The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Are Going To Need A Bigger Bus!

[Mouseface]

Which is FANTASTIC!

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, I'm Mouse and I'm addicted to cheese, but have a pretty nasty relationship with alcohol too, mainly vodka.

This Bus is for anyone and everyone. Drinking or sober, or somewhere in between or just not sure if you're drinking too much........... this is the place to ask and maybe have a chat too.

No pressure, no judging, no cliquey savoury flans (although I'm rather partial to a cheese slice ), we're all on The Bus for the same reason; alcohol.

Even if it's not you, and you'd like to talk about someone you know, come and say hi. We won't bite, well, not unless you ask very nicely!

And, if you'd like to see our journey so far, follow THIS LINK and read back through the previous links there.

See you soon xx

SSSM thanks for your advice and DD does seem more relaxed around me now but a lot more demanding! Hope you enjoy your parties.

Saf TBH I was surprised at the GP too, she does seem nice and interested but a bit haphazard but I think it's been said many times before that many GPs don't have a clue about addiction issues. And thanks for your advice about safer alternatives - I've been on a particular SSRI for a long time so maybe I should try a different one.

Mia I'm very grateful for you advice, I feel we have a lot in common. How much codeine do you take each day? I'm sorry about your back pain - how does it afflict you? I think all in all it would be best for me to go back and discuss my concerns openly and hope I get some sensible advice. Maybe ask at the practice if there's a particular GP that specialises in addiction issues?

So glad you had a nice time with your friend Mia and got the drinking level just right and that you're feeling generally in control.

What a great place this is; thanks so much for coming to my aid (yet again). Enjoy what appears to be the last of the sunny days for a while!

happy birthday thurso

and JWN i meant to say congratulations on two years - that is a big achievement

soma - there are other things that can be added on to an ssri for anxiety. maybe ask for a referral to a psychiatrist as they have more prescribing options. dress it in the 'i've been self medicating with alcohol for years and need to explore safer but effective options'.

I think I've just had a light bulb moment
surely alcohol is aggravating my IBS

duh...

err yeah trinity you wouldn't believe how much better my ibs is since giving up alcohol. it's almost as if it was the alcohol causing the tummy problems.....

well if thats not a good reason to stop for a good long time then I dont know what is

obviously as well as the

being shit
feeling like shite
doing stupid shit
wasting money
showing my kids that drinking is good
feeling trapped to it
guilt

sometime I wonder how I can cut my own food up considering I seem to be so fucking stupid....

I feel that too soma

I take co-dydramol standard strength, which is 10mg dihydracodeine/500mg paracetamol per tablet. So I'm getting 20mg dihydracodeine (which is stronger than codeine phosphate) per dose. I take two either before I go to bed or during the night. I take them if my back pain is bad, and I take them prophylactically before I walk the dog as walking makes it ache. I rarely take them early evening so that I can 'save' the effect for when I need to sleep. I never exceed the 4 hr rule, even if they're not doing the trick.

I have scoliosis - a curvature of the spine. When I was a teenager and they first put me on the painkillers (coproxamol back then), they just doled them out like smarties and that's how I took them, too. It's terrifying when I look back - i'd take two, but I was still in pain, so I'd just take another two, and another two. Noone asked how I was getting through so many of the fucking things! It was only when I was in my late teens and moved away, went to the GP to ask for some and she was all at me because they didn't have my medical records (thought I was drug-seeking) that someone actully told me that they're dependence forming! Coproxamol has since been taken off the market in Europe as it's considered dangerous. Luckily I didn't fuck up my liver, particularly as I was drinking pretty heavily from the age of 15.

Right, on that note I've got to walk the dog now because I took my painkillers first thing in anticipation of walking the dog with my friend, but she can't make it today so I want to get out before they wear off.

Happy Friday Brave Babes!

at trinity. I like the shit theme.

Congrats on 2 years sober JWN, time is definitely flying, I can remember you celebrating 1 year sober .
Ma, have a brilliant day at the spa, and enjoy time with your bestie .

Trinity good list...

I haven't been sleeping well lately - sure it's because of the drinking. I have cut down. I don't want to stop drinking completely. I do want to stop drinking too much.

good morning babes, nice list trinity !

day off work today and feeling very pathetic and self-pitying. Is this how I'd feel all the time if I didn't drink to numb the emotions?

Perhaps I drink to hide the real me, which I feel is useless. And if I have too much & feel bad then that just re-inforces that I'm lazy and pathetic. at self.

Mia you obviously need your meds, scoliosis can be so hard to live with - have you had any other treatment?

Love the list Trinity! Joey we all drink to cover up or hide from something and that's why so many of us have realised that it's a crutch and it has to go. You're being so hard on yourself, but I know exactly how you feel! Why do you feel useless? What evidence do you have that you indeed are? Is it something somebody told you once (or more than once?). Self-loathing is almost a badge of problem-drinking and learning how to recognise yourself as a decent person can be quite a challenge. One thing's for certain though, alcohol won't help you change your mind about yourself one bit.

Right now I feel useless because I've been told my work is not up to scratch and they have started a

Soma I do need the meds, but not as often as I take them, if that makes sense. It's not too severe a scoliosis, I'm just a bit wonky (in mind as well as body ). They offered me a brace as a teen but I was horrified at the idea, and they told me to swim a lot but I was more interested in flirting with the lifeguards not very good at swimming. Other than that, just pills and more pills. I've recently asked to be referred to a physio again, as things have deteriorated a bit lately, and I've seen one physio and she wants me to see their scoliosis physio. I had no idea there were such things, so I'm pleased about that.

Joey I could have written your post a couple of weeks ago when I was in my big ol' funk. I often feel pathetic and useless, although I'm assured by people whose opinions I'd otherwise respect, that this is not the case (I am, however, lazy. No arguing with that. ). I bet your DP doesn't think you're pathetic and useless. From what I've seen of you on here, I very much doubt it too.

I'm all partied out. What is it about sunshine, hyperactive children and loud music that is so exhausting? God I feel old! Must admit I found myself daydreaming of a cold white wine but then automatically made myself a nice cup of tea instead. Phew

Mia glad you had a good night with your friend. I've lost whole evenings and conversations with friends through drinking too much. I always feel rather proud of myself if when I can actually remember what we were talking about!

Soma, see I told you I knew nothing about prescription drugs Good for you for questioning the prescription and not just keeping on taking them.

Thurso, damn it I meant to wish you a happy birthday. Hope you had a good day??

Ma, hope you're having a lovely girlie day at the spa

Hello again Trinity. Great list of shit things!

Joey, what can you do to improve your self-esteem? You sound like you're giving yourself such a hard time. How about focusing on some of your strengths/achievements for a bit? Force yourself!

Saf, the course sounds great. Hope you get some good news soon.

Hi to everyone else. And good luck for the school holidays...!

thanks sssm what upset me most yesterday was I thought I had been improving at work, I was quite proud of what I had achieved. It was a shock to find out my boss did not agree!

My strengths? Generally I'm a good dog-owner and mother. I mean the kids don't starve and their clothes are usually clean.

Today was a blur. I was walking around getting so miserable - I even had that paranoid spaced-out feeling where I thought people were watching me And sometimes I think I was letting myself get wound up deliberately so that I wouldn't have to deal with the more difficult emotions which would rise to the surface if I calmed down (uh, does that make sense?!)

Sorry for the self-indulgent whining.

My wonderful brave babes

thank you, thank you, thank you

x x x

silver bless you, take care of yourself and your loved ones...

umm did I kill the thread with my whining?

No Joey :( Just do not know what to post.

oh hullo today

I'm guessing you don't want to post because you feel rotten about something? Just post away, let's be miserable together...

I'm here, but I'm a bit pissed so I really don't think I have anything useful to post. You didn't kill anything though Joey - the thread is here for people to explore their feelings!

I'm here too, not feeling great but still no drinks for me. How are you feeling today joey?

well done skippy it does get easier. I think...

mia I've been trying to block out my feelings all day because if I even think about yesterdays meeting I will get so depressed and stressed...

Co-incidentally I have to go to the GPs next week to review my meds (including seroxat) I may explain I have cut down from 15-20 alcohol units a week to - well, less than 5 units in the last ten days - but my anxiety levels are not good. I don't know if social anxiety is an excuse for not doing my job properly - I hate talking on the phone etc.

another quick post....

silver just make sure you take all the support and love that is offered to you - it doesn't matter where it comes from, or whether you can ever pay it back, just indulge yourself and feel comfort where you can.

trinity big waves and smiles - always good to see you around x

joey brave posts today - and brave you facing up to things. There's loads of shit things that we have to face sometimes and the easiest path is to blame others and then run away. But I know that, that path does not solve things, and mostly makes me feel worse. For me, standing my ground and saying 'yes, I messed up' is so much better for my heart.

thurso did I miss your birthday?? - I've been away and have only been half catching up.

What an awful night :( I drank about a bottle of wine and slept so badly because of it. I have got to stop this.

silver - good of you to pop in. sending much love your way.

mia - i've got a scholiosis too and likewise they talked of braces and such when i was in my teens - i ran away and never went back. i did not enjoy the experience of bending over in my knickers in front of a roomful of student doctors at 18yo. was too young/naive to realise i could tell them feck orf.

it causes me pain in my left knee and down to my heel and sometimes in my right hip too. no bad pain in my back - mine is from compensating with my posture around the twist i guess. you've reminded me i was supposed to ring and make an appointment with a physio last year (doc gave me number to call and self refer) and i forgot all about it. the pain comes and goes so i put it off. must.chase.it.up.

greyhound - do you want to stop? it's my experience that the attempting to control alcohol path can be utterly exhausting and soul destroying as you fail again and again and again. some can do, some can't. maybe think how long you're willing to give it to prove which you are.