Was anyone else bullied at school?

[theamazonstar]

Sorry for such a miserable topic on a Friday night but I have to get this off my chest.

I had a miserable time at high school. I was horribly bullied and ended up with bulimia and severe depression. I contemplated suicide too. As soon as I could I left for uni and I was much happier there but still very slow to trust people. I've recently moved back to my home town for family and work reasons, and I've run into a few of my classmates. I can't talk to them, even of they didn't bully me. I start shivering and gibbering and I bloody hate it- I'm not the person I was back then but seeing someone brings it all back. Is this normal?

Help :(

[quirrelquarrel]

I don't know how over half a year group can be unstable and unhappy really. Most always seemed very confident and carefree to me.

[TheLightPassenger]

I also disagree that all child bullies are unstable. Yes, some children will bully due to difficult home life, but others seem to bully just for the sheer fun of exerting power over vulnerable people (the whole alpha female/mean girls phenomenon), or in the hope of avoiding being bullied themselves.

I agree that victim blaming is an easy way for people in authority to deal with the situation, as it takes little effort.

[Sarcalogos]

'sheer fun of exerting power over vulnerable people'

Anyone who finds that fun isn't quite right in the head if you ask me... Please don't think I'm trying to excuse the behaviour, I'm definitely not. But realising that the children who bullied us were not rational, reasonable, happy people is important I think. It helps me anyway.

Those on the fringes (most of that half a year group), or those bullying to avoid being bullied themselves would melt away if the hardcore were dealt with. A large proportion of those kids will always follow in line with whatever the dominant culture is. It is the challenge in schools to ensure that the dominant culture is anti-bully. This has been achieved in some schools I've worked in, sadly not all. It is subtle, complex and difficult to do, but the fear/survival of the fittest/brutal culture can be challenged.

Lots of people upthread have talked about how when looking on Facebook they have seen the people that bullied them haven't made much of their lives, I think this is further proof that these people are not in reality particularly strong, confident, or able- although of course this is what they were successfully projecting their image as, to their victims at school. It's more difficult to achieve that social status after school, and it is here that many of them get their comeuppance.

[Lemonylemon]

Sarcalogos you said "Lots of people upthread have talked about how when looking on Facebook they have seen the people that bullied them haven't made much of their lives, I think this is further proof that these people are not in reality particularly strong, confident, or able- although of course this is what they were successfully projecting their image as, to their victims at school.

I've found that to be very true in my experience. I was quite badly bullied in secondary school. It was a grammar which was a feeder to Oxbridge. To be honest, I wasn't a natural, but I worked hard and have made something of my life.

It's been a revelation to see either on Facebook or on Friends Reunited what these bullies have made of their lives ... which isn't really much.

There's only one bully who I think I would actually swing for - if I ever had the misfortune to get into conversation with her. In fact, I think I would just tell her to fuck off. No second chance.