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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

drunken mates RANT!

139 replies

Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 07:42

When i woke this morn my dp said 'oh my mate so n so is downstairs'.Then we go downstairs and i realise as my dp made quite a few cups of tea there was more than one mate.Am i right in being totally fucking pissed off?It's a school day ffs.It's bad enough he drinks.I feel like i am living with a teenager he is 46 ffs

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PurplePidjin · 16/04/2012 09:36

Debsbear, that's a good point. In my 2 bed 1 bath flat, a houseguest or two is a massive undertaking. Somewhere bigger, extra people are less intrusive.

I have no problem with houseguest (and am first in with the naice coffee and fry up when we have them) but complete disregard for my opinion on the subject would piss me right off. Ditto the abdication of all responsibility for the children onto my shoulders - ruby's 'd'h apparently expects her to look after them with no support at all times while he lives it up like a single teenager...

Original poster
Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 09:38

I think how nice it would be to win the lottery sometimes not because i want expensive things but so i could escape get out

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lolaflores · 16/04/2012 09:39

You don't need the lottery. You are your own cash prize (yes a little bit of sick just came up there for me too). it just takes a bit of a think, identify what you want to change in yourself and then the world lines up for you. Believe me Ruby, it can happen. There are no miracles but you are looking in all the wrong places. Go and make a list of what you want for yourself. Then you will see how you can get there

doihavetonamechange · 16/04/2012 09:41

If my 18 year old (have older teens) came home with a 40 year old man/women, I'd go spare.

I know age difference matters less as you get older, but thats a step too far for me.

Get yourself on some assertiveness type courses - do you work??

doihavetonamechange · 16/04/2012 09:41

I also think you should ask mumsnet to move this to relationships, just report it and ask them to move it.

lolaflores · 16/04/2012 09:42

I wonder if you dp wasn't over the moon to bag himself an 18 year old who adored him and saw him as her saviour? He got something out of the deal too and appears to still be in a win win situation.

Original poster
Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 09:45

My shyness holds me back.I have extreme anxiety when i phone people i just won't get anywhere in life like this.I just don't know how to get over this fear of people.

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Original poster
Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 09:48

I've reported.Thanks

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PurplePidjin · 16/04/2012 10:03

Are your family nearby, and are they supportive? Are you comfortable talking to your GP? My practice has the loveliest nurses, and you're entitled to request a female dr if you'd prefer. Write a list of specific issues and take it to the appointment for them to read. Much easier than a phonecall to a stranger.

Lots of advice on the women's aid and shelter websites, have a read if you can :)

lolaflores · 16/04/2012 10:05

the shyness was an effective defense mechanism that has run out of its use to you. I see a woman who wants to be her own person and needs to come up with a better way to function in this world, in her own right.
There are books, have a search at Amazon. You just have to change the language you use to yourself
"I am so shy, anxiety"
all those things keep you locked in. Do a book search and you will find no end of help.
I would recommend "The Happiness Trap". Simple with little or no jargon. Simple exercises that are easy to return to and use every single day.

Debsbear · 16/04/2012 10:11

I used to (still have really Smile) a thing for older men, but the truth is that when you are 18 you still have a lot of "changing" to do, before you become the person you will be. An older partner is already the person he will be for the rest of his life, and in my experience a younger girl will often "Outgrow" an older man as she matures and finds who she is. I'm not saying that an age gap will always result in disaster but you need to realise that he will not change. I'm not, in any way, telling you to leave, but I do think you need to face up to reality and decide if this what you want for the rest of your life. There are ways out if you really want out. Good Luck!

Original poster
Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 10:13

I've only just started telling my sister.I'm a bit embarrased by it all to be honest.Not ready to tell my mum yet.And no no family near by i am 4hours away by choice.I like it here as in the pkace just not the situation

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Original poster
Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 10:14

Place not pkace

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lolaflores · 16/04/2012 10:14

Did you get alot of stick from your family when you met hi m and they realised it was serious?

Original poster
Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 10:19

I'm embarrased because i will chuck him out then take him back a few weeks later.I actually get on ok on my own but like i say my anxiety holds me back i cant do certain thing through fear.He does the phoning for me because i just wouldnt bother Blush so yes i really do need to get it sorted out so that i don't depend on him as i know thats what i am doing

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PurplePidjin · 16/04/2012 10:21

There's no rush unless you think his behaviour might become aggressive. Come to terms with your own thoughts, confide in your sister, work out what you want to do/where you'll go/what you'll need/what you're entitled to.

Original poster
Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 10:23

My mum was quite mad at 1st but seen(at the time( ) was happy and realised she couldn't tell me what to do as i was old enough to make up my own mind.I'm embarrased to say i had police on my case at 1st but they couldn't do alot exept phone me Blush

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Debsbear · 16/04/2012 10:23

Whereabouts are you? There may be people on this page who are local to you who can help?

lolaflores · 16/04/2012 10:25

OK then give yourself time so when you do give him the elbow, you will bbe able to get on fine. Take it one thing at a time, don't start with the hard stuff, build up to it. Most people struggle with things, none of us have magic abilities. It is about having some faith in yourself, believe in yourself.
Visualise life without him and yourself as a happy independent person able to do most things. He has led you to think you cannot do it on your own. Not true

Original poster
Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 10:28

Even his only family hate the way he treats me.They are bloody lovely if it wasn't for them i'd probaly be ill by now

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Original poster
Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 10:28

Own blasted phone

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lolaflores · 16/04/2012 10:31

Today, think of one thing you would want to do but shyness holds you back and what a difference it would make to you as a person. Not even for the kids, just for you

Original poster
Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 10:33

To get out of here.I'm in H A house and trying to get the council to house me,well it terrifies me as i know it's gunna be a palava when both our names are on the tenancy

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lolaflores · 16/04/2012 10:36

Is he part of the deal for the council house?

Original poster
Rubygloom · 16/04/2012 10:36

Oh and then i'd have to phone tax creds and wait 6weeks for them to sort it out and then having Orange on my back for not keeping up with bills having sky broadband on my bk for not keeping up with bills.Just all worrys me

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