The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Are Going To Need A Bigger Bus!

[Mouseface]

Which is FANTASTIC!

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, I'm Mouse and I'm addicted to cheese, but have a pretty nasty relationship with alcohol too, mainly vodka.

This Bus is for anyone and everyone. Drinking or sober, or somewhere in between or just not sure if you're drinking too much........... this is the place to ask and maybe have a chat too.

No pressure, no judging, no cliquey savoury flans (although I'm rather partial to a cheese slice ), we're all on The Bus for the same reason; alcohol.

Even if it's not you, and you'd like to talk about someone you know, come and say hi. We won't bite, well, not unless you ask very nicely!

And, if you'd like to see our journey so far, follow THIS LINK and read back through the previous links there.

See you soon xx

Hi everyone, just checking in feel much better today after a good nights sleep. I'm going to see my therapist this afternoon, will talk through the weekend with him. Still feeling very committed to abstaining but don't normally drink early in the week anyway so am aware this is the easy part. Need to put some coping mechanism in place for the weekend

well done mia for breaking the cycle. The first few days are the worst.

I am really dreading tonight! Its supposed to be a fun evening (I make myself do it because I should get out and meet more people)

Normally the only thing that would keep me going would be the thought of the wine when I got home.

good morning skippy good luck with your therapist today. I wish I could still see mine, she was brilliant but she cost £££ and worked miles away

This is a lovely bus. I think I am going to make a different pledge today. Today I will not drink until 9pm. That will limit consumption and feels achievable. What do you think?

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

GIANT POST ALERT

I'm sorry I've not been around to welcome all the new Babes , I've been sorting myself out, getting things done that I've been putting off for far too long and generally de-cluttering my head space.

This sunnyshiny, blue sky, green tree, bird song weather has certainly helped me to see myself in a much brighter light and to finally realise that in actual fact, the only people that matter to me, are the ones who want to matter if that makes sense?

For those who might remember, my vile sister was causing issues for Nemo's pending Baptism by trying to arrange a free lift to get herself and her 4 children from home to here, and back again.

It all started to get rather stressful and become about her..... as per...... and I became very stressed and upset by it all.

Anyway, the end result following my generous father refusing to be emotionally blackmailed by her and my mother, is that she and the children are not coming.

Is it really bad of me to feel such relief? My father can now enjoy the day and spend time with Nemo without worrying about what time he will have to kick into 'Dadtax' mode. I really am so very proud of him for not taking 'easy life' route.

I'm still dieting and only have a half stone to go. Dress all sorted for Nemo's big day, DD is sorted, new dress and shoes and Nemo has a new shirt.

Saf - if I don't get here on time tomorrow, the very best of luck to you for your interview xx oh and sorry about your sore feet, major OUCH in this heat too.

How about adding some salt in luke warm water to bathe your poor feet in, then once dried, add some aftersun or baby lotion. Something that soothes the skin and moisturises too?

IsinDe - just PM me and let me know your thoughts and we'll take it from there re flowers xx

Ma - how are things with the job? Or have I missed an update?

Thurso - just xx

Joey - no worries re the mix up, I like to think of myself as the thread administrator, I just keep it in check!

JWN - how are the wedding plans coming along for DD?

venus - DH loves what you sent for Nemo's big day, he said to thank you, so xx

Silver - thinking of you, please be gentle on yourself xx

HR - I love reading your posts, they get stronger and stronger each time you post.

SSSM - did I miss you? You okay? xx

Greyhound - good to see you.

Today - you have to do what's best for YOU. We all have different ways to deal with the cravings, the desire to drink or not, the emotions that come with the cravings, the denial etc.... not drinking until 9pm is a great step and one I found worked for me.

After a few nights of moving 'drink o'clock' back and back and back, it got to 9.30pm and I thought why bother? Keep posting how you feel, what your thoughts are etc and you'll find the support here amazing.

Tomorrow morning, we are all going out nice and early to watch the Olympic Torch go past. We are fortunate enough to have it coming through so want to see it really. It's a once in a lifetime event so we're going to go

On Friday, we're off to watch the BBC Philharmonic Orchestra play along to a firework display in a giant field near here. I'm hoping the night it'self is dry, I hate sitting in the rain! I've just bought wellies in case the ground is wet! MIL is coming too so it's going to be fab

Right, far too much waffling about myself as per, off to make lunch and then we're going to Praise and Play at the local church.

I have to say that I'm not normally religious, but since going to these sessions, I'm feeling much more, well, complete.... I think. I'm not sure, something is there, almost like a guide of sorts...

I'm sure you must be reading thinking I'm bonkers but the prayers and bible stories are reflected in every day life and for some reason, they seem to confirm that in fact, I'm doing everything right.

Bye for now, sorry not to catch up with everyone and name you all, and for the typos that are bound to be in this epic post!

Lots of love,

Mouse xx

Today I know that would never work for me. I would be fretting all evening, achieving nothing, concentrating on nothing, and the 'prize' at 9pm becoming ever more huge, important, attractive and all-consuming. I know that once I started, I would drink the whole bottle anyway!

Are you hoping to cut down or out? Can you plan a micromanaged evening, using the ideas upthread? Maybe make use of the long evenings and good weather to go for a long walk, so that you arrive back pleasantly exhausted in time for bed?

Do you need to decide if you can do 'controlled drinking' as you are proposing, or whether it would be easier (or maybe less difficult would be more appropriate!) just to work out how you are going to stop? It's clearly causing you so much distress. There are many approaches on this thread, and only you can decide what is right for you; you'll come across both sides of the coin/argument.

Not preaching, I hope, just tossing a few ideas into the mix!

Morning all - I'm feeling great after another alcohol free day. It was this day 1 week ago that I went to the doctor and asked for help, got my prescription for Librium, went to the chemist, came home, poured a half bottle of red wine left over from the night before where I consumed 2 and a half bottles of wine, took 2 Librium, and started my new sober life. And I feel fantastic.

It was great because last Tuesday happened to be bottle collection day with the bin-men coming and taking them all. I used to hide empties from my husband, not because he was terribly judgemental and he knew I could do a bottle or more but I never wanted him to know I could actually do close to 3 bottles in a day if I started early. So most the bottles would go in the recycling but in that 2 weeks between collections I'd usually have a stash of between 5 and 8 that were "extras".

So after I'd poured the remnants of the night before's bottle down the drain, I put it in the recycling bucket out the front, along with some extras. It was very "cleansing". There are no empty wine bottles anywhere now, inside or outside, because I have not drunk anything since.

So one week on, I finished the Librium on the weekend and started on the Naltrexone, I am free of cravings, am 5 pounds lighter and have had some beautiful peaceful sleeps.

I've always kind of envied people who are "tea addicts". Apart from perhaps staining your teeth over time I can't think of anything bad about it. You know those ladies who go "oooh I can't wait to have a lovely cup of TEA!". I will never be one, which is perhaps how I came to like wine so much, because whilst I can drink tea I don't like it that much. But I do quite like coffee, and I have one of those Nespresso machines (I know, I know, they score very low on the lentil weaver's index) so I've been enjoying my lattes. I was worried I'd get fat on them but I worked out with semi skimmed milk a double shot latte is only 45 calories the way I make it, so even if I have 4 a day its not a big deal, and its a hell of a lot better than wine!

Hope you are all okay, and achieve your goals for the day

'lentil weavers index' ?!

hello 'mouse' you're amazing for remembering everyones names and where they're at. No wonder you're the administrator for the bus! I am hopeless with names, I'm trying to associate people with dogs

Babes if you want to remain anonymous, could you post a photo of your dog instead of you? Or, ma in your case a speculum?!

carrie I totally agree with this, its exactly what I do >Today I know that would never work for me. I would be fretting all evening, achieving nothing, concentrating on nothing, and the 'prize' at 9pm becoming ever more huge, important, attractive and all-consuming. I know that once I started, I would drink the whole bottle anyway!

Joey - well, my dog is an Alaskan Malamute and HUGE! He's as daft as a loo brush and so very loving but he looks terrifying which does put those without dogs off him.

There's a pic on my profile of him, following the removal of our freinds cat flap, not that they wanted it ripping out mind!

Carrie - I know what you mean about the 9pm reward thing, building it up, watching the clock, begging the hands on the clock to move faster damn it! I understand that completely but (and I should have included this, sorry) I take my meds at 9/9.30.

If I mix these with alcohol, I end up in a right state and not a pleasant one at that so it was easier to stop and telling myself I'd be ill worked for me. I was waiting to wash my meds down with a glass of wine but knew I'd puke it all back or feel like deep fried dog vomit so stopped.

Right, I'm really going now. Back later xx

Oh bugger, forgot to NC back to Mouse, sorry!

hi all
no more news on the job front yet - the waiting is getting us all down. DH and I now speaking again. Suppose its better than arguing.....sigh
also am drinking a lot - sorry not be more positive.
mouse you sound so happy and upbeat. Lovely!

I meant NOT speaking again. Obviously!

sorry to hear that ma hope you can find something to occupy you and take your mind off waiting.

Am getting very anxious about my social outing tonight. It's supposed to be fun! Wish I could have a drink to relax me.

Fingers crossed for you ma.

joey I know that feeling! I was just thinking that I couldn't contemplate a social occasion without alcohol either, but then I thought well I could if it was a lunchtime thing. I'd still be nervous (and hope they serve wine), but I wouldn't be expecting to have a drink in my hand in order to chat to people. So maybe it's just conditioning and habit that make the thought of an evening thing without booze so scary? What do you think is making you so anxious?

Mouse your malamute is gorgeous!

today deferring wine time until 9pm wouldn't be a plan for me because it's early evening that's my witching hour - once I've eaten my dinner I can resist the urge to drink, usually. If I'd lasted the 5 - 8pm period without a drink, it would be pointless to start drinking at 9pm. Is that normally your pattern though, to drink later in the evening? So long as you don't stay up later in order to drink more, pushing back the time you start might be a good first step. You don't think you'll waste the whole evening obsessing about that drink you're going to have at 9?

Afternoon all,

Mouse thank you for a brilliant and uplifting post, you sound like a lovely glass of potion from a fairy story, fizzy, happy, feel good and a delight to all you share with (sorry that's going to come across a bit odd ), but it made me so happy to read such a positive post. Lots of xxxxx's to you, you fine lady .

Hello to all new Babes, I haven't been around so much lately, but, things on the work front are quieting down a bit now, so much so, that this afternoon, I sat in the dappled shade, in the garden, and read a whole book!!! You will never, ever regret joining this bus, it has been a veritable life-saver for me, I barely (but do) recognise the person who is me, that joined a while ago, and it has certainly been this bus, and the people on it, who were the catalyst for my mindset change, I've certainly fallen off the bus with a heavy thud sometimes since that day, but not so that I feel all is lost.
The single most enormous thing for me, was to stop looking back over and over, to try and forgive myself for wrongs, real, or imagined, and for this day be the person that I want to be, for me, and for the people who are important to me. (doesn't always work, or I'd be a lot thinner!)

Anyway, Time to get the washing in (oh, the glamour )

Much love
xxx

Mouse forgot to say - I'm really glad your Ddad isn't going to spend the day of Nemo's baptism ferrying your entitled sis around. It sounds like it was high time someone stood up to her!

Where's lovely Soma today?

Does it sound crashingly obvious to say that different solutions will work for different people, depending upon the sort of person they are and the level of addiction they are facing?

I tried controlled drinking for probably around a couple of years. That's about the length of time that I've known I had a dependency issue. For me it didn't work, possibly because I was too far gone. Or possibly because I have very little self-control . Anyhow over the last couple of years, my drinking became progressively more uncontrolled.

Good luck with staying off the sauce until 9pm TIWND.

Hello Thurso I am very envious of your day

thurso pm'd you
Things a bit grim here Babes on the DH front - you've heard it all before.
mouse stop rolling your eyes.
Reciting mary Oliver's "the Journey" and being strong (ish)

Ma I'm really sorry. Has it reached a crisis point?

Ma I am a firm believer in 'everything happens for a reason'. When the time is right for you, it will be the right time. You will know. In the meantime stay strong, you are your own boss, trust your instinct x

Hi all, Mia that's me as well, early evening is/was totally torture for me and sometimes I'd leg it home from work and start at 3 pm:( If I could get to after dinner, then I had virtually no craving at all, the food had got rid of it. Antabuse still seems to be doing its magic and will come in very useful on Saturday as the parents are coming a-visiting. That's usually a huge trigger, I'll start drinking at around 11am when I begin preparing lunch and will carry on until well after they've left. Will be interesting to see how I get on stone cold. Funnily enough, they've never seemed to notice that I've been completely trolleyed apart from the odd comment that I seemed "very jolly" or "animated".

Ma moan away about DH, I know how demoralising a slowly-unravelling relationship can be, do forgive me if I've got that wrong and you're trying to make things work. Lovely to hear from you Thurso, you're one of the babes who really inspired me at the beginning. Good luck tomorrow Saf, what you wearing? And Trexy glad to hear it's going so well for you.

Loved your giant post Mouse, the way you read what everyone is saying and have something wise/inspiring to contribute is so much appreciated. Went back today and saw Albert again (dog we're hoping to adopt) and he was lot more yappy and never stopped pulling on his lead. He did jump up onto my lap though and lick my face so I'm a bit torn; reckon we'll have to go several times more to make sure we make the right decision. The rescue recommended that, taking your time isn't a problem. They did another cat test, apparently he's scared of them, not quite sure how that would work out with ours!

Hope you all sleep well, I love not having to live with the dread anymore of waking up feeling hungover and guilty. It's nearly two weeks since I've had a drink and I can honestly say I've hardly missed it. Early days though, early days xx

I did it, and can now relax without any wine! It would be a great evening with friends, if it was more often and I could get used to it. I'm just anxious around anyone (except family) on a social level. I have avoided the office christmas party for 2 years. I have very few no close friends and find social events stressful.

Alcohol normally gives me the confidence to at least pretend to relax. Wouldn't have been drinking tonight anyway, but usually I would now be pouring a glass as a 'reward' for making it through the evening!

soma maybe Albert is yappy and excitable because hes been in kennels for a few days now, and is bored? And will have picked up barking from the other dogs? He could be fine when you get him home.

that was meant to be a strikeout, not an underline

Joey well done, I think that's why I (and many others) started drinking in the first place, to feel more confident socially and especially in group situations. I actually prefer to be in the company of just one or maybe two close friends or interesting people who I can really talk to. I'm crap at small talk.

You sound lovely BTW and find it hard to believe that you describe yourself as having no close friends. Maybe you're just very discerning? I can't be bothered with superficial relationships anymore and would rather be on my own than trying to contribute in situations where I'm uncomfortable. I've actually worked out that it's usually down to me feeling bored not uncomfortable, and drinking just makes things seem less tedious.

soma no I'm not trying to make things work. I want out.
i wish to God DH felt the same and we just go our sperate ways amicably.
But the time will come, when it's right as faire says. In the meantime, I endure and plan and hope.
I have seen the very picture that I will hang in the front room of my own house when I have it. Dh would hate it. All green and blue swirliness on a huge canvas. I know the artist and asked him, unless he gets a good offer obviously, to keep it for me until the day i can afford it. To me it is the sea and the sky and freedom. it will be perfect in my old cottage by the sea.
My first real furnishing selected...for my imaginary house.
shall i describe it to you?
It is a small whitewashed stone cottage in sight and sound of the sea. Not a twee touristy place, somewhere more wild where I can walk alone on the sands in a tearing wind and be completely alone. it will have old wooden floors so i can sweep the sand out, with bright coloured rugs.There will be a log fire, or wood burning stove. and my sea picture. There will be one bedroom for me, and one for visitors. There will be fairy lights (because I like them) and candles and a cat, possibly two. I think his name will be Merlin.
Lots of mirrors and books - shelves and shelves of books - and lots of seaglass. A squishy, saggy sofa with mismatched cushions. Odd plates and cups and bowls from charity shops and car boots, no TV. Ideally, in the distance there will be a lighthouse.
that's where I'll be Babes, one day. for now, one must endure.