DP just walked out on us.

[revolutionconfirmed]

DP walked out on us about an hour ago. We've been together 3 years. He took on my eldest DD who's 4 next month and we have a 17 month old DD together. We've had our ups and downs but were mainly happy and I'm 100% sure there is nobody else as he has no phone, rarely uses the internet and since he doesn't work only goes out one day from 8am to 4pm for his part time college course. I'm unemployed with bi polar and fibromyalgia and while have issues am trying to even them out with medication.

The row started today over money. We're on a tight budget being unemployed and our last £20 was supposed to be spent on emergencies only. He went out and bought crisps, pasties, doughnuts and crap equating to £10. I tried to explain that we didn't need it but he said it was for us. He knows I'm on a diet and a strict budget but it didn't matter to him. He stormed into the other room and ignored me. I tried to explain again and he said he didn't want to deal with my pain or issues anymore and I can fuck off. That's when he pushed me out of the way and sodded off. When he earns the money that keeps us, him amd his son on the weekends je can choose how it's spent.

He holds it over my head that I don't love his son. I accept him, treat him as my own but I don't love him and DP can't understand why if he took on my daughter and adopted her etc. I can't explain it but I can't help how I feel. If DP wanted him here full time I'd have him.in an.instant. He's unrealistic too. He doesn't work and hasn't properly in two years due to one day of college a week. After the nextyear of his electrical course he wants to go to university fir three years full time. He doesn't seem to care that he has three children to support. He's t6 years old so not a boy!

I don't know if he'll come back. The children are distraught with the shouting, I took £10 out of my savings to buy cigarettes which ruined 13 days of quitting and I don't know what to do. I'm really just trying to get advice and make it to the children's bed time without breaking down.

I did leave exH for him. ExH was abusive and still won't give me a divorce after three years. This year I am filing myself.

He does live here and spends all nights here. Or did.

I have been financially supporting him but before he moved in he was working on building sites around 38-40 hours per week. He hasn't been gigging in a while because of the alcohol consumption involved.

I said he had never punched me, not that he'd been an angel. I did contact WA. He also had anger management. Sure, he pushed me out of the way but cdc with the techniwues he learned he hasn't been half as bad.

Staying in this relationship makes me and them happy. I could write an endless list of the great things DP does and everyone would say he was perfect. I'm being sensible and taking it slow, not living with him (my idea, he agreed).

Izzyizn, I thought you were leaving? You seemed to just use your time to scour the internet for new quotes. As I said, help or fuck the fuck off.

rev stop being a bloody fool - telling those in a position to help you to fuck off isnt going to show you in a particularly good light given the current information.

you keep moving the goal posts which looks very suspect.

You have lied on your DD birth certificate which while illegal is just morally reprehensible and be prepared for that can of worms in later life.

and you have drip fed information to suit your current need - if you partner has indeed been abusive previously to the point you needed to contact WA then you are in need of some help - you appear to be putting up with quite a bit in this relationship that you should not be.

Im going to be blunt. You sound as though you need a reality check, and that you both need to grow up, and face reality. He is not going to be your happy ending. It sounds as though the best thing possible for you right now would be to have some time alone and work out how to live as an independent adult before either getting back with your ex or starting another relationship.

I do not know who my father is - but had i found out the person i thought it was was a lie, i would be livid, you are potentially going to hurt your DD with this in the future. You should not lie about the childs paternity. You have done that for yourself, not for your DD, because it gives you a "normality" that you crave - but you are not going to get it with your current partner/husband/fiance what ever he is.

take some time out to be alone, then you might stop this cycle with abusive men in your life.

I don't see how she is helping. I need advice from the information provided in the OP, not posts I made months ago. She said llast post and then I'm off?. Clearly not. Clearly ?off? meamt digging more information and posting it here.

I AM alone. He isn't here and is for one or two hours a few times a week. I am doing everything alone, getting no help, it's making me feel more ill and we're not planning on moving in together until things are sorted. This is not about him anymore, this is about how I am going to cope and coping mechanisms for that.

Yes, I lied on DD's birth certificate but I cannot change that now. I still don't regret it but I now know the consequences of my actions. I can't change it now. Posters telling me how unlawful and morally wrong it was does not change the fact that it is done.

I already said DD will feel how she feels. Hopefully it will go in my favour but it may not and I've known that since day one. I will deal with that situation as it arises. It has not arisen.

I know my reality because I live it. I know how I feel and I know what I intend to do. I need help coping being alone before that.

If you check you'll see I haven't said I'm going anywhere, honey, and that would seem to be more wishful thinking on your part.

As for scouring the internet, it only took a quick flick of the mumsnet search button to refresh my memory about your previous posts on this board but, as it happens, there wasn't much need for refreshing.

You may recall that you previously posted photos of yourself and your story stayed in my mind because I felt somewhat despairing that a beautiful and intelligent young woman would settle for considerably less than second best in her relationships with the opposite sex.

Needless to say, no matter how long your list of the great things he does, I could never consider a man who has called you a lazy fat bitch, told you to fuck off, and knocked you around in front of your dc, to be perfect.

Now that you've decided to live apart, it would seem that the help you need is to break your addiction to him in much the same way as you're attempting to quit the demon nicotine. With every day that passes without a fix you will become more able to resist temptation.

You're worth so much more than this abusive knobber. Let him stay in the bosom of his family who have no time or liking for you, and resolve to get on with making the best life you can for your dds.

You mentioned that you had emabarked on a counselling course. Why not read through your various posts as if they were written by a stranger and put your mind to counselling that young woman and advising her how best she can turn her life around and become all that she can be?

I'm just trying to sort my life out and I'm finding it so difficult because a) I'm completely in love with DP, rightly or wrongly b) I don't feel like ai can do this all alone as the pain of running around, lifting etc all day gets unbearable and c) with the bi polar my highs and lows can relate directly to how I feel about DP. I feel like I can't live without him when I'm down but when I'm up I'm invincible amd have no problems thinking of life alone.

Right now I'm in pain and down. Everything looks bleak, I'm not sleeping or eating correctly because every time I eat I feel physically sick and I'm just counting down the hours until I see DP today for those short hours. I am lostand I don't know how to cope. I know my mistakes and flaws but having them picked apart makes me feel worse.

I'm supposed to be going back in September for Level 4 but I can't find a way to do it. It will cost £700 and I rarely have £70 a month expendable income. I was told as I'm on benefit I'll get a little reduction but not mich (about (£150) as the government don't really fund courses over Level 3. I want to do this so much but I daren't get my hopes up this year.

I also can't get any loans or grants as I'm under the hours of study in a year. It's an 18 month course with 3 hours a week in class and in those 18 months you need a minimum of 57 hours of counselling experience. It doesn't add up even with the extra 57 hours.

Rev, even if you can't see how izzyizn is helping you, I sure as hell can. We can't offer appropriate advice if we don't know the score. I'd hate to suggest persevering with a relationship if the OP was being abused. I'd hate to say "leave the bastard" if the relationship was salvageable. Knowing what has already happened in your relationship helps me to help you - if I can.

I wonder if you're so angry with izzyizn because you're in denial, and her conscientiousness doesn't let you deny. But denial of facts will not help you (it never does, just delays the inevitable and makes it all the more painful when it comes) and you need to look into the mirror she is holding up to you. If this is how your relationship is, if these things have happened, you need to admit them to yourself and work from there.

So it looks like there is an established pattern in his behaviour. He is abusive. I know you said you love him, but I stand by my reading of him as a cocklodger and a parasite, living off you and your income, sucking you dry of money and emotional stability. And you are only 23 and on your (at least) second long-term relationship with an abusive partner. So you've got a pattern as well, and one you need to break. I think izzyizn's comparison with ridding yourself of nicotine addiction is a good one. You wanted to do that and you made yourself do it, because you wanted it enough. Now you need to want to be rid if him. And I think you will be with a little perseverance.

You know you're in a low with your bipolar - in your own words, "I feel like I can't live without him when I'm down but when I'm up I'm invincible and have no problems thinking of life alone." Keep telling yourself, I feel like this because I'm low right now, later I'll feel different. This is temporary.

It probably is the reason and I'm sorry for being horrible to Izzy. I just can't wrap my head around how I'm going to do all of this alone.

You can do it alone Rev, because you have to. It does get better - it does. The dc get older, you will have more free time, your studies will help you to a better life - all without the complication of DP. He is probably not helping with any of it, esp. being violent (at times), taking money from you, adding to your stress.

I hope it gets better soon - but it will get better.

I think you are going to have to 'ride out' this low before you make any decisions. Many of us have advised you on other threads and it's sad to see you still in this situation :( I want more for you, you should want more for you. However, I know how hard it is when you love someone... maybe, when you get up from this low you will be able to see things more clearly?!

You are worth more than this shitbag can ever, ever give you - but you need to be able to see that for yourself.

Hes right though if he took on your daughter you take on his son to me its no different.Obviously theres more to it than that.But hes buys a few goodies for everyone and you buy yourself cigarettes who is the baddy

rtft, rainbow

And there we have the perfect example of why it's important to have a full picture of the situation you're in, if we are to be able to offer you good advice Rev.

Thanks for your input rainbow2000, it did serve a purpose (of sorts).

I'm just trying to get my head sorted out. It's best if DP stays away at the moment. I have an appointment tomorrow evening so I'll see him then for about an hour but I won't see him then until Wednesday or Thursday as he has exams during the start of the week. Life is hard without him. I realise now just how difficult it is to look after two little ones, run a house and have illnesses all by myself but I'm getting by. I have to go into town alone with the two of them tomorrow which I haven't done in a while as I've hurt so much but it needs to be done so we'll see how easy that is then :(

Thank you all so much for your advice. I know I am better off without him, financially and emotionally but I just can't seem to give up to him yet. I need to kick this addiction.

I know I am better off without him, financially and emotionally

Then hang onto this!!

Onwards and upwards. I'm sorting my life out.

I had my first driving lesson yesterday (my Grandad is paying for them as I am truly skint) and have another on Saturday. I went for a part time job interview today. I know I'm ill but I really do need to work for sanity. DP or exDP as I should probably be calling him now will look after the girls here while I'm gone and leave when I get nack (if I get it).

Ugh. I had a voucher for free hair dye today so I'm going to go blonde and try to get some self confidence in a magic bottle :(

The 'mumsnet' hair! How many women get a new haircut/colour when the OH pisses them about?

Such a good idea. Good luck rev withthe driving and the job.

I'm going to have a night of pampering and experimenting with make up tonight whie watching Dexter. The nights are the worst :(

Agree about the nights - it's a good idea to distract yourself. Pampering is ideal!

Whole new you tomorrow then?

I hope so! Onwards and upwards. I'll see him tomorrow so I want to look great and show him I'm doing great, even if I don't feel it.

How did it go Rev? Hope you look fab now - and he realises that you do not need him!

I have blonde hair again! I think it went ok. We didn't speak much and I let him just get on with seeing the children.