Was anyone else bullied at school?

[theamazonstar]

Sorry for such a miserable topic on a Friday night but I have to get this off my chest.

I had a miserable time at high school. I was horribly bullied and ended up with bulimia and severe depression. I contemplated suicide too. As soon as I could I left for uni and I was much happier there but still very slow to trust people. I've recently moved back to my home town for family and work reasons, and I've run into a few of my classmates. I can't talk to them, even of they didn't bully me. I start shivering and gibbering and I bloody hate it- I'm not the person I was back then but seeing someone brings it all back. Is this normal?

Help :(

[theamazonstar]

I can't believe how many people have posted! It's sad and comforting all at the same time. Someone up thread said that happiness is the best revenge. I really like that- because I am happy with my life.

I used to love seminars at uni- people could talk intelligently (mostly!) about things and not be mimicked or sighed at. People listened and said 'yes, I agree with you!' It seemed bloody brilliant.

[candytuft63]

I . too was horrendously bullied. It started when my dad died when I was 6 - "you cant play with us cos you havent a dad"
I could write a book, seriously.
I was also sexually abused by a family member and felt as though that that was what my life was for - to be there for people to hurt, despise and use.
I have no doubt that that is exactly why I married a violent, abusive bully of a man.
It just carries on.
I have married again, happily and yet, I still wait in a way for it all to start again.
This may sound daft, but I swear that if I could actually murder those people and get away with it, I would.
I have had counselling, but it NEVER goes away - the scars are on my psyche and I have to live with them.
Un-MNetty hugs to everyone here.

[theamazonstar]

So sorry candytuft. Hugs back to you too.

[FatherDougalMcGuire]

I was bullied throughout both schools, and have only really had decent friendships as an adult. I think part of it (me beingnvulnerable to bullies) was a need to please and be liked that stemmed from EA at home.

I left my hometown as soon as I could and I never ever go back. This thread comes just a day after me talking to my dad about how I can't understand anyone wanting to stay in the place they grew up for all the reasons you mention theamazonstar. I really feel for you and what you are going though.

I find I am paranoid on DD's behalf because of it and I worry my projection may even lead her to being bullied, she is certainly very sensitive, although at least I know she is free of the EA I suffered!

[3littlefrogs]

jenfraggle - your post is so sad. You sound like a really nice person too.

Maybe you will be able to make some friends with other new mums?

Could you look at MN local and see what is going on in your area?

[theamazonstar]

Thank you very much FatherDougal. I am sure your DD will be fine.

[WandrinStar]

I was bullied all the way through secondary school, I got out as soon as I could after O-levels. In the early 80s the government brought in the "assisted places scheme" where they subsidised bright kids from state schools to go to private schools and I was one of its victims guinea pigs. A bigger bunch of little bitches you couldn't hope to meet, and some of the staff were vile too. No violence, just the kind of prolonged verbal and psychological abuse that really wears you down over time.

I got ostracised for being poor, living further away from the school than anyone else, being skinny, not having friends, you name it. Got repeatedly told I'd never get anywhere, was useless, no-one would ever fancy me, I was really ugly etc. I was rubbish at sport and the school was very sporty so I got picked on for that too. My parents had a camper van (everyone else's parents had Volvos, Range Rovers etc) and the maths teacher saw me getting picked up in it one day. From then on whenever she had to teach a maths problem in class it was my mother's van that got used to illustrate the problem i.e. "If Wandrin's mother drives her van from A to B at X miles an hour, how much petrol does it use up?" etc - she really wanted to make good and sure everyone knew my circumstances were a bit different to everyone elses. When I eventually told my Mum about this she rang the school and the maths teacher denied it so I got a bollocking for "lying about that NICE lady maths teacher!!"

Later, when my parents' circumstances changed and we had a bit more cash, I got laughed at for being "nouveau riche..." - wierd because that's what my classmates were - "new" money - their folks were all accountants, solicitors, surveyors etc, it's not like their families had ancient titles and huge country estates or anything, they weren't THAT posh! I guess our money was just that bit more "nouveau" than theirs...

And all that's just the tip of the iceberg. It's left me with a lifelong fear of people with yah-ish accents - as soon as I hear them braying at each other I go a bit cold, it's like I expect them to start picking on me even now, but funnily enough this has never happened since!

I'd love to go to a reunion though - oh the fun I could have telling them all how my life turned out after that unhappy beginning. What's the saying - "Living well is the best revenge"?

[Empusa]

"The next day the bullying really ramped up as all that happened was the person I named was told that I had been and complained about them."

Why is it so many teachers thought doing something like that was a good idea?!

[FatherDougalMcGuire]

Jenfraggle, where (roughly) are you, I bet you'd have a lovely mner living somewhere nearby? I'd be your friend!

[StuckintheBellJar]

Candy, I could've posted that.

It really is hell, isn't it? You're made to feel worthless both at school and at home. You're entire universe is reduced to a small, enclosed, dark and desperate attempt to survive and avoid the human race.

I also married a controlling bully and subsequently divorced.

I don't trust men, I don't believe them when they say they fancy/love me. I'm very careful with friends (though I do have them now).

I also attempted suicide, self-harmed and have issues with food. Not eating, drink too much and smoking also probably caused a few miscarriages.

Yet, I'm still considered the thin, pretty successful person round here. If only they knew......

I'm very glad to hear that you're now happily married.

[FatherDougalMcGuire]

Teachers are useless and often encourage the bullies. In my 3rd year at secondary school one of the pupils drew a really horrible picture of me on the blackboard in art, with '** the ugly' written underneath it (I was burdened with bad haircut, hideous NHS glasses and a brace, much better these days thank god!). When the teacher came in did she rub it off? Did she make the culprit apologise and run it off? Did she fuck, she praised him on how well drawn it was and it stayed up for the entirety of the day. I sat through the whole lesson with tears in my eyes and bunked off for the rest of the day.

[candytuft63]

I dont know Empusa.
The bullying I experienced was so so obvious as well - beaten up in class (in front of teachers), torn uniform, constant vile and threatening language.
Nothing was ever, ever done.It "calm down, you lot"
There was no point in asking for help when teachers ignored, and therefore, logically in my mind, condoned it
I am just glad that we didnt have facebook in those days, but I doubt I would have gone on it.
My bullies would have had even more time to plot their terror tactics, though...

[ParanoidAnnie]

Hi couldnt read and not post. I too was bullied horrendously at High School, and remember all too well the dread of going to school. I was bullied by 'the nasty girls' the no hopers as I call thm now. They out cigarettes out on my legs. That's the only thing I can bear to write. The mental torture was worse.

Then later by so called friends. They used to make me sit with them at lunch time but I wasn't allowed to speak and no one was allowed to speak to me. If I tried to leave and go elsewhere they followed me. It was pure mental torture.

Outside of school, I was bullied by older boys as I had a brother with a mental illness. I never belonged and never felt good enough. This has stayed with me for all my life. I've never achieved what I could be capable of.

I left my home town to go as far away as possible as soon as I could. As a consequence I now live a long way from my parents. I miss being close to them. I love them and we are very close. The thought of returning to my home town fills me with dread. Like returning to the old me. It's so sad.

Same sentiment as a lot of people. Bullying ruins lives and is serious.

To this day I don't know why I didn't speak out? I can't seem to remember. Maybe it was fear. Maybe it was embarrassment.

I don't do Facebook. I won't actively encourage it for my children either.

I worry every day for my DD's and tell them as often as I can, how lovely, special and unique they are. My oldest has already had a taste of bullying at primary. Ive encouraged her to speak about it. I involved the school straight away. I won't tolerate it.

[StuckintheBellJar]

You have to wonder how these children are brought up, to want to treat others like this?

My parents would've been mortified if I'd bullied people.

[theamazonstar]

That's chilling, FatherDougal and Candytuft. Just how could a teacher do that??

Thank you for sharing, ParanoidAnnie.

[Galaxymum]

Reading these posts makes me realise I am not alone in still being affected by bullying 20 years later. I think my whole life is dominated around my experiences from school and university.

I was VERY happy at primary school, never bullied and had the shock of my life at secondary school. Like others here, I was totally unprepared to stand up for myself. It was a girls' school and so very much the mind games with stickers on my back, ignoring me, shouting they might catch somethinng etc. In 3rd year the main bully was turned on and she literally ran out and never came back. School improved but I was changed as a person, never been confident and fear giving opinions and standing out.

But then it happened at uni which was far worse. At school I could leave the bullies and go home to a sanctuary. At uni I was stuck and then my parents didn't believe me as these were adults. I would be left in pubs when I went to the toilet, left out at nightclubs so I had to get home alone in a taxi, they'd go out and leave me when I was working, told horrendous lies about me, and also sent letters to the police saying I was selling drugs. I ended up suicidal with no way out as my mother felt it would be such a let down if I dropped out. I've never really forgiven her for not listening. I have coped and moved on with help from my lovely DH.

[theamazonstar]

So would mine, stuckinthebelljar.

[candytuft63]

Oh, Stuck, I am sorry for you and everyone else.
I thought I was the only one

[theamazonstar]

That is so sad galaxymum. Thank you for posting.

[theincredibequeenofwands]

I slit my wrists on my thirteenth birthday due to constant bullying.

The teachers almost seemed to encourage it - bullies themselves, the lot of them.

I don't go back to childhood haunts. My parents house is fine, but the street/park/school areas are well avoided (I live in a different town so this is doable).

I still feel a ridiculous amount of rage whenever I think about it and it's definately shaped who I am. It's only since I've hit 30 that I really don't allow myself to be bullied by anyone.

I was thirteen for fuck's sake! Why wasn't anyone looking after me?

I honestly believed that those teachers wanted me to become more and more depressed and eventually take my own life. The dissapointment that I was found and helped must have been devastating for them.

Bitches.

[edam]

I was bullied at secondary school. We've moved house 100 miles to a place with a local accent so broad it made Norfolk look like a desert. Cue loads of nastiness because I didn't sound like everyone else, and had the temerity to be interested in lessons and put my hand up to answer questions. Not something that had ever been a problem at my previous schools.

I didn't have low self-esteem - I'd always been popular at school and done very well before. I was just different, and I suffered for it.

Teachers did feck all - when my Mother discovered (because she went to parent's evening where they told her I'd been skipping school - so they KNEW damn well something was wrong, in fact some of it happened in front of teachers) she tried to sort it out but the school couldn't care less. Thankfully she got me out of there.

[CapuccinoCannoliLover]

Jenfraggle - ditto what FatherDougalMcguire said. I am 29wks with my second DC. This thread is comforting and sad all at once. I can count my female friends on one hand. My best friend (who I met in my 20's) wasn't bullied and she is the only friend, other than the posters here, who know how bad it was for me and she can't understand how people can be so evil. Like others have said, I know I won't be able to wrap my children up in cotton wool, but I will go all 'The Bride' on any bullies a! Even considering sending my soon-to-be 4 year old to martial arts, for confidence in defence rather than attack, but I believe they teach that too.

[StuckintheBellJar]

Why was it that when teenagers self-harmed or tried to commit suicide, people didn't take it seriously?

A thirteen year old slitting their wrist should cause some serious alarm bells to ring. I hope it does these days!

I remember when they sent a shrink to see me after one of my overdose attempts. She asked me if I was pregant or had a boyfriend. I said no. That was it... Everything carried on as normal. The woman should've been struck off!

[theamazonstar]

Thank you theincrediblequeenofwands, edam, and cappacinocannolilover

[theamazonstar]

Because we were just being over dramatic, StuckInTheBellJar? Teenagers, you know. Hormones. Yep, that was the problem!