Help again please wise women. Make or break meeting

[MissFaversham]

I started a thread a while ago called "A heart felt thanks".

I kicked semi-living with me DP for 3 years out a couple of weeks ago (I think as minds in a bit of a muddle).

We are due to meet at 9 in the local to thrash things out once and for all.

I need help to clarify my proposals.

Brief outline - (obviously my take on things)

He has two jobs and a nearly ex with 3 children. I have one teenager.
He works very hard and I know that but what I get is a grumpy arse most of the time, and what I would call selfish behaviour (will clarify if asked). Anything he has to do in our (his new relationship) is usually begrudgingly, hence our fall out as I have had enough. I know he works hard blah blah blah due to his former circumstances.

Anyway.

My proposals are:

No keys to my home.
Go back to the beginning and date again.
Have a total break for a couple of months and reconvene (looks like an odd spelling here).

I'm also not very good at telling all that has gone on as don't want my dilema to sound like a boring script, therefore I will sort of have to half drip feed as I go along (I find this term rather harsh when used and I prefer to call it divulging further information when prompting)

I guess what I'm trying to ask is are my proposals reasonable.

No AF I've never looked, maybe it's time i took a peek. I'm scared of that too. I rarely cry, I get angry instead and tell myself to get a grip. Most of the time I don't want to admit I'm damaged goods.

Take a peek but it's intense

some bloody good people on there though, and they will handle you with concern and care

Im so fearful of people leaving me on their own terms i make them do it anyway.

have you ever seen such a deep conversation engineered in so few sentences ?

that is a some self-knowledge you have there, MissF, is there anything you have tried to do to address it ?

I went with my little sis once to Al anon but walked out soooo sodding angry saying that I didn't need this shit.

I went down a very very bad path when my son was 2, tried to help people with very bad addictions and ended up either taking masses of cocaine along with them (when son was in bed) or lending money. Tried to fix an alcholic but drank with him too. Then went into relate. Turned my life around and luckily my son never saw a thing.

From that moment on it all got better but it hasn't gone away. I now realise that this friggin legacy is still haunting me.

yes, it sounds like it is

more low-level, but still haunting

congrats on turning your life around, btw, that took a lots of guts

getting rid of this latest chancer is another step along that path

have you considered giving Al-Anon another go ?

My mum hasn't touched a drink in years therefore i sort of feel like a fraud. I also feel like a bit of a fraud where ex partner is concerned. He is what he is in as much as being grumpy etc. but the swerve to DV was him actually having to hold me due to me kicking off on an "episode" of anger. I push him to his limits and he walks out generally. I'm the one with the anger problem. I would never lash out though but my mouth is a volcano.

But, I guess maybe if i popped into al anon they would be able to steer me to a councillor that dealt with children of alcoholics.

Yes, they would

and the fact that your mum hasn't touched a drop for x amount of time doesn't change your formative years, the ones that mould you

maybe me coming to my 50th is a catalist that I need to finally lay things to rest. I look at my mum and she's like a lovely old lady and soo sweet to me but part of me hates her and I don't want her to go to her grave with me feeling like this.

well, I dunno

I hate my father

I can't change what he did

he probably will go to his grave with me feeling this way

the fact it upsets me waaay more than it does him, is whose problem ?

Yes, guess you're right AF, it's not our fault is it at the end of the day. The fact that I had to stick my fathers penis in his jammy's more times that I want to admit due tohim going on the drink what I felt was his weakness after mum left. The fact that my older sister used to hit me with anything going and being unbelievebly mean. Then having to never be scared and bigging myself up to dad even when I had a stalker and hearing him say to me, "he'll take one look at your fierce self and walk the other way" - ooohhh it's all coming out. Poor me huh

yes, poor you

you shouldn't have had to do those things

They make me be the best mum i can possibly be, for which I'm grateful.

Right, that's enough of that for one night for both of us ay.

Thanks AF. I don't think I could have blurted to anyone else.

you know where I am

and my pm box is always open x

Take up the offer MissF. I hang out with the lovely ladies on the childhood sexual abuse thread, they are stellar btw. Talking is important. Talking is as much for you to speak as for others to listen.
I have been the barriers up person, it sucks compared to now.
I didn't want to be angry or hurt for the rest of my life. My anger was caused by hurt and betrayal that was caused by others but it only affected me. I was still suffering and quite frankly that's a draining and rubbish way to live. However used to it you are.
In any case I'm much happier (I would use the word giddy if it weren't so inappropriate both here and as a word in general) having dealt with things. It's worth consideration is all I'm saying.

Also I'm a Leo. I'm not sure what traits I'm meant to have actually. I'm off to have a squint.