Welcome to the Turning Tavern II: Now in 3D

[Gay40]

Welcome!

thanks all for encouraging re age gap - it was really getting me down since this monday (when i found out she' s even older), thankfully we fall into that '25 to 65' bracket, I'm 40 but as i said she looks younger than her age so i thought ahe was mid 50s -her energy is higher than mine is some aspects (especially social), my concern is not as much for her energy but for going for some radical change/experiment as far as involvement with a woman, not sure the mentality at this age is to take risks or go for TOO much excitement. Health - yes, she is on some serious pills so i am worried as fart as long term, though it doesn't reflect on anything now, she's in good shape.
polly, well if that's the case and she hasn't many friends, I was right to suggest that she may well another local friend, and after you assured her of not having agenda she thought to give it a try as friends - I wouldn't be too happy about contact being personal or not, as it sounds like she wouldn't want more than friendship, I may still be proved wrong but I feel quite sure - i.e. be careful with your hopes. Do read about 'superioruty' as i made an effort with that and interesting to see your opinion.
G40, I'm not looking up to her in some blind way as i tried to explain, but it's UNAVOIDABLE to somewhat look up at an older person who you respect (NOT just any older person) - she obviously has more knowledge experience and is generally 'running her life' well which i can't say for myself, maybe I'm one of those people who aer never completely 'grown up' even though I do look after myself as I'm single but I admire her for qualities i don't have. Also she's extremely intelligent/educated which i admire in anyone, especially I love how she speaks. I'm not feeling inferior as a person at all as she's not perfect in all aspects like no one is, but I still have away top go to catch up time wise! On the other hand i do show some feistiness to her if there is a real need - I told her off a bit about her pet, and also another situation when I compained etc., so sheh knows I have my opinions. And indeed I'm trying more in texts and talks to suggest things (even to give her health advice) and so far she is taking it either well or at least neutral. I just didn't feel ewll yesterday so was oversensitive and worried (it's a monthly thing if you must know) so needed extra support.

I know women in their 50's who have plucked up the courage to be with a female partner for the first time ever. I do think this is down to individuals and maybe meeting the "right woman". Also as people get older they become more aware that they only have a limited time left and so can be more likely to do things that are difficult, but will make them happy.

One of the reasons ime that divorce in over 60's has risen. Who wants to spend the last 20 or 30 years of your life being unhappy. So I wouldn't worry that her age will stop her.

zombie, yes I can see that this could happen, turning in your 50s, but it usually is with a woman who is already gay/bi and is very pyrsuasive, and knows what she's doing, and ,most likely it's with a woman nearer the same age. Was that the case? Unless it's a person who was always a bit wild/hippyish/an artist and very unconventional - tey could could have no worry about age gaps or gender!
G40, imagine that Helen Mirren was your time - wouldn't you look up to her to some extent if you got involved? you see what i mean? The older person can be aware that they aer being respected or admired BUT it doesn't usually stop them being in love with the younger person. It's not that black and white, as if they love the younger person they wouldn't be put off by it and in hteir own way feel vulnerable in such r-ship. I went out with much younger men at some point, who looked up to me as I was more articulate/educated but that didn't stop me desiring them - one of was crazily in love with even though he was a one off. I felt superior in some ways to him (nicer person as a start as he wasn't, more intelligent) but I was still crazy about him and in hte end v.vulnerable as he wasn't really in love. I'm hoping that my wiq could just feel htings towards me regardless thinking that we are different generations and I'm not in her normal social setup.
I do worry that she may see more as a daughter as she has no daughters. The thing is I look younger than 40 to many people and she may think I'm 35ish or something.
Also, G40, worried about blatant rejection i.e. 'dn't need your advice' that's why worried about texts - but thankfully she hasn't said that yesterday, just went quiet after a short exchange.

zombie i agree with what you say re 'life is short' - it's just my wiq is one of these responsible people who would also think what their would-be partner is getting themselves into!

I'm still mulling over the superiority thing....

The impression I got from WIQ is that she's quite happy being 'hermit' like, is busy with work and has enough friends locally to go out if she wants to, it's just that her closest friends are further flung so she sees them less often. I didn't get the feeling that she went out because she thought it was an opportunity to make another friend, she seems pretty self-sufficent and happy with her lot in that respect. Don't worry, I'm counting no chickens and hoping no hopes as I think I've said before I'm just a bit baffled by the whole thing.

Your WIQ sounds just like me, polly. I'm a self confessed hermit with good friends scattered more widely so I see them less often, but that's partly because I don't need as much social contact as some in order to feel content, and partly because I'm quite fussy and would rather not socialise at all rather than with people I didn't really feel I clicked with. She might appreciate knowing you're hermit-like too

G40 - sorry meant 'your type' not 'time'.

I'm also hermit-ish, but wiq isn't. I'd like to be out more which I am when i have a partner, friends aer hard to pin down for eves out at short notice, as they don'y live close. Not sure how would wiq include me with her usual friends - they seem to be in small groups doing a particular thing (like Bridge) every week. I'm not happy being as hermit as i am now, but somewhre in the middle wd be good. She's always in on two eves a week though - you see what i mean she's creature od very set routine, and adding someone into it - hmm she won't jump into it!

There more of us hermits about than I would've thought That's what I'm like Hep, I have to really want to go out to set foot outside the door, and although I know quite a few people, they're not what I would call 'friends' and we rarely socialise.

I was dragged out to a comedy gig last week by my only good friend in the area, we had a good time and I enjoyed it once I was there but I would have just as easily stayed in bed with chocolate and a good book
I'm terrible at letting friendships slide because I just can't be arsed to put in the legwork that is required to keep them ticking over. Ditto with making new ones; I'm hopeless. It's even worse since I had a child as I have less time than before. I do enjoy hanging out with my few good friends, but even then have to force meself. Acquaintances (I have lots, but I'd not call them friends) don't stand much of a chance. Oh well.
You should feel honoured your WIQ managed to drag herself out for a beer or three. No wonder she took some chasing down. Definitely think you shouldn't take it personally with that in mind.

The women I referred to in their 50's are:

1. A strong Christian respectable woman who had had close friendships with women, but nothing more. She now says she was attracted to them, but tried to deny it to herself at the time. But when she fell in love, she plucked up the courage to change her life totally and is living with that woman.

1. Another ordinary woean who got married and had kids, but it wasn't until her kids were grown up that she felt free to pluck up the courage and be with a woman for the first time.

Obviously have no idea if your woman will pluck up the courage to change her life.

I do feel honoured I'm just a bit now as to the best way to go - will I do better by being a bit more pro-active about seeing her again or will I risk her thinking 'oh fuck, polly's way too outgoing for me?'. Which I'm not. I went to see a film with som efriends last month and that was the first time I'd been out since Christmas. I'm hardly a live-wire The problem is if she didn't like me enough to want to see me again I don't think she would come straight out and say it.

zombie - but were the women they went for of similar age and already gay/bi? that's more crucial.

Hi all... sorry, i'm new to this thread - and new to talking about this.
brief history. i'm married (6yrs) happily, and have 2 kids (4 and 2). I'm 32 yrs old. Since the age of 16ish, I've fantasised about being with a woman... (dreams, fantasies during sex etc). Every so often, it comes to rear it's head again for a few months, then dies down again.
Recently it's reared its head and i've figured it's not going to go away.
anyway - nothing's ever happened in the actual sense of the word, however, recently i've met this girl from Derby on the interest (on a dating website) who sounds like she wants the same as me (I'm in Herts though - so not closeby) - which is nothing more than just "exploring things on an intimate basis" - no relationship or anything, as i said, i'm happily married and don't want to lose or jeopadise any of that. I am well aware that may sound horribly selfish, I just need to explore myself and my needs, and to do this discreetly from my husband, to 1) protect his feelings, and 2) to figure out what it is that I want for sure.

Anyway - I don't know if I'm being a horrible horrible specimen of a wife by trying to do this discreetly, but anyway anything is unlikely to happen as she's so far away... and also I really am quite desperate keen to explore this more - but just don't know how to find women of a similar mindset. Is going via internet dating sites the best way forward in this situation?

Sorry if this isn't the right forum for this sort of question, and sorry for banging on for ages about it.

Just can't stop thinking about it/her.
Thanks x

why not leave it to her polly? if nothing for a week, then you could suggest getting drunk in a pub or even at home (as that's what she suggested already), but that's it. If you aer hoping for anything morethan friendship I'd leave it to her as she'd only chase it if she was attracted, If she;s not attracted would you want more meetings?
ahem, still no opinion about my posts .

zombie my point being that women of this age need a strong influence to go down that route (rather than young ones who may act on impulse or when drunk). So if there was a woman who was gay and they liked, she could hav pushed then along and helped decide. I'm obviuosly completely inexperienced and don't know how to entice her, so as much as try being nice and see her regularly, and as much she is warming to me, I still feel it's up to her to make some more obviuos step as she is a lot older and as far as it's known non gay. I can't jump on her or anytthing like that. I donn't feel brave ebough to tell her direct in fear that i will never see her again, and that's important to me (not to lose all comtact). What would you advise? especially ifyou know more about these women and what helped them decide.

I'm still thinking likea My stinking cold has rendered me a bear of little brain today.

Welcome gruffalo. No labels or judging here, and hopefully someone will come along who can give you some advice. I'm too full of Day Nurse to think straight

yes, I'd still like to see her regardless.

Gruffalo - be prepared for onslaught from non regulars on here, as it already happened towards a married woman (sleepless).
sleep where aer you btw??

gruffalo don't fret, the Tavern will happily provide cheese to put in your ears if anyone gets shouty

polly but yo said you may develop very strong feelings, then what?
I've fallen into this very quickly so it wasn't a logical choice, and I'm since can't stop pursuing it in a delicate way. But if you are not already strongly in love, I'd steer clear if you sense it may happen (and she won't turn). If no danger of strong feelings yes why not, but you said there was.

likea sleep has been on fb for a bit today.

although actually sleepless isn't married, just with a partner, so it could be even worse for you!

yes I may, but I think because I'm aware of that I'm able to put the brakes on. She's good company, I would hate to lose touch all together. I think it's a risk worth taking.

no news then from sleep? that date is tomorrow, tell her to report here !