nothing can drag you down when you're not holding on...

[chocoraisin]

Hello :)

I've decided that blog or no blog, I can't imagine not having all of you fabulous people to turn to in the next couple of months while I count down to baby arriving. So I've jumped ship from the old thread and decided to set up camp here.

would anyone like a ?

at Saffron's DS's reaction!

I know a Gabriel, he is a lovely, sweet boy with the artistic talent of an Angel!

I know a Jude - who is a naughty monkey...

choco your parents sound amazingly supportive. I remember the tantrums and the acting up of my DS when I was expecting DD. It is a tricky time, but he will be fine. Dont feel bad, he will have a blast at nursery and you need a break.

morning all :) I totally agree I wouldn't give a monkey's fart if DS2 (or DS1) were gay, his godmother is and she's bloody fantastic. It just seems to be one of those things that gets said when you're going through name suggestions... vetoed for gayness, vetoed for kick-me potential, vetoed for 'I-never-liked-that-kid-at-school'-ness, vetoed just because it's plain silly! but then my idea of plain silly might be someone elses idea of bloomin' lovely, so there's no accounting for taste!

I had a bit of a moment last night. DS was up (again) at midnight through to half two. I don't know if it's because he's on new med (sleep disturbance a poss side effect) or if its being nearly two, or just because the rain wakes him up... anyway, I ended up sitting in the dark crying by his cot because he wouldn't stop crying. Feeling like a terrible mum and totally hard done by which is ridiculous, because I have so much help from mum and dad. But mostly just feeling utterly rigid with fear that at some point I'm going to have to do this with two, on my own. It's morning now and I obviously feel like a bit of a plonker for being such a drama queen, however I've worn myself out.

Stopped poor little DS crying though - he just stood in the cot stroking my arm instead! bad mummy alert!

Aw poor you. It's difficult in the early hours isn't it, I've done the same, gone into my daughter who is crying and ended up crying myself because she wont stop or wants her daddy and there is nothing i can do to make it right and it all seems so unfair and then she ends up worried about me....

Get some rest today if you can.

Hey Choco .. you almost had me in tears at work there!! Is 2 not the age where the nightmares start? It is only a wee phase so hopefully it will pass quickly

It's hard when you realise that you are going to handle things on your own .. but on the other hand .. when you've dealt with the problem on your own you can look back and say 'Hey .. you know what - I CAN DO THIS !!!' and I don't need that twunt!

Sending hugs anyway (()) - hope you can get a nap in at some point today

Kxx

Choco there is absolutely nothing wrong with showing feelings in front of DCs. You weren't screaming & shouting at him you were sad. That's ok. Even mummies get sad, especially bloody excellent ones like you!! I'd be feeling pretty sorry for myself if I was 8 months pg with a toddler who was awake for 2 1/2 hours in the night no matter what my circumstances! (Second plague of fleas on its way to twunt & troll)

Aw choco...you are not a bad mummy. Hope you get a rest today.

choco a little something should be winging its way towards you as I type :) Hope it's useful.

Agree you are bound to have 'can't cope' moments, I did and had family around! Just remember your hormones are well and truly in charge of your emotions, and look at them as a stage to live through rather than an actual realistic indictment of your parenting! You sob because you care, ergo you're actually a good Mum... Oxymoronic but true :)

Oh and I've always thought Joel was a fab, underused 'J' name... #justsaying

I think I'll start calling my adult sons Jude & Gabe whether they like it or not! As my DS1 pointed out when told I wanted to call him Jude 20 years ago - "even Jude Law's name isn't really Jude. It's David"!!! DS2 on being told I wanted to call him Gabriel said "OMG I'd have been slaughtered in the high school playground"!

Ooh yes, I definitely get the "I can't cope, how will I do this" feeling - that makes perfect sense. And I agree with our friendly neighbourhood midwife that there is nothing wrong with your children seeing you sad. You're not angry, you're not taking it out on him - you're just sad, and if anything you're teaching him that it's okay to be sad at sad times, and that we all feel it, and it will pass. if he sees you being sad sometimes he won't feel guilty about his own sadness, he won't feel that he has to hide it.

See? Lovely mother, y'are :)

Read your old thread and blog. Good for you, I wish you and your children all the best. (And your ex and the OW a whole lot of hell.) I wouldn't be surprised if he comes running back at some point. God, sometimes I really hate men. You just keep on keeping on!!

That's right, one foot in front of the other, that's how we get through this stuff. And lots of chat with friends, and cbocolate :)

Happy Friday, choco ! Hope you are napping at all opportunities!

Morning choco...was thinking of you again this morning. Hope bean has moved himself to a more comfortable position for you.

hi choco
you are not a bad mummy. You are a sleep deprived, heavily pregnant, superstar mummy who had a blub in the middle of the night. Nothing to feel bad about at all. You are coping just fine my lovely and the wee small hours are often the ones where everything seems to be too much.

Try to have a nap today if possible and scoff some chocolate.

hello all :) I'm feeling MUCH better today. We managed (almost) a whole night's sleep last night, only one squeak around midnight but nobody actually got out of bed. Hurrah! I feel more human for sure. Bean is still stuffed under my ribs but kicking slightly to the side now, instead of directly upwards so that's an improvement at least! Thank you for all your lovely messages. No more midnight wailing I promise. Until next time at least :)

Before I go any further, I just have to say this one thing though - Dharma, I love you! You made me cry this morning but in a very good way thank you!! DS was super impressed too! I can't believe how much you and all my new MN buddies have touched my life. Everything is easier with you guys in my corner so - these are for you XXX Biggest hugs are coming your way xx

...right, as you were :) This afternoon DS is out with H, my parents are doing handover. I've got the midwife coming for our last appointment (she's retiring) then I'm going to blog. I wish my lovely midwife wasn't going to retire before my baby comes :( but heck, it's the least of my problems! I'm sure the person she hands me over to will be fab as well.

I've decided to use every friday pm as my 'update the blog' afternoon from now on anyway, which should give me something really positive to while away the hours with. It also means I have tomorrow free for more frantic nesting when I have a whole day to kill... next on the list is to dust off the breast pump, steriliser and many tiny bits of tupperware so they are all clean and ready to use. I've been mainlining MnMs again this morning, and just had a strangely comforting cheese and marmite sandwich with DS, plus a bag of Frazzles. Ahh... it's pouring with rain but we love our indoor picnics!!

Been lurking but just have to say - you're a brilliant woman. Love your blog also. Lots of love to you, DS and bean! x

Nothing can hold you down when your not holding on.

A great line. I had not heard it before.

I would like to pass on some more (richly deserved) admiration and support. Nothing much to say about your STBX and his new woman that hasn't been said already...but I have been open-mouthed and aghast reading about their conduct. Apart from anything else, I thought everyone knew that you don't unnecessarily upset a pregnant woman?

It has been truly inspiring how you have coped with the disgusting treatment meted out to you.....it must be desperately hard to deal with, but the truth is that the pair of them do not deserve even one of your tears.

All the best to you, you are so much in my thoughts.

ooh I want some Frazzles now! Mmmn. You have all the best snacks!

DS is absolutely charming at the moment but REALLY demanding - he only napped for 45 minutes and I've had him to myself all day, which I'm just not used to. Couldn't secure a playdate for love nor money, so we went to 2 different parks and ran laps around the house and the garden. [knackered and unfit emoticon]. I pulled out the big guns - chalk, watering can for pouring on driveway, and in the house I showed him how to use the blender, he got really into the 'on' and 'off' buttons and we had the best-blended drink in the state, I think ("Nanasmootheee!") and let him 'wash up' (mops at the ready!) and it was a lovely day but blaarrrdy hellfire, when DH walked in at 6pm I pretty much ran away and hid from them both, just so I could hear myself think. I have no idea how you are doing this on your tod and extremely pregnant - I kept thinking about you today when I wanted to curl up and sleep whine - you really are amazing!

DS is eating like a horse atm - maybe a growth spurt? He's also giving me masses of (rather violently enthusiastic) cuddles, which I hope you are also getting and enjoying!

Basically, I am blathering because do you know what? We have gorgeous sons and they adore us, and it's wonderful. I hope you get lots of sleep and lots of cuddles, as you deserve.

choco- just read your blog post. Lovely and inspiring as always. You have a fabulous gift with words. Hope you had a good nights sleep.

hello all you lovely people :)

woah what an emotionally exhausting day. I've finally unpacked the last of the boxes that came back from the flat marked 'baby stuff' and it really took me back to that day in Feb when I was just sitting in shock while my home was packed up around me. Things I'd forgotten about, things that remind me of when DS was born... lots of personal, highly evocative stuff came out today. I have spent the day ricocheting between crying buckets and feeling excited about the new bean. I've dressed his cot (new bumper and sheets on) and checked the hospital bag. No doubt completely prematurely, as I have at least 3 weeks to go! But it was nice to just get it done.

I also found a bunch of random stuff that just got thrown in the boxes, in the madness of packing up and leaving. Our wedding guest book :( DS's first birthday card from 'mummy and daddy'. A girls hair clip that isn't mine . I feel a bit sick and drained by it all again. But at least it's done. One more job off the list...

I miss DS too, who is out for his daddy-day as usual. black we do get lots of enthusiastic cuddles right now, which are great! Right up until he uses mummy's shelf-tummy as a launch pad and kicks his wee bro really hard by accident!! Chalk and watering cans are firm favourites here. The watering can is 'papa-can' because he knows it's grampa's and he's not really meant to drag it all over the patio lol. Not that it stops him for a minute :) He's growing like a weed too, changing every day!

thank you guys for reading my blog and sending me love and encouragement - I really needed the pick-me-up today. Hope you're all having fabulous weekends!

Hi Choco - how exciting getting the cot sorted out! It makes it all seem more real somehow doesn't it?!

Having a pretty shitty weekend myself as I have told DH to leave, as he is emotionally abusive and basically a crap husband and dad (he has admitted this, but is apparently unable to do anything about it )

At least there is no OW, but I know there will be wobbles to come and will draw inspiration from your strength in my darkest days!

Oh DoingIt what a brave, and scary step - you have my thoughts and virtual hugs winging their way to you. I'm so sorry you're off on your own bear hunt... it's bloody hard work (and personally I don't think one 'reason' for a break up is any easier/harder than another btw, it's still shitty even if there's no OW). If you need to vent or generally just need to feel in good company I can thoroughly recommend the good folk of MN to hand hold, and I'll be first in the queue x

We can be a pair of weevils together (they wobble but don't fall down don'tcha know )

Aw thanks. I started a thread called 'How do I forgive and forget?' in Relationships a couple of weeks ago, but I've got to the point where I don't want to forgive or forget, as nothing ever changes. Feel free to have a browse (its nowhere near as long as some of your threads ) and offer me your wisdom. x