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Relationships

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Original poster

Online Dating - is it normal for guys to ask stuff like this?

41 replies

ChickenSkin · 06/04/2012 19:38

So I talk to this guy one day and the next he asks if we can meet up. I thought this was a little quick but I'm told it's better this way rather than messaging for months so I agreed to meet him next week.

Since then he's been a bit - pushy?

He's asked me stuff like
"Would you have more children with the right person?" err bit soon to be thinking along those lines, surely??
"Are you an affectionate person?" no actually, I'm a hard hearted bitch, you ok with that?

And a few other things in this kind of vein. Ok so he's maybe just trying to work out what I'm all about but I feel he's a bit full on considering we've not yet met and have only been messaging a few days? Or is it me that's being odd here?

OP posts:

Dreamless · 06/04/2012 19:42

It doesn't sound strange, it just seems like he's trying to find someone who's right for him and he doesn't want to waste his time pussyfooting around, only to find further down the line that you're not compatible.

Original poster

ChickenSkin · 06/04/2012 19:43

Maybe, he does seem very "straight to the point". He also said when he asked me to meet him "time waits for no one"

OP posts:

ByAThread · 06/04/2012 19:45

Sounds like he's a seasoned online dater. Eliminating the non-compatibles early on is in both of your interests in my experience.

Dreamless · 06/04/2012 19:47

Don't get me wrong, he could be a complete weirdo. I've never done online dating so don't know the protocol. Meet him somewhere crowded lol and feel him out.

TheNorthWitch · 06/04/2012 19:47

He could be a narcissist. They 'mirror' you so that you think you've found a soulmate. Does he asks lots of questions of you but not really give much information about himself? Does he wait to find out what your opinions on something are before giving his views? Throw a few 'wrong' answers in there to see what happens.

DinahMoHum · 06/04/2012 19:49

i think its a bit weird. I wouldnt bother meeting that one

tanfastic · 06/04/2012 19:50

To be honest I kind of did this when I met dh. I'd been online dating for about a year and although I'd met some nice men (10 dates in total) I'd got a bit bored of the fannying around emailing for weeks to find out they weren't right for me. When I arranged to meet dh (date 11 ) we talked on chat one night, met the following weekend. No pissing about.

He turned out to be Mr Right

Beamur · 06/04/2012 19:52

My lovely DP asked me about having kids within 2 weeks of our first date.
I wouldn't say odd, but it is very direct.

If you do meet - take all appropriate precautions.

BillyBollyBandy · 06/04/2012 19:52

Agree that after a while you tend to meet up quicker as you realise that people who are great online can be nutters have no social skills.

However, if you feel a little odd about him now, it is unlikely to get better when you do meet up IME.

I met DH online too (date 26 internet tart)

Heleninahandcart · 06/04/2012 20:56

Not odd for on line dating if he is serious about meeting someone compatible. I'm sometimes surprised that the big things in life, like whether someone wants children, marriage, their views on what a partnership should be like, their family expectations are considered no go areas when we meet someone and first go out with them. The idea is that it's meant to be kept light for a few months before discussing serious subjects, but that can mean wasting time and energy whilst you are blissfully unaware you are not on the same page.

The beauty (and downside) of on line dating is that it's a bit like shopping. Some people have a list, some are just browsing. I would be honest with him, meet up and see where you go. If you think he is trying to 'catch' you by matching your views, just be sure to ask him a few big things first and see what he says

IDontWantToBeFatAnymore · 06/04/2012 20:57

I met someone and asked him if he wanted to get married and have kids at some point the first day we met [bugrin].

purpleroses · 06/04/2012 21:03

It would be a bit soon to be deciding if you want to have children with HIM, but not too soon to ask if you want them with the right person some day, I don't know which site you're on, but the two I've used always had that information on your profile - saves time wasting as that's not really something you can necessarily compromise on.

I'd agree with the other posters who say it's best to meet up early - otherwise you build up a picture of what the other person is like (and possibly turn down other offers of conversations/dates whilst you're doing it) and then they turn out to be nothing like you imagined from the emails. Meet sooner rather than later but keep it casual - eg a lunchtime coffee, then you've nothing to lose.

CoEmLibs34 · 06/04/2012 22:16

Please trust me on this one. Purpleroses is right, the longer the mailing the more you both paint a picture.
When I first started online dating I was so gullible that this guy actually thought we were together before we even met, we chatted for one week and added on fb, thought we knew eachother. I know your thinking crazy lady, but I believed him and trusted him. Oh dear it makes me go cold when I think of it as now Im completely different. Yes its nice to get a bit of back ground but meet a s a p and just for coffee so if you feel uncomfortable you can leave. I have put myself in many of positions where I havnt been able to leave and its not nice.

ByAThread · 06/04/2012 22:26

I concur. DEFINITELY meet sooner rather than later. It takes all of about 30 mins to work out whether you want to continue talking or run a mile. It's too easy to 'hide' behind emails and get lead along. NEVER agree to go to dinner on the first date as if your gut feel is wrong you're tied in for too long. Coffee or quick drink 'on your way to something else' always works wonders. If you connect there's always another date to look forward to.

purpleroses · 06/04/2012 22:31

I think I first realised that you needed to meet up early on when I saw a guy I actually knew in RL on a dating website. I know that he's a complete tart who'd shag anything that moves - but his profile was great! Realised how easily I'd have been taken in if I hadn't known him for real.

But I did meet my DP through a website, and he's lovely. So well worth a try. :)

janelikesjam · 07/04/2012 14:52

Discussing personal issues like having children with someone you have never met makes me feel icky, icky, probably like you.

Best thing though: meet up and tell us if your instincts were right

Agree with earlier comment too They 'mirror' you so that you think you've found a soulmate So, be careful ...

Fanty · 07/04/2012 14:56

I wouldnt bother, and i speak as somebody eho met her husband through online dating.......i found that as we had exchanged messages for a couple of weeks, there was no pressure, it was like meeting with a chum. Those questions never arose for a couple of months.

piratecat · 07/04/2012 15:01

it's a bloody minefield.

you can just dither about messaging for weeks. you think you know someone. you may well get a feeling about someone thats good and it ends up you were wrong.

you might be too sensitive to the way a person writes a question, and you think right can that one.

i think you should bite the bullet and meet asap. I have started putting on my profile what I am expecting out of a relatiohship. Be frank, it's not unreasonable to say you are hoping to have more children one day, or not. It's a non started if neither of you agree on that and have been messaging for a month, then find out you differ on this major one!!

Original poster

ChickenSkin · 07/04/2012 15:06

Well another thing about this guy now is that he sends me many, many messages - one after another, even before the previous one has been replied to.

Example last night:

10.30pm "Hi! how are you today?"
10.45pm "Hows things?"
10.48pm "Hi xx"

None of these I had chance to reply to!! He did it again this morning:

8.45am "morning! did you sleep well?"
8.50am "hi, how are you today?"
8.58am "morning, what do you have planned for today then?"

Why would you continue sending the same message over and over again?? He's put me off to be honest!!

OP posts:

purpleroses · 07/04/2012 15:33

Think that would put me off too!

Lueji · 07/04/2012 15:46

I think I'd cancel the date.

GinPalace · 07/04/2012 15:49

Keep the date - bench mark the awful so you can spot the good when you see it!

Leverette · 07/04/2012 16:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

foreverandever · 07/04/2012 16:27

he seems very lonely and desperate to meet the woman for him, just because hes going the wrong way about it (and putting you off) doesnt mean hes an awful person surely - if you have a problem with him either tell him youre not interested or ask him to go more slowly - i do think people who ise online dating feel like theyve exhausted the 'naturally meeting' that special someone so he may feel anxious - i feel a bit sorry for him hes obviously sees something in you that he likes

HazleNutt · 07/04/2012 16:35

yes this one seems a bit obsessive. But asking if the other person wants to have kids is very reasonable. I met my DH online and we discussed all those things even before we met - marriage, kids, moving to another country etc. You don't want to spend months and months dating only to find out it is not going anywhere - it's not like you can compromise and have half a kid if one definitely wants them and the other one does not.

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