The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Are Going To Need A Bigger Bus!

[Mouseface]

Which is FANTASTIC!

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, I'm Mouse and I'm addicted to cheese, but have a pretty nasty relationship with alcohol too, mainly vodka.

This Bus is for anyone and everyone. Drinking or sober, or somewhere in between or just not sure if you're drinking too much........... this is the place to ask and maybe have a chat too.

No pressure, no judging, no cliquey savoury flans (although I'm rather partial to a cheese slice ), we're all on The Bus for the same reason; alcohol.

Even if it's not you, and you'd like to talk about someone you know, come and say hi. We won't bite, well, not unless you ask very nicely!

And, if you'd like to see our journey so far, follow THIS LINK and read back through the previous links there.

See you soon xx

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Saf - Congratulations on 5 weeks!!! That is awesome. I hope MsGee is following your lead.

I totally got what you said about i read what people are writing and i just heard so much alcoholic thinking and it felt like if i were to point it out i'd be seen as rude or mean or a zealot or something because i don't drink now.

I was wondering if you felt like you we'rent one of 'us' (I didn't meant that but can't think of the correct phase to use) now that you aren't drinking? Or if you felt different when you read the posts now, through sober eyes? Do you see things in the posts that you didn't see before? Is that what you meant by 'alcoholic thinking?'

What you said about the children thing - what did you mean? As in putting drinking first over children? Sorry, it's a great post from you and I just want to understand it all.

That was my light-bulb moment. Knowing that I couldn't give Nemo my all if I were binging on alcohol. I shouldn't of even picked him up when drunk which is why DH intervened. Thank Jeff.

It's great to see you back Saf - and apart from the odd night where I've had the odd glass of fizz with DH, or a bottle of Magners, or used alcohol to increase the affect of my pain meds, I've virtually stopped drinking now. It must be coming up to 2 months, maybe more?

When I think back to how I was, how I drank, it embarrasses me, I am ashamed of that part of my life. And, if I feel like that, how does DD feel? Thankfully, she is still in my life and I have an awful lot to be grateful for.

Bambi I think it's more common than a lot of women realise but most men soon realise that some women may be more 'relaxed' after a drink or two.

One of the problems can be that if girls are raised to be 'good' or 'nice' and encouraged not to engage in sexual activity, they can learn to supress those feelings. After a while, it becomes quite natual to supress them and it's only when the alcohol overcomes those inhibitions that they are able to express those feelings. A good therapist can help with this.

I agree with Venus that this might be something you could consider doing for yourself, not for anyone else, to help you feel more comfortable with who you are because a low libido does not mean that there is anything 'wrong'.

Big fan of vanity here but no idea what eyebow threading is, going to have to google that one! Just taking a little extra care of yourself is so rewarding. I've had lots of compliments on my weight loss, my glossy hair, clear skin, etc. A girl can get used to some that

Mia have a (((hug))), I've been there with my teenagers a few times. I can recommend the following. State what you want, state the consequences of not doing it, do not engage, walk into a different room or the garden, take a few minutes, deep breaths, then come back and resume (or impliment the consequence). I tell my children that I won't listen if they shout and my word is final as I'm the boss responsible for raising them x

Saf great to see you back, 5 weeks is fab, it sounds like things have just 'clicked' for you. It's much clearer to navigate once that fog lifts isn't it. JWN often pops in a post like you did, just to say come on you lot, what are you waiting for, come over to the non-drinking side, it's great!!

It reminds me of me at the top of a drop slide. They scare me to death. Everyone shouts and encourages me, jump, jump, jump . . . but I always end up coming down the baby slide . Some of us aren't ready for the big one yet x

very quick post as i'm back on phone-spoke too soon as laptop caput again.

Bit of a tough day today facing some stuff i'd been diluting with booze. In other news i'm painting the hall for some reading

stay on the bus everyone, the sidecar sucks

I'm going out to a friend's tonight and normally, there would be wine-a-plenty flowing freely. Not tonight, the three of us have said, independently, that we don't want to drink. So it might be a nice early night, hobble home in time for CSI.

My pain levels are through the roof again today. I took Nemo to Praise and Play at our church, some of his pre-school friends go too. A nice little small group with songs, toys, activities, and stories. It's lovely.

I have also decided to take him out of pre-school on a Wednesday. The setting is far too noisy for him. He isn't enjoying it, can't communicate and can hardly get to play with the things he wants, because of the amount of children there.

It will get quieter after September, so maybe we'll look at it again but for now, we're just doing the Friday group. It's all free play with no structure and they go from that - into school. Bit of a shock for them really.

I have also discussed his feeding with his nurse and nutricianist today. We're going to try and 'wean' him again.

Fingers crossed that everything works for him, he's so hungry. It's difficult to explain to him that he needs to eat. Albeit puree and liquids for now, but still. A rough night was had due to hunger.

Right, I need to get my furry bottom into gear.

Saf - thank you if you answer, I'll be back tomorrow. You're painting the hall because you can.

I hope you are all okay, and that those who are seeking help and support, get it sooner rather than later.

Lots of love,

Mouse xx

PS - Saf - sorry you had a tough day. Better faced sober? I hope so. xx

soma damn right i do
managed a 40 minute run tonight - am well chuffed. My body is starting to reappear from the flubber...

Ma. Am so jealous that you can run that distance. Am reasonably fit but just can't run without my lungs threatening to bleed! Did you follow a schedule or JFDI ?!

Must be very cathartic blowing your cares away on a scenic run.

it is very very slow "running" tbh - more like jogging/waddling
I followed the Couch to 5K programme, the NHS one, to build up to about 25/30 mins and then sometimes just went out with my ipod and some funky music. It was very very hard in the beginning and I still have to force myself but now that I am beginning to see the benefits a bit, its getting better.

Well, good on you for getting this far. Will have a look at the schedule and see if it will work on my lazy arse!

I'm considering doing C25K but am afraid I'll die in the process. Well done ma

Am off to bed lovely Babes, see you in the morning. Sleep well xx

ma i think i would die if i ran for 40 minutes!

Going to keep busy tomorrow AND make myself eat. Was definitely the H of HALT that was head triggering today.

Well done to everyone who didn't drink today and may the force be with us all tomorrow.

Soma- glad your referral came through-crossing everything in hope you'll find them helpful x

Thinking that this is the bus I need tomorrow morning, have been thinking this for a while. :(

Ma, running? That's seriously impressive, I've never had the confidence to run because my brothers used to mercilessly take the piss when I was a kid because I had knock-knees. And now my bangers are just mahoosive and no sports bra on earth would hold them down. Actually it's just an excuse, I'm too unfit and just try to walk really fast to work every day. Twenty minutes each way so must be doing me some good.

Mia hope little miss smarty pants has calmed down a bit and gone to bed. They all do it and Faire's advice is sound. Because DD sleeps in the loft-room she either shouts at the top of her voice or calls me on her mobile when she requires my services .

Hope you enjoyed your evening Mouse. Not a drop has passed my lips tonight so am going to bed sober for once. It feels good. Nite nite everyone xx

Hello Casawasa and welcome to the bus.

I am similarly in awe of you ma but I think my new hobby of vanity sounds easier.

Mouse I am sorry about pain levels. Does nothing apart from morphine work?

Day 18. I can't wait to the point where I am counting in weeks. That will start on Friday.

Hello Babes, havn't caught up yet but I will

It's taken me this long and a few glasses of wine to have the balls to come back and talk about why I feel like I need to change.

I am a binge drinker. No two ways about it.

My life revolves around the social side of drinking. I go out maybe twice a week at a push but I itch for those days I go out. Everytime I get in and I've over done it I swear I will behave myself next time but it never happens. I have had myself in some shocking situations this past 6 months when it has got really out of hand.. some I cannot even bring myself to remember, let alone talk about

I have zero confidence when I dont drink, I cant see how anyone would want to talk to me when sober.. (small violin I know..)

I have M.E, which limits my social life, 50% of the time I can barely make it out of bed so I kind of feel like I have to make the most of it when I do feel up to going out so I over do it.. (no excuse but thats the way my brain seems to be wired) I have no stop button which is my main problem.

My illness limits my life enough without having hangovers.. I get laid up for 2 days after doing a food shop so you can imagine what a night out does to me! But all I seem to be able to think about is my next night out... (bad mother alert!!)

I just dont know what to do.. every week I swear I won't do this again but give it three days and I'll need to talk to a grown up that isn't my (super) gran (who looks after my bubbas) and itch to go out again... and I know I'll over do it :(

What the fuck is wrong with me?!

Sorry for the essay and any typos.. not used to typing this much on my laptop.

Soma yes little miss smarty pants is indeed in bed, finally! Similar issue here with the loft room - I'm contemplating putting a bell up there with a string that comes all the way down to the ground floor so that I can ring it and summon her when it's time to feed her/force her to do some learning.

Faire thanks for the advice. That's what I try to do, with varying degrees of success. It's the answering back that floors me; I just get crosser and crosser when she has to have the last word. I need to ignore ignore ignore and not rise to it - I just can't imagine where she gets this need to have the last word from...

Sober night here watching a very sober incredibly fucking depressing film called Gomorra, about the Camorra - the 'mafia' of Campania in southern Italy. Unless you want to be reminded of the brutality of human nature, I really wouldn't recommend it. I've been planning a trip to Naples for next year but I can't say this whetted my appetite.

Hopefully this "Don't talk to me about sex - I have no recollection of it. The only proof I have of ever having engaged in such pursuits is the fact I have two children" made me

ma seriously impressed with your running. I shall never a runner be, much as I would love to see my body reappearing from the flubber!

Chasing you didn't miss anything. I was boring everyone senseless enthralling the bored babes with tales of my pond a few pages ago and linked to photos on my blog.

Mouse are there still physical reasons why Nemo can't eat solids, or is it his oral aversion stemming from the past structural issues? Enjoying licking and tasting things is a great first step, isn't it, but what a shame for him to feel hungry.

Well that's me for the off. Does anyone know how MsGee is doing, by the way? She hasn't been on for a while.

Night Babes x

well done on 18 days hr and on a clear day one soma great to ready.

Casa and gruffy welcome aboard. Will say hi properly tomorrow but now must sleep.

Night babes

Hi everyone,

I have tried to catch up on the thread since Saturday - I have got upto page 3 so far! Things are mad busy here we are house hunting at the moment and I have a job interview tomorrow!

Non Astemia I looked at your website with interest DD is doing a minbeast topic at school this term she is coming home and writing reams about snails and habitats and stuff _ will maybe have a look at your photos with her tonight. She is going on a field trip to the countryside centre tomorrow and is very excited!

Sarah RT - mither is a Yorkshire word - well I am not quite in Yorkshire sort of disputed territory where I live really! Hope you are recovering after your surgery must have been a worrying time for you. Hope you are OK.

And to anyone who mentioned Keats well I love Keats my favourite is "Belle dame sans merci" I did read a biography of him as well on a long holiday to Greece some years ago - that would be before I had kids! But one day I would like to get back to Keats and Greece of course!

Drinking wise I am not doing too bad but not perfect I have succumbed in one night out of five since I posted last Friday. That was vodka. I probably drink that now in preference to wine as it give a faster "hit" However I will keep posting and reading and I am sure that with your help I can do better. Let's hope so.

Well I have my ds at my side who has just wiped a snotty nose over me and is wanting attention so I'd better go and any minute now DH will be back and peering over my shoulder asking what I am doing honestly there is not a minute's peace here!

Hope you all have good days

Chopin x

well done chopin!

Morning all we have sunshine!!!! Hope you all do too. Have worn the dog out in the fields and am soon off laptop shopping.

Back on form. Book closed on my funny turn.

Thank you Saf. A very mini tentatively hopeful boing from me this morning. To not feel depressed with imminent hangover ahead is a delight. Really looking forward to Friday and seeing the Crime Reduction Initiative people I do have a caution actually, do you think I should tell them? I got hysterical one night shortly after ex-H left when I was in a state of drunken despair because he'd taken DD to stay the night at his new gf's. I went round and they called the rozzers and things sort of escalated and I spent the night in a cell. But the nice lady constable said next morning, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and I suppose she was right.

Chopin good luck with the interview and house-hunting. You're doing really well, 1 day in 5 is surely an improvement. Or did you drink the whole bottle :) Mia love the idea of a bell - I'm so fed up with shouting *tea's ready" at least three times and then she comes down and tells me crossly she heard me the first time but obviously didn't deign to answer! Your girl is lovely, full of life and so friendly, just needs a bit of gentle reining in guidance like they all do.

Welcome back Gruffy, there's nothing wrong with you, it seems to me that you see going out and getting wasted as a kind of release. I find it hard to socialise without drinking (same reason, a bit shy) but I've found that if I'm with people who share my interests and we can talk about things other than the everyday, my need to drink is greatly reduced. I sing in a choir and belong to a book group and I really enjoyed talking to Mia about weeds! Do you have any passions/interests that you could share with some like-minded souls? Or come and talk to us as much as you like about anything and everything!

Well, must knuckle down to some work, nearly got run into three times by kids from the local primary haring along the pavement like nutters on those really annoying scooters. Not their fault of course, it's the parents...
TTFN xx

Hello Everyone

Im a long time lurker of mumsnet and now having my first time read of a brave babes thread..
i have an issue with booze, i cannot remember a time where i willingly did not pour a drink on a night time.. except when forced to abstain through work.
Every single day for a lot of years.. recently it has become apparent that im not the cool chick having a laugh, im the drunken mid thirties lady with tendancies to become an arsehole.
Last weekend i behaved badly, i upset family and i have to face facts that i cant tolerate booze in the way that i guzzle it down.. especially wine..

I am happy, i have a perfect loving patient partner who loves me and i adore our life together, he knows i have a problem and has gently told me the truth (which i am completely aware of) again after this weekend..

Its like i have been finally caught out, i have been pushing it for too long now and i need to knock it on the head, whether i can succeed in controlled drinking has yet to be tested, i feel bereft, i cried last night for reasons i cant explain, is it because i miss that wee friend at the bottom of a bottle or can?

I am going to another family celebration this weekend, my behaviour will be watched as will my consumption, i know i will be carefull and not let anyone down because the shame is terrible to live with and even more mortifying because it is self induced.

I would very much like to become someone who can say 'thats it i have had enough' and then able to remember everything that happened on that evening/afternoon/occasion.....

Hi nibbled. I'm new on this thread too and desperately needing to do something about my drinking which has got way out of control. Drinking gin and tonic out of a mug when doing homework with ds at 4 in the afternoon can't be good.

How are you going to tackle cutting down?

Morning Babes.

Hello Nibbled and casawasa*
I am crap at giving advice, only on my 16th day sober here. I can't do the "cutting down" thing because I know how easy it is for my consumption to creep back up, and it just isn't worth it (for me). The other, more articulate Babes will be along soon to offer good advice.

Quick brain dump from me here because I am feeling crap. When will my Boing appear? I feel very deflated and unmotivated. Almost feels like drinking had added some structure to my day (I realise how fucked up that sounds) but now that the euphoria of managing to not drink has worn off I relise I am in a "danger" time. DH still not noticed that I haven't had a drink (but then he never said anything about my drinking even when he found a stash of bottles until I brought it up). I am sleeping 8 hours a night, but waking up feeling heavy and lethargic. Is it still my body adjusting? My skin had broken out and I feel crap about myself. The only plus thing is that I have lost 2lbs this week and look only 8 months pregnant rather than the 9months pregnant I was resembling. (No I'm not pregnant just a massive wine belly .
I keep rereading the list up thread about the effects of alcohol and I am feeling no desire to have a drink. Think that is what is confusing, despite how much I was drinking I have found it relatively easy to not have any, but I expected to be feeling better, brighter and more positive by now. Ho hum.
Sorry, what a self indulgent post.

Soma Well done on not having a drink last night Good on you! Will you try not to have one today aswell?

xx

Honest it really is quite normal. The pink cloud of Euphoria leaves some people feeling very melancholy and flat, or emotions are all over the place, anxious, tearful, a bit lost. There is no size fits all with this AF marlarky, but you just have to be gentle with yourself. Lots of women I know say they feel as if they have relied so long on the booze for the feel good factor, that they have really forgotten how to feel good without it. It's a massive lifestyle change, and it doesn't last forever, you will start to adjust, just don't expect too much too soon, and be proud of yourself daily for being strong. Talking to other people about how you feel is always good, and if you can't do it in RL here is as good a place as any other!

Well done Soma, remember you have to be 24 hours at least AF before they will let you take Antabuse, so rooting for you today.

Nibbled, Casawasa welcome. It's a bit like grief Nibbled, again a really normal reaction. I am very long term sober, but I still remember the sadness at kissing the bottle goodbye!

Great stuff Chopin, thank you I am top form, never let much get me down these days, as Soma says, what doesn't kill you and all that.

My stop here, so all the best to everyone, whoops nearly forgot, Mia I managed to take a peek at your blog, just beautiful, as are you. x

Hello Nibbled and Casawasa and chopin

Mouse will be along soon and she is brilliant at keeping us all going. I'm a relative newbie to the threads as well. From what I have worked out, there seem to be two approaches on this bus. The 'cutting it down' approach and the 'cutting it out' approach. I tried the cutting it down approach and it didn't work for me. In fact my drinking got worse. There are others for whom cutting it down seems to be working though, and this bus is a broad old bus and can accommodate many schools of thought. And biscuits.

Hope you have a lovely day!