The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Are Going To Need A Bigger Bus!

[Mouseface]

Which is FANTASTIC!

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, I'm Mouse and I'm addicted to cheese, but have a pretty nasty relationship with alcohol too, mainly vodka.

This Bus is for anyone and everyone. Drinking or sober, or somewhere in between or just not sure if you're drinking too much........... this is the place to ask and maybe have a chat too.

No pressure, no judging, no cliquey savoury flans (although I'm rather partial to a cheese slice ), we're all on The Bus for the same reason; alcohol.

Even if it's not you, and you'd like to talk about someone you know, come and say hi. We won't bite, well, not unless you ask very nicely!

And, if you'd like to see our journey so far, follow THIS LINK and read back through the previous links there.

See you soon xx

Thanks for asnwering saf, I can't go to aa though I'm afraid - two reasons, 1)I live in a very very small, very rural location ad dont drive and 2) I have estranged family members in AA who also live locally,

In fact when I joined this thread the first time - somebody (very kindly and without knowing) gave me a close family memebrs number out of the book. It's just not going to work for me, I wont feel comfortable and certainly not anonymous - even the thought of it is stressful, I would never go.

Saf certainly sound you have a urinary tract infection; if you are getting rigors (the hot, sweaty rushes) your body is trying to fight off bacteria. Get down to the surgery, take a urine sample in a clean jar with you, simple test to see if you have white cells in your wee, then straight onto antibiotics.

Wise words about not drinking - it's about so much more than not picking up that first drink; it's the whole life package. The support, company and acquired wisdom from those in a worse mess than me, and from those who have conquered alcohol, is vital - that's what this thread has given me.

Yes you're right venus, I think I can probably do that after I get today over with.

I really want some time between me and what i did, and obviously I'm really hungover as well.

I am definitely going to use this as a reinforcement, thanks for replying

Morning Babes

Pleased to "meet" you qo. I have no advice as such as I am only on week 3 but I echo the others, use what happened yesterday as a reminder of why you have stayed sober for a year. With your DD personally I would come somwhere inbetween the promising never to do it again and pretending it didn't happen. You (or any of us) can't promise 100% that we will never have a drink again, we can try, we can work hard at it and we may well achieve it but I would feel uncomfortable making a promise to anyone about it. Maybe just have a little chat with her? Tell her that you made a mistake (but everyone makes mistakes) but that doesn't mean you aren't going to stop trying. Does any of that make sense? I know what I want to stay but am struggling to articulate it.

Soma You sound so much brighter and more positive this morning Good luck with the assessment. Very of you getting a dog. I would like to meditate, how do you actually do it? Do you do it at home?

Well 3 weeks today since my last drink. My spot outbreak seems to have cleared up and my skin is definitely looking better. Had a lovely weekend with the Dc, went shopping Saturday with them and it was great just mooching around. Yesterday I blitzed the house. I did have a wobble in the evening but only briefly, instead I got into the bath with DD and de-nitted (nice!) her hair. By the time I came downstairs my wobble had gone. So all in all a good sober weekend DH was a twat but what else is new and I am looking forward to the week ahead.

xx

Hi qo. You must feel awful I can feel your anxiety and regret through your posts. A year is a huge accomplishment, so well done for that . You must feel shocking but right now you must concentrate on using yesterday as reinforcement, as others have suggested. I know how easy it is for the anxiety of regret and a hangover to take you to a dark place where more drinking seems to be the only source of comfort, which of course serves only to repeat the miserable cycle. You will feel better tomorrow, you just need to get through today. You probably have no intention of drinking today, I just know how I'd be feeling later on... You'll be back to your happy, sober life soon enough I'm sure

Good morning babes, and hello to qo

I'm trying to find something really exciting to look forward to at the weekend, that doesn't involve alcohol. Was planning to order some new jeans, but they're out of stock. Most of my alternative plans involve chocolate...

I keep thinking, maybe if I only drank at home, and not when we're out with other people... but I think this would be a bad idea. I should quit completely. It just feels sad, I don't want to let go of the image in my head of 'relaxing with a nice glass of wine'

Soma good luck with the dog assessment! what breed are you getting?

Morning, tis me, mouse

Just popping in to say hello to you al and an extra special WELL DONE MA!!!!

It's great to see you back qo, I'm sure that with the correct help and support for YOU, you will nail the drinking. I agree with Saf that today would be a great day to call the AA helpline..... what have you got to lose?? xx

Nemo's respite has cancelled AGAIN! >:( so DH is taking time out so I can go to the gym and do a very gentle workout on my core strength.

Be back later,

mouse xx

thanks silly/sensible

Hi mouse, thanks for welcoming me back :)

Starting to feel a little calmer now, just wish with my whole heart I could turn back the clock - juts to state again aa is not going to be an option for me, I am looking at alternatives though - just reading about smart recovery, they don't have a meeting near me but are planning to hold online meetings soon, so that might be something

Saf I love labs, that perfect mixture of energy, calmness and affection. Truth I meditate at home, usually with some really chilled ambient music on my earphones (which is probably cheating) but it clears my head so much and I just go off somewhere totally removed from the everyday for a good hour sometimes. I'm lucky because I can do it in bed as I'm single, wouldn't be easy with a DP around! Three weeks is fantastic :)

Joey one of your comments made me smile; I told myself that if I only drank socially and not at home I'd be OK and with you it's the other way round. And look what happened to me! Was very keen on a greyhound but when I spoke to the rescue, was advised not a good idea with a cat! However, lurchers can do very well with a cat in the house so that's what we're hoping for.

qo, in my experience they don't forget and if I were you (but of course I'm not and tell me to butt out) I'd sit her down and talk openly to her. She loves you, she worries about you. She'll be scared stiff it might happen again. You have to reassure her that it won't.

Afternoon, just checking in. Haven't had a drink in over a week (bottle of wine last Sat week), and today I won't be drinking:)

joey I love meditation,and it really can be more mind-altering than booze (but in a good way ). I mix classes with meditating at home. If you are new to it, or re-starting a meditation regime, I'd suggest finding a class (and experiment to find something that suits you) because it give you routine and ideas, and most classes will have dvds that you can buy if you find something that you really like, which works for you. I particularly enjoy 'mindfulness' type classes.

I think the difficult thing about starting to do it on your own is that when your mind wanders (as it will) you can feel that things are not going right and the meditation isn't working for you. There's a really interesting phenomenon with group meditation where after about 7 minutes all the fidgeting stops and things seem deeper and more peaceful - and I find that the group consciousness (or group unconsciousness) impacts upon me.

If you are doing it at home then I find it helps to have a 'place' and a 'ritual'. So your place my be as simple as a particular cushion that you prop behind you, and your ritual may be switching off you mobile, counting to 10, stretching your arms. Many people say it should be done at the same time of day (and in the same place) but I don't life a routine life and find that difficult to achieve so I have 'ritual' that I can carry with me anywhere.

If you can't find a class, then what works brilliantly for me is to find a meditation script that works for you (uses language and imagery that you feel comfortable with and can relate to); then play some wonderful music and record your self reading the script (with the music in the background); then put on headphones and play it back to yourself. There is something deeply hypnotic about your own voice - you may be transported

If you do that, don't forget to put something on the recording that brings you back gently, and 'lands' you nicely. For me it never feels great to have the 'rude awakening' or to leave myself in spacey, floaty, unconnected limbo.

Oh and I forgot to post that this is one of my favourite 'invocations' for the start of a meditation: (by Rumi)

"Come, come, whoever you are,
Wanderer, worshipper, lover of leaving, It doesn't matter...,
Even if you have broken your vows a hundred times,
Come, Come yet again,
This door is not the door of hoplesness and despair.
This door is open for everyone,
Come and come as you are."

And I think that just about sums up how we are on this thread [peace and hippyness emoticon]

SAF, how do you change from being a reactive person to a proactive person? My whole mood can change in seconds !

Afternoon, tis me, mouse

Obrigada - WELL DONE YOU!!! That's fantastic, I bet you are feeling better now after it being more than a week. Are you managing to sleep?

Soma - how are you feeling physically? So far so good?

Saf - I've taken the Amitriptyline for 2 nights running now and what a difference! I can actually turn over in bed because I'm not 'stuck' with the pain. Thanks for the suggestion. How did the family meal go? Did you post that already? I'm really forgetful today.

venus - I love meditation but can't do it with Nemo awake. A friend of mine came over a while back and we sat in my garden (large open space) and she helped me to visualise some things.... I've forgotten what they were called as such but I still us some of the things she told me.

I think I'd be better in a group too, do you think that something like meditation would help with my pain? For a the first 2 years I was convinced that I was 'imagining the pain' because I couldn't explain it's pattern, where is was, how often, what I felt..... I was all jumbled up.

I managed to get to the gym, DH entertained Nemo by taking him to get some roll ends for the bedroom in the cabin. Oh the high life. Food shopping next and I have a full line of washing out. I love clean bedding and today is beds day.

Wow, I'm rather boring aren't I?

Silver - If you're around, just wanted to say that I am thinking of you, as I'm sure most of the Babes are too.

IsinDe - where have you gone? xx

qo - you say that AA won't be happening, can I ask why? Is it a geographical thing or because it's 'AA'? I'm asking because I always thought that AA would never be for me either but I have no idea why.

I've never been so how can I possibly comment or know? For me it seems to have some weird underlying stigma, which is just ridiculous when you think about it. I have to say that since I blacked out that time and smashed my face in, I've thought about going. I've thought about it and that's as far as it's gone.

What else can you find to help you qo? The support here goes without saying but I think you need an actual place to go, to sit and just let it all out.....

Could you get any kind of referral to an CAD team?

proactive is pretty beyond me obrigada i'm just trying to respond rather than react - i'm finding slowing down, identifying my feelings and thoughts and applying awareness helps. so i have the time and space and awareness to choose how i am going to respond rather than just go with that trigger happy reaction itms.

part of it is just being determined to second guess yourself and say no, hang on a minute what am i thinking/feeling/doing, is that a good place to respond from, is it reasonable etc. just enforcing time and space really i think.

afternoon all!!

sorry to post and run again but i seem to be lurching from one bloody drama to the next atm, im fine, just a bit stressed.

silver, thinking of you!, stay strong lovley, you will get through!

MA!!! well bloody done!!

qo, that was yesterday, its been and gone, its not a marker for the rest of your life!! get on with today, move forward, dont look back! it was a blip, a human blip, we all make 'em, it dosent have to define you, its not the end of your sober life, hold your head up and start again!!

be good babes!! L XXX

obrigada for me it is about finding ways that can create a few mili-seconds between the stimulus and my response. It's not pro-active, but it does give me a tiny, tiny chance to make a choice.

Actually, the pro-active stuff is easier - that's the plans of getting in lots of alternative drinks, the pre-practised excuses for not drinking, buying food online (and not having alcohol in the list). What I need tactics for are the unplanned things that happen - ways to give me a moment of thinking time, a moment where I remember what I really want, where I remember all the good advice on this thread and where I find the little tiny bit of resolve (just for that moment) to say 'well I'd prefer a lime and soda, thanks'

yep - the time bit is key. you 'react' instantly. to form a response takes longer and is conscious. so it's choosing to pause really.

afternoon all,

Just a quick check in before I leave work so sorry not to name check, I'm not sure if I'll be able to get online this evening.

I am currently on day 6 no wine. I managed a 30th birthday party on saturday evening drinking sparkling water only.

I have confided in two friends (and also one of their DH's) that I'm not drinking for a while as I've been drinking too much and want some time off alcohol. I've not said how much and how regularly I was drinking but to them I'm on a detox and there's nothing weird about that. I know I haven't been completely honest but I've not lied either and I do feel like there's a weight that's been lifted. Before it was my dirty secret but now it's not.

I've also saved over £30 in less than a week so have treated myself to new shoes.

Sun is shining here, have fab evenings everyone. x

Well done on your run Ma - what an achievement!

Venus another fan of 'The Bridge' here - I couldn't wait to watch the final two yesterday when we got back from DMIL's. Watched them before dinner so the details and plot twists wouldn't be lost in a haze of wine. I loved 'The Killing' too but didn't get on with 'Spiral' so much; just couldn't care that much about the characters. Maybe I didn't give it long enough.

Soma hope it's going well on the antabuse.

katie thats a good idea about saying you're doing a detox! I might try that if anyone asks.

I feel tired and fed up. Gosh the idea of never being able to relax with a nice glass of Pinot Grigio again... maybe I'll have an early night.

venus were you talking to ME about meditation? I think it was Truth who was asking about that... I've tried meditating but am not very good at it. I have a couple of self-hypnosis CDs that I sometimes use. One of them is actually on quitting alcohol that I bought years ago! I didn't use it because I meant to buy the 'cutting down' CD and bought the 'quitting' one instead. But maybe it is time to use it.

Just a quick check-in and then bed and book. Find I'm able to read again after the turbulence of the last weeks. Feeling OK thanks Mia and Mouse, just tired and needing a long nap after work!

Katie have some social events this week and need to know how to refuse wine. Detox is a good idea, no need to go into detail. The people that matter most know why I'm trying to stop. So grateful for the antabuse today, would have bought wine for sure without it. Hope you get a good night's sleep qo and can face tomorrow with positivity. Just a glitch as the others have said. x

Venus that invocation is lovely and, as you say, quite apt for our bus

Welcome back qo and well done for your long stint of not drinking. You should feel so proud of yourself for that. One lapse can mean as much as you make it mean. It could be a tiny drop in the ocean, or a tidal wave of despair. You choose.

Do you think it would be a helpful reminder to print out what you said about how you feel today? All your regrets? At least you know one thing for sure - you simply cannot drink.

If you can't get to AA keep posting here and let us know how you're getting on x

Well done Truth, Katie and anyone else on day 6, 14, 21, whatever, you are all doing so well. The bus feels so positive and upbeat these days

It suddenly occurred to me mid-way thrugh the film we watched that I meant to say earlier saf get thee to a GP for a urine test! UTIs, which are a nasty painful nuisance, can very easily travel upwards to become kidney infections which are potentially dangerous and damaging. Hope you're feeling better.

Night Babes xx