Welcome to the Turning Tavern II: Now in 3D

[Gay40]

Welcome!

ok and sorry tonneofbricks I forgot your question. Well, if i try it and I like it, then i may feel braver about approaching it with DH in more of a "Why don't we both try this" sort of way. Also - if I did go to Derby just to see this woman, doesn't it seem a bit seedy - just to go up there for what would quite obviously just be full on physical stuff (albeit very thrilling too)x
PS - why does my bold never work - I put asterix's either side of the word like it says to!!

oooh the bold worked! waahayy!

Just to say, lots of lesbians wouldn't entertain the thought of a DH being involved.

Yep, going tonight, all on my lonesome! A little nervous!
Gruffalo, I reckon we have a lot to chat about.

zombie did you see my last post/questoin to you (separate fr other posts, so easy to see)?

Popped in to catch up bearing genuine lesbian made cake (to go with the tea!)
Waving at everyone who hasn't gone orf to fb.
Just thought I'd add (re massage) that the relationship with the DNG woman I spent seven years with, started with a foot massage :o

Lovely cake teedee.
Massage is surely the start of many good things!

Hello everyone. Welcome newcomers.
Likea - I don't think you should worry about the age gap. I believe it's more about where someone is in their life and how open they are to people in general and new experiences.
Sleep - sounds like your WIQ is feeling the same as you...but is in denial.

Hey crushing...really really good luck tonight. You're so brave. Message me and maybe we can arrange for a light hearted coffee in a cafe or something to chat.

Hi everyone. Have just about caught up with thread now - wave to everyone. Am already on the having had a looong day with DC, although feeling rather pleased with myself there was no shouting, time outs etc...

I'm still wondering just how on earth someone separated with young DC and still not sure how I would self-define (gay? Bi? does it matter?) gets to meet other women who are into women. I joined a dating site (!!!) but just put on the profile I'm interested in meeting friends at the moment. It feels stupidly illicit being on a dating site even though I'm technically free to date whomever I please. Anyway, I added a pic and everything on the assumption if anyone from work/ ex-in laws clicks on it they will have had to sign up for the site so highly unlikely. Not that it matters, have really got to stop stressing about what other people might think about me.

Interesting conversation on age gaps...

crushing good luck on your night out!

Thanks synchronicity and gruffalo. Gruffalo, I msged you earlier.
1hr to go. Nervouuus!

Welcome Zombie and Gruffalo

Good luck Crushing hope all goes well :)

Likea.... From what I have read since you started your first thread I've never thought that your wiq is seeing you as a daughter at all. Just keep being yourself and yes you have pushed the boundaries a little with the text about her drinking but that's no bad thing, may help to get a little further into her thoughts and actions

Good luck Crushing, hope it goes well! I think you are really brave too but will be glad you went.

Hello and welcome, Gruffalo. Not much advice but I sympathize. The person I'm with is trans (male to female) and that's new for me; has got me wondering what it would be like in general with other women and I feel bad for thinking about it really. But I would never do anything while I am still in a relationship because I want it to work. If it was on the rocks or untenable/sexually or emotionally dead etc etc then I would leave it and maybe start something with a woman, but my relationship is good at the mo. :)
How do you get on with your DH. Is he open-minded or into open-relationships? How would he cope if you left, do you think you would make better co-parents than a couple, or so you still love him and not want to leave? It's a minefield I agree. Basically I think your gut instinct is always wise and worth listening to in this sort of situation.

Oh, and welcome Zombie too if I haven't said that already :)

Allottment you are always so nice and kind to me! that's the idea pushing a liitle more into her personal space but very gently. no bad response at least, if nothing too chatty.

Thank you:)

Hi GruffaloReader
I wanted to respond to your earlier question, as I think I know a bit of what you're going through.

I'm married (to a man) with 3 kids and have been attracted to women also since my teens. My DH has always known this about me, as I once snogged a female friend when we were just dating. The attraction to women has gone a bit quiet at times, but often rears its head - like you said. I have been through really difficult times when I've wanted to actively explore the gay side more, but have basically decided not to do so.

It is important to me that my (bi)sexuality is accepted and acknowledged within the relationship with my H. Sometimes its about having fun with it, and sharing fantasies, sometimes it's just casually mentioning who we fancy (sometimes the same women) in a movie or something. This openness is important to me.

Whether this is always going to be enough for me, I don't know. Sometimes I have a massive crush on someone and it does seem like an alarm bell going off.

You have to decide obviously what you need to do about exploring your sexuality, and no one here can tell you, but for me, internet dating wouldn't be the answer and the damage to your relationship is done once you start doing things in secret. You won't get any judging from me though. It's good to have somewhere safe to talk these things through.

Crushing, will be interested to hear how your evening was...

Evening was good thanks. I was only there for an hour but I'm glad I went and it was nice to meet some people IRL. It is a support group as well as a social group so have swapped details with the organiser and will keep in touch.

Likea - Sorry only just read your original post asking for advice, I missed it first time. Don't know if you have done so, but I would start out trying to suss out her views on lesbian relationships in general.

For example, mention about someone famous like mary portas who only got together for the 1st time with a woman in her 40's or 50's? You can google to find out more. I would say something like - I didn't know Mary Portas had a girlfriend but had only been with men until she was x age? Thats surprising isn't it that someone could change so much at that age? Then see her reaction and what she says.

Synchronicity - Lots of lesbians seem to use Gaydar as a dating website. Also you could phone the switchboard or local lesbian and gay helpline and ask about info for local groups for lesbians. Walking groups, badminton and football are common groups around the country. Also often a parents group and sometimes other ones such as a dining out group or other social group. It can be easier to make friends if you are doing something together.

Glad it went well Crushing.

Hi all and a happy Friday morning to you... Glad you had a good time Crushing - again, a very brave thing to do.
And thanks for your comments to Hep and Nimpy.
Tried to reply last night but phone was playing up.
Hep - no, i wouldn't want to leave. I really love my life, my DH and kids - but really do need to let myself explore this as it's not just a fleeting thing - it's been around for 16 years of my life. Thanks so much for the thoughts though, it does help to put things in perspective. Yes I want to plough ahead with something (don't know what) - but never to the detriment of my family.
And thanks to Nimpy - it's so great to hear people are in the same boat as me. Sometimes you feel like it's only you and you feel like how come everyone else is happy and all sorted, and i'm obviously not?!

Gruffalo, I think it's completely unrealistic to have your cake and quietly eat it as it were (sorry if rude pun). Are you such a fantastic actress that if you get involved and excited by your explorations, it would be undetectable to your H?? you know, your moods, being disctracted, absences, possibly loss of interest in sex with him? he may well think you aer seeing another man and spy on you. Then there is an issue of you or the other woman getting emotional - she may become clingy when you would want odd meetings. You'd be extremely lucky to find someone with exactly same plans and attitudes and also not to betray your excitement to H in any way. This is completely besides the moral issue of deception but I'm not one to judge, so I'm pointing oout all the other things!

sleep, I know you are direct, but wit your wiq it works (even though you did fear her reaction first). Direct wouldn't work with mine at this point. The thing is you were willing to let her go altogether if she didn't like what you said, as yo only met her 2 weeks before. To me it's more important to have her in my life in some way, rather than 'either lover or nothing' so I can't risk a bad reaction. I'm not at all patient by nature (I can't even read my posts before hitting send!) and I wouldn't be with a man, that's for sure, but this is defferent. As far as I feel there is improvement in her attitude/warmth on any level I can continue. I could only drop it if she was unplesant or even stayed on the same neutral level forever, but as she's warming up I could live with that, more would be amazing but I'm not seriously desperate. If say nothing more happens in a few months, I will decide to leave it at potential closer friendship level, and will have to move on. Also I don't ese her anything like as much as you see yours so can't speed things up artificially.

Have you checked out her attitude yet to lesbian relationships?