The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Are Going To Need A Bigger Bus!

[Mouseface]

Which is FANTASTIC!

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, I'm Mouse and I'm addicted to cheese, but have a pretty nasty relationship with alcohol too, mainly vodka.

This Bus is for anyone and everyone. Drinking or sober, or somewhere in between or just not sure if you're drinking too much........... this is the place to ask and maybe have a chat too.

No pressure, no judging, no cliquey savoury flans (although I'm rather partial to a cheese slice ), we're all on The Bus for the same reason; alcohol.

Even if it's not you, and you'd like to talk about someone you know, come and say hi. We won't bite, well, not unless you ask very nicely!

And, if you'd like to see our journey so far, follow THIS LINK and read back through the previous links there.

See you soon xx

Hi Babes!

Hope you're all having a good weekend so far. Just a quick one from me as we're off to walk the dog and then to my MIL's for the night. Spent all morning doing the blog again; it's such a time waster but I do like it. Glad you're enjoying it Truth The James Bond stuff was bizarre - I'd only had a few hundred hits of the blog before that but while all that was going on I got over 30,000 hits in just a week! There are a lot more people out there interested in James Bond film sets than there are interested in the natural beauty of Surrey.

Soma here's the camera I'd get if you're considering it. Hope you're feeling ok so far on the antabuse. Lovely to hear you sounding so positive!

Silly there are herbs that you can take to alleviate anxiety, but I think the appeal of rescue remedy for people is that it's this dinky little bottle that slips easily in a bag and gives you a nice little taste of booze on the tongue . It's essentially a homeopathic remedy, in that it only contains minute no amounts of the active substance. Herbal remedies, on the other hand, are water or alcohol based extracts of the plant, or the whole plant powdered or encapsulated. Tincture is the easiest way to take them, but obviously no good if you're on antabuse. You could have a cold infusion (tea) in a water bottle when you're out, that's one way. I can make some suggestions if you'd like?

Sorry to anyone I haven't replied to. DP and Ddog are looking very pointedly at we - they want their walk.

Babes thank you so much for all your kind messages - Mum isn't really with us any more, mentally - she's got a bladder infection that she can't fight off and has been pretty much delirious, with small windows of lucidity, for over a week now.

Tis very hard

It helps to know you are thinking of me. Ma thank you and I will be cheering you on next week.

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Silver - I'm so sorry that your mum is almost gone. You know where I am. Any time you need to talk, cry or shout, I'm here. xx

Saf - great idea re the Amitriptyline at night. I can't stomach it in the afternoon. I haven't taken it today and guess what? I've not thrown up. I'll give it a whirl tonight, I hadn't even thought of that. Thank you. .

That is so out of order of your parents or mother. I assume that she'll be the ring leader in the holiday guilt trip? Stick to your guns lovely, he's YOUR son. Not their's. I hope that the 'well it suits you to let him be with us when you want to go somewhere' line isn't thrown at you.......

I've had that slapped in my face in the past when I was on my own with DD. Fingers crossed that they take your answer at face value and leave you be. xx

HR - Nemo is Nemo (nickname) after the Disney fish. I called him Nemo as soon as we found out about his heart and other needs. I like the little guy in the film, he's a fighter and despite his disability, he keeps going, smiling, trying his best...... Just like Nemo. A survivor too. xx

Fallen - post away, it helps to let this stuff out no matter if it's drink related or not. I'm glad she's going to back off now. Her insecurities are her problem, not yours. xx

BProud!!! - great to see you lovely xx

I've treated myself to a fresh set of gel overlays today, my nails are really growing and look ace. See what happens when you have money to spend on yourself?

Soma - please take good care when on the Antabuse. If you notice anything at all that you don't think is a 'normal' side effect, please get help straight away. YOU CAN DO THIS! xx

Katie - great post from you, lovely and positive. Keep going xx

venus - I think exactly that when I see DH drinking. I can't stand the smell of alcohol, it's so utterly vile. I'm glad you had a nice night with your friend. How's DD now? xx

Sorry not to name check everyone, Nemo is doing his 'Mamma Bear' 'Mamma Bear' 'Mamma Bear' at me so I'm off to build him a farm yard for his animals......

Have a safe weekend Babes - stay brave. xx

Silver lots of love to you and your Mum. xxx

Thinking of you and your Mum too Silver. xx

Happy thoughts to all babes, I am sooo tired, been tilling the soil all day, a very big bubble bath is calling. xx

thanks all for your support for the run tomorrow - I'm not very confident I wil manage to run the whole 5K but that's the target I've set myself. it's my challenge. Might kill me, but I'll get there one way or another

Hoping I managed to sit with a decaf coffee last night while DH and a friend had a bottle of wine. Being sober made me realise how controlled other peoples drinking seems - they had a couple of glasses each and left some in the bottle - NEVER would have happened if I was drinking...... Me too, me too. I know I'll never be able to drink like that either and well done on your booze-free week.

Sarah you obviously love your garden - what's your style? I just let seeds fly where they will and if the resulting "weed" has pretty flowers it stays. At the moment my tiny patch is awash with columbine, forget-me-nots, welsh poppies, hardy geraniums - very unstructured but a delight to my eye at least. Probably just a wild mess to others (except Mia possibly!). Mouse, Nemo couldn't be anything but Nemo - it says so much about him! Lovely camera Mia, worth saving up for! Venus you're a creative soul too aren't you - am I right in thinking you write for a living? I want so much to chanel some of my energy, the energy that was wasted on getting wasted, into something else.

Hopefully I did feel shiny and sober today and it makes me want to hang on to it SO badly. How do I do that? That's the challenge. But you're right about the tiredness, I felt absolutely cream-crackered this afternoon and had to sleep for two hours! Hope it wears off soon but may try taking it at night so I get a good night's sleep!

Thinking of you Silver and a calm and peaceful night to all you lovely ladies xx

Ma - you are in my thoughts tonight and will be tomorrow. Lots of love to you xx

Just popping in to say good luck for tomorrow Ma. However far you run it'll be more than I'd be capable of! Do let us know if we can contribute to the fund-raising.

Mia, please don't go to any trouble but any recommendations would be much appreciated, thank you. I find that managing the little stressors throughout the day helps me to not crave the wine in the evening. Something like a strong valerian tea but instantly accessible would be good! Maybe I could just make it at the start of the day and drink as necessary? I could make a super-strong one!

Must dash. Got a houseful of relatives downstairs all drinking spirits...and smug me doesn't feel tempted one bit . Not quite sure why but I ain't questioning it

Have good evenings everyone

Soma - defo try it at night if it wipes you out in the day. I am trying my Amitriptyline at night for the first night as suggested by the lovely Saf

I find that when they first up my MST, I feel almost sedated and have to fight the urge to sleep so badly. No can do with Nemo to care for.

Oh and he can now make a 'P' sound which is a HUGE breakthrough so I'm ing lots.

See how you go Soma. You might find that night time is best to beat the detoxing symptoms too. Keep a note of how you feel throughout the day. You'll find it helpful to monitor your moods in the first few weeks.

Keep posting, keep talking and keep coming here for support. Your journey is far from over. You have all of the Babes holding your hand I'm sure.

Well done for persevering and making sure you got the Antabuse. I hope with all my heart that it works for you.

Silver - I wanted to post this........

I know that your mum is very unaware of what is happening to her, and around her now and I'm sure that must be terribly hard for you. She will always be your mum no matter what happens and I hope with all my heart that the next few hours, days are peaceful, filled with love and pass with kindness.

'She'll be your mum no matter what, through the darkness and through light.
She'll be your mum no matter what, in sunlit hours and night.
She'll be your mum no matter what, through good times and through bad.
She'll be your mum no matter what, the best you ever had.

She'll be your mum no matter what, forever and today.
She'll be your mum no matter what, in every single way.
She'll be your mum no matter what, in sorrow and in pain.
She'll be your mum no matter what, no one will be the same.'

DD wrote something similar (it was published so I have tweaked this a touch), and I wanted to share it with you.

Massive hugs to you and your family xx

Nigh Babes, I'm off to Bedfordshire. Early start with Nemo so I'm dog tired now, or should that be Mouse? xx

Dearest Mouse, glad you think it's a good idea to take at night, have heard the same thing about amitryptiline too. Yay that Nemo has managed his first P! June struggles so much with consonants and is hard of hearing too but the sounds that issue from that adorable mouth of hers are delightful. From his pictures Nemo seems to have lovely curls - June also, like a Botticelli angel :)

I told DD today that I wanted to stop drinking - she has known since aged 7 that I've had a problem and as I've mentioned recently there have been a couple of occasions when she's noticed something's up and it worries her so. You know how she responded? She said "oh thank you so much mummy" and gave me the biggest hug. I hope I did the right thing telling her and I know that this time I can't let her down again.

I can't express enough how much I value the support I'm getting from you all here and when I'm a bit further down the line, hope I can do the same for someone else xx

Gosh, last on last night and first on this morning, I must be addicted! Hope you all had great Saturday nights and assume you're still having a much-earned lie-in (with or without hangover)/running kids around/planning family stuff.

I'm home alone for a bit whilst DD is with dad and am catching up on housework. Had a wobble just now and would have reached for wine if not for the wonders of antabuse. Catch you all later xx

hey Soma! That's the good thing about Antabuse. There have been literally 5 or 6 times during the past three weeks where I would definitely have caved and had a drink. But I couldn't. And do you know what? Those 'caving' moments are getting fewer. The main objective for us is to find enough strength and develop enough good habits during this period of enforced abstinence that we can cope without it.

Are you feeling okay? Not too tired? The clinic put me on half doses last time, and the tiredness has improved significantly. You've got a good plan - taking it at night. I'm sure that will help.

Have a fab day Babes!

Morning Babes

Silver Hope you are doing ok (as ok as you can be) Thinking of you x

Soma I'm doing housework too, with the radio blaring Dh has taken DC out, a few weeks ago I would have "treated" myself to wine whilst doing the housework Hope you have a good, productive and sober day xxx

Morning to all the other Babes, right that is my fag break over, now to tackle the lounge!

xx

Morning, tis me, mouse

Soma - your post from last night made me cry. June sounds exactly the same as Nemo! He too has impaired hearing, he has bilateral glue ear and suffers terribly in the winter months. The pain he goes through is so unfair and yet he never cries, he just sits rubbing his ears.

She said "oh thank you so much mummy" and gave me the biggest hug. I hope I did the right thing telling her and I know that this time I can't let her down again

That too brought a tear to my eye. You are so brave for telling her that. You know that if you let her down, you really will be hurting her. In a way, it's almost like you've told her so that you don't let her down IYSWIM?

I can't tell you how pleased I am that you have the Antabuse....... have you started to take it yet or are you having one last weekend and starting it Monday?

If I were taking it, that's what I'd be doing. One last drink and all that. Luckily, I'm not that mouse any more.

Last night DH and I had some time together. Some time alone before Nemo woke and I had to scurry off to be with him. We went to bed. We didn't watch TV or sit and talk over a bottle or seven, we went to bed and held each other until drifting off.

It's been months since we last went to bed together; he'd stay up drinking and I'd go to bed with a cup of herbal tea. Seeing that written down makes me feel sad. Alcohol can make the smallest of changes, (us going to bed apart) seem so small until it rolls on and on and on.............

Anyway, last night I found my husband by my side and it was a welcome change

HR - I'm glad that you're getting fewer cravings, that must be so hard to handle..... at least you know that if you do drink, it's not going to be nice!

Off to eat and then M&S for some yummy food for dinner.

Back later Babes, stay Brave xxxxx

Good morning everyone.
I cooked for a dinner party last night and didn't drink anything until i sat down to my main course. I had 2 glasses of lovely fine wine and nothing else. I feel as if i am in control of myself now and aware of what i am doing rather than just pouring alcohol down without thought.
So, its back on the bus until next weekend when we have guests and lots of parties to go to!

Positive vibes to everyone.

Hopefully, I'm so glad to hear that the cravings are getting fewer. The main objective for us is to find enough strength and develop enough good habits during this period of enforced abstinence that we can cope without it I take that on board fully and that's the challenge. I'm going back to see my lovely key worker next week, we clicked immediately so I hope there's enough honesty there for me to make progress. What dose are you on? I'm on 200mg a day but was thinking about maybe taking it on alternate days - I know there'd still be enough in my system to make me feel crap if I drank and no way am I running the risk of that.

Truth ah the joys of wine and housework - I love(d) it! You're so strong, go and enjoy that fag now! Mouse, now your post has made ME cry. I'd love to send you a pic of June but doesn't seem you can PM attachments. And yes I did tell DD to ensure as much as I can that I don't let her down again. I had my "swansong" with booze on Thursday night (that's when I fell down the stairs and broke the cover of my lovely pink netbook :( ) and started the antabuse yesterday. It's been making me feel tired and I'm probably ODing on the caffeine but from what Hopefully says, these side-effects wear off. It was so lovely to hear about you and DH - it must be such a challenge to get that lovely closeness as much as you'd like but it sounds as if you have a very solid and loving relationship. And he looks so kind and gorgeous by the way. Where did you find him?

Casa how encouraging that you enjoyed a couple of glasses - hope controlled drinking is a goer for you. Does anyone remember Casablanca BTW? She posted a few weeks ago in a really bad way and then disappeared. I hope she's OK and if you're lurking am thinking of you and hoping life is getting better for you xx

morning all - well done on successes

watched family drink champagne for toast and present opening (and once i said i didn't want i didn't even get offered an alternative so went and got myself a drink - err just because i don't want the booze doesn't mean i don't want to have a drink and toast - goes to show it's about the booze not the ritual really i guess) and then wine over dinner. didn't partake. felt a small pang at one stage and then it passed and i was fine. enjoyed not getting semi drunk and hankering after more booze or wanting home to my sofa slouch mode.

someone cracked a joke about aa meetings at one stage (they don't know). no overt guilt trips, bit of baiting but i was in my pleasantly detached suit of teflon so it rolled right off.

there is a do at a friend of the family's today which i declined to go to and will go to a meeting instead. it will involve much alcohol and whilst i'm not avoiding it because of that i am aware that actually the booze is what made spending time with my parents tolerable would rather go hang out with a bunch of alcoholics

we've been to football practice and i've been roped into running the coffee bar at the club during practice from now on somehow.

hope everyone got more sleep than me - ds is doing the pre 5am wake up call at the minute. thank god for no hangovers!

right i'm just waffling with nothing to say really - just checking in x

Did it!
5K Race for Life in a slow and stuggling 43 minutes but didn't walk any of it so am feeling proud!

Well done Ma That is brilliant I last did it 7years ago but have decided that is my goal for next year. Have got the C25k downloaded, just need to start doing it

Hope everyones Sunday is going well.

xx

Well done Ma that is fab

Hope you are having a well deserved rest. How are you feeling?

Wow, well done Ma!

Congratulations Ma

Well done Ma You're brilliant!

It's been blissfully quiet here. No guests to entertain, no visits to make and the taxi service has only had to do 6 round trips :) so a light weekend all in all. I have got a lot of paperwork and housework sorted, done two hanging baskets and some weeding and even managed a trip to the gym.

I'd really quite like a glass of wine now. No particular trigger, you understand, just that it's feet up time and for me, feet-up-time always meant a glass of wine. Mind you so did every meal or trip out :) Ginger beer instead. That's the ticket!

Hope you are bearing up Silver. I was thinking of you today.