Welcome to the Turning Tavern II: Now in 3D

[Gay40]

Welcome!

ah well, good - at least she didn't get alarmed.

so is leaving it up to her not an option?

yes it's an option. I'm just wondering if the 'in for a penny, oh sod it' approach migh tbe worth considering, then at least I would know once and for all.

As far as I was concerned all this - such as it was - was done and dusted last summer. It barely got off the ground, she knew I fancied her, she said she wasn't gay but when she'd got things sorted out with her boyfriend we would go for a drink. I thought she was just being polite so mentally wrote that off. 9 months later, out of the blue, she asks me - a woman she knows fancies her - out for a drink. I've asked her - twice - why she did, but she's never answered that.

So I know I shouldn't assume there's a chance of anything happening but part of me thinks, how can she not think I would think there is a chance?

you did sake her - you mean after your drink (about her reasons)? did she just ignore it - did she look 'shifty' for want of a better word?
Of course you could try one direct question - you definitely should imo (I thought you were not brave enough), but do you mean you;d confess directly that nothing s changed? she may haveasked just to be nice or as a distraction after her breakup, it could be a bit random, but after she asked she sort of disapperared until you said you didn't have an agenda, she might not have gone if you told her you still fancy your chances. I hate to say this again, but there IS a chance that she likes feeling attractive and is flattered on some level, if you think it wasn't about friendship -OR she did believe that you are now just after friendship. I know it may not what you would do in her shoes, but everyone is motivated by different/strange things.

No I didn't ask her after/during our drink, I asked in emails while we were arranging to go out. I completely forgot to ask while we were out, I wish I had thought of it at the time.

Oh i don't know, it's all just a bit weird

yes, i think she does think that you are still hoping for more. If I were her, I wouldn't believe that you stopped being attracted even if you said so - it's what men do sometimes just to try to stay in the picture. With a woman there is more chance that she now would settle for friendship when nothing more happening, but you say that she doesn't lack friends. Maybe she wanted to go and see whether 'friends' would be possible. I don't know, most people do appreciate someone's attention and interest, if the person is interesting especially, and she thought 'why not go if polly has no agenda, see how it goes, could do with a local friend who really likes me'?

or, as i said (and someone else too), a weird ego boost. I think it'sreally either friendship or an ego boost (if she's a little twisted - we don't know her well, do we).

you could try being direct, I agree nothing to lose, as you could crazy trying to read her. It's very hard to be sitting and guessing, with her slow responses.

could go*

I just don't understand why she left it 9 months to ask me again - sh had plenty of opportunity last year, then when we hadn't seen each other for about 3 months bang, she's straight in there, 'let's go for that drink'. I don't know what changed...She has friends, I really don't think she needs or wants any more.

off to sleep x

then it leaves ego boost/distraction after her break up. She could have bveen affected by it.

I don't think she's twisted

sometimes people want something a bit thrilling after becoming single, it's not fair on hte other person of course. Being fancied by a bi woman is thrilling, even if she doesn't reciprocate.

ok good night x Re the break-up - it was instigated by her, and dragged out in a very friendly fashion over about a year. I think she's fine about it.

Maybe I'm her cheap thrill then could be worse I guess.

if you are still hoping that she is secretly attracted - you have to be direct, I think you need to hear yes/no because it sounds like you do think she may be attracted. I think she's dng, but as i say for the sake of your sanity, ask if you can.

yes, I might steel myself and think about the best way to do that.

she's fine about vreak up but it still ODD to split up from a partnr you got used to. You do feel bereft regardless of circs. For a bit.

yes a thrill is not the worst scenario!

*it can still feel odd

Morning all. Trying to catch up with the thread. Can't turn your back for a minute.
Polly - thinking about your situation, I don't think you should do anything radical or ask your WIQ directly because you might end up losing her friendship if she's not interested. Could take time to get to know her. I think a subtle approach is best (unless the signals are really obvious and strong) rather than going in gun's blazing (which I doubt you'd do anyway). Just see how things pan out, might be a slow burner. Need to fix up the next meeting...possibly at her place with copious quantities of wine . Could you suggest watching the box set of something with her - that way you'd get to see her every week!

Loveis, they've known each other for 2yrs! how much slower can it be? the woman stated a few times that she's not gay (knowing that polly had interest in her previously - maybe you missed that bit?). They ar not really friends either as tey meet through work, friendly but not a friendship that's already so valuable in itself. I think, as polly's tying herself in knots, and wiq is VERY difficult to pin down for meetings, I think it's a good option to talk directly if she can be brave. How much of hteis can polly take do you think? it's very hard to have these ups and downs andwait for months and months after already being told that wiq wasn't interested in women. If there is some secret attraction from wiq, then it would be there now after the 2yrs of knowing each other and after the drink last week - so in this case she may confess to at least a curiousity, otherwise what is the point trying to influence her if it's just not there (i.e. never will be)?

As been said before, possibly option two is to arrange one drunken outing (or at home) but has to be very soon, and then talk to her when she's less controlled. But I would definitely advise against prolonging it in subtle way for months - wiq is not the type who wants subtlety and I think she actually likes courage and straight talking. I;m being subtle with my wiq as she's a different personality (not given to impulses and is generally more traditional)- polly's is impulsive and 'do as I like', so slow and subtle is not how she operates.

polly - Sorry it does sound like you are her ego boost or cheap thrill. Would you consider meeting someone else instead - another WIQ?