Was anyone else bullied at school?

[theamazonstar]

Sorry for such a miserable topic on a Friday night but I have to get this off my chest.

I had a miserable time at high school. I was horribly bullied and ended up with bulimia and severe depression. I contemplated suicide too. As soon as I could I left for uni and I was much happier there but still very slow to trust people. I've recently moved back to my home town for family and work reasons, and I've run into a few of my classmates. I can't talk to them, even of they didn't bully me. I start shivering and gibbering and I bloody hate it- I'm not the person I was back then but seeing someone brings it all back. Is this normal?

Help :(

Hey. I was bullied in Junior school by one particular girl. It was just because my ears stuck out, and were large. I had to undergo surgery, as I was in an awful state about it. I had my ears pinned back when I was 8 (the age when ur ears stop growing). I was traumatised by this stupid girl, and was off school for weeks. She stopped bullying me funnily enough, and probably got bored as wasn't there. I avoided her through High school aswell.
But, this is the good bit.....she looks like the back end of a bus, and shovels horse shit for a living now
And, as some pp's, she stupidly put me down as a friend on fb twice, to which she is now blocked.
I think I 've just basically got on with my life, and left the school years behind me (wasn't popular in high school), but weirdly everyone now wants to be my friend from school, as their life is so crap.
I'm basically saying, you shouldn't ponder on what's happened, as you've come so far now. The best revenge is happiness

I had a horrible time at high school and it came as so much more of a shock having attended a lovely suburban primary then middle school with small classes where everyone got on. Living outside a city meant we all got split up and went to different high schools. I looked and acted very young for my age, I was tiny in height and frame and very naive. The girls who made my life hell were teacher's pets who came from good families. I got pushed over, tripped up in the corridor, I had a whole can of coke poured over my head. In one lesson (I curse my bloody naiveness), wanting to be accepted and liked by the two ringleaders, I agreed to let them do my hair. Well, they pushed my head down, scrunched my long hair into tangles and didn't let me get up until they had sprayed an entire large can of hairspray on my head. Then there was the verbal abuse and taunting. I lost confidence in myself and went from an A grader to D grader very quickly. I feel a mix of emotions these days from nausea to anger. I am not a violent person, but quite frankly I wish I had been attending martial arts lessons. The name 'Rosie' still makes me feel sick and I avoid going into my home city, even though DH and I recently moved back to the region and live 40 mins away. I get upset when I hear about bullying incidents in the news and on fictional tv shows.

Yes to everything on here pretty much. Unfortunately I was also getting pushed and knocked about at home by my Mum who was very physically abusive. Mine was a miserable childhood.

I moved a lot as was an army child and it happened at a few schools. Looking back I was a very easy target, quiet, introverted because of home life, totally paralysed by fear and unable to stand up to anyone as I knew what could come if I did. Total lack of confidence. I also wore glasses and was ridiculed for that, pushed down stairs name called.

It's taken till now to be able to start standing up for myself and I am hyper sensitive to criticism and ensuring I am not being bullied as an adult. I will NOT spend my ENTIRE life being bullied. I gave up my childhood, teenage years and early adulthood to that.

I do think bullying changes your life. I never did any work at school and achieved nothing educationally it just all seemed pointless. Trying to survive violence at school and at home (ie everywhere) made me unable to deal with anything else. Why didn't my teachers notice? I was clearly bright. Why didn't think what is happening with this child?

akaemmafrost - I agree with your last comment about teachers, but it also didn't help that my parents didn't want to know. They only cared about my grades and when my grades suffered, they said I was lazy and bullying was an excuse. My Mum is different now and would have handled things better she says. So sorry you had to deal with that from your Mum. . I am also the same as you with criticism, but if anyone is bitchy I either say something really clever as a put-down, or I clam up and feel miserable. It all depends on my frame of my mind when it happens, although thankfully it doesn't happen much.

So many sad stories and mine is pretty much the same. Moved back to the UK and started a new school in Yr8. I was very clever and too naive to hide it and was picked on from the start - ostracised, name calling, pushed around, spat on, belongings trashed etc. I was defiant enough not to stop working hard but it has still affected my whole life. Lack of confidence and self esteem made me a target for bullies at university, I suffered several episodes of depression which cost me my career and eventually married the first man who asked as I "knew" someone as useless, ugly etc as me wouldn't get another chance. Of course, he turned out to be a controlling bully as well . It's only in my forties, as a lone parent of three, that I am getting some control over my life but I find working life a struggle despite being very capable and I worry constantly that the same thing could happen to my girls.

Bullying is not a minor issue, it wrecks lives.

I wonder with some bullies if they have serious issues at home, but certainly with the worst two girls in my case, I think it was jealousy, a power thing and because they could do it. They were both spoilt brats too. One of them actually wanted to friend me on FB three years ago, I came off FB after that.

Gosh I can absolutely relate thievery thing that's been said 100%.

I started primary school and I was a bit of a little miss bossy boots. Well that just sealed my fate. I feel emotions very deeply (still do today but I just keep them to myself) so if someone laughed I thought it was at me and I got really angry. My life was hell for 10 years. The same group of boys made my life miserable all through school. They were a huge gang of kids most of the year to be honest. They were known as "the skaters" because they used to go about on skateboards which made it even worse for me because I sometimes couldn't get away from them.

They really had NO reason to hate me. None. I never did anything to any of them unless I was cornered or so wound up I'd lash out. They loved goading me and would sit in class muttering things at me under their breath. They had a nickname for me that haunted me through school and it was the most awful, dark and torturous time of my life.

I couldn't tell my parents. They were too busy and I was worried they'd feel ashamed and reject me. I did very badly at school which disappointed them. The worst part was, my mum was a music teacher and several of the pupils she taught were involved in this so it even followed me into my own home.

I regret that I self harmed to deal with it all. I have the scars now and so because I can't really bare my upper arms because of the few scars I have it's a reminder that still lived with me to this day 16 years after leaving school.

My life changed forever the moment I left and I've never looked back. I met my husband that summer and I now have a glorious lifestyle that I'm confident not many of them will ever have.

One great bit or karma came when I saw that one of the boys who was particularly awful to me (and was spoilt rotten, designer clothes, gadgets, ponies the lot...never wanted for anything) is now in prison for murdering his own father!!

Thievery thing = to everything

Yes. I was bullied so badly at school that I tried to kill myself, more than once. i also used to cut myself.

I also, and this may have happened anyway, but I think the torture I suffered at school affected me so badly that it triggered mental health problems. I ended up in a mental health unit. I was put on antipsychotics for a while because I was hearing things, seeing things - I heard someone breathing in my bedroom, I used to hear voices telling me to do things (like throw my money away), then I became convinced that a giant spider was trying to kill me. Prior to this I had become obsessed with my face being white and when makeup couldn't make it white enough, I started covering my face with talc.

I was very ill for a number of years, with several stays in the mhu.

I think that had I not been bullied to the point of trying to kill myself, my mental health would not have broken down to such a degree.

To this day - and I am 38 - I cannot walk past groups of teenagers. I simply cannot do it. I feel terrified.

Age 9-13 the girls in my class (who changed each year) seemed to take it in turns to pick on every other girl in the class. There seemed to be a week every year when it would be my "turn". A week doesn't sound like very long, but when every single thing you do or say is being ridiculed, it feels like a lifetime.

It definitely scarred me. I was a very bright child and the teachers could never work out why I wouldn't speak up in class when I clearly knew the answers. My confidence was shattered between the ages of 9 and 19. I have done pretty well academically and professionally in spite of this, but still feel like I didn't fulfil my potential before having DCs. There is so much more I could have done....now I have the rest of my life to make up for it.

What irks is that one of the main ringleaders found me on Facebook. Successful career, living in London, lovely bloke, designer wedding, baby on the way. Why did I accept her friend request??? Bitch.

ps. Technoduck - big high five to you!

Oh Hecate

ah, it's ok. there was a lot of stuff happening and being done to me from different sources and my mind couldn't cope with it.

But I'm stronger now. I use it to help me to be kind to others and never forget the hurt that words can cause and the damage they can do.

I wouldn't be who I am today if all the things that were done to me weren't done. I can't change them, so I have to use them to help me, to motivate me and to give me what I hope is a deep compassion for others.

Technoduck good for you, i bet that felt great.

So sad that so many of us have similar stories, Hecate i hope things are better for you now.

I was bullied too :(

Why isn't there a "nice school" where all the bullied children can go and escape the torture? :(

Aren't you all just SO glad this all happened before the age of the internet and mobile phones?

Yes i am, being bullied now must be even worse because with email, text, fb, im there is no escape, you probably don't even feel safe in your own home.

Yar....thought it hadn't left a mark but about three years ago things did start catching up with me and I have a "diagnosis" of 'severe depression/moderate anxiety'- whatever that means- I still function pretty well normally, get out of bed and stuff, go to school, I just don't have feelings or moods anymore, that's all....I know it's because of the school stuff but also because of some things that happened when I was a child, although overall I'd have said I had a v. happy childhood, and a small part is just situational- I feel sad about things which are happening which I can't have much to do with. I just read Loving and Giving by Molly Keane last night and it struck a chord really, impressions last a lifetime. Anyway, I've been taking neat little pills for over a month or so and I've had a letter from a counseller to set up an appointment, so that's all...proactive!

I've never fit in but I click with some people...and people respond to me much better than they used to....I do check myself a lot, or maybe they're just being generous.

yeah i was, in secondary school

and at 32 it stilll affects me now, ie, finding it hard to make friends, to trust other women, self esteem etc.

if any of my dc get bullied i will want to hunt the bully down. it ruins lives.

I was bullied all the way through secondary. For some reason in Yr 7 it was decided that my face didn't fit and that was that.

It was never physical, always verbal but the threat was always there that one day it could be. I ended up with just 1 friend, she was also being bullied and then of course we were accused of being lesbians. I couldn't walk down a corridor without names being called and spent all my breaks hiding in the computer room as they wouldn't come in there.

Telling the teachers did nothing, it just made things worse for a while. The 6th Form set up an anti bullying centre so I went along one day. They were there for people to talk to about what they were experiencing and I was encouraged to pour my heart out. The next day the bullying really ramped up as all that happened was the person I named was told that I had been and complained about them. At one point I was called in to see the HT who told me that there is no bullying at the school and to stop making up lies :(

I used to go to sleep at night wishing that I would die in my sleep so that I wouldn't have to face the next day.

I am still really shy. I don't feel that I will ever be able to get over what happened to me, the only reason the bullying stopped was because school finished. Luckily I haven't seen any of them since and I just don't know how I would react if I did see them. I am really self concious and worry what people think of me. Even now I can't make friends, I moved to a new area when I met my husband as that was where we could afford to buy. That was in 2007 and I haven't made a single friend up here so have nobody. I'm 39+6 and spend every day on my own in the house while DH is at work.

Not read the whole thread but wanted to add my piece. I was bullied throughout secondary school, first by my so called 'friend' then by someone who took offence at my brother being gay. It was miserable & even though I thought I'd got over it, when I received a friend request on FB from this bully it brought everything back, made me feel totally sick. I worked with someone once who was bragging about how he'd bullied someone at school, I had a few harsh words with him I can tell you.

Yes I was, all the way through secondary school, and yes it did damage me, but aged 35 I do now have female friends and feel I can trust women again. (all through 6th form and in my 20's I mostly had male friends).

I was bullied by boys as well as girls at school, why is it I wonder that it took me so much longer to learn to trust women again?

In terms of adult life, I've had a couple of female bosses who were awful to me & it was pretty much bullying - but the worst ever boss I had was male.

I was bullied at school, as well, but it seems maybe not as badly as some on here.

I wonder if the low self esteem is a chicken and egg thing. Would I have been bullied if I had higher self esteem? Or is it the other way round?

But I still have problems making friends - I don't really have any really close friends. I'm sure it's all related.

I was reading my primary school reports recently and basically the gist was that I was a pleasure to teach, quiet, lacking in confidence to speak out.

I had a great time at primary school with lots of nice friends, everyone got on. I wasn't prepared for highschool and I think that it was clear from before I started that I was introverted and had never had to stick up for myself.

Why the fuck should I? Why couldn't I have been left alone, accepted for who I was. Why does school have to be one big popularity contest? Why do you have to dress a certain way?

When I left these school gates for the last time it was the happiest day of my life. I then went to college and oh my what a revelation that waste to me. No one gave a flying fuck about dress code. I came out my shell in a big way, it was great!