The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Are Going To Need A Bigger Bus!

[Mouseface]

Which is FANTASTIC!

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, I'm Mouse and I'm addicted to cheese, but have a pretty nasty relationship with alcohol too, mainly vodka.

This Bus is for anyone and everyone. Drinking or sober, or somewhere in between or just not sure if you're drinking too much........... this is the place to ask and maybe have a chat too.

No pressure, no judging, no cliquey savoury flans (although I'm rather partial to a cheese slice ), we're all on The Bus for the same reason; alcohol.

Even if it's not you, and you'd like to talk about someone you know, come and say hi. We won't bite, well, not unless you ask very nicely!

And, if you'd like to see our journey so far, follow THIS LINK and read back through the previous links there.

See you soon xx

still catching up but if you're a migraine sufferer it makes slightly more sense chasing - the doc might be thinking two birds with one stone. i took amiltriptylene whilst pregnant as it has the longest safety record and despite trying to go med free my depression was hard work and my obstetrician advised i'd be better taking meds so i started them at around 18wks i think. they are dozey making especially if taken in the day but it does tend to settle down and i did find them an effective antidepressant - they are also prescribed for cfs/me which i have had problems with because they improve the actual quality of sleep if taken at night - so not just making you sleep but making you sleep in a better way itms. they're prescribed for headaches in low doses and also for ibs (had my best poos during late pregnancy ) so it may be your doc is trying to treat the depression and migraines in one.

isinde - do people believe those myths do you think? scary shit. i'm hoping people are waking up a bit and realising the incompetence and sheer greed that is at the steering wheel after all the recent fiasco. would love to hear more about what you do - it all sounds fascinating and you clearly have a lot of skills and experience. i'm hoping that the combination of my teaching and training experience with my counselling qualifications could open some interesting doors if i can get creative and confident - thinking seminars and training workshops would be a lucrative and independent route if i could tap into it. i have zero business experience though.

ma - sorry to hear about job insecurity - scary hovering like that. hope you can get some clarity so you can make plans. i find it better to know where i stand.

thanks for your pond enthusiasm mia it's made me think that ooh maybe there's a miniature/beginners way to go about this that doesn't have to cost a fortune.

another lovely day here. need to go grocery shopping and do a bit more painting (i'm the tortoise when it comes to projects in the house - minus the 'surely' aspect as things tend to remain unfinished) and i need to chase up when this trampoline is arriving so i can recruit help to construct it. having coffee with a friend in there somewhere and other than that i shall be pottering in the garden and catching a few rays.

oh and trying to work out what the hell to wear to my interview. everything looks awful on me at the minute due to the extra stone i'm carrying exclusively round my middle. i think i may need to do a 12 step programme for my ice cream consumption.

thanks to all you lovely Babes for your kind words. Spoke to SIL last night who is obviously still in shock. I know it will take a long time to recover both physically and emotionally.

Well, what a gorgeous day - makes me wanna sing! (don't worry I Won't!)

Mia happy birthday & thinking of you today. Hope you have a great time with your friend in this lovely sun & create different special memories of this day. xx

Morning Babes!

I am slowly discovering some boing. The gorgeous weather is such a mood-lift. I'm also rediscovering some enthusiasm for work, instead of blatantly doing sod all (which is what I was doing under the influence). Also now they've cut down to half the Antabuse, I'm far less tired.

Silver You've not been around and I know why but just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you.

Hey Mouse hope Nemo is well. Do you know that there's an ice-cream theme to your posts of late?

Faire We have a colony of bats! I love them flittering in the dusk. Are you sure yours is an only?

Chasing I am truly sorry about your SIL

Mia Have a very happy birthday.

Soma Brilliant name change old Antabuse buddy! Well done!

Have a happy sun-filled day, one and all.

Morning all

Hopefully I think it's just the one because you can actually see him and follow his flight path as he circles, but I am guessing there must be more nearby? Don't really know enough about their living habits but I'm sure some nature loving babes will be along to enlighten me

Mouse are there no carbs in icecream?

Mia have a fab day, my lovely, enjoy every sunny minute. Happy Birthday x

actually my birthday is tomorrow, but THANK YOU Silly, Chasing, Hopefully and Faire for the good wishes - I'm banking them and using them over the weekend!

This morning DD woke me up with 'Happy Wedding Day Mummy!' I had to explain that it's not really happy if it isn't taking place. It's a gorgeous morning though and I'm not going to feel down today. Going for a walk and a pub lunch later on with my friend - DD is wearing her best dress and is weighed down with gaudy jewellery. She wanted me to relax my no make-up for children rule by allowing her to pair scarlet lipstick with her pink and black psychedelic dress... er... no! I straightened her hair yesterday to cut it and she looks about 13 already (she's 9). It's scary tbh.

I will allow myself to be devastated about one thing though...

My dragonfly nymphs have emerged without me being able to photograph them! This morning we've been finding exuviae (the empty nymph cases) all over the garden. I'm amazed how far they've crawled; I'm finding them twenty-five feet away from the pond!

Anyway, I shan't go off on another pond tangent, but saf I'm going to write a blog post on pond building at some point, just for you!

Faire and Hopefully we have a bat that visits every night too, it does swooping circles over and over again, rounding up the insects from the pond. We never close our curtains until it's completely dark and we've seen it for a while! It's been back for about three weeks.

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Mia - Yes, I am doing pure Atkins. Have a lovely Birthday tomorrow and enjoy your weekend. No dwelling of what could have been, just think about what you hold in your hands and heart today xx

I've been in contact with MsGee who sends her love to you all. Today is an anniversary of a very sad kind so she's going to keep busy and spend some time with her gorgeous DD.

Sending you love MsGee xx

HR - really? I hadn't noticed! Unfortunately, there are carbs in ice-cream but I only have 20g worth (of carbs) and then that's my treat and limit for the day. I have an app on my my phone to tell me what's in what and I asked the lady in the shop for the ingredients list. I explained I was a no-carbs dieter and she said - 'you're dieting? Are you mad?' which made me .

I'm almost there

I need to go and do Nemo's lunch for school. DH is out to play golf with a friend so I'm going to just potter this afternoon. It's going to be a very hot one here......

Also got bats here, though not seen them lately. I love the way they follow the same route over and over, like they can see (hear?) road markings.

mia it is a gorgeous sunny day for a walk with your friend and dogs! Hope you a lovely day.

mouse I find the best place to go with hot, irritable children is the swimming-pool (and its usually not busy because everyone else is outside) Can you do that with nemo ? If not, then a paddling pool... DD loves having the sprinkler on - no idea why, they just end up cold and covered in bits of grass.

That's amazing - a whole post and I didn't mention alcohol! This is gonna be a fab weekend!

"gathering up all the tangled threads of my tatty life and weaving them into a tapestry that I'm quite happy to put on show to the world" Carrie, that sums up exactly what I am trying to do with my life.

Children are grown and youngest has just finished her last year at school, so she will soon fly the nest as well. And then it's just me, on my lonesome. Having reared them on my own for the last 15 years (after fleeing from ex husband), I suddenly feel unnecessary and am struggling to find my identity, if that makes sense.

totally makes sense obrigada. i'm a single mother and ds is five. ours is my world itms - it's me and him and our home and our world and etc etc etc. i've only been at it for 5years, you much, much longer. i can only imagine what it is like when that comes to an end and you face it being just you and that chapter drawing to a close. hmm. i guess when people do it as a couple it is still very strange (empty nest syndrome etc) but they do still have each other as that constant. it must be more... intense i guess as a single mother.

i can't imagine marrying or living with someone so i guess i'll be in the same place as you in about 13 years. i'm quite conscious that i need to open my life up and make my world bigger (in manageable doses) and keep some perspective of my life as an individual on her own journey as well as being a mother and part of this unit of me and my son. thought provoking stuff. if you ever want to chat pm me - not that i have anything useful to say but i'm interested

glorious here. off out to the garden to scheme about ponds....

Boing and hello one and all, I feel as though I have been on a roller coaster ride this week, huge highs, frustrating lows, and a grand finale of a newspaper interview this afternoon, eek!

Obrigada, yes I understand so well. Although I am married, my dh before his critical illness was away for the most part and it was me and the boys. A huge chunk of my life went when they left, another void to fill, and although I lead a hectic existence for the most part, just the signs of them being here were enough in the early days to set me off with silent tears. But we adapt and lifestyles change, clever creatures we women.

SobaSoma, so very pleased the antabuse has been just the ticket for you, really really wonderful to hear.

Isinde, like sssm don't get me started. I battle with the so called powers that be on a daily basis, it's a minefield of utter crap.

Mia I love your pond passion, and although today might be bittersweet quite sure you will have a good one, and very Happy Birthday for tomorrow.

Hoping for more ups than downs for one and all, and imagining floating, serene Maxi dress clad babes having a peaceful and content weekend. xx

Mia a very happy birthday for tomorrow - how old will you be, 29? You certainly don't look a day over! Bproud was it you who asked my age? I must be older than you at 54! I'm wearing an almost maxi-length skirt today so maybe I can get away with a few extra inches!

Saf a very thought-provoking post which resonated through and through. Single mum too with DD of 12 and I can't imagine being coupled-up again EVER. Obrigada I have a couple of similar-age friends and we muse about the possibility of moving in together one day or having adjacent homes. One of them is even married at the moment but has said as soon as the kids leave home, she wants to be old, free and single! I wonder at the prospect of being truly alone as well, but it doesn't really frighten me as I like my own company (as long as I don't use booze as a friend of course) and I intend to find a gang of similar-minded eccentric biddies and as many animals as I can deal with.

Hopefully glad things are going well for you. What dose are you on now? I think I'm beginning to cope with the tiredness a bit better but it's still a pain (I'm on 200mg a day, take it at night). Ma sorry to hear about your impending job-loss but who knows it could turn out to be a positive development. When I was made redundant from cushy, long-term career a few years back I was terrified but it's led me onto doing something I enjoy much more and I don't dread going to work anymore.

I can't quite believe how the desire to drink has left me and that I don't seem to miss it that much. Maybe for me it's about getting out of the habit. I've already told my mates that I won't be drinking tonight because I'm taking medication (which I most certainly am) and if they ask what it's for, I'll just tell them to mind their own! Hello to everyone else and thanks for your good wishes. I'm still getting flat times and know I miss the thrill of alcohol but overall I feel so much healthier physically and mentally. As we all know, booze interferes with the efficacy of SSRIs (which I take) so maybe at last I'm giving them a chance to work properly.

Enjoy the sunshine everyone xx

soma glad to hear you're feeling good! I am getting out the habit of automatically thinking of wine with everything... am going to splash out on ice-cream and lollies instead this weekend.

Is it sad that I always used to get 'rum 'n raisin' ice-cream ?! How much alcohol was in that anyway

Good evening Babes

What a beautiful day it has been. I have spent the afternoon with a wonderful friend and it was lovely. Then I went shopping and treated myself to some new makeup. Definitely a good day.

Soba Love the new name Hope you have a fab night out tonight. You sound as though you have got it covererd re questions about drinking. Have a good weekend xx

Mia Happy Birthday for tomorrow! Sorry to be a pain but can you link to your blog again please, I forgot to save it to my favourites and no matter how many times I look I just can't see the link on the thread. Hope you have had a lovely day today x

Chasing So sorry to hear about your SIL.

Silver Hope you are as ok as you can be, thinking of you.

Sorry not to namecheck everyone, can only be on here quickly becuase DS wants to come on for "homework" yeah right

Have a lovely evening everyone, probably be back later

xx

Truth my blog is here Thank you very much for being interested!

I didn't manage to maintain my good mood today, despite the lovely weather and a very nice pub lunch. I'm in a horrible self-pitying excessive state. But whereas what I want to do is just get steadily hammered, and also smoke just to get that feeling of obliteration, I have managed to rein it back. I've drunk a bit too much wine but I'm not really really pissed. I'm not going to go to the co-op and buy a cigar. I'm not going to knock on my neighbours' door and ask for a fag. I haven't yet rifled through the bowl in the cupboard that contains the charred bits of the grass that my friend left me when she was here last year. I'm only sipping at the big glass of wine beside me because I don't want to ruin tomorrow. I don't want to be really hungover to have to drive 4hrs and not snap at my Dmum and Dstepdad. I don't want to be hungover and not fully enjoy the meal tomorrow. So I should stop, shouldn't I?

I know I'm being an immature drama queen. I've not said anything to DP though; I don't know whether he even realises I'm upset (interpreting body language not being his strong point). I should just get an early night and stop dwelling on it all, shouldn't I.

hey all and thanks for support re job. old boss is still in regular contact and being a sweetie - very supportive. Pity he's old, married and ugly or I would shag him just for being so kind.. have seen another job to apply for and am getting on with that. it's much higher up the ladder than I am normally so its a long shot but got to try. Fecking good salary though - seems unreal that I could maybe earn that kind of money one day. The little voice that tells me I'm not good enough kicks in again.The same one that told me I couldn't run a 5K - ha! Fuck the fuck off mate.
Must just share this:
10 year old DS came home tonight from school hot and tired. Looked at me plaintively and said "mum, don't ask me to remember anything. We've been doing decimals and my head is full up."

Also, words you do not want to hear during your smear test...."ummm, I think I'm going to have to get a longer speculum"
Didn't know whether to be proud or mortified.

mia I have just looked at your blog - it's fantastic! Wish I had the patience to do something like that.

And I don't think you're being immature at all, it's totally natural to feel self-pity right now. It will pass.

ma I didn't even know they made different length speculums...

here we go again! quick 'boing' in and out!

i am so busy its silly, i have a launch in the morning, hence up late and making daft mistakes (my press release sounds pants right now!) just wanted to say, obrigada hugs to you!!!, although im not a lone parent, i have just the one wonderful child, she left for 'oop north' a month ago, i miss her more than words can say and the realisation that my life as a nurturing, caring mother is over has left me feeling bereft!, may sound stupid to some, just cant help it!

love to all!

btw, isindi for PM!!!!! you got my vote!

Morning Babes

Mia Thanks for the link . Sorry you were feeling crap yesterday, but you are definitely not an immature drama queen that title is mine . I'm no good at the tough love thing (it never works for me anyway) but hopefully you didn't continue drinking and you wake today fairly refreshed and have a lovely day and enjoy your meal. Though I would have gone and bought a cigar, I love them too

Ma I didn't though they made different length speculums either. God, does that mean they make different width ones too? Eek not looking forward to my next smear now Good luck with applyingfor the new job, and I echo everything Isin says.

Has anyone heard from greyhound? Hope she is ok.

Soba Hope you enjoyed your evening out x

Well I confronted DH last night about why he never mentioned my excess drinking and hiding bottles and why he hasn't mentioned that i have not been drinking for the last few weeks. His response was that he didn't want to offend me nor appear controlling . I reacted in a not mature way by saying well if I drank myself to death or ate myself to death (I have gained 2 stone in the last year) then I would have no chance of being offended because I would be, well dead. I know, it was a really crap way of me dealing with it. But as I said to him, I can't imagine seeing him on a self destructive path and not mentioning it. He just looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights. Ho hum.

Well a busy day for me, football, maypole dancing (the Dc not me ) and hopefully I will be able to fit in a bit more gardening too.

Have a good day Babes

xx

BOING!!

It's not a Brave Babe Boing really because it hasn't come about through my restraint (although I did stop drinking last night after posted).

I'm boinging because having got up at 5.30am to see if I could spot any dragonfly nymphs emerging, I GOT ONE!! I'm bloody thrilled!

I woke up at 5.30 - normal so far, but instead of going back to sleep I thought 'I'll just have a look round the pond - last chance saloon'. I did, and found nothing. After 20 mins of fruitless searching I decided to go back to bed and as I walked away from the pond I found one in the grass. I followed it for over an hour, redirecting it away from long grass, and finally it crawled up the wall and did its thing - there's now a stunning dragonfly sitting on the wall, and I've taken almost 200 photos! Best birthday present I could think of.

Thank you Joey and Truth I didn't smoke, stopped drinking, had a slice of tart and went to bed. Today's a new and lovely day.

Ma I'm sorry to hear about your job. It sounds trite to say it, but the old saying 'one door closes and another one opens' might be the case here, especially considering how much you'd like to work with your old boss?

ma - go for it. they reckon one of the reasons men end up in the better paid positions is because they are confident to go for it whereas women question their self worth and don't take risks on applying for jobs they see as 'out of their league'. so do it for the sisters

oh and it just means you have a higher cervix/longer vagina - i'm a shortie. anyone interested in learning more about the diversity of women's bits in all their glory should google, 'my beautiful cervix'.

mia - hope you feel a bit brighter today.

seriously struggling with what to wear for interview. i looked in a few departments the other day and the suits that are around at the minute really, really do not suit me. they're all little short, one button jackets that make me look like a barrel and really actually are not designed for women with breasts which is handy given women do tend to have tits!! tailored dresses again i look like a barrel in and to have them big enough around the breasts and middle they have to be stupidly gapey and baggy around the back and shoulders so look horrible. i have a very old but serviceable little lightweight faux suede jacket that i can wear open (not sure it would do up with a smart vest/tanktop and i guess i could buy a pair of smart trousers but i think it's actually too cold/officey for a counsellor - but then again it's an MSc and we'll be pretty much straight out on placements so they need to see we can dress professionally i guess. just aaaarggghhhh! don't really want to spend a fortune on a suit that i don't really like and hopefully will never use again once i lose this extra stone or so.

that was long and dull. help. i'm so 'out' of this kind of stuff after my years at home. i think i'm getting there in terms of being able to talk about why i want to do the role, why the particular course and discipline and my academic/professional route in the past. and i think i can justify/big up my time out of the workplace. i need to find something to wear that will satisfy the 'smart, professional, etc' but that i'll actually feel comfortable and myself in.

crikey this is meant to be about drinking isn't it? no cravings or anything for ages. think it's 7 weeks on tuesday. really need to tackle the eating though. hoping the hotter weather will help. sorry for waffly me, me, me post and boring you all with my interview worries.

x posted!

Happy Birthday Mia glad you got an early present from mother nature.

Yes they do indeed (make different size speculums, or should that be speculae?) Small, medium, and long (or sometimes called medium/long). How do I know? Because I order the damn things for the GP practice where I work! I think I'd be rather pleased if I needed a longer one Ma, men are so proud of their long dicks, why shouldn't be proud of our long vaginas! God it was really hard to write that word, am I really such a prude?

Saf re: what to wear, how about a classic wrap-dress? They're great for us huge-bangered ones and drape beautifully everywhere else, as long as the fabric isn't too clingy. You'd need to wear a vest top underneath as the front comes very low but that's good because it breaks up the chest area. I haven't owned a suit/seen anyone wear one in yonks, didn't they go out in the 90s? Mia happy birthday and will be off to your blog in a mo to look at the new pictures. It must be great to have such a passion in your life - I had a very strange mixed-up dream last night about greyhounds, tame crocodiles and spiders so maybe I should open a zoo...

HT your DH sounds so sweet and maybe just hates being confrontational in any way. But your post did make me laugh. And I managed to GO OUT LAST NIGHT AND HAVE A GREAT TIME WHILST EVERYONE ELSE WAS PISSED AND NOT HAVE A DRINK MYSELF. Most definitely a first and I even won the prize for having done the most daring/daft thing competition. Which was doing a streak (quaint 80s word for running naked) down the Kilburn High Road in the middle of the night whilst at a party. Was in a group of other similarly pissed-up girls of course and we all ended up in the bath together (with some boys who were too chicken to join us in the naked run).

Well, it's my 8th hangover-free morning and I must make sure I fill my day with good things. Joey glad it's getting a bit easier for you and Hopefully do make sure you tell me about your antabuse dose. Hello to everyone else and am off to the scales now to see how much a week's not drinking has affected my weight. a pound off would be nice... xx