I was 22 and I still feel sick when I think about him and his mean, controlling ways.

Get out. I made excuse after excuse for him - he's newly moved to this country, sexy as hell , he just wants me to look good etc. He was a controlling pig with no manners.

NovackNGood · 29/05/2012 13:10

Sounds like he doesn't love you. He just feels he needs you and his need is not for a loving relationship bet instead for him to feel control over someone. You'd be better off dumping him before he starts with all the can't live without you emotional pressure he will give you soon enough if you stay with him.

Why would you voluntarily go into a house where you are forced to be naked and 'dragged' to have sex against your will?? Sounds like action man played with barbie too much when he was younger.