DH hit me with a bombshell recently - he loves me, but basically isn't in love with me - or something along those lines.
Now, a bit of background info....
We recently had DD2 (6 months ago) - she was the baby we thought we'd never have, after a series of mc's. We had to get treatment for this, and we are so lucky to have her.
DH has a job that involves working away - it as been particularly stressful for the past year, and he has also had hideous dental problems, a bout of shingles 3 weeks after DD was born and his dad has recently been ill.
We have been married for coming up to 11 years, and been together for 14. We celebrated our 10th anniversary whilst I was heavily pregnant last year with a lovely break at a beautiful hotel, and he bought me a gorgeous bracelet too.
I turned 40 in Jan, and he surprised me with a trip to NYC - he did this fantastic treasure hunt around the house, and I cried when I discovered the gift at the end - I just didn't expect it.
We have had our ups and downs like any long relationship, but we've always been good at communicating, and worked through them. I have had problem with depression - due to mc's and other difficult things - and he's supported me throughout.
I think that I've had my head down and just been focusing on getting through the newborn phase, and maybe I haven't been supporting him enough. I can be snappy at times, but I am in no way a complete cow.
He is up for going to Relate and we start seeing someone in a week. He says that he's lost respect for me, and I can see that all he's doing is looking at the bad stuff. I know from my MH issues that this is what you do when you are struggling and stressed.
I gently suggested that he needs to take time off work on the phone last night - he didn't really acknowledge this, and I know that we need to sit down and discuss it. The problem is that he is self-employed and the main breadwinner, and probably sees this as not possible. I have found myself looking at jobs this morning to see if I can get a job - it's a bit tricky as I used to be an FE lecturer in Textiles and the jobs are hard to come by. Also, they don't pay anywhere near as much as DH's salary.
I suspect that someone will come on here and start blathering about him having an affair as there's always one on most relationship threads that I've read! He unequivocally is NOT, so please don't come on and suggest this. There is absolutely nothing in his behaviour that has me worried about this (although I have thought about it, as I think it is only natural to go down that thought pattern).
My DH has always been an incredibly loyal, kind and considerate man and I love him with all my heart. The stress of this has had me taking painkillers to get through it - not ideal, but a short term fix for those really bad days. I am prepared to fight for my marriage and he does want to work on it too, but it hurts me so much to know that he feels like this about me.
His mum came over last night as I was upset, and she thinks that he is in a mess. She is planning to phone him tonight, and she's very gentle and will hopefully get him to admit that he needs time off from work.
I bought him a spa day for his bday recently as I know he's been stressed - I also have been doing more around the house to try to take the pressure off him. I sent him back to work with a survival pack before this happened too, so he knew that we were thinking about him - he was touched, and appreciated this.
I phoned him a couple of weeks ago on his way home from work in a mess - I'd hit the vodka, and was suffering with raging PMT, and just ranted down the phone at him. He called back straight away and told me he'd had an epiphany at work that day when he told someone to Fuck off - he realised that the job is fucking him up. I think he's dismissing that this week, as he's having a bad week and being all pessimistic again.
Sorry this is a long post - I was hoping for some constructive advice, or maybe something from someone who has been through a similar thing. I feel like I am going slowly mad and my whole world has been turned upside down. I also feel like maybe I have been really inconsiderate and not been looking out for him - but the last 18 months have been all about the pregnancy and the baby - I've just had my head down.