The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Are Going To Need A Bigger Bus!

[Mouseface]

Which is FANTASTIC!

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, I'm Mouse and I'm addicted to cheese, but have a pretty nasty relationship with alcohol too, mainly vodka.

This Bus is for anyone and everyone. Drinking or sober, or somewhere in between or just not sure if you're drinking too much........... this is the place to ask and maybe have a chat too.

No pressure, no judging, no cliquey savoury flans (although I'm rather partial to a cheese slice ), we're all on The Bus for the same reason; alcohol.

Even if it's not you, and you'd like to talk about someone you know, come and say hi. We won't bite, well, not unless you ask very nicely!

And, if you'd like to see our journey so far, follow THIS LINK and read back through the previous links there.

See you soon xx

thanks all - my legs are killing me but feel happy.
silver how are things?

well done Ma !

I am about to start a 2-week alcohol-free fast. Last night was a horrible evening, I didn't drink that much, but found it stressful. My MIL tried to make me feel guilty about drinking too much (although she starts drinking cider from a mug about 5pm!) and I just felt like the whole evening I was watching my glass...

I hope it won't be too hard... will have to think of a treat to get myself for next weekend.

Well done Ma!!! About to start week 2 of C25K

It's much easier to have none Joey and leave all that stress behind. I know that I can have a drink anytime I want but most of the time I don't want it for the same reasons as you really. It just takes so much more effort to drink mindfully than to not drink at all.

Plan your not drinking, plan your alternatives, throw in some treats and feel good about your decisions too. It's a win-win situation

Stick with it chasing

well done ma and well done HR on the ginger beer. it's just associations isn't it? all about building new ones.

meeting was ok - went for a coffee with a couple of women afterwards and tomorrow am going to a meditation class that some addiction service funds - apparently they do acupuncture and all sorts - nice perk

sunday night is a lovely time now. i have the pleasure of knowing it's back to school in the morning and i cuddle and appreciate ds safe in knowledge i'll get some time to myself tomorrow. i also get to pat myself on the back for the productive or just plain sober weekend we have passed. there has been no drama, no messiness, no shame and another week has been successfully lived without major incident. that'll do pig

seem to be winking a lot - creepy.

Hello everyone and very well done Ma, you deserve to be proud.

Alias so sorry for the horror of last night, incredibly stressful for you. Unfortunately I can't 'do' an alcohol control regime, but lots of babes can like Faire, just not for me. But I'm happy and have so many other time consuming treats, my ever increasing livestock, a passion for vintage textiles, seem to have become addicted to French monogrammed sheets this year, my garden and so much more, I wasted so much time drinking, and am making up for it now with the precious free time that comes my way.

Soma I am totally natural, so many pretty weeds got a good crop of white nettle at the moment! Prior to dm succumbing to the gin, she was an exceptional plantswoman, and I have managed to reproduce as much as I can the english country garden that she so loved, with lots of her cuttings and ideas. Am very fond of scent and an explosion of colour, with the heat this coming week it should start to become the riot. One concession to order is the vegetable garden, but dh generally controls that. So pleased that the Antabuse is working lovely.

Hope this warm and wonderful week coming is kind to one and all bright and beautiful babes. xx

Hello lovely Babes

Am just checking in - I'd like to wish everyone a good week. xxx

Congratulations Ma!

About to watch the final episode of The Bridge. Gripping stuff - could never manage sub-titles when pissed.

Just saying goodnight everyone, have just downed my second antabuse with a lovely glass of Schloer! I haven't had any real cravings today but feel strangely flat - I seem to remember a couple of other babes reporting that once they'd decided to become sober they expected more boing so I suppose it's normal. It's made me realise that I've been using alcohol as an escape, a friend to fill my time and my mind.

That's why your post Sarah has come at a very good time for me and your garden sounds lovely. I plan to indulge my love of music more and a woman is coming to assess my house tomorrow to see if I could take one of their rescue dogs. I'm looking for a largish, gentle dog who loves to be energetic when he's outside but a calm, loving presence indoors. Am I asking the impossible? Anyway it's lovely to have had a sober weekend and to look forward to a sober week. I feel like a baby learning how to walk and I'm sure I'll fall over many many times.

Nite nite xx

i watched that venus - twas good. did you watch the original 'the killing'? that was very good and also 'spirals' (french - engrenages) that was good too. agree subtitles are much easier sober

good morning and happy new week babes. i'm going to make this an active one doing things that are good for me. meditation today, meetings weds and thurs and having acupuncture on friday. will also make sure i do a couple of social things to catch up with friends. plus will schedule at least one 'fun' activity for ds - there's a fair on in town so if i can face it i might take him along to that.

next week is my interview for the msc - scared but it's silly of me really because they liked my application, cv and references so i'd hope that i can't cock it up too badly!

thinking of you silver - hope your week is manageable and you manage to find some snatches of space for taking care of yourself and collecting yourself itms x

Morning all,

Isinde how lovely to see you, how it going darling?

Off to work now,
Have good days all
xxxx

sadsoma - good luck with assessment your description sounds like my dog - my sister was so worried about having her because she's a big dog and very lively and energetic when out - she was really surprised how chilled and easy she was in the house. it is definitely the best balance.

Hello to those of you who know me, I really hope it's ok to post here again after leaving under a bit of a cloud?

For those of you tha don't know (or remember) me, Hello I'm qo and I used to be a regular poster over a year ago.

It's been over a year since I got myself cleaned up - I'd stopped counting but news of Kate and Wills one year anniversary reminded me it had been a year exactly since I really got it together and dried out.

I never used AA and it hasn't even been a struggle, I'd got my life back, my kids were happy, I was happy. Getting sober was the hard part, staying sober wasn't.

So please someone tell me why I drank yesterday? And me being me I had to do it in spectacular style :(

I drank way way too much, argued with my friends boyfriend, told her loads of personal things taht I should have just kept to myself, passed out on her sofa and think I wet myself as well.
Worst of all, was leaving my DD while I did it, She wasn't alone my eldest is here (he's 22) but I never even asked him if it was ok to babysit, I didn't care to be honest I was too drunk. I never made her get a bath, I wasn't here to tuck her in - I have no idea what time she went to bed or anything. I totally put drink before her again yesterday.

I'm still carrying around crippling guilt with me over all the years I'd done this to her, I pick at it like a scab and now I've done it again. I just cant believe myself :(

I don't think, even after a year, that she trusted me fully maybe she never will, especially after this.

I feel like so much crap, physically and mentally. I want to hide from everyone, I've got that old fear and shame combo back again,why why why would I ever want to do this to myself again?

Hi Qo - you've done it before, cleaned up your act, stopped drinking and you can do it again. Yesterday was a set back. You made a mistake. You have been reminded why you had to stop drinking alcohol as it was not something you could easily control.

We haven't talked before - I have only been here a few weeks. My drinking, which I managed to give up completely for about five days, has become nightly once again.

I am trying to cut down, not abstain completely. However, I am finding it really difficult.

Why do you think you drank yesterday? Was there anything in particular or did you just suddenly want to drink? Were you testing yourself to see if you would be able to cope with alcohol? Were you depressed?

qo, we've never "met" but I feel for you so much. Firstly well done on staying sober for so long. I've decided very recently that sobriety is the only way forward for me and have recently started on antabuse to give me a kick-start. It's very early days for me and I know that staying sober is going to be the hard part.

Do you have any idea what triggered you to drink yesterday? Try to extract something good from it, a reminder that you absolutely cannot drink because you know what the consequences will be. Perhaps, because you've been sober for so long, you thought maybe, just maybe, you could drink normally again. And at least now you know you can't. So you've learnt something! How old is DD? Mine is only 12 and has known for a long time that I have drink problems but I talk to her about them and she's really understanding. I've done some bad things to her but she's forgiven me (so far). Can you talk to DD and admit how vulnerable you feel, that the last thing you wanted to do was let her down again and that you love her more than anything?

Please don't spend any more time beating yourself up, I'm sure some old-timers will be along soon to offer you better advice but I just wanted to say be proud of what you've achieved thus far and see this as absolute proof (if you needed it) that you can't drink.

Saf very excited about dog now, remind me what breed yours is? I medidate (after a fashion) myself, how do you go about it? Feeling much more positive this morning, taking the antabuse last night was a bit like a sleeping pill, I was out like a light. Will see if the tiredness hits me later.

Love to all, especially you qo xx

qo I'm new to this sober business, (24 days in), so I'm probably not the person to advise you ... what do you think the trigger was? Did you think you could control it after a year sober? did you take the first drink for pleasure or for self-medication?

One year is a fantastic achievement - more than most of us can dream of. I know you feel wretched at 'spoiling it all', and the crap feelings and guilt are all-consuming right now, but today is another day - learn from it, pick yourself up, and start again. Don't let one terrible day ruin all you have achieved.

Sorry, I am probably talking a load of unhelpful bollocks. But I feel for you, I really do; I'm hoping to be long-term sober, and I would feel totally shocking in your shoes. But it was one day in 365. Good luck xx

Hi greyhound thanks for answering Yesterday I took a drink out of my sons hand and swigged it because I had toothache and after that I wanted to join in with everyone else, it was a warm sunny day everyone was sitting outside having fun (not because I'm an alcoholic at all!!!).

I kept telling myself that I would go home, I woudn't get bladdered, I would just have a little drink etc of course it didnt work out that way, it never does for me.

DD seems ok with me this morning, she's given me a kiss & a hug and told me she loves me and wished me a nice day, I was terrified of her being pissed of with me, I can't cope with upsetting her. I've been awake since 5 in anguish wondering whether to apologise to her and promise her it will never happen again, or to not mention it and hope it just fades from her memory in time. I took the latter option.

Just trie ringin my friend to apologise and ask her not to mention any of the personal things I told her last night, no answer. I know she wont but her boyfriend might and I'm really really scared. I could kick my own head in I honestly could, my life's been so good since I gave up alcohol, I've really had no desire for it, I was happy and glad to see the back of it, what on earth possessed me :(

sorry for all the x-posts, its taking me ages to answer. You're all so kind, I'm in tears now.

Sadsoma, my dd is 11 and I've let her down in so many ways in the past, and as you can see from my previous post I chose not to talk to her about it this morning although I have apologised in the past when things were really bad all the time. I decided not to this morning as she wasnt actually there witnessing it, although aware that I wasn't home and that I was drinking at friends house. She was asleep when I came home.

Got hold of freind and apologised and asked her not to repeat what I'd told her, she wont I know that. I'm still going to be ashamed when I see her next, I really do want to hide away from everyone, I've turned my sister away this morning (didnt say why, just said I was tired and going back to bed)

I have really bad anxiety :(

qo i really think that today is the day to ring the aa line. it's great that you did it all alone (stopped drinking) but having support, being involved in something that constantly reminds you of the importance of your sobriety and why you can't have that first drink really, really helps. it takes more than not drinking tbh - you have to deal with the head stuff too and the coming to terms with what you've done, what you could do, what you need to do etc etc etc. dealing with this condition is about far more than just not drinking - though that bit is absolutely essential obviously and is the gateway to the rest of it. why go it alone when you can do it with support and company and with all the acquired wisdom of those much further down the path of sobriety than you? (though they do say the person who got up first this morning is the one longest sober there's still a lot of wisdom in those accumulated days)

soma - she's a labrador - the working kind so lean, fast and an impressive hunter given the chance but totally sweet natured and laid back, great with other dogs and people and as long as you've walked her enough you barely know she's here in the house

i think i have some kind of infection - bladder or urinary tract or something - never had one before so don't really know and need to make a docs appointment really. had localised symptoms before and the last few days am having sudden hot sweats that feel really toxic so thinking that means infection - any experts around?

going to sit and recover from my stomp through the fields then do a bit of painting before showering and heading into town for this meditation class. i'll let you know what it was like soma - i've done classes with the buddhist centre when i was living in brighton and various other experiences when i was travelling. at home i tend to do either simple empty meditation as i'd call it or meta stuff which is all about developing compassion. i also like guided meditations - found a webpage with a lot of good free ones if you're interested in that kind of thing.

qo the really important thing is NOT what happened yesterday, but what you are going to do now? You have a choice - you either let your feelings of disappointment make you more anxious and upset, or you use them to reinforce what you have learnt over the last year. You have found out that, for you, not drinking is better than drinking. That's great. Yesterday hasn't changed that - if anything it's reinforced it. So do as saf suggests and find some real life support to help you keep on keeping on with your lovely, enjoyable, sober life.