The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Are Going To Need A Bigger Bus!

[Mouseface]

Which is FANTASTIC!

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, I'm Mouse and I'm addicted to cheese, but have a pretty nasty relationship with alcohol too, mainly vodka.

This Bus is for anyone and everyone. Drinking or sober, or somewhere in between or just not sure if you're drinking too much........... this is the place to ask and maybe have a chat too.

No pressure, no judging, no cliquey savoury flans (although I'm rather partial to a cheese slice ), we're all on The Bus for the same reason; alcohol.

Even if it's not you, and you'd like to talk about someone you know, come and say hi. We won't bite, well, not unless you ask very nicely!

And, if you'd like to see our journey so far, follow THIS LINK and read back through the previous links there.

See you soon xx

I don't want to be like them, I want sanity and an ability to enjoy life as it is. I don't want people to wonder why I'm on such a high and then the next day I don't want to engage with anyone.

You need to print this out and put it on the fridge, cupboard where the booze is etc.

You need to LIVE BY THIS. For DD as much as for yourself. If you knew what DD thought of you when you were drunk, do you think you'd drink? That was something that DD never and I mean never lets me forget.

The time when 'mum got drunk and lost her shoe when she fell into the road.'

She will ALWAYS remember that and each time she recounts it, she reminds me why I shouldn't drink. Or if I do, I give that control to someone else.

What I mean by that is when I do drink, I share a bottle of fizz/wine with DH. I HATE wine now so it's normally only a couple of glasses of fizz or a bottle of Magners, which will last all night as I have it over loads of ice.

I can't stomach wine. My ILs were here last week and my MIL asked if I wanted a glass of white. Very nice white at that. I was retching just at the smell of it. Same with beer, even Becks Blue that I used to love.

I hope that you NEVER DRINK on the Antabuse. I think if you did, (for example only) and something happened, like you died (Jeff forbid), what would DD think of you? I know that's a horrible thing to post but that's the reality isn't it?

For me too. Who would care for Nemo? DD? DH? I was being very selfish when I binged. I risked losing it all, as so many have or have come close to.

I really do hope you can kick this shit into touch and come out the other side smiling.

One. Day. At. A. Time.

And, do you know what? We'll all be here with you, every step of the way. xx

Antabuse (disulphuram) works by stopping the alcohol - acetaldehyde - acetic acid chain of metabolism by inhibiting the enzymes that convert acetaldehyde to acetic acid. Acetic acid is harmless, but acetaldehyde is highly toxic (causing all the unpleasant and dangerous side effects above). It's a similar drug to metronidazole (leading to the common misconception that you can't drink while on antibiotics - not true unless you are on metronidazole!)

Pharmacology lecture over

Hopefully and SadSoma - thanks for replying to my comments before. Sadly I don't think a bottle or more of wine a night, every night, is OK, even if I am coping with it OK. When I'm honest with myself I know I risk long term health problems, but I am an expert at ignoring that fact and focusing on the fact that I basically do OK.

Since having kids I haven't embarrassed myself publicly or done anything terrible. I often feel a bit crap in the mornings, but I get through it, I look after my kids, I do my job and live my life. Maybe there should be more to life though, and I think that alcohol is what prevents me from experiencing life in technicolour. All I am doing is coping. Getting through til the hangover lifts and I can open another bottle.

Soma - I do hope you get the antabuse as you seem so sure it is the answer to your problem. I'm a fairly happy drunk too. I wonder how we can learn to experience euphoria without alcohol.

hey mouse
DD2 has promised to record herself singing tomorrow for you, seeing as you said such a lovely thing about her! It won't be as clear as the last tracks which were profesionally recorded, but you should at least be able to hear her!

Hopefully - I am so pleased that you have posted all about Antabuse. I think that we and anyone out there lurking, wondering about it, if they could sneak a drink etc. would be very grateful to know that in actual fact, just one drink would be enough to knock you onto your arse for a good 24/48 hours.

Good. I'm glad it would. I once drank on Metronidazol (sp?) WTAF?! I have NEVER vomited so much or had such bad cramps. Yuk! If Antabuse is anything like that then that's the one you need to stop you drinking.

It sounds vile. Why some would choose to put themselves through those side effects is amazing. I know that there are some very desperate drinkers out there but getting pissed and risking death voluntarily is madness.

A madness I fear some have experienced hence the list of known side effects.

Right, food and Once Upon A Time.

Night Babes, stay safe and sound.

Mouse xxxxx

Soma, I feel for you so much, I really do. I can't compare my situation with yours, but your despair just leaps out of the screen. I hope you get the help you so badly want, and soon. It does seem to me that you are hanging by a thread until you can get your deterrent. Your brain chemistry has a major glitch, that's what I would tell myself in your position - you are a lovely person whose objective side knows what madness this all is. I really hope you find the sympathetic professionals who can unscramble it all for you xx

Thank you Ma - Give her a big squidge from me. Can't wait to hear her. xx

Carrie - thanks for that, see, I tried to disprove the Metronidazole theory!

I'm really going now. xx

Hopefully that's an interesting list of side effects. The first seven are common symptoms of being drunk or hungover. I am sure lots of us can identify with them on a fairly regular basis:

Flushing
Nausea
Copious Vomiting
Sweating
Thirst
Throbbing in the Head and Neck
Throbbing Headache

The next are what any one of us could experience or are currently experiencing when we drink too much for extended periods. Daily, for months on end, years even. We are all running the risk of:

Respiratory Difficulty
Chest Pain
Palpitations
Dyspnea
Hyperventilation
Tachycardia
Hypotension
Syncope
Marked Uneasiness
Weakness
Vertigo
Blurred Vision
Confusion

And if we don't stop, if we just keep on and on poisoning our bodies, what can we expect to see in another five, ten, twenty years:

respiratory depression, cardiovascular collapse, myocardial infarction, acute congestive heart failure, unconsciousness, arrhythmias, convulsions, and death

It's no bloody joke is it. Alcohol poisoning is serious. It does kill, we have all known someone who has suffered serious and, in some case, fatal consequences of their drinking.

Please take care of yourselves this evening babes, wherever you are, no matter how hard it seems, please tip it away or at least dilute, minimise, or somehow rehydrate with nourishing water, good food and lots of rest. Just for one day, give youself a break, let your body start to heal x

Ooooh I see we had a 'flurry' of posts there, like our own little snow shower of Brave Babes

Ma could you put the recording on YouTube so we can all hear her gorgeous voice? (Just the sound if you want her to remain anonymous).

Exactly my thought Faire WRT Similarites between Antabuse and hangovers/alcohol abuse.

No joke and seeing it in black and white makes me shudder at the thought of ever picking up another glass.

Faire good list. I'd add weight gain, anxiety and asthma symptoms for me.

Mouse I'm on duloxetine. It's done great things for my mood and anxiety, but my tinnitus is hugely amplified and I can barely hear. I came off citalopram because it wasn't working.

Take care of yourselves Babes xx

Faire you have just reflected what I was thinking, a few more could be added to the list, many cancers, early on set dementia, and of course massive liver disease. The incidence of middle aged women presenting with cirrhosis has risen 40% in the last 20 years. Hazardous drinking at it's height, and Soma I was late stage in my drinking career, and ignored all that too. Until my youngest ds asked for his Mummy to come back.

I would love to hear her too Ma, if you could do what Faire suggests. I love Keats too. A poem perhaps for this thread would be Charlie Finn's, Please Hear What I am Not Saying. It meant so much to me when I first read it.

Venus, hope all works out in the end, thinking of you.

There are some wise and sad posts over the last few pages, sorry I can't acknowledge all, been a real mare of a day, so not really up to much boing wise, but hope everyone gets to where they need to be one way or another. x

I think that alcohol is what prevents me from experiencing life in technicolour

So true, Ferfux. And we could add in three dimensions, and in stereo.

I now realise how I was just 'coasting' ... existing, and coping, but always knowing that there was more, so much more to life than that, and wondering what or whom was going to push me to STOP IT NOW and start grabbing life by the bollocks.

I found the solution here. And I know I have found it a breeze compared to the tortured tales recounted here, I am under no illusions about that, but I know for a fact that I would have carried on indefinitely, promising myself that I would address it 'one day', if it weren't for all you lovely, wise and sympathetic sisters.

I'll try. I feel it's very much up to her to give permission to be on you tube, but I'll do my best.

I have decided to take up a new hobby - vanity - and thought I would share.

Having always been of a no make-up, if-it's-clean-and-tidy-what-else-matters? sort of disposition, this new hobby of mine is going to require a radical change of attitude. I have purchased a make-up bag and some make-up to put inside it. I have even ventured outside with some make-up on. I have also had my eyebrows threaded.

Serious vanity stuff is around the corner though, Babes. My SIL is rediscovering her inner bimbo as well, and is dragging me off for a facial consultation with some quacks beauty consultants, with potential for derma-rolling happening. After all, I am saving a good £50-£60 a week on alcohol. Why not spend it instead on having a treatment which consists of roller spiked with lots of little needles, rubbed up and down your face drawing blood?

Vanity sounds good, Hopefully. The needles cant be worse than a hangover at any rate!

I am saving for Restylane now that the little red veins which were appearing on my cheeks have all but gone. DH says my skin hasn't looked this good since I was pregnant with DS five years ago.

Mouse your posts mean the world to me. Carrie thank you for your kindness and empathy. You seem to be doing so well,

Ha Ferfux euphoria without alcohol- but was is euphoria, some people never feel it and are quite content. The human mind has so many manifestations and we're all so different. I would just like to find contentment and stop looking for the buzz. I'm a child of the 70s and anything went then, old habits die hard,,,

Lots of love to you Sarah, really understand what you're saying x Off to crash now, a night of weird dreams no doubt but I'd hate not to dream at all x

Wow busy night here on the bus this evening! Lovely to read some of the positive posts about how much better some Babes are feeling off the booze. Angel I loved your weekend summary and Faire you made me with
"Ooooh I see we had a 'flurry' of posts there, like our own little snow shower of Brave Babes grin"

Soma I'm sending you a big hug. I wish there was something I could say to make things better - I'm not feeling very articulate at all today. probably because I was drinking at the weekend You are a beautiful, warm and funny woman, full of poise and vitality. I felt instantly comfortable with you and as though I'd known you for ages. In fact I felt a connection with you from reading your posts on here - I've never invited anyone else to my home that I met on the internet!! You can beat this, I'm sure of it - just keep posting and listening to the wise advice of the Brave Babes. I'm not much help on that score because I've not done all that well with the abstaining really, but I'm here and I'm rooting for you. xx The dragonfly nymphs are still doing their creepy crawly pile in the starwort thing. I keep dashing down there hoping to see them emerging, but nothing yet. We did get a very good view of our newt, Gingrich (obviously), yesterday though, which was a bonus. He's quite shy but I think he's so stuffed with tadpoles that he was too full to swim away.

I've had a pleasant alcohol-free evening with DP, watching The Bridge. I even enjoyed the lovely risotto he cooked without a glass of wine to complement it. I was tired and washed out all day though. Hope I'm a more present mother tomorrow.

Night Babes.

Hi

came across this link www.mywayout.org/community/f22/alcohol-fixing-brain-2-a-5137.html
"
Omega-6 Essential Fatty Acid Defect
Amino acids are not the only nutrients involved in brain chemistry. In alcoholics, there is a genetic defect in handling the omega-6 fatty acid gamma-linolenic acid (GLA), which converts into prostaglandin 1 (PGE1) in the brain. Orientals lack this genetic defect and, as a result, have an incredibly low incidence of alcoholism.
Due to the genetic defect, the ability to produce PGE1 drops in the alcoholic brain. PGE1 is very much involved in mood. Alcohol helps the brain produce PGE1, by taking whatever meager supply of GLA that is present and converting it into PGE1. Over time, GLA and PGE1 drop. Because alcohol can mimic PGE1, the alcoholic drinks because his brain is asking for more PGE1, and so he succumbs to what his brain is demanding.
By supplementing your diet with GLA, you can treat the depression caused by GLA and PGE1 deficiency. If this happens to be your problem, GLA is a wonder nutrient.
"

Whats it's saying is, if the above is your problem then evening primrose oil may help with craveings. Has anybody tried this?

Mia talk about feeling an instant connection with someone - I felt the same. So glad you had a nice evening with DP - he struck me as being so warm, solid and very hunky - you're a fortunate lady :)

Mouse hope Nemo won't be coughing too much tonight and you get some sleep. I'm home alone with the cat but looking forward one day to having a wonderful hound curled up at the end of the bed.

Sleep tight, can't thank you all enough for the support you've given me tonight x

That is interesting, cgno. I do believe that my brain is wired differently and that my illness has a partial biological explanation, but for me, it is the alcohol itself that makes physical cravings start. I never desired it more than if I had had some, and at the end of my drinking I was tipping it down from the bottle whilst keeping a beady eye at the level diminishing at the same time. Not enjoying it and wanting more even as I was drinking

I am almost a month sober one day at a time and the further I get away from that last drink - the better it is physically. Psychologically I also need the right mindset - to not reward abstinence with alcohol because of the chain reaction it sets off in me.

Right - I am off to get ready for A.A - which DH has taken to calling, "Fight Club" Wishing everyone a a wonderful day with special good wishes to Soma x

That's interesting cgno. I am going to start taking it to see if it makes a difference! It can't hurt, can it?

Good morning babes!

Gosh I was a bit of a drama queen yesterday, wasn't I?! I'm having a panic attack at the idea of a lifetime of sobriety! God, somebody slap me.

Enough of the melodramatics. I won't be drinking till at least Friday. Simple.

soma sorry to hear what you're going through, it sounds as though you are relying on that drug. I hope you manage to come through okay.

Totally agree. Going to add it to my horse-tranquiliser sized vitamin b and milk thistle routine. It can only help!

Morning Babes

Faire That list of yours made for very hard reading. I have read and reread it a few times, it is very scary to think of where drinking could lead to. Though I have to be honest, if I wasn't ready to give up alcohol I think I would have skimmed over it. Denial, it is a killer eh?

Hopefully Good idea with the vanity hobby. I had my eyebrows threaded on Saturday and I am amazed at the difference. 2 weeks ago I would have preferred to spend that £4 on wine. I have been putting a little make up on every day which makes me feel good about myself and have booked a hair appointment for this Friday (no idea what to have done though).

Tristessa Well done on being a month sober! wish my skin was looking better, I am currently suffering from an outbreak of spots. I'm hoping it is all the crap coming out and I will soon emerge as a beautiful butterfly

Soma How are you doing today? Any joy with your GP? Sending a big hug, wish I could flick a switch for you so that you didn't want to drink.

Mia When MN was down for an eternity I spent ages looking at your blog. Your photos really are amazing. What a wonderful hobby to have. I need to find a hobby, I must have some talent at something, just got to find it

Well my house is a tip so I need to get on. To motivate myself I am setting my timer for 15mins then will have a cuppa and a smoke. I find it easier if I set myself small targets
Incidentally, at one point should I seriously think about giving up smoking? I know it is too soon now, but when do you think is a good point?
Oh, and DH hasn't noticed or hasn't said anything about the fact I haven't had a drink for 2 weeks. Pissed me off to be honest.

xx