Advice needed ex does not want to pay child support anymore because he does not want to be a dad anymore

[savannasmum]

Long story short

When I found out I was pregnant my ex made it clear he did not want a child, ( we were together at the time) I did, so I went ahead with it. I did not ask him for anything. When she was about one he started to take an interest in her. He worked away a lot so he rang her every week, came home to visit her every 6 weeks and paid child support.

About a year ago he met someone, quit his job and moved in with her. He stop calling or visiting our daughter, he stopped paying child support (she was 5 by this time). I rang the CSA, needless to say he threatened me everything, he eventually agreed to 20pounds a week once he got a job if I cancelled the CSA . Which I did. He has now moved closer to me (about 10mins up the road). He has seen our daughter about 3times this year.

Here is the bit I need advice on he now has a job but refuses point blank to pay child support as, and I quote ? why should I pay or something that I didn?t want in the first place and that I don?t have any feeling for ( meaning our daughter) and that I don?t want in my life, am not paying for your mistake?.

Now do I ring the CSA again or not as he did make it clear that he did not want a child in the first place but then again he has played daddy for the last few years. He is trying to guilt me into not calling them, saying it was my mistake, iv ruined is life, so on and am starting to believe he is right.

Is he right or am I been brainwashed?

Sorry it?s not so short but any advice would be greatly received.

I personally would brush my hands of him and focus on raising my child in a loving and happy home. Your DD deserves better.

The father of my child has never met her, has no intention of ever meeting her and I wouldn't ask a dime from him because we are 'ok' without the support. I'm a proud old boot though tbf.

CSA is the way to go.

Get the money paid into a bank account or your DD and give it to her when she is 18/21.

That way you are not relying on his money to support your DD but she will have a nest egg when she gets older.

Why should he get away scott free coz he doesn't want to play anymore.

I personally would brush my hands of him and focus on raising my child in a loving and happy home. Your DD deserves better

The father of my child has never met her, has no intention of ever meeting her and I wouldn't ask a dime from him because we are 'ok' without the support. I'm a proud old boot though tbf.

I can understand that and you might be doing okay now, but what happens if god forbid, you lose your job or your daughter needs on going care or treatment?

She'd be better off without him if she loses her job. It would be bad enough to lose your job without having some psycho dragging you down the entire time re mucking about with payments, visits; slander etc. It is just one constant nightmare with people like this, you'd be better off cutting them out entirely.

ComposHat I'm a Student living on very very little, and through support I have managed to keep our heads above water. It takes grit and determination, but DD will have a better life for it.

My DD is coming up to 4, we're all good here.

He doesn't want to be a father anymore? Bet you think 'if wishing made it so'? Truly with a dad like that who needs enemies!

Right well I too would get the CSA on his case. Do not waiver, do not engage, just get the CSA working on it and then use whatever they extract from the git for your dd's benefit. If he threatens you, involve a solicitor. Bullying will not be tolerated. Abuse will not be tolerated. All round fuck-wittedness will not be tolerated but I'm not sure of the correct legal term for that

Good luck

Haven't read all replies just yet.. got to run...however my advice would be tell the CSA ...even if you don't need the money now, no one knows what the future holds and one day your DC may need the money. When and if you do receive any payments keep them in a separate bank account in your DC name. Please do this, I did, and boy did my DC need it. Good luck. xx

This man is totally disgusting and does not deserve your beautiful dd. It's absolutely not fair on her, him coming in and out of her life when it suits him, it will have a detrimental affect on her as she grows up and I speak from personal experience. Definitely get csa involved, he is responsible for his daughter.