I understand what you mean, and yes, it does upset me in some ways - but I guess this is also the only place I really feel safe to rant about it :) so maybe I'm more vocal on here than I would normally be. The thing is, I honestly don't believe that longer/less frequent contact is appropriate for children under two. DS won't be two til mid-summer, and then there will be the new baby.
It may well be that by the time H qualifies and starts working, he won't want to come every week - it is 3 hours each way after all. But no matter how challenging it is for me, DS loves to see him and he is his father after all :( I hear a lot about feckless bastards who don't bother at all (there was a thread on here a few days ago actually about a father who walked out with OW and didn't contact his 4 children ever again!!) so part of me tries to count my blessings.
Longer/less frequent would almost inevitably mean moving more swiftly to overnights too, and when a child (especially a baby) doesn't see a parent for a fortnight at a time, I just don't think it's fair for them to be whisked off for 2-3 days. Definitely not if that also could mean being taken 3 hours by car somewhere far away from me. There are so many things I worry more about than having to do handovers twice a week - one of the being NOT doing handovers and having no idea where or how my children are.
The chatty stuff however I definitely can cut out to a certain extent. I guess I'm mindful too that it's a two way street. I'm the wounded party right now, but in the grand scheme of things I'm the RP and in the future (which will be long, lets face it - I'm in week 15 of a 20+ year co-parenting relationship now) no doubt I'll be holding more cards than he will, and I'll want him to be capable of a conversation now and then, so part of me perseveres - and I'm really not sure what is normal under these circumstances. After all, relationships are so complex than what works for some people could be a disaster if I tried it, and vice versa. If the channels of communication are relatively open I guess that's a good thing. Dealing with how it makes me feel is the part that I struggle with... but that's about me, and talking about the kids is about the kids IYSWIM?
But it does help to see it through other people's eyes and to hear what you guys think, definitely! I have no road map for this particular journey!! I think when I look at it objectively, really I need to focus more on building up my own resilience, and maybe getting some counselling or something for myself. I've also thought about doing the Freedom Program, H wasn't full on abusive but he was pretty shit to live with, manipulative, cruel, with-held affection, money and intimacy in every way he could. And my only other long term relationship was a proper domestic abuse situation ('only' without being punched). So I guess my track record of boundaries isn't fabulous!! God bless mumsnet for showing me that these situations are not normal though, and you don't have to live with them.