DP just walked out on us.

[revolutionconfirmed]

DP walked out on us about an hour ago. We've been together 3 years. He took on my eldest DD who's 4 next month and we have a 17 month old DD together. We've had our ups and downs but were mainly happy and I'm 100% sure there is nobody else as he has no phone, rarely uses the internet and since he doesn't work only goes out one day from 8am to 4pm for his part time college course. I'm unemployed with bi polar and fibromyalgia and while have issues am trying to even them out with medication.

The row started today over money. We're on a tight budget being unemployed and our last £20 was supposed to be spent on emergencies only. He went out and bought crisps, pasties, doughnuts and crap equating to £10. I tried to explain that we didn't need it but he said it was for us. He knows I'm on a diet and a strict budget but it didn't matter to him. He stormed into the other room and ignored me. I tried to explain again and he said he didn't want to deal with my pain or issues anymore and I can fuck off. That's when he pushed me out of the way and sodded off. When he earns the money that keeps us, him amd his son on the weekends je can choose how it's spent.

He holds it over my head that I don't love his son. I accept him, treat him as my own but I don't love him and DP can't understand why if he took on my daughter and adopted her etc. I can't explain it but I can't help how I feel. If DP wanted him here full time I'd have him.in an.instant. He's unrealistic too. He doesn't work and hasn't properly in two years due to one day of college a week. After the nextyear of his electrical course he wants to go to university fir three years full time. He doesn't seem to care that he has three children to support. He's t6 years old so not a boy!

I don't know if he'll come back. The children are distraught with the shouting, I took £10 out of my savings to buy cigarettes which ruined 13 days of quitting and I don't know what to do. I'm really just trying to get advice and make it to the children's bed time without breaking down.

If lying on a birth certificate is so insignificant (therefore for certificate itself) why was it important to change it. Why pretend dd was his, do you not think it will come as a bit of a shock when she finds out and the realises her birth certificate is a lie. Not really sure what's going on with you tbh, there seems to be alot of conflicting information. Also people HAVE been prosecuted.

When you 'enquired with someone at the register office' I very much doubt that you told the someone that your dp was not the father of your dd1 and, in order to get the answer you claim to have received, I suspect that you implied that the father of your dd2 was also the father of your dd1.

Should the true facts emerge, don't be so sure that you won't be prosecuted.

The rights and wrongs of it are neither here nor there. They are subjective. The legalities of the situation seem not to be in my davour but if it's that much of a problem, I won't claim through the CSA. There is nothing that can be done about it now.

What was the sentence for lying about someone's father on a child's birth certificate?

Oh dear.

There is no longer any conflicting information and there wouldn't have been if the internet police hadn't stepped in.

The OP is true. DP is not DD1's biological father. He left. We are trying to make it through. I am finding it difficult and asked for advice. The end.

I think you need to take something from this. That decisions are best being thought about. Just for future, if you are going to post conflicting information about yourself, it will get picked up. For all we know this may not be the real situation. I think you changing your circumstances is very relevant. No one can tell what the truth is or isn't.

As for how my DD will feel, that is up to her. Hopefully she will feel like she's had a father who loves her and who she classes as her father and if she wanted to know her biological father we would both do everything to help her.

Usually a fine. I can't see them sending a mother go prison.

Nobody can tell what the truth is or isn't from anyone because it's an anonymous online website where rarely people know each other in real life. You take the things people say as truth. I posted conflicting information as to the paternity of my daughter not that I was rich then begging for handouts or a solicitor then a doctor and handing out advice.

Last comment then I am off, you can't predict how she will react. I hope its positive. The conflicting information is over as in reality I have no idea what's true, you 'could' be making this up as you don't want to admit that he had a onenight stand while you were pg and it bothered you.

Hell, I'd take the fine for it. Knowing that my daughter is legally his and that he has parental responsibility is enough for me.

I could ne. Either way it doesn't really relate much to the OP, does it? We're still living apart and I'm still trying to cope.

I do wish the best. Clearly you have lots going and some issues to deal with. But she is not legally his, because your actions were illegal. Promise last comment. Definitely :)

Legal until proven otherwise.

I hope in time you come to see you would be better off without him at all - but at least for now you know where you are with regards to money etc.

I've read the whole thread and I'm all

So are you together or not op?

On the one hand you said you're not and you won't be; but within two breaths of that, you were saying that you will try to get the physical aspect of your relationship back when other stuff is straightened out.

Or is just me??

We are together.

When he came around he told me he didn't want to be with me and he didn't see any hope for the future. Later on when I posted again we had spoken aboit it snd decided that while it's not the best idea to live together right now due to our financial situation and arguments we would stay together but wouldn't become physical and he wouldn't move back in until things had time to settle and he could find a job. He is seeing the children 4-5 times a week for an hour or two but isn't staying the night or staying here for prolonged periods of time which is why I'm finding it difficult doing everything alone (I'm not used to it), being alone, sleeping alone etc.

I'm sorry you are having a hard time OP (both here and in RL).
Its early days,and you are bound to feel off balance.

Sometimes a break can help give you a proper perspective, and an impetus to change things for the better.

"izzyizin Sat 19-May-12 17:36:52
This isn't the first time he's pushed/shoved you and gone home to his dm, is it?

revolutionconfirmed Sat 19-May-12 18:36:27
No it isn't the first time."

Rev I don't know any of your past threads, barring your recent one on giving up smoking (which you were doing so well with). Under what circumstances did he take the huff go home to his mother? How often, and for how long? Under what circumstances. Honestly, I am not asking for nosiness sake, but the fact that he has done this before seems important to me.

Sorry, that should read

Rev I don't know any of your past threads, barring your recent one on giving up smoking (which you were doing so well with). Under what circumstances did he take the huff go home to his mother? How often, and for how long? Under what circumstances did he return - his idea, your pleading, mutual decision? Honestly, I am not asking for nosiness sake, but the fact that he has done this before seems important to me.

Just to cool off after an argument. Probably happened once every three months where he'd go off for a few hours and come back and twive he's spent the night at his mum's. He's not been gone more than about 18 hours before. He's hot headed when stressed so instead of risking putting his hands on me again (it has happened twice but no punching etc) he walks out and calms down before returning. It's always a mutual decision but he comes back, apologises, goes back to not drinking (it's usually after four or five pints) and we go over anger management techniques, feelings on the situation etc calmly.

He is no angel but neither am I. I do antagonise hin and I used to consciously do it to prove a point but I've since made an effort to stop.

I understand that you may have changed certain details to protect your rl identity but I'm sure you can appreciate that, given the conflicting information that you've put out, it's difficult for anyone to advise you appropriately.

The source of your angst has variously been described as your dp, your fiance, and your dh. You've said you left your abusive exh for him and at one point mentioned that you needed to get a divorce - which prompted some query as to whether you wanted to divorce your exh or the man you were claiming as your current dh.

You've said you've financially supported him for the past 3 years (effectively since you met him), and you've also said he's worked 38 hr weeks and plays drums in a band - the latter being a source of tension when he told you he intended to give up his one day a week electrical course in order to try and make it as a pro.

I seem to recall you've also said that you live together but he doesn't stay overnight in your home because it would adversely affect your benefits. If that's the case, seeing him every day now you're having time apart to work on your individual issues wouldn't seem to be any great departure from what has been the norm.

You say he hasn't punched you but on a previous occasion - in your own words - "he hurled abuse, slammed doors, tried to push me down the stairs, elbowed me in the ribs, shoved me, told me it was over and left with his stuff"

This led to your dd1 waking up and saying "Why are you crying, Mummy? Has Daddy hit you again?" which would seem to indicate that him being violent towards you is something she'd witnessed before. On that particular occasion you were advised to contact Women's Aid.

After this last tempestuous bust up, you've said that 'The children are distraught with the shouting'.

This time for the sake of your dds, I again suggest that you ask your GP for a referral for assessment for pyschotherapy to enable you to break your destructive pattern of entering into relationships with men who have no respect for you, and who certainly don't love you in the way that you deserve to be loved.

Sadly you still appear to be intent on playing 'happy families' with this self-absorbed manchild and, if you are so far removed from reality as to believe that falsifying your dd1's birth certificate is of no consequence, I have little confidence that you will see that remaining in this violent and abusive relationship is not conducive to the welfare and wellbeing of both of your dds.

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