DP just walked out on us.

[revolutionconfirmed]

DP walked out on us about an hour ago. We've been together 3 years. He took on my eldest DD who's 4 next month and we have a 17 month old DD together. We've had our ups and downs but were mainly happy and I'm 100% sure there is nobody else as he has no phone, rarely uses the internet and since he doesn't work only goes out one day from 8am to 4pm for his part time college course. I'm unemployed with bi polar and fibromyalgia and while have issues am trying to even them out with medication.

The row started today over money. We're on a tight budget being unemployed and our last £20 was supposed to be spent on emergencies only. He went out and bought crisps, pasties, doughnuts and crap equating to £10. I tried to explain that we didn't need it but he said it was for us. He knows I'm on a diet and a strict budget but it didn't matter to him. He stormed into the other room and ignored me. I tried to explain again and he said he didn't want to deal with my pain or issues anymore and I can fuck off. That's when he pushed me out of the way and sodded off. When he earns the money that keeps us, him amd his son on the weekends je can choose how it's spent.

He holds it over my head that I don't love his son. I accept him, treat him as my own but I don't love him and DP can't understand why if he took on my daughter and adopted her etc. I can't explain it but I can't help how I feel. If DP wanted him here full time I'd have him.in an.instant. He's unrealistic too. He doesn't work and hasn't properly in two years due to one day of college a week. After the nextyear of his electrical course he wants to go to university fir three years full time. He doesn't seem to care that he has three children to support. He's t6 years old so not a boy!

I don't know if he'll come back. The children are distraught with the shouting, I took £10 out of my savings to buy cigarettes which ruined 13 days of quitting and I don't know what to do. I'm really just trying to get advice and make it to the children's bed time without breaking down.

I am so sorry revolutionconfirmed. I know you want him back, but TBH, I really can't see him as anything but a cocklodger - a parasite living off of you.

Can I just ask you - you said "Bet his mum is over the damn moon." - what did you mean? Is this another source of friction in your relationship?

We've spoken and decided on a trial separation type arrangement. He'll be here most days for an hour or two to see the children, Sundays will be spent with his son here so the girls get to see their brother and we'll see how it goes. Obviously we still love each other and want to be together but there is so much to get right in our own lives.

He's going to finish his exams by the end if the month, claim JSA and live with his mum saving most of his JSA for college while he finds a job. Once his income is sorted and we're not under each other's feet arguing we'll re-evaluate. He's going to be here for the girls when I have appointments/driving lessons and we've arranged for him to see them when he can 4-5 times a week. Once this is sorted we'll go on a few 'dates' and maybe get the physical aspect of our relationship back.

I'm going to concentrate on my daughters, driving lessons and getting well. I'd love for him to be back in our lives as a partner but we both have things to straighten out. I'm heartbroken but feeling a little better that I can do this and we're working toward something positive. If that means we both have to let go, that will become clear in time. I just don't want him scrounging off me or living iff me. I can't afford to do it all anymore in money or stress.

Regarding his mum, we've never seen eye to eye but it's not been a factor in our relationship as we're civil. Same with his father and younger sister who are all alike. They don't make life difficult bzt we wouldn't miss each other iyswim.

It's my first day and night completely alone as essentially a lone parent. Any ideas of how to get through it? I'll watch crap on TV like The Voice and munch on whatever is here for comfort, probably habe a bath and MN to take my mind off things but it's so different without him in bed with me or here to talk to during the day.

Plan looks good to me, rev

Feel free to whinge on mumsnet (it's what we're here for) and also make sure you get some laughs. Funny threads on here, comedy show or funny film, play sillybuggers with the kids - do them all!

Also, have you got any nice real-life people to catch up with? Give them a call, fill them in on developments, and talk about their stuff/gossip/Voice as well.

This is an ending AND a beginning. Now you matter most. Sending you some lurve :)

I have a few friends but they're all 15+ miles away so without a car or lots of money and time for public transport it's a no go. We talk quite often but it's something you want to say in person, not via text or Facebook messages.

I'm missing him chronically. It sounds so bad but I can't wait for the children to go to bed at 7 so I can relax and watch mindless TV to take my mind off it all. They remind me so much of him and doing everything alone is just bringing on pain.

Ugh. I wish we could rewind a few days.

Weather it, honey. You're allowed to feel like shit. Do remember to take good care of yourself - and keep up with your meds! Was your mood on a down or up swing when all this kicked off? Do you need to ask for a psych review?

It was on a down swing so this made it bery difficult to cope with. I'm still down but taking my medication regularly. I'm not eating a lot. I'll take a bite of a meal and find I'm not hungry so I'm going to forve myself to eat a spaghetti bolognase ready meal with some salad later.

DP can't understand why if he took on my daughter and adopted her etc

He hasn't legally adopted your dd1, has he?

As I recall, while in a relationship with you he shagged the woman who gave birth to his ds and you subsequently became pg with your dd2. How old is his ds now?

This isn't the first time he's pushed/shoved you and gone home to his dm, is it?

Yes, his name is on her birth certificate as her biological father wasn't present and didn't want to know but she isn't biologically his. DS was conceived with OW before he met me (DS was few months when we got together) and he is 9 months younger than DD1.

So
DD1 - mine
DD2 and DS - ours

No cheating.

No it isn't the first time.

Hang on. His name is on the birth certificate even though he isn't her dad? I am sure that illegal whether her biological dad is around or not. Sorry but I think its wrong to pretend, your dd should know. But that my opinion. Forgetting that though. Sorry you're having a shit time. Hope it gets better.

She will know. I would never hide something like that from her. When she's old enough to understand she'll be told.

This is what you wrote in September last year:

"Our DD's are DP's but DSS is from a one night stand during our 'break'. Not cheating but definitely a shock.

We've been together 3 years and engaged for 1. DD1 was a 'one night stand/seeing each other' relationship, he had a one night stand on our break when I was nine months pregnant and DP was in our lives permanently since DD1 was 3 months old."

I'm confused. If he's named on your dd1's birth cert but you didn't meet him until she was 6m, it would seem you waited a very long time to register her birth.

I didn't want to out myself in real life in my old post so I made out DD was his biologically. It made sense at the time as I've often used the story to cover the truth with people in my life who have no reason to know that DD wasn't biologically DP's. It wax relevant in this post and I didn't expect people to remember me as I'm not exactly a big poster here.

I am really confused. Dsd is 9 months younger than your dd1, but your do is registered as her dad. If you met when dsd was 2 months that would make your dd1 11 months when you met. Surely you can't wait until then to register a birth. Sorry I really don't get it.

DD1 was born. I registered her birth with no father's name.
DSS was born.
DP and I got together.
DD2 was born.
When we registered DD2's birth we amended DD1's birth certificate to put DP as the father and a new certificate was issued with DD1's surname as DP's too, legally.

So its legal to have someone as the father on the birth certificate even though you know its not true. Are you sure that's legal?

I don't know if it is or not but it's done now.

Many people have fathers named on their birth certificates that aren't biologically their father. 10% if I remember correctly?

No its definitely illegal. The fact that other people do it, doesn't make it right. Clearly you don't know what you are doing and and serious it is. since you think you had done it legally. He could actually refuse to pay anything (when he gets a job) to dd1 pending a DNA test. Just something to think about. I hope you get this sorted.

I don't see how serious it is, no. I wouldn't go after him for CSA for DD1 regardless.

This is really odd, just incredibly naive. He isn't her father; why would you state on the birth cert that he is? What was the motivating factor in perjuring yourself like that?

Here's another version from one of your earlier posts: "DH and I were seeing each other and DD1 was an unplanned pregnancy. We were together but went through some issues and he was a twat and had a one night stand resulting in DSS but we ended up getting back together, getting married and having DD2 two years later." but if this was also intended to prevent you being outed in RL it doesn't explain why you gave your location including your postcode elsewhere.

I can only hope that your tale of amending your dd1's birth certificate is another example of your wishful thinking in respect of your relationship with an abusive knobber because, if true, you have committed an offence by giving false information to a Registrar.

DP wanted to be her father. I wasn't keen on the length of adopting her officially. I enquired with someone at the register office before registering DD2 and she said that if he's present it could be done there and then. It was simple, cheap, quick and the best decision I have made. DD loves him, he loves

I'm not naive. I knew I could get into trouble, knew that DP could request a DNA test at any point but it doesn't matter. So what if he does? They won't prosecute me for lying about a child's father.

Its fraud. You can be prosecuted. You have knowingly lied on a legal document. Did you not see the signs at the registry office. The csa may enquire why you not claiming for both dcs. I can't make you see lying on a legal document is serious. But imo (and the laws opinion) its wrong, and then can be consequences. I hope you sort things soon with your dp. Whether that's getting back together or not I am unsure. But best of luck.

I give many locations for myself. I'm sometimes in Newport, Cardiff, Caerphilly etc. The people who would know me here would just get confused.

I'm in a very real situation here and all you're doing is digging up information that isn't relevant. I've already told you I lied about that but you just go digging for more. It's not your business, not your life and mistake or not, it's done. I xame looking for advice on the situation in my OP but clearly this must be cross referenced with everything I have ever said or done on MN before it can be achieved.

Stick to the topic in the OP or don't bother.