Welcome to the Turning Tavern III

[Crushinghard]

A continuation of the TTII thread for women unexpectedly finding themselves attracted to other women.

polly - haha aren't we all in these situations.
Loveis yes, it's all good bu also complicated, two sides of sane medal!
So polly and Loveis, do you think i should declare all if my attempt at a talk on lesbians fails (if she happens to have had a drink, as otherwise she;d look at me like 'eh?' for suddenly starting it).

Maybe go in easy ie start with a discussion about women turning mid-life or something, test the water and then move on to lesbians if she is looking interested. Could you mention Mary Portas or Susie Orbach or something topical as a conversation-starter (let me have a think and I'll get back to you) I think you need to know there's something there so would be good to gauge her reaction first then you can be more direct.

you see I'm wondering whether she was gauging MY reaction when she talked of 'pretty girls' once (and 'there you are' in the end(?)) and about 'lesbian tea' - it's always unexpected and i didn't quickly reacted .

my male friend is insisting that at her age she won't be outraged if I told her calmly that I'm attarcted to her, and that it's the only way to find out as we can both be guessing quietly, for all I know. I somehow think I'm more ready for this than before but I really have to find her in a good mood (not stressing about her child for example) which is pot luck with our infrequent meetings. But next time being sunday all the chances of her usual boozy lunch..

*quickly react

he is of similar age

polly I'm now getting a light fever - so now we'll both be staying at home with a cold !

Likea I have pmmed you

thanks sleep!

Having the lurgy is vile isn't it?

LIkea, I honestly think you would be better off at that stage just telling her how you feel. The idea of testing the aters with chat about Susie Orbach for example isn't a bad one, but if she replies ambigously or doesn't seem to want to discuss you'll be none the wiser. And then you'll be back to square one.

I think you've known her long enough, and still feel strongly enough about her, that's it's worth biting the bullet and being direct.

sorry, testing the waters with chat about....obv

polly you don't need to correct your typos as I'm the master of them
Well, that's what I'm saying - she might be ok even discussing it - or not - but someone still needs to make it personal. Also she may not follow these news (I don't) - I know Mary only because I watched her programmes and didn't know then she turned anyway. She doesn't watch tv much at all.
Do you think she was testing my reaction (re my post above)?

I think (as also my male friend advises) that if it's a 'no' I could stiull then say 'let's forget about this convo and just stay in touch as usual re our normal arrangements', and she should be fine with that. I definitely don't want loss of contact, so a small risk remains. This griend told me he was approached by gay men (he works in that kind of field - ish) and he said he wasn't interested ann everything was still fine after that with regards to their work, i.e. grown up people can deal with even awkward situations without freaking out.

I will try first to say something indirectly though, and if that doesn't work, then will tell her - though I'm too chicken to tell her face to face, so will have to be text or letter, but will make it playful rather than serious to start with. I.e, you are very attractive (same as sleep was doing) and see whether she encourages that. If all that still not lead anywhere hten might be really direct.

I think your friend is right, she's an adult and no doubt has had to decline romantic overture before (even if not from women!). So long as you approach it right (no overdramatics and I'm sure you wouldn't do that) and be clear that if she says no you'll respect that.

Re the testing your reaction, I'm sorry I really don't know. If she was then she chose quite vague comments to make - if she wanted a reaction I would've thought she would've said something more unambigous. But I don't know how she thinks, what her sense of humour is like....

Perhaps you should ask sleep to write it for you :-) Seriously, I'm tempted to get her to draft something for me....she is impressively eloquent in these matters whereas I 'm a tongue-tied oaf.

oh no I'm very good at writing such things, it's saying it face to face that turns me into a tongue tied oaf.
Well, I've never ever heard her referringto 'pretty girls' and his was asid in a one to one conversation so kind of stuck out. L-tea (according to my male friend, deliberate) was also a bit odd (she never mentioned it since). She's very dry usually as to soh, unless drunk then it's all more smiley/even an odd joke, that's why i feel i can say almost anything when she's drunk.
Yes, what's encouragingis that I ve met a man who she turned down romantically but they are still on very friendly terms. But she doesn't see him as much as she does me, so don't know if it wd make her want to see me less. Don't want that, it's alredy once in 2=3 weeks and less at times.

*and this was said

polly I thought you were just planning to invite yours out for drinks - why do you need write anything special? you did say that you don't want to confess by emali.

the thing with yours is you ve been out together already, so it's not like it's difficult for you or for her to do this again, and she mentioned it. It's a question whether she wants anything else but the plan was to have an open chat over drinks. If you think that she doesn't want to go - there is no point writing anything 'romantic' as she'd definitely agree to drinks if she was interested in more (I mean, also could go out if she wanted friendship, but in any case refusal to go drinking is a 'no' to everything else imo).

yes I'm planning on emailing anything romantic at all this time - whenever i get round to it - i was thinking ahead really....!

I'm not feeling very sociable at the moment, and we did only go out two weeks ago, so I don't want to ask again too soon.

oops sorry, I'm NOT planning on emailing anything romantic....

well yes, it really is her turn to respond so could as well give it a few days.

Likea - if you can face being bold, possibly a more direct approach would cease your is she/isn't she, will she/won't she conundrum and speed things up a tad. Must be torturous being in limbo-land. She's old enough to handle it and by the sounds of things isn't guarded and uptight. It's not like you are telling her she has terrible breath and is lousy at her job. She can only be flattered by you saying she is attractive and you have developed a crush on her. Wish you'd hurry up and join the fb group...

Polly - hope you're not feeling too bunged up

and a hot toddy chaser