The Brave Babes Battle Bus - BOINGing Into Spring, The Jesus(WhatNext) Way!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

I'm one of the Brave Babes aboard the Battle Bus, on the journey to sobriety.

We have drinkers, non-drinkers, inbetweeners, notquitesurers...... which is all fantastic.

No matter who you are or where you're at in your personal quest to get where you want to be, come grab a seat and join in the natter, just jump right in.

And, if you'd like to see where we've been up until now, HERE is a link to the last thread and the ones before it

See you soon.

MsGee you rock!

Sarah at least your face will be beetroot red from big pants, not from booze.

Well done Soma - come back again tomorrow. I know I'll be here trying to fight the same urge.

I can't quite believe I'm sober at 10.30pm on a Friday night. I demand to feel some boing in the morning now please.
DP hardly drank either, bless him. He had a beer with dinner then just one glass of red after.

Night night brave babes.

huge huge well dones on a sober friday evening!

im proud to know you all!

L XXX

Boing !!!

sarah that did make me smile.

One more night. PIL here tonight too just to add the pressure. Weirdly my mum drinks less than I remember (perhaps I just assumed she kept up with me ) . She has v much accepted me not drinking. So I worry she thinks I'm pg.

Today is DD birthday party. I cannot wait to get the Minnie mouse ears on

Hope it's a boing y Saturday on the bus - if not, there is always tmrw.

Hello all

I've been lurking since JWN's first post all them tharrr years ago and think I even posted once.

I had a sober Fri night too.

I hope you don't mind if I post now and then?

I don't know what 'kind' of drinker I am. I don't find myself desperate for a drink, it wasn't hard last night. I don't drink til I pass out. I've never been unable to do things with the kids or cancel or be late for anything due to a hangover. I've never screwed up at work due to booze.

But I drink way too much (four or five bottles of wine a week - sometimes a couple of vodkas on the weekend) and I think about drinking or not drinking too much.

It punctuates my life. Friday night, Sat night, back from being out, about to go out, someone popping round, going for a pizza with the dc, going to posh cinema that serves wine etc.

Anyway, this thread has inspired me MASSIVELY (and scared me sometimes - 'I'm not like these drinkers....oh hang on a minute').

I'm not drinking for the next two weeks then I have a cut-down plan I think I can stick to..we'll see!

My main worry is the potentially changing dynamic between me and dh, who I love. Our relationship has revolved around booze! I know there is way more to us than that, we are strong. But am worried that I might feel resentful or alienated if he continues to drink. Any help or advice with that gratefully received....

P

sadsoma notice that very important part of your post - "my craving came, and went". When I first stopped drinking and I was in the grip of that longing, I imagined that it was the kind of feeling that didn't go away until it was satisfied (like thirst). But what I learned was that if I could just hold on, and hold out, the craving diminished and I could get through it. Over time the frequency, strength and length of the cravings decreased. It's an interesting process to observe in yourself.

msgee you're doing so well, have a wonderful birthday party. And don't worry about what people think - I know it's tough given all you have been through, but don't let that convoluted thinking push you in the direction of a drink that you neither want nor need, just to prove that what other people might (or might not) be thinking is wrong. Go Mickey Mouse ears!

hey proudnscary good to see you. I think what I read in your post is the comfortable habit of reaching for wine for every event / occasion. For me it didn't take long to go from that to a drink because the sun was shining, or a drink because it wasn't. A drink because I felt up, or a drink because I felt down. A drink because it was Wednesday and the middle of the week. You are at a good place to re-think some of your habits. Don't look on the next 2 weeks as a denial, but rather look on them as an experiment in working out what drink / food / acitvity you really need. So trip to the cinema - get olives and an expensive mocktail; back from being out - a soothing camomile tea; someone popping round - a nice cup of tea and a slice of homemade apple cake; pizza with the kids - a lime and soda. They may not be all the right combinations, and you may hate some of them (personally I think that camomile tea is disgusting) but don't judge until you've done the experiment. And have fun with it

And also see how it goes with your dp. People on here who have all kind of experiences - some dps who notice their own drinking more, and cut down too; some who notice their own drinking more and get cross and resentful and actively try to sabotage; some who are supportive, some who are not.

Personally when I felt resentful of dp I reminded myself of what I was really 'missing' - a drink that I no longer enjoy the taste of which is bitter and sour; a potential hangover the next morning. I don't feel resentful of him having one glass of wine - that was never what I wanted anyway. I sometimes felt resentful that he seemed able to take it or leave it, whereas the thinking about a drink seemed to dominate many of my plans and activites. But hey that's what I've had to accept about myself.

Hi Proud - you're in good company here. We all have differing relationships with alcohol & I hear what you're saying about society's expectation these days to have a glass or 2 at every outing/event.

Have a break, take stock & see how you feel in a couple of weeks. Some Babes are completely dry, some have brilliantly managed the controlled drinking strategy.

See what is right for you, but for change to happen you must really want it (as I know)!!

Venus where would we be with without you & your sound, step by step words of wisdom??

ps - I second the Bleuugh on Camomile tea !

Welcome Proud :) I joined this place a few weeks back and, for the first time in decades years I've managed to stop drinking during the week.

Having said that, I drank wine last night - I am only drinking at weekends. I didn't drink as much as I usually would but I slept badly and had a headache in the night, not to mention the fact that I felt really thirsty and kept having to drink water.

"I don't feel resentful of him having one glass of wine - that was never what I wanted anyway". Exactly Venus, that was never my style of drinking either, what's the point? And the insight about the cravings, that you can build an armoury to defend against them (the Babes being a crucial element), is such a useful one.

I hope you're boinging all over the place this morning NonAstemia - I'm looking forward to a useful day and will deal with wine o'clock when it comes round. See you all later!

see i don't think we do have different relationships with alcohol - i think we all have the same relationship - a dangerous one.

we might be at different stages of how that relationship pans out, we may be handling that danger differently but it is the same relationship or we wouldn't be here.

some may be getting out of that relationship early having seen the red flags, some may have ignored those red flags and gone further into the relationship and seen more shitty dimensions to it, some may have gone all the way through to the bitter end. some are walking out on it, some are staying but putting firm boundaries in place to see if the relationship can be saved.

but it IS the same relationship imo. a dangerous one.

and tbh those who are controlled drinking are mostly actually going round in circles. an abusive relationship has it's quiet periods or you'd boot him out right away. an abusive relationship with boundaries and checks and measures in place is still a dangerous place to be because you're dealing with a dangerous person/substance.

even our best controlled drinkers find themselves on the slippery slope again at times albeit so far they've always managed to pull back from it.

sorry for this long waffle but i do think it's a mistake to think we're all different - we all have a dangerous relationship with alcohol that left unchecked would take us to a very bad destination - we're just at different stations on route and taking different strategies to try and protect ourselves.

Thank you Saf for your well-considered and truthful post. In my heart of hearts I don't think controlled drinking can work for me; maybe I'll be successful for a month or two months or even a year, but sooner or later I'll be back bingeing again.

My brother is a recovering alcoholic whose pattern was an almighty binge about once a month. He has a criminal record, no job and a broken marriage to show for it. But he knew he had to give it up completely and hasn't touched a drop for over two years. I find it so hard to get my head around at the moment and am trying to focus on one day at a time.

i didn't mean it to criticise anyone btw. just that whatever we're doing or not doing we are all the same in that we need to be 'doing' anything. normal drinkers don't need to 'do' anything or think about it. hope i didn't cause offense.

one day at a time is all i can do too sadsoma - it's all i want to do - not just for the drinking but the head stuff too and the getting things done. it's a skill i need to work at.

i should make a plan today. ds is home and currently watching a bit of telly and chilling. think we'll do a good long dog walk and trip to the shops for bread and such then come home and have lunch and then head out to softplay. softplay has no alcohol, yay! so it will use time and get us out in a space where i can't drink. i'll take my kindle and a notepad. think i need to get writing lists or something - maybe get a bit of a loose schedule for my days when ds goes back to school.

day 4 for me which is nothing obviously but longer than i've done in a long time actually i know how long it's been - it was back when me and msgee teamed up for an abstinence period and did about 3 weeks i think? think that was back in sept/oct time.

Morning Babes!

Thanks soma - it's slightly early still for me to be boinging, but I am managing a small hop, skip and a jump. Well done you - hope you're feeling boingy.

I don't have a headache! And that's the third night of sleeping well, which must be a record in mia land. I feel really quite perky, although I just raised my voice to DD so now I'm feeling guilty. Why must she argue with every bloody thing though. I'm going to make muffins for her breakfast - that'll cheer her up.

Day 5 for me...

Today I will not be drinking!

Yup mia, many things are much, much better without alcohol, but some things just ARE. Not drinking doesn't make everything perfect. The important things for me are 1) not to drink to make the real-life irritations seem bearable; and 2) not to think 'Oh well, I'm not perfect after all, I might as well have a drink'.

I take my hat off to msgee and her kids birthday party, and to those of you who had sleepovers during the holidays. I hated both of those - with or without a drink (terrible mummy me).

Great post saf you sound in a good place. I love how the tone of people's post change when they're not drinking. However drole and clever and amusing I thought I was before, I know that I'm much lighter and brighter and more optimistic and more forgiving and tolerant now.

venus that is a huge danger for me; thinking that everything should be perfect (I should be perfect) if only I could do x y z. I'm a terribly absolutist thinker, which I do try to notice and control, but I know I'm getting slightly manic carried away with the thought that if I can manage not to drink, then magically all my other personality defects issues will go away. If I manage a couple of weeks off the booze yet I'm still the same old me (which of course I will be) then I know there's a huge danger I'll just start drinking in the same way again on bad stressy days. I'm all swept up in the novelty of not drinking at the moment, which is carrying me through the witching hours (along with the massive support on here), but when the novelty wears off... there's the danger of slipping straight back, I know.

Healthy berry and dark choc muffins just out of the oven. Numnumnum.

Morning all.

I drank on Thursday when my mother was here, and drank yesterday. I am not going to have a drink today.

Mia thanks for the recipe, it looks grand.

Hello and welcome to Nomad and Soma.

Morning all- good luck and well done and keep posting. saf I think you're right about the slippery slope; the speed different babes are moving at varies, and the realisation that it is a one way street comes from within.

Afternoon all . Blimey you can hardly move on this bus for all the babes boinging around .

Hello Proud good to have you with us. My main worry is the potentially changing dynamic between me and dh, who I love. Our relationship has revolved around booze!

I used to think this too, until I realised that it was my relationship with booze that dominated our lives, not his. Luckily for me my DH is a 'normal' drinker and can take it or leave it. We always got on well together but now we have so much more fun, we seem to have more time to spend together and as for the sober sex, well

Going out for meal with DH tonight, this will be the first test of my strength in a long while.

Already scared; what will I drink, what will we find to talk about.?! Sad I know but I almost feel it's not worth going if I can't drink.

all this talk of sober sex is making me feel a bit jealous bloody show offs with their sex lives!

Ok, so maybe should keep the sober sex at end of evening in mind

Sorry, TMI

sorry saf!!!

chasing - i go out for meals at least twice a week, i always make my mind up BEFORE i get to the restaurant about what i will be ordering to drink so that when the waiter comes over i dont need to look at the wine list, hum and ha and generally dither! (have 2 choices in mind, some places have shocking poor soft drink selections ) one place i go, the cocktail guy likes to surprise me with a new mix of fruit cocktail its great, makes me feel special and welcome and i feel very 'included' in the whole kind of 'eating out' culture - may sound very superficial, but it works for me! you really can do this! the food will taste all teh better for clean palate, and the promise of sober sex after a stroll home arm in arm? (or park up somewhere quiet, like teenagers?) sorry SAF! can do wonders for your relationship!

Me too Saf, haven't had a shag since last summer (and it was crap)

saf your post was ace. You sound so positive now, it's lovely.

Prep for party is done. I'm really looking forward to it, although hard not to remember that at her birthday last year I was of. Hey ho, today we create new memories

saf I am starting to miss having a sex life, I wonder if it's being sober?! It's not bothered me before. For the past five years our sex life has been primarily about having a baby so it feels like we will have to afresh if that makes sense? It's crazy, all that time I was terrified of not being pg and now I'm scared I'd get pg and what that would mean.

Right DD appeared ...