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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

drunken mates RANT!

139 replies

Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 07:42

When i woke this morn my dp said 'oh my mate so n so is downstairs'.Then we go downstairs and i realise as my dp made quite a few cups of tea there was more than one mate.Am i right in being totally fucking pissed off?It's a school day ffs.It's bad enough he drinks.I feel like i am living with a teenager he is 46 ffs

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Original poster
Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 10:39

I just feel stuck here as he said he couldn't get housed because his name was on the tenancy and he had every right to be here same as me

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lolaflores · 16/04/2012 10:44

One bit at a time.
You threw him out before? I think if he is gone, you can change who is on the tenancy. As far as rights go to be anywhere, those are his problems.
Women's Aid can help with that.

The bills are a bridge to cross at another time. Does he usually deal with all of that?

doihavetonamechange · 16/04/2012 10:44

You need an advocate - someone to speak for you and help you learn to speak for yourself.

I'm not up on all the sources of help out there - but here are plenty of posters who are. I think you should start a whole new thread in relationships and then tell your story - you will get proper help and advice that way.

I've had a rethink and if I was a young 20 year old and dhs mates were all middle aged - I don't think I'd want him just bringing them for the night.

Original poster
Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 10:45

I'm seeing things more clearly.It's only now that i am shouting I am not happy.I hate to think of wasting any more years with this man when there might be the right person out there for me.I would not rush in too quick next time.I wouldn't even live with them until i knew them completely plus i have my kids as my exuse

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doihavetonamechange · 16/04/2012 10:49

I'm no surprised the police were involved - were you 17 and he 37/38????

I think a lot of your anxiety has been fed by him - has he encouraged you not to do things for yourself? If you are dependant on him it makes it harder for you to stand up for yourself.

Without him - you would prob learn to be less anxious - as you say you have the kids so you would learn to be stronger.

ThePinkPussycat · 16/04/2012 10:50

Ruby you can do that sorting out stuff, Orange and Sky will be fine if they know they will get their money eventually.

PurplePidjin · 16/04/2012 10:52

Step one is to speak to the agency or CAB for advice. Do you have a friend who could come with you for moral support?

BIWI · 16/04/2012 10:54

Ruby - have just caught up with the rest of your thread and wanted to say how sorry I am for the situation you're in - which is obviously much more complex than your initial post.

No time to post more, as I should be working Blush but you've had some great advice so far, so good luck.

Original poster
Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 10:58

I was 18 nearly 19

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Original poster
Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 11:01

The reason police were involved is because i said to my mum im going out now see you later and never came back home.So yes i was probaly was as you would call it a run away

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doihavetonamechange · 16/04/2012 11:03

Well whatever happened in the past it's the now that matters.

If you are unhappy with life as it is, you need to figure out what you need to make you happy - and what it's going to take to get you there.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

MNHQ
KatMumsnet · 16/04/2012 11:14

Hi, we've moved this into Relationships.

lolaflores · 16/04/2012 11:18

Ruby, if it was my daughter, I in fairness would have done the same thing. But, you have not had time to learn all the life skills you needed. It is scary, that much is a given, but not impossible. You sound capable enough to do all these things in time and people will understand and help you.

Original poster
Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 12:38

Oh and i finally have seen after all this time he EA.I just used to think he was mean but have read all EA stuff on here i have realised that is what he is.He doesn't stop me seeing peopke.It's just the things he does i.e if we go shopping i might fancy something but oh no it's a waste of money but happily pisses money away

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Original poster
Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 13:42

About the tenancy i was told the only way to get him off was if he signed it.He would not.I let him move back in because he was having problems at his flat and i felt sorry for him.He promised he'd change.Argh stupid me.I defently know now he will NOT change.He is what he is.Just wished i'd found out before i had my 1st dc but then i feel sad when i think like that because i love my kids

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lolaflores · 16/04/2012 14:11

No more sorry for him. Just get him out an keep him out. Not stupid, just not enough experience and there is likely no way you would have left him before the kids. Bet since the kids he has got even worse?
There must be a better bit of advice then getting him to sign off on it? Do contact Women's Aid Ruby, their web site is probably full of really good advice. I am sure you can email them too if you don't fancy using the phone

doihavetonamechange · 16/04/2012 14:18

ruby, I dont look back with regret on my first marriage, because it gave me my wonderful DC. The fact that it has come to an end now, doesnt mean you need to wish it had never happened, be gald for the good parts, move on from the rest.

Go and see the housing association, see what they advise.

pollyblue · 16/04/2012 14:28

I'm quite easy going so wouldn't mind, but i would like advance warning of their presence before I potentially trotted downstairs in my pants. In your shoes I would've been happy to be woken with a nudge when he got home and told they were there.

pollyblue · 16/04/2012 14:30

....but your OP is obviously just a small part of your troubles. Sorry you're having a tough time ruby.

Original poster
Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 14:32

Well i just found out the other mate was in fact a complete stranger to dp but because he was his friends work mate then he must be safe

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Original poster
Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 14:34

So he invited a stranger to our home with our kids here

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Original poster
Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 14:38

I dont wanna be every man is wierdo.But fgs what if he was i wouldn't of known anyone was here and dp was zonked out from drink.

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Original poster
Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 14:39

AT least if i'd known he was here.I could have checked on the kids been prepared

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lolaflores · 16/04/2012 14:42

is he awake yet?

Original poster
Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 14:43

I wouldn't have known.Oops sorry Mumsnetter i know how much you hate wouldn't of Wink

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