The Brave Babes Battle Bus - BOINGing Into Spring, The Jesus(WhatNext) Way!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

I'm one of the Brave Babes aboard the Battle Bus, on the journey to sobriety.

We have drinkers, non-drinkers, inbetweeners, notquitesurers...... which is all fantastic.

No matter who you are or where you're at in your personal quest to get where you want to be, come grab a seat and join in the natter, just jump right in.

And, if you'd like to see where we've been up until now, HERE is a link to the last thread and the ones before it

See you soon.

SarahRT I know exactly what you mean about people pleasing! I read a terrific book years ago that told me to 'step over the bleeding bodies of my family' and that helped me to deal with emotional blackmail from my XH and my DM. It no longer works on me (as my lovely DMIL found out :)) but I have a way to go yet.

Big hugs to all xxx

Thurso, do you mind me asking what your pattern of drinking was before - are you trying the controlled drinking approach and how's it working for you?

I'm not craving a drink!

Just got back from day of driving, with lunch with parents in the middle. I didn't have half a cider, which is what I'd normally done. I had a coke. Yuck.

Got back a little while ago; I'm drinking tea and watching the clock until it's time to eat left-over kashmiri chicken from Friday with lovely extras from the takeaway. And I'm not missing the wine (well, not much ). It's a miracle!

SadSoma No, I don't mind you asking at all.

18 months ago my pattern was probably about a bottle and a half on 3 nights out of 7, and sometimes more nights than that, for many years. I never missed a school run, work, pick ups from clubs, and then later parties, but that just meant that I opened the bottle later. It was my wind down from the day. "Functioning alcoholic", or just trying to paper the cracks, I think I know now.

When I joined the bus I didn't have a drop for 6 weeks, then it was Christmas, blah, blah , I haven't been truly dry since then, but more than not, if you see what I mean. No, emphatically, no, I am not trying controlled drinking, really I want to stop altogether, I cannot do controlled drinking, apart from when I am out, like last night.

Like, I think, an awful lot of people on here, I am a "people pleaser" with low self confidence (apart from work, amazingly!), but make no excuses, as it was me that chose that way down the path, a gradual meander down the country road, that turned into a ten line highway, that I felt I couldn't get off. Thank crikey for this bus, and all who sail in her
xxxx

I just had a thought and wanted to see if you lovely ladies are the same ...?

I am a control freak and yet i drink (or used to!!! Day6 going well) .. out of my closest friends the one who drinks the most is also a control freak .. Why would control freaks want to lose control ??

I had the thought today when i was feeling pleased that i am back in control ...

evening!! pathetic boing! i have gardened myself silly, my back aches and my nails are chipped! just had roast lamb though so am starting to feel a little restored!

thurso, so glad you had a nice evening! you too sarah!
this house has been bloody manic all weekend, i feel like i have fed the five thousand, most of my family have been here at one point or another, im trying to make sure the garden looks fab for the wedding (photos to taken outside, in the bedrooms, the sitting room, the front door, the drive, fucking hell!!!! i will have EIGHT bridesmaids here, the photo people, a load of bikers as 'outriders' (dont ask!) and a routemaster in the road) - im getting just a tad stressed! AND DH ISNT!!! why oh why do men not feel this sense of urgency??? and i need to lose a stone! and i NEED to find the right hat, i thought i had but im having a crisis with it, i think i need to find a lovely big black one, with a wide brim and feathers - oh i love you lot!! i can come here and rant away and someone will understand! (i hope!)

isindi - dont know what to say to you really, just that you have my love and support! XXXX

what shoes does one wear for gardening jesus? haha what would jesus wear. it never gets old for me

day 5. i feel positively saintly this weekend - we haven't stopped doing stuff. football practice this morning, then a walk, then went to soft play for hours - ds loves it there, he's such a friendly boy that he always makes a gang of friends and i get to read and drink cups of tea. he's now having a late night curled up with the dog watching home alone on tv.

i have to say i definitely am feeling a lot better. my mood is more level, my energy is more level, i have more patience and tolerance and less reactivity. i am doing things i don't want to do - not as in hellish things just things that need doing or things that are for ds's pleasure and not finding it massively exhausting or impossible to do itms.

tomorrow is a teacher training day and then we're through the holidays and into school routine time again. need to do some thinking and planning for that. wish there were daytime meetings - that would be wonderful but sadly not. need to get my thinking cap on and work out how i'm going to make it to meetings regularly and what i'm going to do with my days to avoid temptation etc.

waffling - all is well here. can't tell you how glad i am that i've had a breakthrough and got myself to a couple of meetings.

I love being off the sauce :) Managed another night yay. Well done to you all and thank you for being here! I am loving waking with a clear head. Today the need to drink nearly overwhelmed me, but I had stocked up on soda and lime. My DP has a glass of wine and I don't want on too much.

Well done on the meetings SAF. Are there none at all during the day close by?

no, unfortunately not.

well done tonight

saf what other things can you plan out? You mentioned a course you are going to do in the autumn - could you get a core book from the reading material and read a couple of chapters each day? That would put you well ahead when you start and keep your 'now' connected to your 'then'.

Why does that sound strangely weird and weirdly sexual???

Venus you have sex on the brain these days

That just doesn't look right written down

i'm hoping i can get a reading list for the msc venus but there is really limited information on the course on the website - i've emailed the admissions tutor and asked them to send out proper course details etc to me.

that's a good idea - i have plenty of stuff here i could be reading tbh (i'm a faster buyer of books than reader of books). and a couple of chapters a day is a nice bite size easy way back into reading theory actually

i have no idea why but it does, you're right how are you?

oh god, if you are talking about sex, I'm off!

i have a human givens textbook i've been meaning to read for ages actually - will put that down as the first. the course is integrative counselling and all of my formal study so far has been on psychodynamic so doing some intro reading around all of the approaches would be good. nice idea thank you

i also want to make the effort to socialise more in the week - was getting rather too hermitty again.

i'm not ma! i've regained my virginity.

People pleasing and control freak - 2 ticks alcoholic - 3 ticks .

On a completely personal basis the people pleasing and control freak go quite nicely together. I WANT to make everybody around me HAPPY. And I am really good at reading their signals and their body language and their words, and then I can do some magic control thing and I can MAKE them HAPPY.

The problem with that is that it often involves compomising what I want, oh but that's OK 'cos I'm a 'people pleaser' and their happiness is more important than mine....... la la , tum de tum, happy world , everybody...

Well NO

Actually I matter too. And today, my happiness is being sober and sane. And if that makes other people around me less than comfortable, well 'tough shit really'.

No need to worry ma - it was just something about the phrase 'keep your now connected to your then' that made me feel quesy about what I'd suggested - it was like some kind of new-age spiritual sex manual. Hey, maybe I have a new career looming....

I want some of what venus is on

Oh, wait, that's sobriety, otherwise known as The Boing!

Shame SAF, I am not sure about group[s, but wish I had the bottle (so to speak) to go to one. Too terrified that I'd meet my neighbour coming out or something :)

And I too feel responsible for everyone's happiness. It's a curse! But problem drinkers come in all forms and it as much chemistry and culture as personality which creates a drinker. My mum is a control freak/people pleaser and never touches a drop, my dad is not either of these things and is an alcoholic.

i'll edit it for you if you like venus - i'm sure it'll be a best seller.

i have memories of men into 'tantric sex' emerging in my head now. mostly it seemed a convoluted way of saying i have impotency issues.

saf I'd call it 'The Power of Now' if Eric-what's-his-doodly-name hadn't got ther first.

Ok Eckhart Tolle not Eric anything

Venus I am a control freak and people pleaser too .. Probably was well on the road to alcoholic if I hadn't put the brakes on!

saf you made me laugh about regaining your virginity - I think I'll be followng you .. the thought of dating or having sex with anyone gives me the willies (pun intended!)