Help again please wise women. Make or break meeting

[MissFaversham]

I started a thread a while ago called "A heart felt thanks".

I kicked semi-living with me DP for 3 years out a couple of weeks ago (I think as minds in a bit of a muddle).

We are due to meet at 9 in the local to thrash things out once and for all.

I need help to clarify my proposals.

Brief outline - (obviously my take on things)

He has two jobs and a nearly ex with 3 children. I have one teenager.
He works very hard and I know that but what I get is a grumpy arse most of the time, and what I would call selfish behaviour (will clarify if asked). Anything he has to do in our (his new relationship) is usually begrudgingly, hence our fall out as I have had enough. I know he works hard blah blah blah due to his former circumstances.

Anyway.

My proposals are:

No keys to my home.
Go back to the beginning and date again.
Have a total break for a couple of months and reconvene (looks like an odd spelling here).

I'm also not very good at telling all that has gone on as don't want my dilema to sound like a boring script, therefore I will sort of have to half drip feed as I go along (I find this term rather harsh when used and I prefer to call it divulging further information when prompting)

I guess what I'm trying to ask is are my proposals reasonable.

Well done MissFaversham!

Enjoy that Lambrini

thank goodness for that...now next time blow dry hair and put on make-up for a nice man and keep happy, and us informed of course.

and you can have my too but just make sure you can put yourself to bed!

Feeling in need of a drink before you go to meet a man is always a sign that you'll have a better time if you stay home with the bottle.

thanks every one. I went in there with real life knowledge and he walked out in his own disgust. At first I probably had an open mouth, then I did have that sort of high like glee feeling.

If anyone in a small sort of control situation is reading this. Small becomes big if you let it. I am lucky that age, experience and constant reading on mumsnet has helped me.

Of course I'm sad that I won't see his children again (maybe in time when older) I'm sad that 3 years have gone by and to be honest I should have spotted what he was like very early but due to my "wanting" a relationship and being on dating sites for 5 years previous warped my perseption. But guess what, I've learned a big fat fab lesson, most women dont have to put up with it.

Blimey that was a ramble, but hopefully if you're in something and need to got back to see I hope you go back with eyes open whatever your age. Mumsnet is invaluable.

Glad you've got your keys back and he's out of your life now, MissF - best option, I feel - and you will too in time. :)

My god I was frightened half to death. I missed this earlier and thought NO MISSF WHAT ARE YOU DOING?????

Luckily Izzy said everything I wanted to. And then he conveniently obliged by being a massive bumstain. Phew.

Enjoy your lambrini - you deserve it. Enjoy the freedom - you deserve it. Nearly 50? Seriously that's nothing, feels big, isn't. It is heartbreaking to have to deal with missing his kids but he will have to deal with tht as it is all his fault, 75% my left tit.

This is a known dangerous time - you would not have been the first to go back. They choose the time when the immediate relief is waning and some fear about the future, a little lonliness and some reflection is happening - they choose the time most likely to benefit them getting back to the status quo.

You are better off out even if it doesn't feel that way. Plus, you are great and you have the right to be coming home to an adoring partner not a knobber.

I think i have closed all avenues, Delete/block etc. I did go back a tad he was charm personified and yes izzy's words were right there. He walked out in disgust because I had a few. It's all a manner of control so was his calm moany persona. So was his not speaking to me for hours/sometimes days and dare i say grabbing me and me having bruises.

Girls, women, men whatever I thought it would never happen to me, I'm still sitting here in shock and disbelief, we can't comprehend that a person can do such a thing BUT THEY CAN and they also go for gritty take no prisoners kick ass women. We are all vunerable by the way we care.

NicNoc. thank you too you blow me away with your words of wisdom and i know alsothey have such clarity because they were gained from you own pain.

He was with his ex for 17 years and doesn;t really talk about things only to say that she hit him (probably due to exaserbation).
Wow! that sounds like you're blaming him. Imagine if that had been written on here with the male being the violent one.

lambrini.

Three cheers for Fav.

Well done for meeting him pointlessly as surelt it has just re-confirmed what you already know. he is a shitty knob.

Well rid.

Ps I bet he thinks he is intelligent with a good grounding in general knowledge and doesn't 'get' animals unless they are a useful tool to pull a woman.

I also bet he doesn't clean his teeth properly.

blimey its kicking in that lambrini!

I know I have done the right thing.

If anyone like me that is sort of getting into a bad thing I just want to say Im lucky and found mumsnet before I became a person that was terribly abused. It was going to happen.

It starts off with little things

what little thing? oh and too. You are doing well.

Lisaro, he gave this glimmer of actuality. Maybe she did abuse him, who knows? it doesnt give him the right to abuse me though does it. Knowing him for 3 years and knowing the arse and misery that he is, maybe he needs to deal with what went on in his marriage and not project, grab, bruise and harm me.

It always starts off with little things.

One slap and they're so sorry, they'll never do it again.

The next time it's two slaps and they're doubly sorry, they'll never do it again.

But once they've crossed the line they don't stop and they never change.

Laughs at limited and not divulging. Oh ok then.. penis normal, sex normal. Out of bed a huge penis if you know what I mean

Oh izzy i thought i was sooo aware, he grabbed me once and wouldnt let go until my arms were black and blue. I told him in no uncertain terms that if he ever harmed a hair on my head again he'd be gone. He never did but griped, moaned, made my life a misery in sooo many other ways. It's always so subtle that you actually think you are going mad.

Lmao at huge penis...what a tool.

Ph I now have the tears flowing in relief. I had to make him walk out on me if you see what i mean so i wont go back because if you do the walking away they make you feel so guilty that you return

I knew that he hated me having more than a couple of drinks so I downed nearly a bottle, he sat there disgusted with me and walked out. I walked home sad and relieved

I know that if they make you powerless give them so much power so they walk away.

Does that make sense?

Lambrini's starting to affect your typing, I think, MissF - but yes, I get what you mean. It's better for him to have walked away because he can't beg for you to take him back and guilt you into it - not that you would take him back now anyway, would you?!

This is a man with rigid beliefs about women and how they should behave - i.e. deferential to the male of the species.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if he manages to overcome his disgust over the course of the next couple of weeks and offers to forgive your lapse from grace last night on the grounds that you 'weren't yourself'.

Methinks you haven't seen or heard the last of him, MissF. Be vigilant -

No thumb, it's over.

He probably won't let go izzy and i sort of know that. This is just the beginning of the end for him.