Welcome to the Turning Tavern II: Now in 3D

[Gay40]

Welcome!

I don't think it is an ego boost situation. I just think Polly's WIQ has things to do in life and if anything happens, well then it does but she isn't going to rush around and change the habit of a lifetime chasing for dates or worrying about being turned, or concern herself with when emails get returned. (I feel that DNG statements are a red herring)
From Polly's side however, it looks very different.

Likea - i accept your point of view but not sure the laying-cards-on-the-table approach is necessarily the right way forward unless of course Polly feels comfortable doing that and is picking up on very strong vibes from her WIQ. In Sleepless's case it was different as her WIQ was giving pretty obvious signals and Sleepless clearly felt very able to open up to her. I agree with your last point about Polly trying to fix a drunken date at the WIQ's home. Don't get the feeling Polly is tying herself in knots. Sense she really likes her WIQ and it would be more of a bonus if it was reciprocated. That said I think her WIQ does like her and it's up to her to make some move or sign that things could be taken further.

but G40 - why? why? what makes you think that it's red gerring - if by some intuition you are convinced that she had experience with women, it only means one thing - she didn't like it enough otherwise why ON EARTH wd she tell polly she's dng? she's surely just keep quiet if she knew it was in her.
Nor ego boost just like that - but after the split from her partner. People aer always a bit more lonesome during the first stages and if someone sends you many emails reminding you of the drink, you just think 'why mot? it's a distraction, and slightly unusual too'.
G40 - did you see my lsast pot to you last might - you did ask, so hoping for a reply.
Love, I think polly is tying herself in knots - read last night's posts, she was low. I wasn' comparing with sleep. sleep knew hers for 2 weeks before all this, polly known hers for 2yrs! if there was interest it would have shown much more clearly by now. I'm glad zombie agrees that polly needs anddeserves to meet a new wiq!! not spend months on this one while worrying/guessing (and she is!).

*herring
*she'd

Loveis can i remind you again that polly has already laid her crads on the table previously when she thought wiq was gay and asked her out on a date. wiq knows that polly's attracted.

Crads
Likea - love you, you're like 'here's Graham with a quick reminder..."

G, but the scenario you describe is a nightmare (even with a remote chance of positive outcome) - wiq is not bothered, not worried, leads her life, well is polly supposed to just sit and wait, and chase (cause that's exactly what she's doing - can't you see how bad it is for her? she could be meeting someone else but she's hooked on some false hope). She was low last might and there will be more and more like these. why encourage it? I'd either bring it up, or get the wiq drunk soon and see what happens and then leave it, otherwise she'll go mad. Why would anyone (male, female, gay or not) would want to wait for someone who's so ambivalent (at best) or at worst completely uninterested, while knowing about other person's attraction, surely the person has to want to spend time with you and be strongly attracted, to be worth your efforts?!

Gay, if I think about how things might be from WIQs pov, your post sums it up - she's in her early 50s, self-employed, no children so, save work, no ties - she's used to running her own show, for want of a better expression. So if anything is going to happen - and I appreciate Likeas points but I still can't shake off the feeling there is a vibe - I don't think she's going to bust a gut about it, it's more that if it happens it happens. She's not the sort to be agonising over every detail, she's got work to do. She also admits she's the most disorganised person in the world.

I'm the opposite - I'm quite conscientious about returning texts/emails promptly, because of the children time off is very limited so I'm pretty organised about arranging things in advance. I'd hate people to think I was unreliable or unpredictable. I worry too much, I think I need to worry less....

Loveis I'm in awe of Likeas memory.

Love well yes - it just sounds like you think wiq has no idea that p is attracted (and reallly wants more than friendship). hardly risky then to be open again. Yes wiq likes her, so what, she has to be seriously attracted women/polly for it to go anywhere.

Likea - Let's just agree to disagree about Polly's WIQ. I feel there's hope but you may not.

I don't think I'm chasing her Since I outed myself, she's been the one initiating contact.

hi polly! been heatedly debating your thing as you can see! my memory is good due to my job - meaning i need it.

good morning all

I'm enjoying the heated debate.

Though I need to go and get dcs lunch now. Will catch up later. Am all aquiver about sleeplesss night tonight.

Loveis it really interests me that you and Gay both feel there's a chance, but Likea doesn't, and you're reading the same info.

polly - not really, she said let's go for that drink and done nothing until you chased with emails (and were frustrated - remember?), now the same continues, you ask she doesn't reply for a month. Just go for it with either talking to her or getting her drunk just once.
Love - well I'm not sure what is it based on, but sure, it's your choice to hope. we'll see, no doubt. I just think she deserves much better, a forthcoming attitude. You ve just joined, but this has been going o na while and you get the measure of it over time.

polly in my defense I'm basing my thinking on the facts, on what actually happened and what wiq said, and also on the type of personality your wiq is. What puzzles me is that Gay40 doesn't ever explain why she thinks there is a good chance. Surely a very remote chance is not what you want. I've no idea why G40 thinks that wiq is not dng when she says she is - she's a forthright woman, not a player, not a 'confused' type, for why would she tell fibs?

defence

Likea - I'm reading everything you're reading and what I deduce is that Polly's WIQ made the first move to secure the drink and chased after her one time when P was leaving. The WIQ was tactile and all her protestations of being DNG sound like, as Gay said, a red herring to me. You wouldn't keep saying "I'm DNG" as if she is trying to convince herself loudly she isn't. I'm going off air for a while so debate will have to continue without my input.

what makes me so frustrated is that if this a situation with a man, and you were straight, everyone would say that cheesy phrase in chorus 'he's just not that into you', don't waste your time! the fat that she's a woman and SAID to you that she wasn't interested, makes it surely even less likely to be positive. And she went to that drink ONLY after you assured her that you won't be turning her, before that it just didn't happen, whoever said what. Men do that 'let's fo for that drink' just on impulse and they don't follow up. YOu then convinced her andshe went along hoping that it could be friendly/a little thrilling as she's single now and getting no attention from a man, but that's it. I won't be 'beating the drum' of my opinion anymore as I'm just repeatig myself, I just hope it gets resolved very quickly in whatever way for your sake, polly, as i'm finding it a bit painful to watch now.

Loveis - wiq is a trained massage therapist, so tactile is nothing, and it wasn't much anyway. Again it could be a little thrill, but nothing really. She didn't chase after mentioning the drink -polly did. You ve missed the other thread where pollly was agonising whether they aer ever having that drink, and she had to send a few emails to remind her, wiq confirmed ON THE DAy - that's hardly 'securing' polly could hav changed plans if she wouldn't wait till last minute like many people wouldn't. In two yrs they had one drink - that's it! she never said or done anything to show attraction (liking is different) - and she did repeat about dng just once or twice - after polly invited her for a drink first and then lately before going out because she obviously sensed the vibes that polly is attracted. It's not 'to convince herself' she's not the confused type! I would do exactly the same if I liked a gay woman who asked me out to avoid leadig her on (but wanted as friend). And this whole attitude of not being keen or even bothered, and talking about dating men soon as she's now single - surely we can at least allow for a fact that she says what she means, even just out of respect to her??

*if this was a situation with a man

speaking of myself, I don't class myself as gay, obviously, I'm only interested in one woman and that's a shock, but if she asked me whether i was gay - andi knew she was asking me out, I wuldn't say 'no' - why on earth would i want to ruin my chances with her? i could say 'I'm not gay but it seems that I could be bi as I'm attracted to you, or you are a one off', I could also say that it's all new and let's tread lightly to strat swith if I was scared a bit. I would not say 'I'm not gay, don't get ideas' if i was attracted - isn't that obvious? polly's wiq is free single andwith no kids, she could do anything she likes (i.e. not a complex situation where a woman may have to convince herself that she's not bi/gay). Also the same would apply if polly just wasn't her type (she could diplomatically cover it up with not being gay/bi) but I thionk she's just into women as so far she lived with a man and now looking to date men. It's possible that she may fancy a woman now and then, and is mildly bi-, if polly was one she wouldn't be holding back then, she'd think herself lucxy that polly was same way inclined. I have a strong impression that this woman is very strong headed and decides what she wants quickly and acts on it. Yes, is she as a completely different type, there could have been some sense in slowly pursuading her, but she's a 'wilful horse' as we call her here!

*not into women