Welcome to the Turning Tavern II: Now in 3D

[Gay40]

Welcome!

Hi tonneofbricks.
You're right, you completely are. I don't think i would be such a fantastic actress, and even if i was, i wouldn't WANT to be. Also - yes, it's quite possible that she/I could get much more emotionally involved than originally intended, posing a whole host of new problems... and it's absolutely deceit.
That's why I've managed to avoid it all this time and never ever act on it, however I have had the opportunity on occasion with either friends, and even occasionally people I've met. I have always pulled back from that avenue though, as you say, for all those reasons. I just don't know what else to do. Do I just keep it buried and ignore it forever and hope it just goes away, or do I do what I had originally suggested, and explore it a little more, perhaps then it'll be done and "gone" and out of my system and can carry on my life.

I suspect I will now get about a gazillion responses explaining how this will never be possible, and once you get a "taste" as it were, there's no going back, and it will never truly be out of your system.

PS - I've gone back and started reading this thread from the beginning just to get a little bit more background on you all (jeez though, 30 pages!!) and I was lolling at the DNG.... of which I now label myself with thanks very much. I'm DNGBC (Definitely not gay but curious). xx

Gruffallo - I think it depends. If this is just a sexual fantasy like say having sex outdoors, then doing it once or twice is fine. If its more than that, then no you won't get it out of your system. At the end of the day it is having an affair and all affairs whether detected or not, do impact on relationships.

Gruff, if I was in your situation I would probably tell my husband what was going through my mind, that I had never acted on it but was really struggling, and just talk about it with him. I think he deserves to know that you're struggling and have been for so long; perhaps he'd be more understanding than you'd hoped.
If you sleep with a woman, and find it's not for you, you may find that the infidelity gnaws away at you, and the secrecy required makes a distance grow between you and your DH, and from what you've posted it doesn't sound as if you want that.

at DNGBC
I think I am more DNES - Definitely Not Entirely Straight

Seriously though, Gruffalo. Have you ever thought about psychotherapy to have a chance to talk it through, and work out what you want. It really helped me to just get more comfortable with who I am and I realised that just because I fancy women doesn't mean I can't be monogamous. I mean, I quite fancy other guys sometimes, but that's not an excuse to go after them. I'm pretty sure that experimenting won't make your feelings go away.

Hi zombie. Don't know - I guess I won't know until I try. Maybe i'll try it and think... "good, that was nice, now enough of that, back to real life" and never think about it again. That would almost be the ideal outcome I guess.
Hep - yes, I guess it could be brought up in a sort of drunken conversation or even as a bit of "dirty talk" during shenanigens you know?
i've even thought about waking up one morning and going "wow you won't believe the dream I had" - then telling him it made me really turned on, and see where the conversation takes up. I'm sure he'd love the prospect TBH! (Typical man!)
Nimpy i hadn't really considered that. Seems to make the whole thing a lot more serious and real to have considered that avenue. I'm loving DNES.
PS - thanks all, you're just all so supportive and ready to welcome a newcomer into the thread and get involved and try to help. you're all fab x

Is it a fantasy around sex or is it the idea of being in a relationship that appeals?

i think it's a bit in the middle of those two extremes. I wouldn't want just sex and nothing else at all, and i wouldn't want full on relationship. I'd want i think the physical side of it, with the ability just to also go for a nice drink with them every so often.
I don't really know tbh...
You see now this is a point where it's easy to start thinking "oh it's too complicated and hard to deal with. Just forget it, think about something else and ignore the thoughts entirely."

zombie, I don;'t see her daily. Next time will be in ten days. I read your post, Mary Portas is always cited by me as an example, and i like her too. I think it will be really obvious if i just started this topic. The thing is we don;t spend hours in a row together to bring it up casually among other subjects, the chats can be frequent when I see her but they are brief, or they are normally catching with some special news if longer.
I don't know if it's any sign but once we did get involved in a talk (but this was when i did see her daily for two weeks almost) about somnething on TV, and she commented on a couple of girls being pretty (they aer extremely young though so she could have commented purely innocently like about cjildren almost) - but she did finished that sentence with a laugh and sayiong 'there you are' . I couldn'r say - oh, are you interested in women then - too crude i thought.

Likea - your wiq was the one who brought up the 'lesbian tea' comment all those weeks ago, she know more than she's letting on

zombie, you may not like it though, consider that too! in which case, it'd be the safest outcome. I'd try one night when you are drunk and with a similar minded woman, possibly just a kiss, but then where to find her - best option is a gay club even though intimidating, also good as you can feel the vibes whether it's for you, as on a gay night it's more intense than possibly in your fantasy. Gay clubs are full of non gay people too, which was mentioned on this hread many times - they aer not that scary! so yo won;t be the only one who haven't tried it.

Allotment - 3 months, not weeks! but it is also just an expression, and she never followed up on my reaction which was blushing (I thought the term meant 'lesbians drink it' and thought she was offering it to me to imply I'm one - this was unexpected and early stages so i was embarrassed.

*did finish

Allotment as you remember, everyone on here she didn't mean anything by l-tea. what do you think if 'pretty girls' comment?

*everyone on here said

Don't know if it meant anything - hard to know. Maybe next time just say, what do you mean? And likea - I have tried it .

Could you suggest going to see a film with her? Maybe one with some kind of lesbian theme but still mainstream so you can talk afterwards about it in a natural way?

zombie - tried what? (sorry, being slow)

You typed "zombie, you may not like it though, consider that too! in which case, it'd be the safest outcome. I'd try one night when you are drunk and with a similar minded woman, possibly just a kiss...."

sorry, I meant Gruffalo!

she was asking the best ways to have a try without involvement.

zombie - yes, I guessed that you did . I wonder who showed initiative - you or someone more experienced, first tine round?

That makes more sense thanks

That makes more sense thanks

3 months is weeks lol! The pretty girls comment could be either meaning, it's very hard to say how she meant it without hearing it for myself. Have to try to repeat that scenario sometime so you can gauge it again

My battery is nearly dead so just a quick message.

Likea, i am direct with her now but the first time I told her how I felt i was a crying mess and so was she, that was awful I was tying myself up in knots and she was desperate not to lose me Bolls you know what I mean about the first few messages being a bit fraught! but as I've gained confidence with her I am more secure that she won't reject me or not want to see me, or even that she won't laugh at me as I was worried about that. She can be firm with me though as she will tell me off if she thinks I need it, like the other day when I said I didnt want to come round as I was feeling a bit uncomfortable she rang me and told me not to be stupid and to give myself a slap

We have had a conversation about being gay took her for a long walk so there was no escape she said if we were gay we would definitely be together, I told her I was DNG but that I fancied her and wanted her she feels the same she just doesn't know it yet

We are going for a drink tomorrow night going to get her drunk and kiss her

Oooooh and as far as I know tonight's date is cancelled. Subject to
Change though