The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Are Going To Need A Bigger Bus!

[Mouseface]

Which is FANTASTIC!

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, I'm Mouse and I'm addicted to cheese, but have a pretty nasty relationship with alcohol too, mainly vodka.

This Bus is for anyone and everyone. Drinking or sober, or somewhere in between or just not sure if you're drinking too much........... this is the place to ask and maybe have a chat too.

No pressure, no judging, no cliquey savoury flans (although I'm rather partial to a cheese slice ), we're all on The Bus for the same reason; alcohol.

Even if it's not you, and you'd like to talk about someone you know, come and say hi. We won't bite, well, not unless you ask very nicely!

And, if you'd like to see our journey so far, follow THIS LINK and read back through the previous links there.

See you soon xx

Silver thinking of you. Take great care of yourself xx

JWN - fabulous - you are such a marvel, and still an inspiration.

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Silver - the offer still stands, you know where I am xx

JWN - well done you! Gosh, that has really flown by on here, two whole years? Who'd have thought it. I mean really? Do you ever look at your first post, your first cry for help, recollect your first true rock bottom and think 'Jeeez, was that person really me?'

I am really proud to be a part of this thread because it all began with YOU

I bet that there are LurkingBabes out there who have stopped or dramatically reduced their alcohol intake because of your posts, and of course all of the other Firstposts that have been put on these threads. Because of you.

And then there are the Babes that are here with you, with us who have stopped or reduced because of you, because of these threads.

I for one have a lot to thank you for Jesus. For me -

Without these threads, I would have still been drowning out the rattle of the closed boxes in the deepest parts of my head with vodka, or other weapons of choice.

Without these threads, I wouldn't have met the real friends that I have.

Without these threads, I wouldn't have held the hands of some people who just needed to be held, just for a while whilst their fear drained away.

Without these threads, I wouldn't have my own little job outside of real life that makes me feel I'm helping. (starting the threads)

Without these threads, I would still be drinking and missing the best parts of my beautiful son's life. My beautiful daughter growing, changing and needing me more than I could ever have known.

Without these threads, I would be scared of my past, running, still running.

Without these threads, I wouldn't realise that it's really okay to be scared. To be real, to be me.

So thank you JWN, from the bottom of my furry little heart, thank you xx

I will be quick

Silver I am so sorry

JWN I read your first post and followed your journey day by day over the first few months. You truly are an inspiration.

SAF You might well find that work related stuff fills the whole lot! It will be good to clarify anything the course brings up for you so you can be more professional with your clients. Probably badly phrased - I hope it does not sound offensive!

I did not get the job. Not surprising. My competition already does the role, for fewer hours and was looking to go almost full time. To be honest I would not have employed me over her either. Still, I do have a job, one I like and they have offered me some casual work in the job I want which will make me way more employable next time so a very good second prize.

Just about to do pizza and wine. Will need that convo with dh but sooooo tired. Early night and a new day tomorrow perhaps.

hmmm my dear husband just bought me some wine as a treat because I was feeling so down... bless him. He knew I wasn't drinking, but assumed it wasn't 'forever' .

I guess I will have it because I am kinda miserable and anyway I didn't think it was forever either (I was hoping to last out till Sunday though...)

However to kill the emotions I had 2 seroxat and 2 codeine earlier so wine on top of that will probably knock me out!

Am still pleased that I didn't give in and buy it myself...

Be careful Joey. You sound on a mission

today - so sorry you didn't get the job.

Thanks mouse :(

oh silver! holding you in my thoughts. I won't pm you - probs easier to just catch up on the thread. I hope it was a peaceful passing.There are no words to comfort you, only know that you were there for her and she knew it to the end. I am here for you as and when you need someone.
Thinking of you

JWN congratulations on your 2 years! You are the big mama of us all! Truly, you are inspirational, I hope it feels good to know how many people you've helped with your strength and honesty.

mouse that last sentence applies to you too! What a beautiful post.

joey sorry to hear you're feeling blue today. Sending you a bit of a hug x

chasing have a fabulous time!

Hello Brave Babes

Silver I am very sorry to hear about your Mum. Sending love to you and your family xx

TIWND Congratulations on the work opportunity

Chasing Enjoy your holiday

Carrie We stopped drinking on the same day, the very same day. You've been a bit of an inspiration to me. You've given up drinking without any chemical assistance. I am relying on you to keep strong to keep me going

And talking of inspiration JWN, congratulations on your two year anniversary.

Ma How's the running?

Isinde How about co-opting the best woman into some wedding organisation. People love helping out at weddings. I'll do it if you want

Actually, we've got a wedding this weekend. I cannot imagine not drinking at a wedding. The only time I've ever been to a wedding and not got plastered had a drink was a Muslim wedding. This time, I have no option about not drinking, thanks to the Antabuse.

I've been away for a couple of days working. Each time a drinking opportunity is successfully fielded, the easier it becomes, I reckon.

thank you mouse no 'mission' planned, I just wanted to numb some emotions so took a couple of pills. That was before I knew DH had bought me some wine, bless him.

Despite the wine I have tried to put into practice a few things I've learnt the last couple of weeks eg. instead of just relying on the alcohol I did some relaxation/pilates exercises. Am also planning on not going to bed too late, as that was a bad habit I got into when drinking.

Also, don't feel like I'm guzzling the wine like I usually do!

hopefully the running has lapsed this week which I am angry with myself about as already I am losing fitness, hard-won fitness at that. have hit the self destruct button a bit....

Up early to taxi DD2 to station - she is off to York to stay with my brother and SIL. I am off for a spa day today - never been to one before but SO excited. Going with my "bestie" then having dinner and sleepover at her house!
Hope it will be fab.

silver was thinking of you in the wee small hours. Sending love.

Silver I am thinking of you xx

Hey Babes

just checking in, not been on here much. Still not drinking (yay!) but have crap going on at home, which I realise that when I was drinking I could mask over and pretend wasn't happening. I don't feel I have much to add at the moment, I feel very bleugh and down but I am still reading and am pleased to see the newbies.

xx

Morning everyone, hope you are all doing good today. I feel good after another alcohol free night. Day 5 for me today, was planning a massive clean up on my day off work but my Ds was sick this morning so going to keep him home. May not get as much done as I hoped. Still a chill out day will be good for both of us I think. Feeling ok about abstaining but am dealing with some very uncomfortable emotions that I have been avoiding through alcohol for a while. I guess I just need to feel them though they were never going to go away on their own. I'm just not used to feeling so sad/angry/anxious without reaching for a crutch. I won't be drinking today

Good morning everyone, I'm sorry but this is a self-indulgent post but I need to get it out. I haven't drunk, or even felt the need for a drink, for over two weeks. As you know I'm on antabuse and it's doing it's job.

But I'm very worried now that I might be getting addicted to prescription drugs; my GP prescribed diazepam when I first told her I was coming off booze and I like how it relaxes me so am now on my third prescription (28 tablets each). In combination, I've had terribe toothache (waiting for an extraction) and the GP prescribed me co-codamol (codeine 30mg/paracemtamol 500mg) for that. The pain has gone now but I'm still taking them. The codeine definitely does something for me. I don't go above the recommended dose of either and with any luck when my supplies run out I won't get anymore. In fact I almost feel like telling the GP NOT to give me anymore.

I take a couple of pills in the evening when I get home and they completely eliminate the acute anxiety/panic attacks I've been experiencing and make me feel so relaxed and I get a really good night's sleep and feel great the next day. It's made it obvious to me that I've been using alcohol to self-medicate and without it my old anxiety has returned (I'm on sertraline as well for the anxiety). But I'm really worried I'm just replacing one addiction with another (have always had an addictive personality and tried different drugs in the past but never become addicted). Part of me is saying the meds are just helping me through this difficult phase of stopping drinking but another part is telling me to be very careful.

I'd hate to be in the position of when I've finished my prescription meds, the desire to drink will return and I'll be back to square one. I'm seeing a counsellor regularly and going to a recovery group once a week and will of course want to stay on antabuse to ensure that I don't start drinking again. But at the moment I see the pills as a lesser evil to the drinking. I've checked with the GP that the cocktail of meds I'm on are safe together and apparently they are. Has anyone else found themselves in this situation? Thanks for reading and my love to everyone x

So sorry to hear about Silver's mum.

Soma I think a lot of these type of pills (psychotropic? Is that what they are?) can be addictive in that stopping them can cause withdrawal symptoms.

I think that combining the meds with counselling would give you better resources to cope once you come off the meds. I honestly wonder whether anyone could stop drinking completely without emotional support.

Morning all.

Hi Greyhound, hope you're doing OK

Jesus, congratulations on the two years of sobriety! Wow, what an achievement! Thank you again for starting this thread which changes so many people's lives. I still haven't read the thread from the beginning and can't quite imagine you being anything less than boingy, happy and completely in control. The same for the other long-time sober Babes

Skippy, yup, I felt like that for a while. Those emotions had always been there but were muffled by the drinking. But not drinking gave me the chance to actually deal with them and move on...it takes time and energy but it is sooo worth it. Hope you have a good day.

Faire have a wonderful holiday, I know you will!

Honest, wow you are doing brilliantly. Good luck with dealing with all the crap.

Soma, I don't know anything about prescription drugs really, or their addictiveness. You are doing really well with your drinking though, if I were you I'd give myself a bit more time to get used to not drinking before tackling the drugs. It's good you recognise it as a problem, so maybe cut down gradually when you can? If the GP says it's OK then don't panic! I gave up drinking heavily quite gradually. I think you drank almost right up to taking the Antabuse, then (obviously) cut it right out. Maybe you just need to lose your crutch/es more gradually?? How is your DD? How is she finding her new soba mum?

Today, sorry you didn't get the job but it sounds like something good came out of it anyway.

Saf, when do you find out about the course? Remind me what the course is...doesn't sound like O.T.? Enjoy the counselling sessions - can only be a good thing (I could keep a counsellor in full-time work on my own, given the opportunity! )

Best go. Jubilee parties galore here today!! And no hangover so no trying to hide from everyone and scuttling home at the earliest opportunity, hurrah!

Have good days everyone.

hi silly it's MSc in Integrative Counselling. when it came down to it i realised the OT route was just a compromise due to finances and it having nhs bursaries but my heart wasn't really in it so decided to continue with the counsellor training. this will give me my masters so i can go on to more academic routes and qualify me for practice so it's ideal really. the OT route was degree (again) - no PG route.

soma - tbh the gp giving you 3 prescriptions for valium in a row without discussing the 'end' is bad practice. they are addictive drugs and need to be handled very carefully by prescribers especially given you have an addiction issue they're aware of. giving you codeine on top for toothache really makes me scratch my head at their sense and professionalism. can you see another gp and talk about this honestly? they would respond ideally by carefully tapering you off of both and looking into what other more sustainable options there are for you dealing with your anxiety and sleep issues. addictive, controlled substances aren't for long term use but there are other options out there for long term treatment that can be explored.

nothing to say here really. not heard back from uni yet - hope i will today. feeling a bit flat and physically run down for some reason - bad news when we're about to hit half term but hey ho. nothing that a drink couldn't make worse.

Soma I think you're right to be concerned about this, and I think you need to go back to your GP and tell her what you've told us. I hope you don't mind me being so direct, but it's very easy to become dependent on opioids and benzodiazepines. I've taken opioid painkillers (codeine) since I was thirteen years old, and I am dependent on them, tbh. I am very careful with the dosage and keeping it all 'under control', mainly because if I don't do that myself then I'm terrified that they won't give them to me any more. They are prescribed for chronic back pain, which I do have, but I take them more often than I need to for that - I take them every night, for instance, to help me sleep, I take them if I have any other kind of pain, like a headache, and sometime I take them when I feel shit because I know that they'll make me feel calmer and happier. I am strict with myself to not take the maximum four doses in 24hrs every day, but it's a rare day when I don't take at least one or two doses. My back pain is getting steadily worse lately, and I'm concerned about what will happen in future with pain and painkillers.

Benzodiazepines are renowned for being tolerance- and dependence-forming. I was a bit surprised that your GP prescribed them for you because it sounded as though your dependence on alcohol was psychological rather than physical - I'm sure she knows much better than me, but if you were able to go days at a time without a drink then that doesn't indicate a physical addiction to me, rather a psychological one. Personally I'd be very very wary of taking benzodiazepines because I know that it would feel like coming home and I wouldn't want to stop. I've had them a couple of times for sedation and that's how it felt.

I don't think you should stint on the pain relief when you're in pain (within the dosage guidelines, obviously), but if you're wanting to take them when you're not in pain because of the psychotropic effects, then I do think you're right to be hearing alarm bells. There are other drugs you can take for anxiety that are not tolerance and dependence forming and won't leave you with another addiction to tackle - please go back and see your GP lovely soma. i hope I'm not speaking out of turn, but it's something I'm very aware of in myself and I don't want to see you sabotage yourself.

Where are you mouse - you're the expert in analgesia!

skippy good to hear you sounding so positive.

ma hope you have a lovely day at the spa and then get your running shoes on!

today good news about the work opportunity, even if you didn't get the job.

carrie hope you're feeling a bit better. joey well done on remaining 'mindful' even though you drank last night. Hope you're feeling fine this morning.

honest sorry to hear you're feeling a bit rubbish. Keep posting and we can all tell you how incredibly well you're doing!

I had a lovely evening with my friend on Tues. we did drink, but not excessively, and stayed up til one chatting and sipping. I can remember everything and wasn't hungoveer yesterday. I had another friend bring lunch round yesterday as a late birthday treat, and we had one glass of watered wine with it - I didn't want or suggest any more.

I'm still drinking a bit too much, I know that, but I really feel different about my drinking at the moment - more mindful and in control of how much I'm drinking and why. That is entirely due to this bus and you wonderful women. Thank you all!

Just popping in, lots of work to do this morning, then perhaps I can have a real bank holiday.
Ma thank you for your Birthday wishes, all went as expected .

Silver Take care, my dear one. xxx

And I meant this for yesterday!!
JWN you are a .....
4.bp.blogspot.com/_C-XxuPW6UYs/Sx1NeIGoOVI/AAAAAAAAA6A/WAiNz0fyK1k/s320/star-smiley-face-download.gif
Thank you!

Much love to all
Speak later
xxx

Crikey, it worked

co-codamol isn't even a logical choice for toothache i'd honestly change gp's soma. we may love them but indulgent give you what you want doctors are not in our best interests.

X posted lots .
xxx

Happy Birthday for yesterday Thurso!!