Help again please wise women. Make or break meeting

[MissFaversham]

I started a thread a while ago called "A heart felt thanks".

I kicked semi-living with me DP for 3 years out a couple of weeks ago (I think as minds in a bit of a muddle).

We are due to meet at 9 in the local to thrash things out once and for all.

I need help to clarify my proposals.

Brief outline - (obviously my take on things)

He has two jobs and a nearly ex with 3 children. I have one teenager.
He works very hard and I know that but what I get is a grumpy arse most of the time, and what I would call selfish behaviour (will clarify if asked). Anything he has to do in our (his new relationship) is usually begrudgingly, hence our fall out as I have had enough. I know he works hard blah blah blah due to his former circumstances.

Anyway.

My proposals are:

No keys to my home.
Go back to the beginning and date again.
Have a total break for a couple of months and reconvene (looks like an odd spelling here).

I'm also not very good at telling all that has gone on as don't want my dilema to sound like a boring script, therefore I will sort of have to half drip feed as I go along (I find this term rather harsh when used and I prefer to call it divulging further information when prompting)

I guess what I'm trying to ask is are my proposals reasonable.

I get what you mean. But I also agree with Izzy, he will probably put on a really philanthropic show - he has the grace to overcome your disgusting display and he can move past it because he's the bugger person so you should bloody well take this opportunity to come back.

he can stick it in his piiiiipe!

Lol, bugger person I actually meant bigger person.

You can use the time in between to work through things though MissF. They time things to always get you at yuor lowest and keep the wounds from healing. You won't fall for it again but he will try.

I actually haven't had any Lambrini - how is my typing this terrible???

yes nic he wont be gone, this will make him even more determined to "win me over" but he is in the fire service and he can't actually do anything untoward, his boss and colleagues like me.

He's passive aggressive in as much as never raises his voice but points at you, never actually hits but holds and hurts you. he will be gone because im vocal

Fuck sake this wasn't supposed to be me or where im at. We were supposed to grow old together, look after the kids first of course and buy a property in Rye.

You are a better person than I MissF, I would be having a quiet word with them and outing him. But then I can't say my bouts of pettyness haven't bitten me on the bum once or twice so I can't recommend it.

You wouldn't be the first spouse liked more than the partner! I am not surprised he's a fireman one little bit. I was thinking you would be saying police/paramedic so I wasn't far off.

Well he was a twat - he cost you that.

But anyway if you want to go to Rye - go and do it!! Who's to say you won't be doing that with the right One just a little later than planned.

This may not be where you envisaged but it's better than where you would have ended up

A total different breed ay Nic. Conditioned by parentage in the sixty's then some. He has more to loose than me. He will leave me alone because i can do just that. At the end of the day we do choose in some macarbe way who we are with and this has shown me I really need to do a bit of work on myself.

Lick wound time ay nic and rise above. Im sad but glad if that makes any sense. It was over a while ago but I didn't want to give in.

The evening had the inevitable conclusion...

Thank you Izzy and Nic, you do make a huge difference and keep fighting the cause with AF, solid and so many more. Will wake up and name them all too xx

There is no shame in admitting to sadness for what should have been. Missing the 'good' bits. Or acknowledging some things we might have to change or work on. If more people did then maybe we'd all be a little bit happier.

Def agree to rise above it. I'm just a mare I do try very hard to act like an adult now but some people just press my buttons. I limit myself to blowing raspberries now. It's remarkably satisfying

I hope that last night was the final revelation that has convinced you once and for all that you are infinitely better off without a moody and abusive twat in your life, MissF.

50 is the new 30, my dear, and it's time for you to show that you are a true child of the '60's. Burn your bra, let it all hang out, and find a man who's as liberated as you can be.

'ello there

what would you have done if he'd stayed nice last night ?

and when he rings you to meet next weekend ?

Omigod AF that doesn't bear thinking about.

Better to shag a shed load of randoms than to put up with any more of his crap, honey.

well, I dunno izzy, that option was in MissF's own portfolio of potential outcomes before the meeting

and I would say our mate MissF needs to examine the fact that it may be only because he spat the dummy out and fucked off that she isn't back in the long-reaching (aka knuckle-dragging) arms of this tosser

You're right, AF. It was a possible outcome and it's not one I'd wish on any women, either in this or a parallel universe.

I must admit to being a tad shocked when I saw MissF's plea for help last night because less than 2 weeks ago it was O-ver and she was toasting her liberation.

But it appears that, due to her conditioning wavering, it's far from being over and it's become an overall worrying situation.

My fleece smells hugely of carraway seeds...and fennel. I don't get it and I don't like it. Who is rubbing spices on my clothes???

I can't cope with going to the supermarket, I always get a grump on. And I suspect DH of eating my carefully hoarded white chunky kitkat and now I'm so grumpy I cba to even break his knee caps look mournfully, woefully bereft.

AND this isn't even a new spongebob.
Ok, I get ot be grumpy for 5 more minutes then I'm stopping. And I'm having a biscuit.

Shit. Sorry. Idiot over here has too many tabs open and is obviously obessing much too much over her grave injustice. Consider me reprimanded

It is worrying. But MissF you said - he will be gone because I'm vocal. You can and will do it - you know what to look out for he has shown and told you what he is. Keep seeing it, keep remembering it. Do not go back to that.

You are having to work through the mindfuck of his active and deliberate attempts to condition your behaviour to meet his own ends. You have broken your strings and he can't make you dance. It can feel like you're just hanging limply but you aren't. It is hard, nobody can say it is an easy thing to do - but ask people who got out and they will tell you it is worth that last suffering to get out and live their life. You have a right to self-determination, you have a right to be free from harm....repeat ad infinitum until you believe it as strongly as you believe water is wet and cold will freeze and fire will burn you. You don't want to go back to juggling fire - the fire never stays airbourne for long and when it comes back down it can consume you entirely.

Nic

smelly fleeces ?

you are one sick puppy...

He ate your chunky white kitkat?

Leave the bastard!!!

AF - you don't know the half of it!

AGYG - He's hanging by a thread. His 'prompt' (after this look directed at his face rather concentratedly) diappearance to the shops to replace it may have bought him some wiggle room...this time. I hope you are there next time, if only to pay my bail and plead my case. She were provoked M'lud.

Good evening. Thanks for still being here and giving me the harsh (rightly so) kick up the arse reality check.

Yes I bloody wavered again didn't I

It's definitely been a teary day today.

Decided what might make me feel better would be to take charge of one area of my life so bought Alan Carrs stop smoking book and have burried my head in it all evening. Determined to crack it this time, what a boost to my self-esteem when accomplished.

The drug you should be seeking to quit at the present time isn't tobacco, MissF....

To boost your self-esteem, never give your word lightly and always follow through on your promises.

Oh MissF. What are we going to do? In what way?

Here is a hugs

Disregard if bs but quitting is tough, (I myself was fantastic at it, I was so good I did it 3 times) and you are having to handle a lot of tough stuff right now. Is this one thing something that would put a dent in you if the plan changed temporarily? Not saying it will as you are not me and I...well see above. If not and it feels good tune me out...a nice hum works well but a whistle is also good, for variety.