The Brave Babes Battle Bus - BOINGing Into Spring, The Jesus(WhatNext) Way!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

I'm one of the Brave Babes aboard the Battle Bus, on the journey to sobriety.

We have drinkers, non-drinkers, inbetweeners, notquitesurers...... which is all fantastic.

No matter who you are or where you're at in your personal quest to get where you want to be, come grab a seat and join in the natter, just jump right in.

And, if you'd like to see where we've been up until now, HERE is a link to the last thread and the ones before it

See you soon.

IsinDe* - Oh my lovely friend. I wish I could break the cycle of you falling arse over tit into the side-car. This is going to be a bit of tough love, but only because I genuinely care about you xx

Stop giving your mother the power to do this to you. Maybe your DP (soon to be much more than just a partner) can't see the depth of the pain your mother causes you. I can understand why she thinks that the girls should have a relationship with her........

But at what cost? She holds such power over you, it's epic, it really is. This is your life and you really don't want her in it because of all the nasty, spiteful, hurtful remarks she has made about and to you over the years.

Totally agree with Saf, I think meeting on neutral ground could be a way forward? I'm so sorry that she has this power over you, to make you feel as she does.

Massive ((((H)))) to you lovely xx

MsGee - Wow!!! You rock! Totally, utterly rock rock rock!

I am so so proud of you, you managed to get through DD's party without picking up. I'm not suggesting that you didn't feel as though you wanted too, just that you kicked the little shit out of your mind and got on with it.

You did it. You watched those around you talking utter drunken non-sense and instead, you enjoyed your DD, her day, your evening.

You woke knowing that you didn't get shit faced and knowing that there was no nasty exchange of heated drunken words between you and your mother, or anyone else. It's great to see the wonderful change in you. xx

Mouse lovely, honest post. You take care of RL - we are always here or you xx

isinde you can be hurt and angry without feeling its self pity. You are hurt and it's ok to say that - don't turn it on yourself. I think you need to reconsider your relationship with the parents. I understand DP position but a GP who undermines a parent, does not show unconditional love and support is not a good influence in a child's life IMHO. Your DTs are growing fast and in a year or two will notice the impact they have on you and your well being. Good grandparents are great. But crap ones? Or ones who have a good relationship with gc but not their child ... That needs consideration. I'm not saying cut them off - just that you don't have to accept its a given. I'm sorry though, it's shit (((( )))) xxx

Boing here. My baby is four today GPs all hungover so I encouraged DD to wake them at 7 to see her open her presents. I have to admit I had little sympathy for them

I chose not to drink this weekend and it felt great. I am getting that good mum feeling back

X post mouse thank you. I feel like a different person.

Saf - my dear friend. You also rock. Absobloodylutely rock. AA? YOU WENT! YOU DID IT!

What a star to take the 'thing' that stopped you going before now, the years of inner fuckupery and turn it all into BRAVERY.

I am in awe of you. I know that if I even thought about asking DH to stay with Nemo so that I could go to an AA meeting, he'd laugh in my face.

He doesn't think I have a problem with alcohol. I know otherwise, I'm a serial offender although I've been sober for days, since I last posted because I just don't have the energy to get shit faced.

I so love that you shared with another person, and I love the 'Just For' text that you put on here. I'm not as brave as you. What a star xxx

Isinde Sorry you had a rubbish evening. Hope you feel okay today. I drank last night too - not sure I can completely kick the bottle, or even if I want to. If I can keep off the sauce during the week, it's a start.

Saf I loved the 'just for today' post. It was really inspiring. It inspired me to do more with my life yesterday than just sitting around feeling bored.

Hello to all of the other wonderful Babes. Hello and welcome to all of the new Babes.

Ma - stay with us lovely xx

Thurso - you know where I am xx

Silver - thinking of you and hoping your mum is okay xx

Fizzy - welcome back xx

Well done to all of those who had a sober Friday/Saturday night! They are often the hardest for some reason, after all, it's just another day in the week isn't it?

I have half a kitchen, it's been 5 weeks since I cooked a meal. Take-aways are okay for a while, not every night, so I've been dieting like made. Day off it today and hopefully back on tomorrow to kick start some more weight loss.

I want to be just under 10st for the summer, I've lost 9lb in 2 weeks so far and I'm happy with that.

I need to get out of this self indulgent moping and get back out there. Into the Big Wide World. I'm finding it hard to go out just now, I think I've become a bit institutionalised being stuck in waiting for deliveries for the house, feeling fat, ugly and sloth like.

I just want to wake up one morning and be pain free. I'm so so tired of waking up in pain. I've gotten to the point where my meds no longer work because I've gotten used to them again so I need to go back to the doc and see what he suggests.

Nemo is really moving forward with his development and he was signed off from his Consultant Respiratory Paediatrician last week (did I tell you all that?) which was a bit sad because we've known him since Nemo was a baby. He saved his life.

Anyway, I've taken up far too much of this Bus's time.............. I'll be back later. Sorry not to name check everyone, massive (((H))) to you all Brave Babes xx

Morning All

Well done to all for last night, whatever the outcome. Sounds like it was challenging on so many levels.

Mouse, Ma Thurso, good to hear from you!

Well I survived last night at the pub. Was shocked by array of lovely alcohol free drinks & plied myself with ginger, lemongrass & soda all night.
Food was yummy which helped!!

In fact feel more than bit at getting so sweaty beforehand. Realised that this is probably the first time in 20 years that I've gone to a pub and not had a drink (even when driving I've always had the one glass of wine). , . This being sober malarky is such alien territory to me!

indie have been lurking in the sidecar myself this last week. I understand the problem with parents ( well, one parent in my case) perhaps better than some. I KNOW the depths of hurt and how being rejected or made to feel worthless stays with you for ever, and how it affects all your future relationships. My father refused to give me away on my wedding day...and there's more if I could be arsed to go over it.Why should YOU be making the effort when they were the ones who caused the hurt? Why should YOU be the peacemaker? Why should YOU care if they never see the grandchildren? Sound familiar??
Two reasons -1) because you are the bigger and better person. You actually don't have to forgive and forget - you never will. Accept that and give yourself permission not to forgive and forget if it helps. It helps me. But you live in the today, the now and you can affect the way things are NOW even if you can never change the past. You will be setting an example to your DTs so that when they are older and come to you in tears and fury asking "why should I be the one who fixes it? Why should I be the peacemaker?", you will be able to sit with them with quiet pride and explain how the bigger person deals with hurt.
Second reason is that bitterness destroys the person nursing it, not the person who caused it. It is like holding a burning coal in your hands, waiting for the opportunity to throw it.
You wont' fix the drinking until you fix your hurt indie and if fixing it means locking it in a box and burying it somewhere, then do that for now.
Here endeth the sermon from someone who has all the answers

BOING!

Goddamnit mouse you've just made me cry and my carefully applied mascara has run! Thank you for your wonderful, heartfelt and supportive messages. They are very much appreciated but I feel guilty too because I reckon you sre much more in need of support than I am but I don't know youi well enough yet to support you in return. I'm sending you a rather large hug though. {{{Mouse}}}

saf you have been to not one but two AA meetings since I've joined this thread, so frankly you are streets ahead of our Day 6 gang. I am making you an honorary member! Welcome to Day 6!

soma DD is 9 going on 19. She's had an answer (and several follow up questions and demands) for everything since the moment she could talk. Thank goodness she didn't talk properly til she was three.

I'm feeling great this morning. Not even phased by finding lice in DD's hair (a very regular occurrence and source of huge stress as her hair is long and thick) and having to fit putting the blasted lotion on her hair into the tight morning schedule. Normally I'd be flapping and stressed but I'm not!

isinde this
"Oh dear! i feel like the bad fairy at the feast. I feel grumpy, angry, hurt, seven years old and pissed" did make me laugh last night though, because it was so well put and summed up exactly how I was feeling (other than the pissed bit, for a change). You can do this you know - you've got every reason to do it and lots of support here to help you.

I will not be drinking today. Not even a half of cider with pub lunch which normally wouldn't feel like drinking at all. Have no idea what to drink instead though.

Happy Sober Sunday y'all.

Massive (((hugs))) to you too Mouse. I hope you get the help you need with pain relief soon. And congrats on the weight loss! I'm currently 15st (gulp) and need to lose a lot.

HI Everyone

Mouse things sound like a bitch for you just now, yet you manage to keep inspiring people and being upbeat. Thanks for the welcome back

Off out today to visit my parents, Aaaargh. First thing I am going to do is pour the wine down the sink as I will want it when I get home.....

Sunny, I too need to lose weight, knocking the booze on the head is a good start. I have lost 4lbs this week without even trying. Mind you, I do fluctuate throughout my cycle.

Agghhh!

So much to say but no brain power to articulate all my thoughts....
But just had to say to Isinde that you dont have to let your DP call the shots on this.

If youre not ready for your parents to spend time with your DTs then you have equal amount of decison power to say NO.

The important thing to stress here is that its not a NO forever. Its a NO - for now. Until you two have talked it though properly and you both come to a mutual decision.

Pushing you into a corner and making the DTs see your parents will cause upset and resentment. And its that that is wrong.

If youre instinct/gut is telling you that you dont want the DTs to see your parents for whatever reasons (but not because of spite) then you should listen to it. Things change. With therapy maybe? Or just plain old fashioned time passing.

But for now. You can if you want and should if you want say NO.

I dont want you turning to the booze because of this....

xxxxx

I've just read the latest posts and sorry have nothing useful to say other than I feel so SAFE here. It's a great feeling and I know my struggles aren't much compared to some of the other babes but it's easy to be open and I appreciate the support. Have a good day everyone.

Thank you for the hugs Babes

Mia - sorry about the mascara, .

When you go out to the pub, order a lime and soda in a tall glass with ice and a slice of fresh lime. Watch the condensation slowly trickle down the glass. Sip it. It's lush and so refreshing. If after that you still want a drink then so be it. Maybe alternate with soft drinks or better still, some corporation pop

Only you can decide whether or not to drink. [smile[ xx

Soma - exactly. You don't need to post anything or try to support anyone, take what you need from the Bus, it is a safe place, it is for a lot of us.

We can tell our inner most secrets on here if we chose to, knowing that it's just us. Well, an a few lurkers, the world wide web and Nemo in my case

I've said things on here I'd never tell a soul. I love this Bus and all that it stands for.

Oooops, Mia my last didn't work, here, have another xx

Soma You are so right about this bus.

Never even knew such a forum existed until I idly searched around for something to do with 'problem' drinking about 3 weeks ago. I thought MN was all about parenting in its purest form & primarily concerned with all the trials/tribulations of child rearing - what did I know!

Well, who knew there were so many other women (sorry if I'm excluding any male posters out there!) out there up & down the land feeling exactly the same as me?? And without having to dislcose my inner most fears about drinking to my F & F. I feel safe on Gerald to share, listen, laugh & cry at everthing we post.

I think you have all quite literally managed to steer this ship on another course before it hits the iceberg (see the Titanic link there ) & although still v early days, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. x

Afternoon all

Fizzy great idea to pour the wine away. I was going to suggest actually, to all the babes who have a bottle in the fridge to try and get rid of it. It's easy to resist it and leave it there but even easier, when you get a strong craving, to take it out and be glugging on it before you're even had a chance to really think about the consequences.

I've had a friend staying who doesn't drink a lot but has left half a bottle of rose in the fridge. That went down the sink first thing this morning. I usually find it easy to not drink these days but why risk it. If I want wine, it's a five minute stroll to the shop but it's far enough away to make me think twice.

Mouse wow, you have done really well on your diet. I know what you mean about being a bit 'housebound' and needing to get out more. I've been a little like that over the past few months. It's like I've put part of my life 'on hold' while I sort out my drinking and dieting. I feel like I'm about ready to emerge from my chrysallis now, all refreshed and rejuvenated and full of energy .

Isinde I can see why your lovely dp wants the dts to have a relationship with their gps. That's what any parent would want.

But if that relationship is not going to be of benefit to those little ones, is it really worth having? My own parents only saw my dcs with me or dh there as well. They never had them on their own. I just didn't trust them. I remember my mum waking them up one night to tell them how much she loved them. She was drunk. She woke them and breathed alcohol all over them, just like she used to do to me. I was really angry with her.

Now my dcs are teenagers, they can phone if they want to speak to their gps or send emails and they do see them occasionally but they can see them for what they are and have learned from me that it's ok, actually, just to say, no, I don't want to see you today.

I'm ok with it because I let go of the guilt. I know that it wasn't their fault that they were like that. They are, of course, a product of their own upbringing and deserving of compassion and understanding. But, at the same time, the way they behave isn't my fault either. So I have let those guilty feelings go and I have made sure I parent my children differently.

Fwiw Isinde I think your gut feeling is trying to tell you something and you can't hear it clearly because you are trying to consider everyone else's needs and feelings. You are going through an emotionally stressful time with your parents, your dp's dad and a wedding to plan! One of the texts from Saf's list springs to mind:

JUST FOR TODAY I will have a quiet half hour all by myself and relax. During this half hour, sometime, I will try to get a better perspective on my life

Try to take some time for yourself, lovely Isinde and make a huge list of everything spinning round in your head. The ones you can deal with, do so. The ones that need more time, well put those in the 'to do' pile. And the ones that need talking about with dp, take the time to really talk and listen and hopefully find some resolution x

Well done all the babes on Day 1, 2, , 4, 5, 6, etc .

SSSM WHERE ARE YOU? Do we need to send the BB SWAT team? Hope you're ok my lovely x

Faire thank you. I am having a day off and starting again tomorrow with the added support of a low carb dieting forum.

You'd be surprised at just how much a high carb diet can add the pounds on and of course if you don't shift it, there it stays.

Isinde thinking of you, and Thurso this morning, I would love to hear how the evening went, and that you glided like the swan you are.

I am a vintage boozer, from the old school of being a people pleaser. I thought that as long as I made everyone else happy then it really didn't matter how I felt. I picked up on reflected happiness. It also made my drinking I thought, less of a problem so I could just keep at it. Well look where that got me, just a broken, sad useless drunk that was manipulated and used, even by those who I thought would protect me forever. Once I had corked it for a while, I began to understand that it was alright to refuse to do things that I really didn't want to do, and start being assertive, really in control. I could not remember one time from being 13 years old ever pleasing myself without consideration of others. Believe me that was a revelation that really shook me. Just my thought for the day because I am sure that lots here are the same. I still make life as easy as I can, but not at a cost to my health and wellbeing.

All went well on my night, much was shared and bonds strengthened, and hit the hay at about 2am safe in the knowledge that I shall always have true friends who love me for who I really am.

Mouse you seem to know just what to say and how to say it, I fail miserably at that in text sometimes, you are a legend amongst mice and babes .

Saf just kudos to you, amazing loved the post on similar struggles, and MsGee, well, who's that lady? WOW.

To all the babes honing what is good for them, just go with the emotions best you can, rarely a quick fix to this. xx

mouse (((hugs))), lovely to see you posting . You're always free to have a rest from being on here, but the thread is galloping along at a pace, so just keep an eye open for the 1000th post approaching (just adding pressure to your already overloaded life ).

venus - after the last time, I'm watching like a hawk. If by chance I do start to look as if I'm asleep in my mouse hole, can someone with my number text me?

Afternoon, early evening all

Well, I did it (ish)!

Nothing to drink before I went out, a G & T in the pub beforehand, then 2 decorus, ie: poured by the waiter, not by the hand of Thurso filling the glass up to 1/2 an inch from the top, big gulp, there that looks normal now glasses of wine, then water. Dessert wine, anyone?, no thanks .

I got to bed at about 2am as well, Sarah, I am so glad that you had a good time. I did too, made all the better by not waking up this morning to agonise over what I might have said!

Isinde my lovely friend, I was so sad when I read your message. So much unresolved for you, with your family. I think, forgive me if I'm speaking out of turn, that sometimes things just are unresolved, and you just have to move on, sometimes your heart and soul have been so hurt and damaged that you have to move on, for the ones you love, and who love you, and marginalise to the best of your ability the ones who harm you. I have to say that it is a lesson I learnt once. Sending you love, you are a strong and lovely woman so there .

Hope everyone has a good evening.

Much love
xxxx