Yes unhappy with dh
I feel like I'm going crazy. Which isn't good...
I don't know where to start.
Currently I am pissed off as:
a) he said we could move when dd is 4, he is clearly now moving the goalposts for this one. I am desparate for a house with a garden, the dc want a garden. Dh does not like gardens. So we don't move
b) we have money, heaps of money, enough to get above house. I get £1300 into my bank acct every month. No mortgage but food, ALL household bills, pets insurance, everything comes out of that. He does not like to give extra. And no I don't have access to the savings, bar his card (no pin) which I have used to pay for a holiday (online) for me and the dc 
. I have overspent but have had 3 big birthdays to pay for and still recovering from xmas (in may! am I unusual?)
c) he will not come on above holiday, 4 days it is. It will be too stressful with the dc (2 and 5) 
.
d) He wont go for meals out anywhere but two cafe's as food is too salty in any italian, indian whatever...
e) dh had a long discussion the other day with me about my housework (or lack of). House cluttered. He will not help as its too chaotic. Other housewives manage. May I say here he has been self employed in parents business since age of 12. He has never experienced the outer world...I use to hear all sorts working in various offices, different opinions/thoughts/ideas...he spends all day alone or with his father or mother or sister or aunt. I keep my distance from them, their mad as a box of frogs. But he works with them every day.
f) housework. Like I said, he says its too chaotic to do anything. He believes that children can wear one outfit a week (he has had dd1 in one outfit for two weeks before...he seems to not see the DIRT there is on clothes...). That we should halve the amount of clothes we have. That I make everything 10 times as hard as I need too and let the children distract me. I should just shut them in a room till I've finished what I'm doing. If he was looking after the house and dc he would halve the amount of work "guarenteed". He does NOTHING round the house. Not take bins out, no diy (and there is so much to do...he expects me to do it), no washing up (he rinses his and dc dishes on a morning but that is without soap), no washing clothes...
g) sex. He wants it everyday, if not a few times a week. Feeling as I do above I dont want to have sex with someone who doesn't give a monkeys thank you very much. So in the last year I've started refusing. All the time. We often sleep in separate beds.
h) (can I get throught the alphabet? Lets try...) Lack of affection/empathy. Nothing to say on this, sums it up. None. Unless it involves groping. Refer g)
i) never, ever leaves work early to surprise me, or do family things...he's self employed he CAN find the time for bike rides but not get home early. In fact he never takes holidays.
Positives
a) gets dc up and dressed and breakfasted
b) (after 2 years not sleeping and me looking after her and becoming a complete wreck) dc2 now sleeps through the night and he gets up to her if she wakes
c) takes dc on walks and to cafe once a week, reads books to them, does bedtime stories
d) He has an amazing body for his age
e) I would find him sexually attractive again if I could sort out long list above. He is still attractive. But he does have a belief that women want it etc but he does agree drunk ladies are fair game I put him straight on that one and he knows where I stand on that...and that is something that crosses my mind when we have sex. He seems to have a real male view of the world...bit footballery if you know what I mean...he keeps a cap on it, but I know its under the surface.
f) he is the childrens father. I don't want them to lose their daddy. :( :( :( I know from when we separated before he said he would stop working so I could not claim anything from him. He also refused to see dc on a frequent basis as "other fathers I know don't" and he "didn't want to get their hopes up" 
this was said after we got back together and in a discussing other people we know who split up kind of way...
g) he says he loves me...or did when we got back together...first time he said it. Wants all the lovey dovey stuff and has assured me for the last 8 years how affectionate he is...I've just never seen it. Apparently he's had is heart broken too many times and he can't face it again. Not even for his wife apparently, who he has had dc with.
I'm so sorry that this is so long but I've talked myself calm again...and for the record the house is NOT cluttered, you can see ALL the bedrooms floors, and ALL of the living room floor...we have no shelves as he doesn't want screw holes in the walls in fact no pictures on the walls either...no nails allowed...
And before I sign off...yes I have discussed most of the above with him...we just go round in circles. He is Mr Perfect and his way is the only way. ANd he is Mr Always Right...
Can I just scream now? Or cry...or both....sometimes I do see a peek of what he could be like then it goes away again when we start discussing things again...completely fruitless...
Thank you so much for reading so far....someone please help...