how can i make him stay?

[ScarlettAlexandra]

dh has been offered an amazing job with a life changing salary. the only thing is that its in malaysia(he worked there before but only for 12 weeks at a time). i don't want to go myself and i cry everytime i think of leaving our lovely home and life here.

he has said he is really considering going. all he keeps on about is being mortgage free in two years and we can go and see him and he will come home every 12 weeks.

i told him we need him here as a family and forbid him to go last night in a big row. he is being really selfish even considering it dc's are little and need their dad around.

what can i do to change his mind for good?

or is it me being selfish?

You're being quite confrontational Bucharest. You used the phrase 'family home' - so it was a reasonable question because it implies a different kind of residency.

Scarlett - have you also talked about the money situation?

In your other thread, you said you only had access to the child benefit and tax credits. But you won't be getting those abroad.

Is your DH ready to let you have full access to the family money?

No Expat, it implies the house where I live with my family.

And FWIW the residency doesn't matter. Border Agency officials the world over, as I said, are quite rightly tightening up on incidences of 1 adult travelling with 1 child and not carrying a notarised letter of consent from the other parent.

That goes for people travelling on any form of travel document.

I've been stopped at passport control for just the Eurostar back from Paris, and asked where the DC's father is. Luckily on that occasion he was just a few yareds ahead, having blithely wandered off and left me toddler wrangling...

But I do often travel alone with them so now I carry a letter that basically says, 'Boulevard has my permission to travel wherever she wants with DC1 and DC2, signed MrBoulevard'. Would take 5 mins to write. In your shoes, I wouldn't go to Malaysia without it - apart from anything else, you'll need it at the end of your 6 months.

ok i will keep it in mind.

as for money i have my salary too its not a lot but its something. tv and cb will be notified of any absences from the uk.

How would it work if he goes alone and you and the DC visit twice a year for a few months at a time?

I used to live in the UK, although we were not UK nationals, and I always carried a letter from OH stating that DS was allowed to travel with me, although strictly, being married I didn't really need it, but DS and I have a different surname.

I only posted because the issue was raised and to point out that it might not be as easy as sometimes people assume.

In a way it's always best to assume worst case scenario, than regret it later.

Hi ScarlettAlexandra

I am in the same boat as you and i understand what you are going through.

My DH has got a job in New York he is out there just now finding us a home and a nursery for our eldest daughter and also he will be interviewing a nanny to help us get settled in.

I have been to KL with my eldest when she was 8 months old as DH was out there for 3 months. Its an amazing place and a really hope you enjoy it as much as we did.

S&A x

Six months sounds like a healthy compromise to me, too :)

Other posters' points about documentation and access to money are valid. Also think of insurances. There will be no travel rep or authority looking out for your interests, you need to cover all the bases for yourself.

KL is a brilliant place to go with a young child and there's quite a lot of work for expats. Please do act with caution, Scarlett - and have a wonderful time!