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Original poster

drunken mates RANT!

139 replies

Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 07:42

When i woke this morn my dp said 'oh my mate so n so is downstairs'.Then we go downstairs and i realise as my dp made quite a few cups of tea there was more than one mate.Am i right in being totally fucking pissed off?It's a school day ffs.It's bad enough he drinks.I feel like i am living with a teenager he is 46 ffs

OP posts:
Iwantcandy · 16/04/2012 08:56

YANBU. Next time ask hungover stranger to help get kids ready. Eg "oh good. Glad you're here cause dh is a bit tired this morning. You can make the dcs their porridge while I go and have a bath. Help yourself to a cuppa afterwards " if you're too shy tell dcs to go and ask said stranger to make them breakfast

LilBlondePessimist · 16/04/2012 08:58

Nope, purple - I'm in your camp! :)

BIWI · 16/04/2012 09:01

But all that the DC will see is that their dad has brought some friends home!

squeakytoy · 16/04/2012 09:03

Well it wasnt "several" strangers, it was two friends of the father. Nobody has said they were hungover, and even hungover people can be polite to their hosts.

I do notice there is a huge age difference between you though, and it sounds to me like he is a bloke who is happily set in his ways of going out drinking with his mates and living a single life. He is the one you need to tackle about his behaviour as a whole if he is constantly out on the piss.

two mates on the sofa sounds like the least of your worries..

Original poster
Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 09:03

And to top all of there a stinky kebab to get rid off apparently it was for me but yet told me he didn't text me because he thought i'd be asleep but could waste money on kebab ffs.I bet it was his but he was too drunk and tired to eat it

OP posts:
scentednappyhag · 16/04/2012 09:03

Eurgh, waking up to a living room that stinks of hangover, YANBU. Especially being the first day back at school too. I'd be irritated.

D0oinMeCleanin · 16/04/2012 09:09

I don't think OP is BU. It is her house too and with it being a school day and DH still being in bed, then she should have had some say in the matter. If it was a weekend it would be different.

But it wouldn't bother me a jot. I'd most likely prooffer coffee and pastry treats from the butchers.

Original poster
Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 09:10

yes they might be dps mates but to me they are random people to my dcs they are random people.I would not mind a mate around who i know well on a weekend day.I do not mind my dp having a few nights out but i do mind that he takes the piss.Like a few times he has rolled in the afternoon and has not text me or phoned me to say where he is.

OP posts:
doihavetonamechange · 16/04/2012 09:14

So, every single poster here (apart from the OP and me) would be happy to wake up and discover several hungover strangers on the sofa?

You'd be absolutely fine with your children's father rolling in drunk, or simply not rolling in at all?

And you're all totally comfortable with this happening regularly, and escalating whenever you mention an objection?

Please tell me I've read this wrong, rubygloom

But the OP didnt say this did it, I wouldnt have a problem with the first 2, or it happening regularily, I would have a problem with him not coming home.

But thats the crux of the matter isnt it, the OP asked one question, when really there are huge issues with her relationship which she is drip feeding into the thread.

Clearly the OP and her DH have issues which are best suited to relationships and not AIBU.

doihavetonamechange · 16/04/2012 09:15

and I dont get why they couldnt be dressed upstairs either.

BillyBollyBandy · 16/04/2012 09:18

I'd go bloody nuts. Couple of random "pub" friends? Such good friends you have never met them, yet he thinks it is a good idea to let them pass out in the lounge and not tell you?

And if the situation were reversed DH would go crackers as well. Actually he would think I had had a labotomy but you get my point.

Debsbear · 16/04/2012 09:20

I don't think UABU to object but I do think you need to speak to him. Point out that getting the kids ready for school with strangers sleeping in the room is uncomfortable to say the least, adn ask him not to do it again. A lot of this depneds on your relationship and also the size of the house. I wouldn't actually have a problem with people I knew staying where I tripped over them/ people I didn't know staying (as long as they weren't total strangers to my hubby as well) as long as they weren't in the main living room, but I have the space for them to be out of the way. If they are in the way then tell them to move, if they're not then make them a cup of tea when you get back from the school run, before switching the hoover on.

lolaflores · 16/04/2012 09:20

doi this is the straw then? I do agree. This episode is a symptom of a larger malaise at the heart of the relationship.
OP, not wanting to be nosey, but you must have been quite young when you met your DP? Have things changed alot since meeting?

PurplePidjin · 16/04/2012 09:21

Doi, that's why I asked if my interpretation is correct. If I'm reading the information right, then ruby is in a pretty sticky situation, don't you think?

gobbledegook1 · 16/04/2012 09:24

To be honest I wouldn't be impressed either, Friday or Saturday nights fair enough but not on a school night when you've kids to get ready and are probably on the minutes as it is.

doihavetonamechange · 16/04/2012 09:26

Yes she is in a sticky situation, but thats not because of what is written in the OP.

LimeLeafLizard · 16/04/2012 09:26

YANBU.
But, it does sound like you need to post in relationships, OP.

I wondered about the age gap too - did he choose someone much younger because he still wants to behave like someone much younger - and not a responsible adult. Now the OP has to be the 'grown up'.

My sister dated a bloke like this when she was about 19 and he 36. Turns out he didn't want to go out with women his own age because he still had a mental age of 14.

lolaflores · 16/04/2012 09:26

Ruby you mustn;t feel shy in your own home. If you are not happy, get in there and with a very polite face ask them to vacate, there is a home happening around them, not a flop house. You can be assertive without being aggresive. Try it, jsut give it a go. Your DH may be less likely to have a go at this next time if you deal with it calmly and he gets no rise out of you. Don't have a fight about it, be firm but polite. THen when he expects you to kick off, leave him hanging in the air with no one to fight with, he knows you won't be embarrased into silence the next time. Call his bluff

squeakytoy · 16/04/2012 09:29

How long have you been with this bloke?

He is 46, you are 26... he comes and goes as he pleases, he doesnt let you know where he is.

It sounds to me like he is treating you with no respect at all in every aspect of life, not just last night. :(

Original poster
Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 09:29

My house is small debs so thats why they were on sofas.I'm shy i find it really hard to talk to people.It is my worst nightmare to have people in the house but id make an exeption for Dps mates that i know well.My dp knows i suffer really badly with this

OP posts:
ebbandflow · 16/04/2012 09:30

OP this is horrible for you-I'd be really cross. I wish some men would grow up! Hope they clear off soon.

lolaflores · 16/04/2012 09:31

Tell DP to get rid of them so. Explain to him what you told us. Firmness dear heart firmness

Original poster
Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 09:32

I've been with him since i was 18.I thought oh older bloke he will take care off me unlike selfish teenagers my age and i had actually gone with someone that acted like one Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 09:34

They have gone now.They couldn't get a taxi so actually thought to walk in the end

OP posts:
lolaflores · 16/04/2012 09:35

Do not blame yourself. I understand what you mean. But my daughter is 18 now and she does not have the life experience to really get a handle on what makes a good life partner. You have to start looking after yourself. If he thinks he is in total control then he will overstep the line as he sees fit. This can work out for you, but only if you start with yourself. Shyness is a terrible burden and it can cripple your life. you are still young and can do lots about it. Time to start looking to yourself, no one can meet all our needs in this life, that is your responsibility. But it is exciting to find out that your life can be on your terms and not have to put up with being in someones shadow!