What would you do - crap birthday pressie

[soaccidentprone]

I'm 46 (today)
I asked dh for a new dressing gown, pointing him in the direction of m&s. I told him it was a test as to how well he knows me. We've been together 13 years. We have 2 black cats, and 2 ds's. I only have 1 white item of clothing - a t-shirt. I asked for a size 16-18 as I have put on 2 stone since I broke my leg last year.

this is what he bought me.

I like it, but it's not me. Plus he bought me a 12-14. The size I used to be.

I know it's my own fault for not being specific enough and showing him on the internet, but good god, after all these years together. This is so impractical, and so not me. Is this what he thinks I would like? Or did he just buy what he likes?

Why do blokes have to be so bloody useless at pressie buying?

Should I go with him to change it, or should I let him go by himself. Or should I just not bother and put it in a cupboard, before taking it to a charity shop in a couple of years? (Harsh but true!)

What would you do?

Happy birthday!

If he bought the wrong size then ask him to return it for a refund.
Show him the item you do like online, and ask him to purchase it via the website.

I can understand that you're disappointed, as he appears to have stumbled into a 'womanly shopping area', flailed around in panic, and plumped for the first familiar item he came across!

I'd say thanks, because he's obviously seen a dressing gown with pretty hearts on it and thought 'That is what girls wear'. I'd then ask if he has the receipt, because its too small, take it back and exchange it for the one I wanted, saying that they'd run out of the one he'd got me.

He probably didn't believe you about the size thing. I know my husband looks amazed when I tell him I'm a size 16. But I am, and then some!

Now cue rantings from other Mumsnetters about what a cunt he is and leave the bastard.

I dont really see anything wrong with it. He presumably picked something he thought you would like and that he though would look nice on you.

Just tell him it is the wrong size, go on your own to change it, and get something that you like, telling him they didnt have it in your size

I would not have trusted my DH with this task unless I had given more specific instructions re the colour - he would buy something random.

I would takt it back and lie and say they did not have your size.

Well I think it's pretty. And I feel extremely sorry for any man sent off shopping with the words "it's a test as to how well you know me" ringing in his ears - nice, no pressure there then.

Perhaps he's tired of seeing you in dark drab colours and decided to get you something different. Perhaps he'd like to see you in something like this.

One thing is for sure... He didn't walk into M&S thinking "what can I buy that will piss soaccidentprone off the most, oh I know, I'll buy something I'm sure she'll hate in the wrong size"

What would I do? Smile sweetly, thank him but tell him you will have to exchange it for a bigger size, take it back and choose something you do want.

I feel sorry for your DH who I assume has tried his hardest and failed to please you.
I think the kind thing would be to say thank you for the lovely thought but would you mind if I changed it for something more practical.
My DH is impossible to buy for and fails to appreciate that a lot of thought has gone into choosing his pressies.

Think "what not to wear" he might have thought you'd look good in it.

Shame about the size, but it could be that he didn't believe you were a larger size. :)

Maybe give it a go, after exchanging for larger, and see how you feel?

You did say you liked it :)

"I told him it was a test as to how well he knows me"

Poor guy. WHY do women do this? It's like me asking my GF to buy me a power tool for my birthday, but not specifying what. "If you really loved me, you'd know whether I have an angle grinder or not!". Yes, I'm stereotyping, but men are, well, men. And women are, well, women. There are obviously exceptions, but most men aren't particularly interested in clothes.

He bought you something that he thought you'd like and look nice in. You like it, and you'd probably look nice in it, irrespective of whether it's "you" or not. If you want a specific gift, then take him with you, point to it, and say "that one". Then say something like "oh, I need the toilet, I'll catch up with you in sainsburies, ok?" and disappear.

Please PLEASE don't tell a man "this is a test of how much you know/love/care about me" because we can love you without caring about women stuff. Just like you're capable of loving us without an in depth knowledge of power tools, cars and football!

(Waiting for the professionally annoyed division of the feminism brigade to arrive and complain about my stereotyping)

(I'm the one that asked for a cordless screwdriver for my birthday. The look of 'I know what that is and where to get it!!' relief on his face was deeply touching) Don't go nuts. He sees you as a svelte young thing and you can't be cross about that.

I like it ....he has chosen something pretty and practical and yes the size is wrong but you can change it.

Your blowing this up out of all proportion.

'A test to how well he knows me'?!

I thought it was a request for a dressing gown as a birthday present, not a test

If i told my DH that his present to me was a test of how well he knew me, I'd be presented with fuck all because he'd realise that was exactly how much he really knew about me.

I've been married for over 20 years, and I would NEVER allow my DH to buy me clothes. In fact I've specifically banned him. I hate buying clothes for myself without trying them on, they never look the same on me as they do on the picture - so rarely buy on the internet unless I can return/exchange them without postage (always get the 'store delivery' options). I buy him casual clothes, but only because he works long hours and rarely goes to the shops to choose, and in the knowledge that I may be asked to return them if he doesn't like them.

Even dressing gowns can be fussy. My criteria - in this order - I hate hoods, completely pointless for an indoor item of clothing IMO. I like something that feels snug and comfy, below the knee. Also don't like 'heavy' ones - some of the cotton ones weigh a lot! It needs to have a decent cross over, some of them leave the front quite exposed so can't be used straight after the shower and with nothing underneath. It needs to be a pretty colour, but not too light so that I don't have to wash it everytime a DC touches it.

DH? He likes something that he can put on first thing in the morning, and keeps him warm. That's the end of criteria. So if he was choosing for me he would choose something pretty, and warm. So I would probably end up with a hooded, white or pink, heavy cotton monstrosity.

Clothes are too personal, and I really think you set both him and yourself up for disappointment.

My ex used to buy me beautiful presents diamond earrings, charm bracelet etc and i loved everything he got me!!
But he is an ex h as he treated me terribly. and walked out on me and our dc.
So in my mind I would rather have a p who loves me for who I am and cherishes me rather than worrying about how crap they are at buying me gifts...
I don't think its fair to test anyone like this its as if your setting them up to fail and there are more important things in life to be worrying about.....

i have only ever met one man who got it right - size, style, colour, etc...and that turned out to be because he had a special interest in women's clothing iykwim

Good point about the power tools, 21.

I like it.
Think he could have done a lot worse!
Well done that he got the smaller size-sees a thinner you

I asked DH for a new dressing gown for Xmas, showed him the one I liked, and bear in mind I was 24 weeks pg at Xmas, he excelled himself by getting ms the dressing gown, a size bigger, AND the matching jim jams n slippers

He got the jim jams in my normal Sz 12 and I'm delighted to say I'm now wearing them!!!

Overall I was very pleased and gave him top marks for his efforts!!!

I think if I were you, I'd ask him for receipt and tell him you need a bigger/smaller one, then exchange for what you do want and tell him they hadn't got your size in the one he chose

Well the whole ultimatum thing was yabu. Is that how it always is?

Men very rarely IMO, have a true idea of a woman's size. It's also quite well known that they do tend to see the woman of their affections as slimmer and more physically attractive than say, your average joe that isn't in love with you. Plenty of studies been done on it.

I don't see the problem.

It is nice actually! If he'd come back with a size 8 peep hole bra & crotchless knickers from Ann Summers I could understand your disappointment! The poor guy must have been like the priests accidentally lost in the lingerie department in Father Ted! Give him a break love & go & exchange it!

Mind you, I must admit I was a spoilt bitch this year on Valentine's Day when I got a granny style pot plant for the 3rd year running & had expressed disappointment twice before!

I have to agree with 21YrOldMan in principle at least. Why set up a test over a birthday present? I personally find it very difficult to buy things even for people I know well because I don't want to get them something they already have, or that they actually hate but feel obliged to keep. If my DH wanted a new electric screwdriver for his birthday, I would tell him to tell me which one he wanted so I didn't waste my money guessing at it. (For my 40th I just forwarded DH a link and said 'buy this').

I'm afraid I'm a voucher person. I know as little about clothes as I do about power tools so I'd be bloody useless either way I suspect!

After 4 years of truly dreadful Xmas/birthday presents it reached a pinnacle of awfulness when last birthday I got a duvet cover and a saucepan which I used to smack him round the head with
I ended up in tears in a very immature fashion and it all came out. Now I give him a list of ideas as he said he finds it impossible to buy gifts for me. Must say Xmas just gone was a vast improvement. Maybe give him some hints. Blokes do seem to find it quite tricky. Dont really agree with the test thing though. My husband knows me better than I know myself and yet I would still find myself grimacing with what he used to get me

OK, it's a bit annoying that he got the size wrong (though if you don't wear women's sizes, it's probably OK to be a bit clueless about how big a 12/14/16/whatever actually is - I wear a 22/24 and until I educated him, my husband thought a 20 was for people much bigger than me, like too big to fit through doors). But buying clothes for other people is notoriously difficult. I wouldn't trust anyone to do it for me except possibly my mum, and even then I think she'd struggle now we've lived apart for a while.

Even if you have an eye for clothes, which not everyone does, it's really difficult to gauge someone else's taste. The difference between loving something and not can be based on quite small factors. Clothes are one of the first things I notice about a person, but even then I wouldn't necessarily trust myself to shop for them. And all my husband really notices about my outfits is a vague impression of jeans and something dark on the top. :) When he comes shopping with me, he takes an interest but picks things out using a totally different set of criteria from me - he'll go for fabric and texture over shape or style any day, so he'll grab a top that may be in a gorgeous fabric but would make me look like a sack of potatoes, or that's aimed at a woman thirty years older than I am, or wouldn't go with anything I own. It doesn't mean he doesn't love me or know me, it's just that he isn't me. This isn't really Man Brains vs. Woman Brains, because plenty of men are very particular about their clothes and lots of women don't give a crap. It's just two people who happen to be different.

As for the practicality, maybe he just didn't think the cats would shed that much on you, or maybe he was deliberately trying to get you something that he thought would look nice and be a bit luxurious rather than focusing strictly on the practical. Giving you something to enjoy rather than something purely serviceable. The opposite of the classic "well, she does all the cooking so I'll buy her a sturdy apron and some kitchen scissors for Christmas".

I would ask him for the receipt so that I could get the larger size, go to M&S and either exchange for the bigger one or get something I liked better and fib about the white one being out of stock. And then I'd stop trying to give the poor man tests of how well he knows you, because that's kind of messed up, tbh. You are setting him up to fail and setting yourself up for disappointment, all because he doesn't notice your clothes as much as you do. I mean, could you shop for something he's interested in and infallibly pick the perfect thing, the exact item he would have chosen for himself and wouldn't change a thing about it? Every time? Doubt it, because you're not psychic. Nor's he.

I feel sorry for your poor husband - he couldn't win really, could he? You obviously expect him to be a mind reader.

The dressing gown he bought, I would love - so he got the wrong size - at least he got it wrong in the 'right' direction.

You are ungrateful!

Why did you set him up to fail? There is no way he can come out of that with his ego intact. Saying 'it's a test of how well you know me' is the same as saying 'you have no bloody clue who I am and I don't respect your opinions at all'. I would have bought you a scotch egg instead and told you to sod off.

YABVVVU

And FFS how hard is it to sensitively say 'thank you, I'm not sure it's quite right for me but don't worry I'll take it back and swap it for something that will fit me a bit better, but it was so nice of you to try'.

Ingratitude is a fiercely ugly trait.