The Brave Babes Battle Bus - BOINGing Into Spring, The Jesus(WhatNext) Way!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

I'm one of the Brave Babes aboard the Battle Bus, on the journey to sobriety.

We have drinkers, non-drinkers, inbetweeners, notquitesurers...... which is all fantastic.

No matter who you are or where you're at in your personal quest to get where you want to be, come grab a seat and join in the natter, just jump right in.

And, if you'd like to see where we've been up until now, HERE is a link to the last thread and the ones before it

See you soon.

Hmmm... DP has suggested that we have our roast today instead of tomorrow, as we're taking DD to my DP's tomorrow so will be pushed for time. So I was debating whether to try not to drink at all with roast, or have a glass of red with. I don't know why, but the thought of having it tonight without a glass or two (see what I did there ) or red has floored me. Something about it being Saturday, or something, I don't know, but I'm finding it very very hard to visualise this evening without wine in it.

chasing I would also be unable to imagine a meal out without wine involved, so can't be much help. I really hope you find a way and enjoy it though.

proudnscary "My main worry is the potentially changing dynamic between me and dh, who I love. Our relationship has revolved around booze! I know there is way more to us than that, we are strong. But am worried that I might feel resentful or alienated if he continues to drink."

God that's exactly my worry too proud! Since the moment we met, we've been two very different personalities who had a huge food&booze thing going on. As with you, I know our relationship is strong, that we have shared values and goals, shared sense of humour, both love being out in nature etc., but nevertheless, I'm concerned that not drinking so much will leave a gap.

I'm telling myself that the gap might fill with better things (like this sex thing of which y'all keep speaking ), or by finding something to do other than sitting on the sofa watching tv in a pissed haze. The thing is, he already drinks way less than me, and in the conversations we've had this week, I'm getting the impression that he's quite relieved at me drinking less. Seems I'm not as scintillating when half-cut than I'd previously assumed. Who'd have thought??

What shall I do tonight babes?

MsGee have a great party and create some wonderful sober memories!

mia - when i first stopped drinking, although my dh had told me that he had had enough of my drinking, i was still very worried about the way my soberity might impact on our relationship, we had always drunk together, often got very pissed together, etc etc, honestly, it has done nothing but strengthen our marriage, we chat more, laugh more, argue less etc - we did go through what can only be described as a rocky patch last summer, i think we had shoved so much under the carpet over the years that working through it all got a bit tough going - it has all been worth though! only you can say what your family dynamics are, all i can say, ime, soberity brings far greater rewards than simply be sober!

Thank you JWN He's been very supportive so far, that's for sure.

Mia you have always had a drink with your roast dinner and you know that you enjoy it. Fine. But you have never tried not drinking with your meal so how do you know that you won't like it?

Try it. Just for today, try eating a roast dinner without a glass of wine. Have some spring water instead. And if it's a rubbish meal (which I doubt it will be) then, meh, so what. At least you will have found the answer to your question.

If you are not drinking it's good to end your meal with a coffee (and a couple of after eights for that minty taste). Or a peppermint tea which is what I always have after a meal these days.

If it's too late and you're already into the wine, try to be mindful of how that pans out. Do you just have one glass, or two. Or do you open a second bottle? Do you keep drinking into the evening. Do you fall asleep on the sofa and wake feeling sluggish and thick headed.

Just my thoughts x

Thanks so much all of you.

I kind of regretted posting this morning as I felt it was acknowledgement that drinking is a problem.

Now I am bloody pleased I did. Especially those talking about their experiences and thoughts about/with their dps.

Here's to a lovely sober Sat night x

Proud this place is great, isn't it - I 'found' it on Tuesday (though I'd known about it for ages, just wasn't ready to read and post here), and everyone is so supportive and, well, nourishing! I know what you mean about not wanting to acknowledge that it's a problem - because then the logical next thing to do is do something about the problem...

Thanks faire, we don't eat our roast until the evening, so I haven't ruined my 5 day run of sobriety yet. On the one hand I feel like it'd be pretty pathetic to not be able to eat one bloody roast dinner without red wine with it. It's just one meal, after all.

On the other hand, I'm not feeling quite so strong today because DD is really pushing my buttons. She's going to my DP's tomorrow for a week, and I'm tempted by the notion that I find it much easier to abstain when she's not here winding me up. I could start again Sunday and have a clear run at it whilst DD's away.

Hi Mia, what with going out tonight for the 1st time in ages I'm scared as well.

Why don't we get through this together & 'virtually' pour eachother lime & sodas all evening?!

You can do this & think how great it'll be to see DD off tomorrow with a clear head!

Dear all,

posting for a bit of hand holding here.

Tonight I have a reunion dinner to go to with my friends I was in the 6th form with (back in the day ). I have seen a few of them sporadically over the years, the last time we were all together was three years ago, for a weekend (partners included, as they are this time).

The trouble is I regress to the excrutiatingly self-depreciating girl that I was, (mmm, more than now!) and any confidence I have built up goes flying out of the window. I have spent the day feeling quite ill with nerves, and knowing that I really don't want to have the couple of glasses of "stiffener" before we leave, and then how not to drink at the dinner?

I am reading all your good advice, and taking note of your thoughts, as ever Venus. We are driving back, so I can do that one, antibiotics?, needing a fresh head for tomorrow?, at the moment as I will be getting ready at about 5, I am thinking lots of juice and fizzo water while I get ready, and then Venus's (sp) "I'm really thirsty, I think I'll start with a long cool soda and lime" when I get to the pub, before dinner.
Feeling a bit stupid that it's getting me like this, really.

MsGee have a lovely party, new memories and special ones. Happy times to little MsGee.

Sarah I hope you have a wonderful time tonight, sorry my post above looks pretty inconsiderate considering what you and your friends have gone through. I am sorry, I haven't had a wobble like this for a while. I hope your dress looks fab, I am trying to find one that hides the wobble .

Much love to all and thank you. This has helped xxxxxx

Sounds like there's a fair few Babes who will be tested today/tonight. Let's do it together!

Thurso I'm in awe of you even attempting this kind of occasion without drinking - I get quite anxious about social occasions at the best of times (even though I know I appear confident and talk much much too much ) so I know I'd drink too much through nerves and then feel like an idiot afterwards for being visibly drunk and even more socially inept than I am sober.

Just think how much better you'll feel to wake up in the morning not worrying that you made a tit of yourself (I'm projecting here ) and broke your resolve not to drink. How about not mentioning to anyone that you're not drinking, and making sure you've always got a glass half full or more of ice, lemon and soda or something that looks like it could be g&t? That way you can wave away any offers of drinks with 'no I'm fine thanks' and everyone will assume you're drinking anyway. You could ask for water at dinner and sip that, keeping your 'alcoholic' drink sitting there so noone wonders why you're not drinking wine. If anyone does actually ask, you could say 'oh I had a couple earlier/I'll have some with dinner but I'm taking it easy because I'm driving tomorrow' or whatever.

I don't know how well these people know you, but if you've not seen them for a few years then they don't know what your drinking habits are, and frankly I can guarantee they'll be much more absorbed in their own insecurities (will anyone notice how much weight I've put on/ how grey my hair is now/ will I have to tell anyone my husband left me/ I lost my job etc etc) and catching up with everyone's news to notice what you're drinking. I promise.

Stay strong and have a great evening!

Whew, I feel better for giving a bit of bolstering advice there.

I've been wavering all afternoon about whether to drink tonight, until I'm fed up with thinking about it.

Thanks chasing. If you can go out for a meal with DP and not drink then I should be able to manage one bloody roast dinner shouldn't I!

I WILL NOT BE DRINKING TODAY!

Oh and have a lovely meal out chasing!

I'm going out with my STBX Mother and Father In Law to a Ceilidh (Scottish Country Dancing for those who don't know)tonight .. I thought DD may enjoy it ( and MIL kind of put me in a spot when she asked) .. they are sometimes ALWAYS hard work! I would normally drink heavily in order to deal with them

I've already declined a lift so that I need to drive (and can escape if required) but may also need some hand holding when I get back!

Day 5 for me .. think the last day I went 5 days without a drink I was pregnant! :)

Thanks NonAstemia

Am ok so far, the getting ready is the tempting time for me, and have taken deep breaths so far.

We go out in half an hour.

Have lovely evenings all.
xxxx

xxx

Thurso write down all the reasons why you don't want to drink and take it with you in your bag. Write down all your strategies to avoid drinking and take that with you too. Then you can keep nipping off to the loo to remind yourself . Good idea to plan your drinks.

Just focus on getting through each little bit. Pre-dinner drinks - large orange & soda because you're really thirsty. Dinner - have another large drink. After dinner you will be full of food and fizzy water so will probably find it easier to avoid. Remember, you can leave any time you like, you do not have to sacrifice your own sobriety to good manners .

I can guarantee they'll be much more absorbed in their own insecurities (will anyone notice how much weight I've put on/ how grey my hair is now/ will I have to tell anyone my husband left me/ I lost my job etc etc) and catching up with everyone's news to notice what you're drinking

I also agree with Mia's advice there.Have a lovely time x

Crappy crappy boring Saturday evening without wine.

Mia!

Boring shmoring- you can cope with boring!

NonAstemia - I have had a glass of wine this evening. Trust me, it is absolutely not interesting, scintillating or in any noticeable way different to any of my alcohol-free evenings this week. Alcohol is not inherently interesting. What makes an evening interesting is what you do with it, surely?

feel crappy and flat.

Hope everyone's having a better evening than me.

Hi Mia. Well I feel a bit crappy because I had a glass of wine earlier when I didn't intend to. But I'd feel a lot more crappy if I'd got home and carried on drinking. Luckily it stopped at one.

Are you alone tonight? Is there nothing you can do to take your mind off not drinking?

Mia - posting a bit late to ward off your discombobulation (sp????) but:

Chocolate/olives/crisps
Tea/Tomato juice with tons of spice/sparkling something with ice n slice
Crap telly/catch ups on iplayer/itvplayer
Mumsnet
Great movie in bed later
Hot choc
Sex???
Book or more Mumsnet
Lovely sleep

I revelled in my dc's company tonight, there was no reason to wish them in bed. They were really making me laugh during The Voice (which we all bloody HATE but watched for some reason). We got quite hysterical at one point.

It was nice not to be breathing wine fumes all over them too.

Hope your night wasn't too depressing in the end. Hang on in there.

Very quick post. Hope people evenings ok, especially thurso and mia.

I have not drunk. My family are downstairs arguing drink politics. My mum is swearing so I though I'd retire. Watching other people drunk is boring!

Also post below should have said last year at dd party I was pg not of ... Sorry for confusion.

Party was brilliant though. wonderful day. So glad I didn't end it drunk.

I actually feel I can do this.

just saying hi - lots of new names in the few days since I was last here
welcome all

Survived Ceilidh .. had tea and water. DD enjoyed it too.

No stress from inlaws so don't feel the need to drink.

Mia did you find a distraction to help you through?