Well I just thank 'whatever' that I was never part of a drug scene. Growing up in the olden days 
, drugs didn't seem to be so available or acceptable. And I am really glad. With alcohol I never managed to stop when I should, and I don't imagine I would have been any different with drugs. In fact, with alcohol the amount I consumed was limited by vomiting, whereas I would worry that the same would not have happened with drugs, and I could have been on really dangerous ground. And I do admit that I feel uncomfortable, and out of my depth on these conversations.
I feel that I want to offer a gentle challenge to you mia and grey. You are talking about feeling 'comfortably numb', or the 'fuzzy euphoria' achieved after a couple of glasses - yet if that was really enough why wouldn't you, or any of us, stop after a couple of glasses? And let's be realistic, the reason that most of us are reading or contributing to this thread is because we're not stopping after a couple of glasses (or if we are, many have found it incredibly difficult). And looking back at posts over the past week, we know that often, despite good intentions to drink moderately - woah! it's got our of hand again.
I can only answer for myself - and for me I know that despite at times being able to recognise the 'pleasant' effects of a couple of glasses of wine, there was something in me that wanted MORE. More of that buzz, more of the slight feeling of dislocation. Yet years and years of experimenting should have demonstrated a number of things to myself:
- the next drink neither prolonged the 'good buzz' nor made it better;
- the next drink did not continue the happy fuzziness, instead it made me feel incoherent;
- the stimulant effects of alcohol were quickly overcome by the depressant effects;
- as time wore on, it took more and more alcohol to try and grasp that elusive 'high' or gentle haziness;
- as time wore on the nastier effects of having to drink so much were far outweighing the 'pleasant' effects.
Yet despite all that evidence I would still keep on drinking (and drinking more).
Tbh, I think that one of my secret hopes when I stopped drinking was that I would become a 'lightweight' someone who could get tiddly on a small sniff of sherry. But my addiction to the elusive feelings (rather than an addiction to alcohol per se) was so strong that I would go from that happy situation back to binging on a couple of bottles within a few days of resuming drinking.
One of greatest findings I have is that (for me) the feelings I was chasing are a myth. It was never possible for me to sustain a 'happy glow' and trying to do it has brought lots and lots of real unhappiness (to say nothing of health risks, and financial impacts). I find more of the gentle, fuzzy dislocation from meditation, and I find more of the real buzz and excitement from a really wicked laugh with a close friend. And that does last.
So what am I trying to say? Well I suppose when I read posts reminiscing about the 'benefits' of drinking, I want to shout out "It might not be true". I read posts on here when people are truly thriving and delighted and exuberant in their sobriety, and I read posts by the same people when they are weighed down by their struggle or feel that they've let themselves down or are hungover. So maybe let go of the myths we tell ourselves about the 'pleasures' of drinking, perhaps it was never real anyway.
Really sorry if I've pissed anyone off - that was not aimed at anyone in particular, just musings over the past few weeks. xx