Welcome to the Turning Tavern II: Now in 3D

[Gay40]

Welcome!

Chin up likea, things will seem brighter in the morning.

Hmm, yes my WIQ is about 9 years older than me but I think I don't find myself on egg shells around her because I've known her longer and she's pretty forthright so quite easy to talk to.

goodnight x And who knows I might be the proud owner of her mobile number tomorrow

maybe that's how it comes across as i do admire her (and as i said she is almost 20yrs older - aer you surprised that i look up at her a bit?) She definitely sees me as not her generation and it comes across very often in various contexts, which is annoying, I don't think she feels superior as a person but just not quite on same wavelength - but to me it's purely because she puts some barriers and doesn't want to try and get closer or is cautious, that's why I'm always banging on about age, it s the biggest issue with HER i feel, and i feel her attotude which rubs off and makes me unconfident. BUT I've made progress in getting closer and there is less of that generation distance now. It's also the fact that she's a mother and I'm not and can be seen by her as not on same level (whether inferior or not). She likes me though, it's pretty obvious, she's just set in her mentality quite a bit. It's a challenge. I'm working on it. Also the situation we meet in she is in charge, so although not a boss as in work, she asks me to look after her pets sometimes (knowing i love doing it), and the other thing is a bit businesslike, so it's not completely informal. It's always on her territory that i meet her, which makes her sort of a boss. But i do speak my mind often, it's just not always 'free' in this setup as we never get to have endless conversations and just relax.

mine is a lot more than 9yrs older (and i thought 15 - it's more!). thanks for staying up polly, really appreciate you being here. Gay has her opinions but i need yours too - read my longer post in the morning, I explained things more there regarding 'superior' thing.

but do go to sleep now! x

we aer not really friends in full meaning of the word - would you say you aer with wiq? prob not. We like each other, yes, though more than 'like' from me. Someone told me once that she obviously likes me (a man) - and i can see it myself now. so it's a bit complex. I'm feeling more confident than before but it's all such a thin line not to scare her off with any pushiness. I think she likes that i show caring, so that's the route i'm going, not the 'in her face confidence'. The irony is, I'm never like that with men (hadn't been) as I'm vey outspoken and even scare some off, I hate being a follower to a man, whereas with her i even like it (to a large extent, not completely of course).

a lot of hetero r-ships where there is a large age gap work even though the older person (if he/she is respected) can come across as superior as in 'in charge'. It's usually not quite as simple as that, there is play of power. I asume it';s similar in same sex r-ships. I wouldn't say that this would make r-ships impossible, some older people like to have a partner who looks up to them in some sense (but not blindly - it's not blind with me i genuinely have a lot of respect and fondness for her). As i say I'm not sure whether older women go for that with younger women or not. Right, last post this eve .

I don't think you have the same dynamic with age differences in gay relationships. I'm aware I'm about to make a whole heap of sweeping generalisations here, but I'm not sure older women are bothered about having a partner who looks up to them. I'd hate it, I want to be equal, and this was an issue when I had a younger gf years ago. Of course, the older you get, the less age gaps matter anyway.
It sounds like you are pushing the envelope a bit and seeing how she responds...but then worrying about her response too much! The worst she is going to do is not respond in kind.

Good morning Likea hope you're feeling less down today.

Will read your last posts more thoroughly later but just a quick response to your question about my being friends with my WIQ. I would say yes, we are friends, tentatively. I did think (before Sat night) that she was quite a social animal - lots of mates, always out and about but I know now that's not the case - she said most of her friends are long-standing and live in different parts of the country (she's moved around quite a lot), she's lived round here for 5 years but said she'd made very few friends here, so she'll often go off at the weekends to see friends elsewhere. She also said she's not very sociable, and rarely goes out of an evening - she called herself a hermit Which describes me pretty well although I didn't say that in case she though I was trying deliberately to copy her.

Anyhoo, after talking with her Sat night I feel a bit more confident that the way she has been with me - a bit hot and cold, not easy to pin down to go out etc is actually the way she is generally with people. So I'm not taking it personally anymore

I reckon you need to be working on that time alone with bottle of wine.

Well that comment fits Polly as well lol.

Ah, now having lots of friends round the country - that puts a different slant on her communications. When your friends are all local, you are much more aware of their routines and how much planning they need etc. When they all live elsewhere (much like mine) it is a different way of thinking. You book the time to visit and then it's all about you and them, not everyday life.
In my experience.

Sorry, I am not very technical, I don't know how to join the FB page. I would like to though. I am feeling a bit sensitive at the moment so I apologise for last night's silly remark.

Are you on fb already?

And no apologies necessary x

Yes, I am x thank you . I don't know what is wrong with me at the moment I go from happy as larry to really low in the space of an hour! Hormones plus the effects of being ill, new meds and DW being away alot maybe. Anyway, nevermind, onwards and upwards. Don't mean to whinge, I am generally very bouncey!

Big age gaps I think start to matter more when you become much older. Think of a 60 year old and 80 year old together for example.

I disagree zombiegames I think age gaps matter more with, say a 25yr old and a 45yr old than a 60old and an 80yr old. Think it depends where you are in your life (as corny as that sounds).

I guess I know quite a few older couples as friends. Although there are exceptions, there are usually vast differences in health and energy between say a 60 year old and an 80 year old. Most 60 year olds still work, socialise, exercise and have reasonably good health. Most 80 year olds get tired easily and so live old people's lives.

I would say a 60 year old and an 80 year old have more in common than a 20 year old and a 40 year old.

Fair point zombie. There are so many contributing factors to relationships, age of course being one of them.
It is interesting to read this thread,

Pressed too soon I blame the baby
Yes I agree G40.

Gay re the alone with wine bit, her lodger is moving out this weekend so she'll have the house to herself again. Sadly I've got a filthy cold (again, glares at the DCs) so I'm going to be out of action for a bit.

Sorry won't post on this point again as I don't want to be seen as hijacking the thread.

But I think there is a period of time where big age gaps don't matter - 25/30 - 60/65. Younger than this it matters because of different life experiences, possible power play and being secure and self confident in how you are. Older than this it matters because of health and just tiredness.

I am not very old but I have 2 friends with much older partners - they are in their mid 60's and late 50's. Both find how tired their partners get difficult as it restricts so much what they can do as a couple, while they still have the energy of someone twenty years younger. I do think most young people don't understand how tired so many older people get and how this impacts on their everyday life.

I understand about the tiredness aspect. But it is all very individual. Friends of mine, a couple where one is mid 50s and one is mid 30s, they have 2 small children and the younger partner is constantly shattered and the older partner has more energy than the children (Nothing to do with inequality of childcare and housework btw - they are both female and work pt.)