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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

It's all getting so difficult

35 replies

theendishere · 05/05/2012 18:02

Some of you might rememebr me. I've posted several times about mine and (stb)h's troubled relationship and more recently about his crossdressing.
As some suggested it turns out that the crossdressing probably was an attempt to "unnerve" me and appears to have stopped. Shortly before it stopped i found blood stained ladies knickers (not mine) in the washing.H denied they were there but no surprise there. I guess he'd had anal sex whilst dressed up - can't think of any other explanation?
The divorce is now in the hands of my solicitor.
So hard to deal with how he could behave that way, but at least i have no doubts i've made the right decision

OP posts:
Original poster
theendishere · 05/05/2012 18:05

Should have read (stbx)h !!

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 05/05/2012 18:07

You're not still living with this man, are you?

Original poster
theendishere · 05/05/2012 18:09

Sadly yes, albeit separately in the same house.
No other option as i can't afford to move out and he has refused to :(

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 05/05/2012 18:24

You've been writing about this man for a while now, haven't you?

Is the house up for sale?

I don't know how you can live with him. He seems to be driving you crazy. Don't you have anywhere at all that you could go to in the meantime? How sure are you that the divorce will go through quickly?

Original poster
theendishere · 05/05/2012 18:33

I'm only living with him becuase i have no where else to go :(
yes, it's absolute hell, but no choice and i have looked into it..

OP posts:
21YrOldMan · 05/05/2012 18:58

Why are you doing his washing?!

Original poster
theendishere · 05/05/2012 19:01

I'm not anymore, havent been for quite a while

OP posts:
Original poster
theendishere · 05/05/2012 19:02

i wonder if there is any other explanation other than anal sex?
AnyFucker - you around?

OP posts:
lucyellensmumnamechange · 05/05/2012 19:09

The only other explanation is that they are actually another woman's knickers - but where the fuck he got them from i don't know!

lucyellensmumnamechange · 05/05/2012 19:09

The thing is, anal sex shouldnt cause bleeding enough to have blood stains in knickeres now that i think of it.

izzyizin · 05/05/2012 19:10

Any piece of red meat from a supermarket/butchers can be used to create a pair of blood stained knickers.

Keep a laundry basket for yourself and ds in your room, don't look through his dirty washing, and turn a blind eye to his antics.

Has your petition for divorce been filed?

Original poster
theendishere · 05/05/2012 19:15

Hi Izzy. Yes i've had a separate basket for m and ds for a while now. The way the blood was positioned and looked it didn't looked like it has been 'planted ' there. there was another pair with similar stains in the bin with all the crossdressing stuff he thr out. A friend thinks he's been dogging - there is a big dogging area near us..
he's been sent the allegations of unreasonalble behaviour but hasn't responded by the deadline given, therefore, yes petition will be sent to court next week i hope

OP posts:
Original poster
theendishere · 05/05/2012 19:16

No, i'm sure they're not another woman's as i saw a receipt for them, conveniently left lying around..

OP posts:
izzyizin · 05/05/2012 19:27

Whatever he may have been up to it's of no importance to you, is it?

This man craves attention. Don't give him the satisfaction; ignore, ignore, ignore.

I wouldn't closely examine any strange/unknown knickers or other items of underwear I found in my personal laundry basket. If I didn't know who they belonged to, I'd use a pair of tongs to put them in a plastic bag and bin them.

Original poster
theendishere · 05/05/2012 22:53

You're right Izzy - it's not really important. Just sometimes gets to me how someone could be so horrible.
The important thing is to focus on mine and ds's future

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Original poster
theendishere · 06/05/2012 00:19

The main things that sometimes upsets me so much is that he could have gone to such lengths to unnerve me. Even my solicitor said it's very rare to come across such behaviour...

OP posts:
izzyizin · 06/05/2012 00:32

Either your solicitor's led a sheltered life or they've only had naice clients before you fetched up, honey.

There's no end to the lengths some will go to in order to shock and awe their spouses.

What your twat's been doing is pretty mild compared to some and at least he's had the decency to buy his own undies Grin

garlicbutty · 06/05/2012 03:17

He is completely bonkers. And has little better to do than see how much he can wind you up! Sad, bonkers git.

I'm sorry to hear he's succeeding in upsetting you. I'm also THRILLED to see you now get what he's doing! You're moving along, baby Grin The end is in sight - keep closing him down and, soon, you'll be looking at a blissfully fuckwit-free new view.

Has he developed cancer, committed suicide or been in an accident yet? Suggest you prepare yourself for such tactics ... Honestly, you & DS will be so much happier without all this rubbish in your lives.

I had a pathetically naive solicitor, too. I should have fired her but didn't have the benefit of the Mumsnet Hive Wisdom back then!

Original poster
theendishere · 06/05/2012 09:42

I think what my solicitor meant was that it was very unusual to go to the extent to pretending to be a transvestite just to get at me. She did make the point that some a few partners do some pretty awfu things when things get to this stage, but his n=behaviour is quite unusual and must be unnerving and unsetling for me.
Izzy - they werent' all his own undies, etc - he took some of my make up and clothes. He even bought o apir of knickers identical to a pair of mine - freak
Garlic - Most of the time i just see him for what he is now, just sometimes it still upsets me that he could want to try to mess with my head like that. yes, can't wait for the end

OP posts:
izzyizin · 07/05/2012 00:20

You need to see it how it is. It's his head that's messed up and he can only mess with your head if you let him.

The fact is he's always been this way and he's not going to change at this late date.

As garlic has said, it's likely he'll crank it up and you're best advised to act with complete indifference to what will be no more than further attention seeking on his part

Original poster
theendishere · 07/05/2012 18:04

I know Izzy :) Can't wait til it's all over...
I actually wouldn't be surprised if he did use meat to create stained knickers - WTF!!!

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Original poster
theendishere · 07/05/2012 22:29

Anyone else ever experienced anything similar to this?! or have any thoughts/

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sadanduseless · 08/05/2012 03:05

Yes, my X knew that I can't stand certain stains on underwear. He used to be spotlessly clean and then (didn't know until much later that he was leading a double life with a new woman!) started leaving underwear in linen basket with heavy evidence of shite and blood. Was so bewildered!

Original poster
theendishere · 10/05/2012 20:11

Sad - how vile :((
Spoke to my solicitor today and the divorce petition is being sent to the court tomorrow. Oh how i wish this could all be over - 100 times worse as still in the same house as h. He thinks it's just a "minor inconvenience"....

OP posts:
Shakey1500 · 10/05/2012 20:15

I'll warrant he doesn't believe that you'll go through with the divorce. Sounds completely deluded. I agree with ignore ignore ignore.

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