The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Are Going To Need A Bigger Bus!

[Mouseface]

Which is FANTASTIC!

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, I'm Mouse and I'm addicted to cheese, but have a pretty nasty relationship with alcohol too, mainly vodka.

This Bus is for anyone and everyone. Drinking or sober, or somewhere in between or just not sure if you're drinking too much........... this is the place to ask and maybe have a chat too.

No pressure, no judging, no cliquey savoury flans (although I'm rather partial to a cheese slice ), we're all on The Bus for the same reason; alcohol.

Even if it's not you, and you'd like to talk about someone you know, come and say hi. We won't bite, well, not unless you ask very nicely!

And, if you'd like to see our journey so far, follow THIS LINK and read back through the previous links there.

See you soon xx

saf you can do it very cheaply and it's GREAT! I love my pond very much; It's about my most relaxing (non) activity to pond-gaze - kneeling on a mat bent over the oak beams that make up one side of the pond, big arse in the air and face right by the water. It's like a minature alien world, and you have to spend a good five minutes gazing before you even start to see things. It's like you 'get your eye in' or like looking at one of those 3D pictures where you can't see anything and then suddenly it just sort of pops out at you. You'll be looking in the pond and then suddenly realise you're nose to nose with a little frog peeping out of the pond weed at you. It's far and away the best thing you can do for wildlife in your garden too.

You can have a pond as small as a half barrel, or as big as you like. Ours is about 6/7 feet long by 3 feet wide, and then there's an adjacent bog garden about another 3 feet wide. Last year we added an alpine garden at the end. It slopes so that it's shallow at one end and 2-3ft deep at the other. No fish, because they eat everything else, so we've got many frogs (we counted 17 yesterday! ), many many tadpoles, newt Gingrich, dragonfly nymphs, damselfly nymphs, backswimmers, water beetles, etc. I'd be very happy to tell you anything you'd like about a pond!

HT you are doing fantastically and if you survive one wobble you can get through another....It's day 7 for me but I'm not really counting. The antabuse has somehow changed the way I think about drinking and the cravings have all but disappeared. But it can't be as easy as that can it, so plenty of other work to be done too. Tomorrow night will be interesting, with all my work mates getting pissed on champers...

All this talk of bare legs and skirts :) The skin on my legs looks like that of a plucked chicken so maybe maxis are the answer but DD says I'M TOO OLD to wear one. Of course she's probably right, I remember them from the first time round...

qo good to hear from you and glad your little derailment has taught you something. I'm sure I'll have many along the way. Love to everyone else, Saf your positivity is infectious. And BTW, I've decided to rename myself SobaSoma as it'll give me that extra little push - hope I'm not tempting fate. Have a lovely sunny day everyone, I'm at work till 2 and then off to the dentist for my toothache! Hope yours gets better qo

Mia my DM has always told me I'm "volatile" so maybe that's what you are too! She used to make me think it was not a good thing but at least it means you're not boring!

OKaaaay... Calmer now. I would be very happy to give pond advice - as you can see it's an interest of mine, and it gives us so much pleasure that I'm happy to pass it on. In the last place we lived (rented), we had (with permission) created a little pond which we loved, but the landlords wanted it filled in when we left. It was full of tadpoles and we were really upset, so the first thing we did when we bought this house was build a pond. There was an overlap of over a month whilst we were still in the old house in SW London, and we were having the house here (nr Guildford) rewired, so we would come down and 'camp' in the empty house here to build the pond, and then I bought loads of 10L buckets and we hired a van to move the entire contents of the pond 35 miles down the A3 to its new home. It took us several trips. Our sparkies thought we were completely mental, and now that I type it out it does sound utterly bonkers. They were always to be found having their tea and lunch out by the pond though, and commenting on all the things they could see in there! I should write a blog post about it, shouldn't I.

Your bird bath sounds beautiful saf - a lovely little sanctuary of peace and sustenance in the corner of your garden.

Ok I was going to come on and write a short post about how I'm feeling much better over the last few days (you can tell, I expect ) and say how wonderful it is to hear how positive everyone is sounding. Big hug to ma though and hope you and your mum feel better.

I felt so much better yesterday that I didn't feel the yearning for wine. DP fancied a glass with dinner though so I had one too but didn't finish it! and poured the last couple of inches into DP's glass. Planning on having just a glass with dinner tonight too.

I wish I could say that I'm feeling better for not drinking so much, but I think it's the other way round tbh - I'm drinking less because I'm feeling better. It's a positive cycle though, isn't it, so hopefully I'll continue to feel better if I'm drinking less.

Had a long talk with DD yesterday after she threw a big strop in the afternoon which I didn't overreact to (I found my pause!) and then she was really tearful and upset afterwards saying everything is her fault. I think that me not reacting to her/snapping at her gave her the space to actually be vulnerable and tell me how sad she's feeling. I feel so so guilty that I've been so down and irritable lately. I tried to explain to her about depression and how it means I've been reacting too quickly and too strongly to irritations that are just a normal part of life and parenting. It is NOT her fault - she's being a normal child and it's my responses that I need to work on. Anyway we had a good talk and I really hope I managed to help her understand.

God what a bloody essay again! I wanted to respond to some individual posts but I'm going to go and get us both showered and come back later.

I hope you're all enjoying the sober sunshine! xxx

Good morning everyone, what a gorgeous day! Perfect for pond-watching

Even if I include Saturdays blip, this must be the longest I haven't had any alcohol for ages. I think I'm sleeping better too.

How is everybody? I haven't seen greyhound for ages. What are you all doing?

Afternoon, tis me Mouse

Truth -sorry I broke yesterday

Today I'm wearing another floaty dress and feel amazingly fantastic given that I've been up with Nemo since 4.15am!!!!!!!!!

We've been to Stay & Play in our PJs because it's sleep week, oh how I laughed at the suggestions given

Soma - you are never too old for a maxi, they are timeless classics.

Ma - don't disappear, come and tell us about what's upsetting you lovely lady. xx

Saf - thank you, I'd totally forgotten the 'time out' idea. Yesterday I was in the firing line for a few slaps from Nemo because he was hot, tired and generally not wanting to co-operate with anyone and instead of getting upset about it, I went to put more washing out without him. Surrounded by bird song, bright blue sky, glorious sunshine and trees gently swaying in the breeze.

I could have been anywhere in the world and for those few minutes, it was my world. I felt so much calmer and was able to take the time needed to explain to Nemo that I was trying to help him cool down, instead of just stripping him off and putting him in the bath. That's not who I am and not who I want to be, shouty 'mummy bear'

Mia - that's exactly like DD and I. If I sit and listen to her, I mean really listen, she opens up and that is something that I never want to lose with her. She is a very emotional person and often get's upset with what I would say are the 'little' things in life.....

I have to devote so much of my time to Nemo that I try extra hard to include her and be there for her as much as I can. I've never had a relationship like that with my mother. She's hard work and very difficult to please so I stopped trying that a long time ago.

Families are hard work no matter what the dynamic is.....

We're off out again shortly, back into town to get a few more summery things. I'm going to take Nemo to the park again. He loved it yesterday and it's just far too nice to stay in!

I've not heard from a few babes actually Joey, I'm hoping they are all just busy with real life and enjoying the early summer

Be back later Babes xxxx

Hello

All school exams over..Yaay and Yaay again.

I won't say too much about my job, but, it breaks my heart every year, when hours and hours of careful self-esteem building, precious progress made and confidence gained.....all shot to pieces in a very short space of time.

Anyway.....about that maxi, I can't remember exactly how old you are Soma, but I don't think you're much different in age to me, and I've got one!! Admittedly I've only worn it once, but having read your post I went and tried it on, ooh it feels so lovely, all floaty and swishy, don't care what it looks like , and now I've decided to wear it as often as I can!!
xxxx

Afternoon all babes!

I'm just checking in to log the 4 week mark. I can't believe that it's 28 days ago that I was sitting where I am now, reading this thread while planning to neck my last bottle of wine, and having my Eureka moment, my epiphany, my wake-up call, whatever ...

I feel I am gathering up all the tangled threads of my tatty life and weaving them into a tapestry that I'm quite happy to put on show to the world (wow, that was quite poetic for me )

I've lost 3 pounds just by cutting out the bottle a night habit, and I've started my neglected running again to push me towards losing another stone; 90 minutes walk in the glorious evening sunshine on Tuesday, and 90 minutes today, with 60 seconds running every 10 minutes. Planning to build this up gradually, as I'm quite unfit (unsurprisingly) but I'm enjoying the endorphin rush and skip-in-my-step that it gives me.

Life seems worth grabbing, living, loving now - not just something that I spend time in. A major shift in perspective, all because of being sober.

Enough of my self-indulgent prattling. I'm trying to keep up with all your stories, and still getting so much inspiration from the vibe on here. Soma - love the name change, and so glad you are getting a handle on the drinking now.

Erghh ... I think I better take myself off for a shower! xxx

Apologies in advance for the 'me, me, me' message but had a bit of a crap day.

Just heard that my SIL has lost her much longed for baby girl at 21 weeks. She was by all accounts perfectly healthy but apparently the cord was wrapped tightly around her neck. This was to be their 2nd child and it had taken them 6 years to conceive again. Know some of you Babes have been in a similar situation so am sure you can relate to the grief and turmoil my BIL & SIL must be going through .

Also feeling a bit rubbish (although pales into insignance compared to the above) as GP changed my ADs from Fluoxetine to Amiltriptyline as didn't appear to working any longer, but don't think it agrees with me. Feel like a total zombie from its sedation properties. Maybe I just need a higher dose of Fluox??

Sorry to sound so self indulgent. x

bit of a leap to go from the mildest ssri over to a tricyclic - were there any other reasons? logical port of call would have been either to up your dose or if that was already high enough to switch you to another ssri. bit confused by that one chasing. how has switched you over? did you taper off the fluoxetine first then taper up the amiltriptylne - what dose does he have you at? tricyclics are sedating and give all the dry mouth, foggy head type side effects. best taken at night.

very sorry about your sil one of the worst things isn't it?

Chasing, I can't begin to imagine the pain your family is going through; that must be one of the worst things to happen to anyone, and just when they thought their 6 year heartache was over. No one expects to lose a baby that far into pregnancy.

I do hope you will all find the strength to support each other. No words can really fit the bill, can they?

chasing I am so, so sorry, that is a terrible loss for your SIL and her DH

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Chasing - so, so sorry to hear about your S/BIL's loss there is no greater pain than losing something so precious and wanted. xx

Can I ask what does of Amitriptyline you are on? And I totally agree with Saf - that's a weird switch, is there any crossover from one to another?

Thurso! - so glad to see you I know what you mean about all of the hard work put in to build and feather their wings only to have them singed in the glare of the task ahead. . DD is hating her school life just now.... she's only 13 and taking her GCSE's. Oh well, The Powers That Be appear to know what they are doing.......

Carrie - well done on 4 weeks! That's fab news

I'm shattered! Nemo and I went out into town, I managed to find him some t-shirts that didn't have 'Lady's Man' or 'Footballer In The Making' type print on.... why not 'Cricketer In The Making'?

Anyway, we did a bit of shopping and then headed off to the park again. I had some woman saying within earshot 'Oh look at that little boy, he's disabled just like Nanna' to her child. I wasn't sure how to feel about it really.....

We ended the day with a toffee and fudge hand made ice-cream in a crispy cone, dipped in chocolate. Ahhhhh............ now that is my idea of heaven on a hot day. Yuk to warm wine/beer/cider in beer gardens.

Nemo is now in bed, he's exhausted. DH is off to play golf tomorrow after finishing a bit more DIY (he's done loads and it all looks ace) and we have pre-school. Not sure what to do in the afternoon as it's going to be 28 degrees here. I think we'll see if anyone fancies ice-cream at the castle and find some shade or get in the moat with the swans.

Night night all, stay Brave xx

Ma - hope you're okay xx

Oh Chasing I'm so sorry to hear that. Just after the excitement of the 20wk scan too. I'm sorry you're not feeling any better from the amitriptyline, did the GP say how long initial side effects are likely to last? As I said in pm I didn't stick at it when they tried me on it in my early 20s for just the reason you describe - I felt like a zombie, and not in a good way. I agree with saf that there are other lots of other options to try between fluoxitine and a tricyclic, although with your migraines as well it might be worth sticking it out for a bit longer to see if you adjust?

SobaSoma you are reinvented and no longer sad!! Hurrah for that! xx

Carrie said "I feel I am gathering up all the tangled threads of my tatty life and weaving them into a tapestry that I'm quite happy to put on show to the world (wow, that was quite poetic for me grin)"

That's lovely, that is! How eloquently put. Congratulations on your 4 weeks and all the positive changes you're making.

Thurso said "I won't say too much about my job, but, it breaks my heart every year, when hours and hours of careful self-esteem building, precious progress made and confidence gained.....all shot to pieces in a very short space of time."

Ooh I'm intrigued now! Are you a teacher then?

Mouse that's exactly it; I need to really listen to her, which takes calmness and space. I haven't had much of that lately. Today I stayed calm against all the mild/moderate provocation, imposed sanctions without shouting or getting cross, and we had a really good day.

Phew, have just exfoliated from head to toe so am now glowing

I bought some peppermint cordial today and another bag of ice, a bottle of sparkling raspberry, some of that new apple & peach ribena, a bottle of bitter lemon and some plain sparkling water. Now, suggestions please, what goes nicely with what?

Just responding to posts that I meant to answer this morning but swept up in mad pond enthusiasm.

Soma I hope your toothache is better today. It's one of the worst kinds of pain, isn't it - you can't escape it. I'm certainly not a morning person at all, although once I'm up and about I like being up early. It's just the initial waking up. I think it's because I often don't sleep well so I never feel I've had enough, iyswim.

Pre-loading... hmm... I never did it to get more drunk, just because there's no way I could wait until going out to start drinking. Also I get nervous about social occasions, so I drink to worsen the situation combat that. When I occasionally go 'out with the girls' locally, I try not to drink too much wine beforehand so I don't turn up obviously pissed without success.

Truth thank you for your kind words. I was supposed to get married tomorrow (just a very small registry office do with my reluctant anti-marriage DP). I called it off a few weeks ago, because ultimately I didn't want to marry DP when his heart wasn't in it. He and our relationship are great and I've never remotely doubted his commitment to me, so after a bit of a blip we're back to normal. Bit of a day tomorrow, especially as the weather is so glorious (registry office a victorian building cloaked in wisteria), but I'm going out for a pub lunch with my friend and DD (and our dogs), then this lovely treat for my birthday. Better than moping and subtlely making DP feel guilty. I've been meaning to update the blog all week, just haven't had a clear run at it.

Ok I'm off for tonight. Happy sunny days Brave Baves! xx

hey mouse and faire and thurso and everyone
I'm ok but mostly in the sidecar. Just not in the right place . think I'm going to lose my job come September - long story.
Dh has gone to bed iin the huff about something - he's spoiling for a fight and I haven't the energy. think I'll go out into the garden and watch the pipistrelles.

Ah Ma we have a little bat just outside the living room window usually. You have just reminded me that I haven't see him yet this year.

So sorry to hear that you are facing some tough times. Jobs are a worry, everyone seems to be working so hard just to cling on to them. My poor dh is worn out with the demands of his job but feels lucky to have one these days. I hope it doesn't come to that for you, it's a bit of a way off yet, things could change x

Morning all. I have a boing despite having to get up at the crack o' dawn

Isiinde, could not agree more re your previous posts. I could bang on about that for hours but I would end up shouting and swearing And it doesn't feel like there's anything we can do to change things

Ma, chin up, chuck

Chasing so sorry about your SIL, that's so sad. Life is so hard sometimes x

Carrie congrats!

Mia I will be thinking of you this weekend. I hope you have a lovely time with your lovely DP, and a very happy birthday. I will drink a toast (of a N&T natch ) to you x

Soma fab name change! You're doing great, well done!

Hello everyone else. We're away for a few days so still can't get my proper fix of Gerald! Have good days everyone.