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Original poster

So i have my heart broken yet again

90 replies

saddotcom · 10/04/2012 20:11

April this year will be a year since i left my family home with my two children and legaly seperated from my husband. I have lived in four houses and now settled. In October i met a friend of a friend on facebook and was absolutely blown away with how i felt for this person. We talked 24/7 then arranged to meet as local. I have never felt so alive in years and then we arranged to go to a big dance i had tickets for....we saw each other few and far between after that as this guy is a musician in two bands and seperated from his wife same month as me and has two girls. He has a full time job also so it was a case of fit in when we could and had the most amazing times. Things went a bit odd after he was almost made homeless as he left everything to his wife and girls and never had face book to chat and the worst person i have ever come across for using a phone. We kind of lost touch and then he starting logging on to facebook in local pub and it was very touchy for a while but come christmas and my birthday he sent and invitation to go a trip away for couple of days...we kind of struggled along with the not so great contact and had the most amazing time away. I posted a few pics on fb as it was no secret to me but his ex wife and daughters had gained access and he was in the dog house and to cut it short has slowley but surely contacted me less and less with texts telling me how much he misses our time but its so difficult. I am absolutley devistated but dont know how to move on.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 10/04/2012 20:16

Had he actually separated from his wife?

toptramp · 10/04/2012 20:17

I'm so sorry that you feel like this. It does sound like he is going through it and might be a bit scared. It is hurtful whan they pull away but I would stop chasing him and start focussing on you and your kids. Do something for you and try to keep busy. Some people just aren't ready for relationships. It dosn't mean he dosn't like you.

toptramp · 10/04/2012 20:17

Imperial has a point......

chipmonkey · 10/04/2012 20:22

Why was he in the dog house if he's separated from his wife?

nkf · 10/04/2012 20:22

I'd get on with your own life with your kids. He doesn't sound in a good place and you don't need the kind of hassle that he seems part of.

Original poster
saddotcom · 10/04/2012 20:24

Yes he has definately seperated from his wife as i have been to his council house he was finaly housed in and helped him kinda sort it a bit. I know a good friend of his and thats why we were introduced. He seems to suffer times were he is very low and always has put his music first and thats why his marraige ended. I have been to a local gig he played briefly and i was introduced to some of his friends but i felt uncomfortable as it was his local town and felt all eyes on me so yeah am very sure he has seperated like me same time. thanks

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 10/04/2012 20:26

But if he's separated, why should he be in the doghouse with his wife for going on a weekend away with you? Surely he's a free agent? Or was it that she didn't like his dd's seeing the pictures?

Original poster
saddotcom · 10/04/2012 20:26

His Daughter of 13 had not recieved a text from dad while away and it became clear he was with me when they read the facebook updates that should only have been visable on his wall. They are in a huge money battle as the marital home is worth a fair bit and i believe he is not declaring some of his gigs to try make ends meat and his wife used to be one of the bands managers and its a bit of a case where he is trying not to ruffle feathers.

OP posts:
Original poster
saddotcom · 10/04/2012 20:28

yes from what i believe it was only one picture of us both but the rest were of him and the show we were at...and he was proud as punch to have them taken. I discovered the blackberry icon on his fb page and he doesnt know how to hardly text never mind use a bb so his daughter or wife had logged onto his account. He lives in a small village and a few friends of his are also still friends of his wife so i dont know its all very odd.

OP posts:
Original poster
saddotcom · 10/04/2012 20:32

I know i need to get on and to be honest i have been to hell and back two years or so leading up to my seperation and walking out with so many moves and holding down a job and it was just lovely to meet someone who made me laugh and we shared the same taste in music and he has been honest with me and tells me his music takes up most his time as its his main earner but i cant get over the distance since our trip away....i just wish i could understand.

OP posts:
Proudnscary · 10/04/2012 20:32

I think you should concentrate on building on a stable and peaceful life for your children for the next year or two, given all the changes and house moves, and forget this man or any man.

EmilyPollifaxInnocentTourist · 10/04/2012 20:34

I agree with Proud.

Concentrate on yourself and your children.

Original poster
saddotcom · 10/04/2012 20:34

I think you are Right Proudnscary the thing is my children see there dad as much as they do me as we are very much 50/50 and most of the times they are with there dad is at weekends as i work in the evenings and he does shifts so i am home alone and thats when we used to be able to meet up...my kids are none the wiser but i have to say its knocked me for six as i guess i am still very raw from finding out my husband had an affair and i felt dead for so long and now this.

OP posts:
Chubfuddler · 10/04/2012 20:39

October to petering out in December doesn't sound like long enough to have your heart broken. More that you latched onto this as both lonely and messed up by separations. Maintain distance. Concentrate on yourself.

Original poster
saddotcom · 10/04/2012 20:53

lol love how you can determine how long it takes for your heart to be broken...is there a time scale? the weekend away was in March it was december he moved into new house. What ever it is it feels brocken.

OP posts:
Chubfuddler · 10/04/2012 20:57

I think you can't possibly have been sufficiently involved with this person to have your heart broken. you barely knew him. What has happened is that the glimmer of a possible relationship gave you some hope after your marriage break down and now you feel rejected all over again.

Take a year to just be you, help the children deal with the split, get your confidence up, spend time with friends. Forget romantic entanglements for a while.

Original poster
saddotcom · 10/04/2012 21:03

Well thats the thing i am not what you would class as lonely as i have many friends and a good social life. The kids like i said see there dad as much as me and are we are very fortunate to have a great support network with both sides of families. Its a year since i left the family home but it was many years before i lost all love for my husband. So its not as latched onto the first person i met. I feel like my heart is broken and i stand by that...wether it is or isnt is not the issue it was alittle bit of advice on how to try move on when i have what i feel become very involved with the guy. I do all the usual you would expect, i am learning to drive and out and about lots with kids and friends and family but this is a little bit of me that hurts AGAIN yes thanks for reminding me i feel rejected i had forgotten about that...

OP posts:
suburbophobe · 10/04/2012 21:05

I know from experience (as friends) that musicians are not the best people to get involved with romantically...

Cos they and their music are always nr. 1 basically.

And what with him coming out of a marriage with children so recently, I would agree with everyone else. Just concentrate on your own life and kids for now.

chipmonkey · 10/04/2012 21:12

Oh come on! If her heart's broken, it's broken! What does it matter how long she was with him?
sad I think it sounds like this guy's not worth the hearbreak. You sound like you need a girls night out and some pampering.

Chubfuddler · 10/04/2012 21:13

I just don't think she's heart broken about him. He's a catalyst is all.

Original poster
saddotcom · 10/04/2012 21:15

Thanks suburbophobe that does become more and more apparent and if he gave up on his wife and kids for his music then dont suppose its going to change for me...The weird thing is i am not looking for a relationship in that lets all play happy families at this stage but i did love the time we spent and cant remember nights out and dinners in like this in such a long time..it was so exciting i must admit to go away and i just really wondered how to get this out my mind as i am so out of touch with all this as my split with husband a whole different ball game...i admit its prob more infatuation and excitement but what i ask is how the hell do i shake this...i do feel i concentrate on my kids first and foremost but i cant help feeling so low when i am home alone at the weekends and would love it to go back to how it was....acht well thanks everyone i appreciate the time you have taken to reply to what is probably so obvious an answer...love is blind but i cant be in love its only since october right??

OP posts:
Original poster
saddotcom · 10/04/2012 21:19

chub i appreciate what your saying it just feels like it and chipmonkey thats just it i do have spare nights now i am seperated as my husband wants kids same as me so i have had many a night out and to be honest never been interested in meeting anyone at all what so ever and do all the hair and beuty stuff its sounds so silly and i am feeling silly now but i loved talking with and enjoying a dinner with him and i miss it so much...

OP posts:
Chubfuddler · 10/04/2012 21:22

You aren't silly. It isn't silly to want to be loved. It's a basic human need. Just love yourself first.

Original poster
saddotcom · 10/04/2012 21:24

chub thats just it and i think thats great advice but how do you actually do that?? I think i may be clutching onto this great feeling as i have not felt like this in years...i know everyone is right its just putting it into practice. Thanks

OP posts:
Marigold1 · 10/04/2012 21:27

It's your heart and you and only you know if it's broken. But given time it will mend :) x