The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Are Going To Need A Bigger Bus!

[Mouseface]

Which is FANTASTIC!

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, I'm Mouse and I'm addicted to cheese, but have a pretty nasty relationship with alcohol too, mainly vodka.

This Bus is for anyone and everyone. Drinking or sober, or somewhere in between or just not sure if you're drinking too much........... this is the place to ask and maybe have a chat too.

No pressure, no judging, no cliquey savoury flans (although I'm rather partial to a cheese slice ), we're all on The Bus for the same reason; alcohol.

Even if it's not you, and you'd like to talk about someone you know, come and say hi. We won't bite, well, not unless you ask very nicely!

And, if you'd like to see our journey so far, follow THIS LINK and read back through the previous links there.

See you soon xx

Thurso lovely to see you xxx

soma I agree with saf about the hedonism. I too am a pleasure seeker (not for me the running / sweating / discomforts of live). And since my teens I too used alcohol to give me that pleasurable buzz. But there was no buzz left in it for me. My body was so accustomed to drinking that it didn't have much effect, and then of course I was into that terrible situation where the amount of alcohol I need to feel good was massively outweighed by the depressant effect of the alcohol, so it never really happened.

But without alcohol I have found that a week of intensive meditation is more deeply mind-altering than anything I ever had to drink, a couple of hours can leave me 'spacey' for the rest of the day. I know that a good day out or a lovely chatty evening laughing with a friend leaves me feeling 'higher' than any wine, and I can drive home feeling like I'm floating on air, and with a deep sense of happiness. I know that the excitement of finding a new hobby / interest / something to learn about is more exhilarating than a G&T on an empty stomach. And that finding something that I can do well has been the sweetest pleasure for a long time.

Great post Saf! And sound advice re planning imo

I need to set myself small targets too, I find tackling a big job too overwhelming and sometimes just plain borning when there are other things I'd rather be doing. I usually give myself a time limit then have a break. I know it makes it take longer to do but I just can't face it otherwise. I have been watching some of those programmes about people who have been hoarding and it's such a mamouth task for them to sort out! Thank goodness I have very plain, streamlined taste, the clutter would drive me mad!

Thurso so lovely to hear from you again, you are sounding much more upbeat than last time x

Venus I don't drink much these days too, what a great way to think about it.

Right, Friday is upon us, shall we band together and fight the cravings this evening? Friday used to be my worst day. Now I just think of it as any other day, it will be over when I go to bed and that's it.

It's the final of Biggest Loser this afternoon at about 3pm. Those wonderful people have worked so hard to change not just their bodies but their mindset, self belief, confidence, their stories are amazing and inspirational, not just for weight loss but for anyone who wants to change anything in their life. One man wanted to give up and said he would start tomorrow and his wife said, "No, not tomorrow! Today is tomorrow!" and I thought, yeah, she's right actually. When you think about it, today is tomorrow because what you do today will affect who you are tomorrow.

Anyway, must dash, see you all later x

Morning beautiful brave babes,

Another wine free night yesterday, it was a manically busy evening but previously I would have worked a way to have a glass or two before I went out, share a bottle with friends and then top myself up when I got home with another couple of glasses. No wine before, during or after.

I did spend a lot of time before I fell asleep trying to think of excuses as to why I won't be drinking at a friends birthday party on Saturday. Long story cut short I've decided to be as honest as I can with a couple of close friends, the ones who would normally be topping my glass up. If I can tell them that I'm off the drink for a while as I've been using it to help me try and cope with DP's problems I think they will understand, after all they are my friends. I'm pretty sure that noone else will even notice and it will only be an issue if I make it into one.

Fairenuff, brilliant quote, for so long I've been living in the future, trouble is there is always another tomorrow but there won't be another today.

Have great days everyone x

Morning Babes

Had a lovely catch up with my friend. SaF You are right, normally we would have got through a couple of bottles of wine, instead we sat up drinking tea putting the world to right. Although I am tired this morning, it is a proper tired rather than a hungover one.

Mia What have you got planned to do whilst your DD is away? I understand what you mean, I feel all my posts are Me Me Me, I feel as though I am a little self obsessed at the moment but isn't that the great thing about the Bus? That we all contribute in our own ways. I struggle to articulate what I am feeling, thinking and I worry that it doesn't make sense to anyone but me.

Casa Well done on Day 2

Venus I can't say I will never ever have a drink again. That is too big for me to think about moment. But today, I will not be drinking.

Soma I am so glad you confided in your mum. Of course she won't judge, she wants to help. Isn't that what we would do if it was one of our DC coming to us for help? We wouldn't them to go through it on their own would we? Glad your results came back good. Hope it goes well at the Doctors x

The friend I stayed with last night was telling me that her friends husband died suddenly on Monday. He was 44 It made me shiver. It also strengthened my resolve to not drink, who knows how long I will live but I have a responsibility to my DC and to myself to make it as long as possible. My eldest has already lost his Dad, I cannot be doing something that could leave him without either of his parents. And the way I was heading I truly believe it was a very real possibility.
Sorry for being so heavy first thing on a Friday morning, it just really made me think. Not just about the drinking, but my weight/smoking.

Right, off to do the food shop (avoiding the wine aisle!)

Day 18 and today I will not be drinking.

Have a good day Babes

xx

Just a very quick one because I'm running late but wanted to say what a great lot of positive and inspirational posts this morning!

Saf thank you so much for that suggestion - I'll reply more later on. I'm going to have a couple of chunks of time as DD will be at xDP until Tuesday and then next weekend she's going to my parents' for a week. We were talking a lot about structured versus unstructured yesterday, so I'd really appreciate an experienced view.

Soma I hope the appt. goes well today. Xx

That is lovely Venus I know that the excitement of finding a new hobby / interest / something to learn about is more exhilarating than a G&T on an empty stomach. And that finding something that I can do well has been the sweetest pleasure for a long time. There are so many things I want to do (Mia you inspired me to start doing some photography - can you recommend an idiot-proof camera?)and I've always wanted to write. But recently the booze has just consumed me and left me with nothing to give.

I woke up this morning with a bruise on my forehead (luckily covered by my fringe), and also various marks on my arse and knee. Had also dropped lap-top and chipped off a corner of the lovely pink cover. Had half a bottle left in the fridge which I didn't remember putting there at all. Then saw the other empty one in the re-cycling....Luckily DD was with her dad last night.

But today's the day, it will stop, I won't run the risk of drink-driving anymore or alienating DD or harming myeslf or others. Lots of inspiring posts this morning, reading them has really bucked me up although I feel like shit. Have a great day everyone and will report back after my appointment xx

something weird happened with my post - a huge gap but carry on down and there it is!

Just got into work from a trip to the addiction clinic. My counsellor is fantastic. He asked me to list the upsides and benefits of not drinking.

I started out by saying that I was slightly disappointed in not finding a hugely transformational effect. But that I had noticed the following:

1. My job. I had been seriously worried about underperforming at work (which I was) which would ultimately be noticed and I would definitely have lost my job had I continued to drink. You cannot drink 2+ bottles a night without facing the next day tired and hungover. That's a biggy because my children are still at school and life as they know it would have changed utterly.

1. My attitude to risk-taking. I would nowadays be horrified by the old me, who definitely, more than once had driven over the limit. If I had (god forbid) caused anyone any harm, or just been caught, not just my life but the life of my family would have changed utterly.

1. I am nicer and kinder when I am sober, and more patient and engage properly with my children.

1. My head is not full of bargains and stuff, as to when I can start drinking and how much I can drink.

1. My thought processes are clearer and better. I feel healthier and better.

Then they took my blood pressure, which in three weeks was down from 160/104 (measured around that level several times and a real problem, leading me to being referred to a blood pressure clinic) to 125/90 (which is pretty well normal). So that's brilliant. Really good news.

Keep on not drinking, Babes. Life is good served without any sauce.

Hopefully, that is fantastic - it sounds like such a no-brainer when it's written down like that, doesn't it? I can identify so much with your list of pros. There are no cons, really, are there?

I'd add a few of my own:

I am organised, on top of all my to-dos, and coping with job, admin, children and household (not necessarily in that order) seems so simple now that I've chucked the monkey off my back.

I actually have time to do the fun stuff that I'd been neglecting, or was usually too shit-faced to bother with - I'm rediscovering hobbies that I've neglected for years.

I'm actually answering the phone - and reconnecting with friends and relatives, making plans to start being a social animal once again.

My only regret is the time I have wasted getting to this point. I am NEVER going back.

afternoon. hope everyone is doing ok moving into the temptation time zone.

fairly productive day today. bit more decorating done and had coffee and a trip to aldi with a friend - have aldi fakey fishfood ice-cream to sample - i am obsessed with ice cream since stopping drinking!

hope everyone is ok - seems quiet on here.

Hi everyone. I don't have anything to say really. I just need to check in to remind myself not to drink.
We have a bottle of champagne in the fridge and my dp wants to drink it tonight. This will take all my willpower to get through tonight. I might need to go to bed early.
I hope everyone is getting through the day healthily!

Finally got my antabuse - the stuff is like gold-dust, no-one seems to want to take the responsibility for prescribing it but I insisted. So the experiment starts in earnest tomorrow morning.

Casa hope you can keep your resolve - does DP know you're trying to give up? And thanks Hopefully and Carrie for reminding us of the huge benefits of not drinking. Hope you all get through wine o'clock OK x

Hi All.

Im just checking in to say hello to everyone and let you know Im still lurking away!

All is pretty good in our world. So so busy all the time. Cant keep this pace up forever.... The boys are delicious as usual and genius counting to infinity DS1 has just lost his 3rd tooth. I love being their Mum. DS2 ridiculously cute as ever.

We are going to look at an 8 week old black lab on Sunday. I know I know we will give them a deposit for her......

Cant I cope with it all. Ive just taken on a childminding job and have more dog sitting jobs and dog walking jobs that I can hardly believe....

I am drinking but now in a much more controlled way. Much healthier and happier.

I still have mucho work to do on myself and using booze as a crutch and am on this bus (sidecar?) happily working away. I think once you have discovered that you have a problem with the dreaded booze - then you know it and its known. You cant ever unknow something. :) Oddly - this makes me happy.

Im so pleased to be here even tho Im not SAF or JWN ---- yet!

Im better and Im happier for it.

I plod on.

Mia. Might you feel the same? We all love hearing from you. And you are on this bus/sidecar with us whether you like it or not!

Thats why we have a sidecar. Its ok.

Venus - as always you say the wisest of words. Im just not drinking that much anymore these days.... Thats an approach I like very much. And one I think I can adopt. I sort of am a little bit....!

Soma - dont make me come round there with the puppy..... I think were going to call her Muslie!

MsGee - YOU ROCK. :O)

Sarah - how are you my love? x

x

Hopefully I can relate to your list so much. I am going to print that out and also the one upthread about what drinking does to our mind and body.

Soma Glad you got the antabuse. No drinking tonight eh? Do you have to have a certain amount of time alcohol free before you can take it? (I think I read something about that upthread but could be imagining it.

I have had a lovely day, friend came round for lunch and i have been out for a good walk. Feeling more positive and motivated than I was a couple of days ago

Re the blood tests/LVT/blood pressure that people are mentioning, is this something that you have requested from your Dr? Were you already seeing them about your drinking? Just wondering if I want/need to find out how much damage I have done to myself. Just a thought.

xx

Aaargh! There was soooo much cake in the staffroom today. I was good though babes, I didn't have any but brought some home for my dcs because it was not going to keep over the weekend. Guess who is the best mummy in the world at the moment

Saf there is a new ice-cream parlour opening in our town soon so when I'm due a treat I will be heading there with dd for some girly bonding over hot fudge sundae or something equally devilish

In the meantime, I need to lose a few more lbs yet . . .

Hopefully I can add to your list

I have more money to spend on myself other things
I have more time without horrible hangovers that waste my weekend
I am slimmer, fitter and lookin' good in my new clothes
My dcs don't worry about me
I don't wake up every morning feeling like a hopeless failure
I like myself

casa would your dp drink the whole bottle on his own? If not, he will have to throw the rest away as it won't keep. If you tell him that will he leave it, or will he try to persuade you to have some. Come and chat to us a bit more if you feel unsure. There is no need to drink if you don't want to.

Soma really pleased for you. This is your chance. This is your moment and we are with you every step of the way x

Katie great idea to tell your friends you are cutting back. You may even find they join you. If you don't want to tell, other reasons can include; I'm on antibiotics, I'm driving tomorrow, I have an early start tomorrow, I'm on a diet, I'm doing a detox, I'm really thirsty I'd rather have a soft drink, I have a bit of a headache, I don't fancy a drink right now. Make sure you do know what to order for your first drink, I like soda water with ice, a dash of lime and slice of lemon. Make a list of your reasons for not drinking, take it with you in your bag, and keep checking it (in the loo if necessary) to keep you focussed on not drinking. Oh, and try to eat before you go x

Faire Definitely more money! Can't believe how little money I am spending since I haven't been drinking. Today I treated myself to Aldi's day and night cream last of the big spenders, me and tomorrow I'm going to mooch around the shops and see if anything tickles my fancy.

afternoon!

well, it all looks pretty positive around here atm! im off out for dinner with my girlfriends later, looking forward to a salad! (thats what im telling myself anyway, just hope i have the will power to order it instead of steak and chips! )

be good tonight babes, just remember, friday is only another day of the week, nothing special enough to need drinking over!!

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

We've had a full day at pre-school today and it was LOVELY! No screaming, yelling, fighting, pushing, hitting, screeeeeetching and that was just me.

Seriously, what a difference 15 less children make.

Soma - the love you have for June is wonderful. Step/half families can be very difficult, but it sounds as though you have a happy little girl in your midst. Nemo would vomit when he coughed, he used to have the most horrific reflux!

I hope that June gets some respite from her cough now, give her a little squidge from me next time you see her xx

I'm glad that you spoke to your mum too. They never stop being your mum you know, no matter what they have to deal with in their own life, I bet she had an inkling that something was going on with you. I'm sure that her support will be invaluable won't it? Well done for making it 'real' to a family member.

Keep going forward, you can do this. You just have to want to. But that, you already know. I really hope that today is YOUR DAY. No more bruises, no more damaged possessions, no more regret, no more shame, no more being half the person that you could be. It's time to shine. Time to see. Time to breathe in and out.

Actually Soma, it's time to be YOU. You don't have to be perfect at everything, you can have faults, you can have fears, you can face all of the negative things that you've buried deep behind your drinking for the last Jeff (my God [wink) knows how long........

Maybe, just this once, you should try and see yourself and your life through sober eyes. You might not like what you see, you might have an incredible urge to scream or run away but give yourself time. Open your eyes to what you do have, not what you don't.

No-one expects anything from you that you can't deliver. You can be the mother you want to be. You can be sober. You can be loved and wanted if that's something you crave. Why not just go for it? Stop the Merry-Go-Round of drinking and felling like shit?

I'm not perfect, smart or gifted, nor am I a tee-total Mouse but right now, I really don't have the desire to drink. Can you envisage feeling like that? Having no desire to drink a drop? I really hope so xx

thurso - Marmite on toast for 18 months? I couldn't care less if that's all he ate, he's sat next to me eating an ice-cream!

Can I ask you something thurso? Feel free to ignore me or tell me to sod off. Do you find life with DH 'easier' now that you aren't drinking/as much? Do you find him more 'tolerable'?

When I used to binge, DH would drive me nuts, or so I thought.

venus - hope you are okay and DD too, you're in my thoughts. xx

Saf - I love Aldi fakey ice-creams! And I loved what you said about being a bit like a pinball machine. Reactive rather than proactive here too, for so many years........

We started to watch The Walking Dead last night and I instantly wanted to call you (Saf) and ask if I'd the first episode of the second series, because I couldn't remember if I'd seen it with you But last night, I sat huddled with my free Clipper tea in a giant mug with Malteesers, watching it and remembered every gory detail this morning!

It makes a pleasant change to remember the night before doesn't it?

Friday night (more than any other) used to be all about starting to drink for the weekend. I've actually just thrown up for the second afternoon running, and at the same time so it could be my meds on a empty stomach? The Amitriptyline?

Anyway, it made me realise that if I'd have been sick after starting to drink, I'd have felt cheated. Wasting all of that alcohol on the toilet bowl.......

Carrie - good to see that you are starting to get back into life. Don't regret it, learn from it. You can't change what you have done lovely, but you can change what you do. xx

Right, PJs and heating on, I feel dreadful.

If I'm not back later, I'll catch up over the weekend. xx

Afternoon everyone,

Just very quickly checking in to say I'm hanging on - first alcohol free Friday night tonight and I'm here in the danger zone clutching my zero alcohol beer. Good to know I'm not alone :) See you all on the other side...

Soma - I missed your 'I Got It* post!! Well done. I'm guessing that you're going to drink tonight? Like The Last Supper? If you do go easy. You'll still have alcohol in your system for a good 8 hours in the morning.

HT - you can ask for a full bloods screen done at any time. Mine came from passing out but my GP did a LFT and that came back as high (the levels they look at which indicate excessive alcohol consumption were through the roof) so that's what gave me a nudge this time.

Well, that and a close friend asking me if I ought to be drinking on all the meds I was on!

If you want tests done, ask. You may have to justify them but if you are really concerned, that would be cause enough.

i had an lft done as part of a routine health check recently - people with mental illnesses or histories of such are being offered annual health reviews now because we're renowned for not taking care of our health. was a deeply patronising experience but it was via that that i found out my liver was fine. i am a very lucky girl physically, i've gotten away with a hell of a lot and have hopefully stopped in time.

mouse no we didn't watch any of the second series - just virtually ALL of the first i think. i've seen the second season now and am waiting on the third coming out not that it is any great shakes now imo. the gender stuff drives me nuts with all the little women in the kitchen whilst the boys are out being big men.

soma - good luck with starting the antabuse.

friday night realllllly doesn't mean much here. the treat is no proper tea - will do ds a cooked breakfast tomorrow so tonight he's just grazing on wraps and brioche and fruit and cheese and i've had a grilled ham and cheese pannini. pleasure not to cook - i'm no domestic goddess by a long stretch. then i'll gorge myself on ice cream later. you might as well send those few pounds this way fairenuff, i'm collecting them

right suggestions - online games: obsessive silly ones that hook you in, online jigsaws, sudoku, etc. hot baths with nice smells and candles and a deliberate attempt to relax and soothe your mind. knit, draw, write, whatever your 'thing' that you haven't done for ages is. sort that cluttered drawer in the kitchen. send emails to people you've been neglecting. do a tarot reading. anything. for me i use 'scrabble with friends' on facebook and get all competitive

ds is watching happy feet and i'm off to pour myself a nice bath and see if i can get away with having it on my own without him insisting on climbing in with me. i think the bag of choc buttons i've handed may help with that goal

Mouse - are you on Amil for pain or depression (hope you don't mind me asking)?

I have been on Fluoxetine for 3 years for dep but seems to be no longer working. Don't feel down as such, just on a very short string - the slightest thing seems to have me snapping at nearest & dearest. Sadly being sober seems to have had little affect on my general mood in that respect

I also suffer from migraines (splendid for an habitual drinker! ), so the GP has now prescribed me Amil to treat both the depression & migraines. Would be bloody fab if it works. How do you get along with it??

Evening all, looking like a solid crew, and so happy Soma you have got what you were looking for. Take care with it, and remember to always be gentle with yourself, hated to think of you battered this morning.

YAY Blankie!! So glad boy wonder is still counting, and that you are happy, much love.

Venus, I loved your post earlier, I owe my friends so much in terms of emotion, the satisfaction of being able to share so much truthfully and honestly means everything to me.

Jesus is right, Friday is a name, and when you are in control or just not drinking, every evening is a good one, with the added bonus of never losing the day that follows it.

Have a happy weekend one and all, looking forward to my veg patch and all things that seem to have appeared in the garden this week, Mia you would love my weedsxx

Just a quick one again because DP has cooked dinner and now I'm delaying the serving of it to post here because I've been faffing around all afternoon sorting out photos for the blog! It's been really nice though to have a clear afternoon to just sit quietly tinkering with pictures - selecting, resizing etc. Very relaxing, expecially after a lovely dog walk this morning with my friend where we discovered a church with a thousand year old yew tree in the churchyard - absolutely stunning!!

Soma I love love love my camera - it's a Panasonic Lumix TZ20, but there's a newer one out so get that. It's a fantastic point and shoot camera but has fully manual capability too (except manual focus). Great macro capability too for a compact digital. I'm so glad you've got your antabuse at last. If I remember rightly you have to have a couple of days booze-clear before starting it though?

SAF I still haven't time to go into more detail but that's probably for the best because I know I'll get carried away with loads of detail about DD and HE clogging up the thread! Suffice to say I'd love the material if it's no trouble to send it - should I PM you my email address? I am going to take this time to really give serious consideration to where to go from here re. HE vs school, and to plan some more fun lessons and activities.

Truth I love reading your posts - they really resonate with me!

Blanket yes that's exactly how I feel!

Sorry for the brevity and anyone I've missed. I have to eat chorizo with chickpeas now. Oh it's a hard life...