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Should I forgive him?

116 replies

abc123d · 16/05/2012 11:41

Ok, here is the story. Two weeks ago on Saturday I was waiting with my children for DH to wake up and go with us to the supermarket to buy food. I woke up early and was already feeling quite sleepy. I wanted to go to the shop during the day and not in the evening because of my studies which I had to do in the evenings. My DH knows that I cannot study during the night. He goes to bed very late but then he can sleep for 12 hours and with me it is just 6-7 hours and I have to wake up. He works and often has to go to bed around 1am but then he does not start his work at 9am. He always has long weekends even when the kids were babies. He would never say to me: you stay in bed and I go and take care of the kids. So when he had his breakfast at around 2pm I asked pmhim when we could go to the shop. He said that we would go later after 5pm. I told him that we needed to go to the shop earlier because of my studies. Anyway, he was watching TV, then went to check news on the Internet. Then to the loo and then he took a shower. I was not in a best mood because of predmenstrual tensions. Nevertheless I was not shouting at him, no nagging. At last after 4pm we decided to drive to the shops. In the car he switched one of the songs he liked a bit too loud. I turned it a bit down. He turned it back and burked at me. I told him that I was tired that evertime it had to be his way. It is true, everytime it has to be his way. He was very angry with me. So he told me that he was going to one shop on his own and that I had to go to the supermarket with children to do the shopping. We went to the supermarket and did the shopping. As we were going to pay for the food my DH came over and started to add some food simply throwing it to the rest of the food. The shop assistant noticed it. I told me DH to behave properly (the shop assistant did not hear it). Then he was gone. I was waiting for him to come and help us. As I was going to pay for the food I had noticed that he was sitting on a bench in 10 meters from us. I felt disgusted. He led us to the car and was sitting there while I was unloading the food. At home I also unloaded the food. I told him that his behaviour was unreasonable, mean and disgusting. We talk now but I do not feel like having sex with him or even having a cuddle. A few nights ago he wanted me to cuddle him (to come closer to him) and I said "no". He asked why and I just said: "what do you mean, why". I feel really hurt by his actions as this shows his respect to me. He did not say "sorry". I do not know what to do. The other day when he tried to give me kind of hug I did not respond to it. He asked why I was still holding it against him. ANother thing that he told me that nothing wrong had happened when we were shopping alone because many mums do it. But this not about shopping alone it is about his actions and that he was sitting and waiting for me. I should have just left his part of the food and did not pay for it. He would have done it, I know. Sorry for such a long story.

OP posts:
ItsAPublicForumWhine · 16/05/2012 11:43

Why not leave the bastard and go shopping on your own from now on?

I wouldn't be buying the fucker any food or preparing it after that performance, put it that way!

AmnesiaCustard · 16/05/2012 11:46

Online shopping. Job done.

Shakey1500 · 16/05/2012 11:46

He sounds about 14. And controlling. Personally, I'd be spelling it out to him, putting the ball in his court to stop acting like a sulky teenager, start doing things for the family, then ending the relationship if there was little improvement.

OldGreyWiffleTest · 16/05/2012 11:46

Need paragraphs, need paragraphs. Would love to comment but can't read that!

CallMeAl · 16/05/2012 11:47

can you repost with paragraphs? You'll get more responses. But you might be better putting it in relationships since it doesn't appear to be an aibu.

ScarletLadyOfTheNight01 · 16/05/2012 11:47

He sounds like a child...and a narky one at that.

LowFlyingBirds · 16/05/2012 11:48

I am honestly not a 'leave the bastard' type poster, but really why would you want to spend your life with such a lazt, selfish, spoilt man?
Unless he has undergone some kind of temporary personality transp,ant then, this is him, this is your life together. All you can decide is whether you want that life.
I bloody well wouldnt.

sixlostmonkeys · 16/05/2012 11:48

You need to give yourself a big shake and lead a life where you are not hanging around waiting for him and noting every move he makes, - time in bed, out of bed, Tv watched , web site looked at. Get involved more in your own life, go to the shops when you want to.
Being married doen;'t mean you need to rely on another person for every breath you take. Make your life good and if he is a pain in the arse leave the bastard.

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 16/05/2012 11:49

I would shop online in future.

Teeb · 16/05/2012 11:52

Does food shopping take two people? I've never really considered it a family activity.

ThereGoesTheYear · 16/05/2012 11:53

YANBU.

He's sulky
He's lazy
He punishes you by sitting nearby watching you struggle to do something, and doesn't offer to help
He's passive-aggressive (sitting around making you wait to go shopping)

I can't see how any good points would outweigh those.

ScarletLadyOfTheNight01 · 16/05/2012 11:53

Teeb, it takes two people in this house...but only because we don't have a car and can carry more that way!

Ithinkitsjustme · 16/05/2012 11:53

I honestly can't see why anyone would want to go shopping with their husband. Why didn't you leave him with the kids so he could get on with whatever was so important and go shopping (sneak a quick coffee with a friend) in peace? I'd explain why you feel the way you do and then spell out that this is how it's going to be from now on (and then kiss and make up)

Shakey1500 · 16/05/2012 11:54

It doesn't need two people Teeb but the fact he was sat on the bench, not helping, having a strop isn't very family orientated is it?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 16/05/2012 11:54

What a load of fuss about shopping! I never take DH shopping, it's much quicker on my own.

You both sound a bit childish to be honest and he sounds like a lazy arse! Tell him to get his carcass out of bed at a decent time!

Kayano · 16/05/2012 11:55

I don't know

He wanted to go after 5pm... You wanted to go earlier. You all went earlier so you got your way

He had the music on. You kept turning t down... Of course he will respond to your passive aggressive volume changing by doing exactly the same thing as you.

He was putting food on the conveyer belt (although in a bad mood) and you told him to behave properly in the shop! It's itrevelvant if the shopkeeper heard or not. If my DH told me to behave properly when I was upset I would go vatshit crazy.

Sounds like you're just as bad and immature as each other.

You wouldn't even sit next to him for a hug. He probably feels shit.

Yes you should forgive him because you sound just as bad. It's not his fault e can sleep longer. Get him up if you need to

ThereGoesTheYear · 16/05/2012 11:55

This isn't a problem that can be solved by tesco online delivery.

I'm assuming you need him to drive you to the shops? And he's using that power over you to feel big?

On top of that you have children and he doesn't pull his weight.

ItsAPublicForumWhine · 16/05/2012 11:55

Erm....why should OP have to do the shopping?

Why can't the husband?!

MissFaversham · 16/05/2012 11:57

OP, you need to stop putting up with this sort of behaviour NOW. He's doing it because he can. Tell him in no uncertain terms that there are enough children in the house and he needs to grow the "F" up.

Stop waiting around for him. In fact stop doing everything for him until he realises you mean business.

If you don't have a car, shop on-line.

eurochick · 16/05/2012 11:57

You don't seem to like each other very much,. Why are you together?

squeakytoy · 16/05/2012 11:57

I am wondering if english is not your first language, as it is a bit difficult to read through your post in places.

Is there any reason why you did not go shopping on your own? Left the kids at home with him? Or just got him to drop you off at the supermarket then pick you up when you were ready to go home?

GoPoldark · 16/05/2012 11:58

Tell him to go shopping on his own next time. And maybe cook it, too.

ItsAPublicForumWhine · 16/05/2012 11:59

WHY should the OP do the bloody shopping?! FFS. He EATS doesn't he? Then he should be bloody involved, not pandered to because he doesn't want to go.

AllYoursBabooshka · 16/05/2012 12:00

I don't think it's the shopping that's the problem, It's your husbands attitude to life.

You need to put your foot down and tell him that things will be changing in future.

Make a list of things that you feel are unfair and what will be happening in the future to change them.

Kayano · 16/05/2012 12:02

He did want to go... Just after 5pm

They actually went before 5pm Hmm I don't see the fuss he dd what the op wanted when she actually asked instead of just sitting waiting around and getting annoyed.